Levi stared out at the ocean from the balcony. It certainly was a sight to behold. The vast expanse, the deep blue, the crescent waves crashing upon the shore. It was peaceful, calming. But something about it made Levi incredibly uneasy. This sight that was supposed to be so beautiful set a small panic alight in him. His mind couldn’t handle the thought of just how deep the water could go, how unexplored it was, and he could picture himself in that big blue ocean, scrambling to find footing and not being able to see the ocean floor below, drowning slowly like that.

Levi shivered at the thought, turning instead to watch the people on the beach, packing up their equipment as they prepared to head out for the day. The sun was setting now, and the purple and yellow hues reflected off the blue water, the sun peaking out behind the horizon as it began its descent. A little girl was playing in the waves, her mother calling for her to come back. Levi leaned his head in his hand, elbow on the balcony banister. Things can’t get anymore perfect than this, he thought.

A slow jazz tune interrupted his thoughts, trumpets and trombones echoing through the room behind him. The first time he’d ever heard jazz, Onyankopon had taken him and Erwin to a bar in Marley where they played the music. It was lively, and though Levi wasn’t much of a lively person, he enjoyed jazz immensely. Something about the beat, the clash of the percussion with the loud brass instruments, made him want to dance, and he’d never felt that way before about music. Erwin had said he liked it too, but Levi knew that Erwin’s heart would always be with the classical tunes he loved so much.

Levi tore his gaze away from the little girl playing, and the jazz music came to a sudden stop. Levi cocked his head, wondering where the sound had come from in the first place.

“Levi!” he heard someone call, “Come look at this!”

Levi walked back into the small beach house from the balcony, seeing Erwin on the ground with some sort of contraption. It looked like it was made from brass, a large horn sticking out from the top of a small box. There was wrapping paper all over the floor, an empty box next to Erwin’s foot. Must be one of our wedding gifts, Levi thought to himself, taking a quick glance at the pile of gifts sitting on the coffee table.

The two had gotten married a month prior, but had been on their honeymoon since then.  It was five years post-Rumbling, and Levi was about 40 while Erwin was 45. The two veterans were part of the project to rebuild Marley, and purchased a beach house soon after it was constructed. So many people had died that their little village was practically deserted, something that Levi liked and disliked - he liked the solitude, not the reason behind it. Levi was mostly immobile now; he could walk and stand to do things around the house, but when it came to long-distance walks, he would take his wheelchair instead.

When the two finally returned to their beach house from their honeymoon, they had forgotten about all the unopened presents that remained after their ceremony. Erwin’s curiosity must’ve gotten the better of him, as he’d clearly started to open them. Levi stayed standing in the doorway of the balcony, eyeing the box with the horn with some curiosity.

“What is it?” He asked as he leaned against the door frame, seeing Erwin’s face light up with excitement.

“It’s a gift from Armin and Annie,” Erwin explained happily, “It’s called a…”

Erwin picked up a card that must’ve come with the gift, pronouncing carefully, “Pho…no…graph.”

Levi raised an eyebrow, “Photograph? It takes pictures?”

“No, no,” Erwin shook his head, “Pho-no-graph. It plays music!”

Levi was instantly intrigued, though he tried not to show it. Erwin, on the other hand, was giddy; like a child in a candy store. One of the things Erwin loved the most about the outside world was its technology. He was fascinated by the cameras, the cars, all of it. To Levi, those things were all just fancy toys of the rich, but Erwin wanted to get his hands on every one of them. They couldn’t afford a car yet, but Erwin had been saving for one, despite Levi’s insistence that getting horses would be cheaper. He liked horses, though their beach house wouldn’t be an ideal place for such animals.

“Sit, sit!” Erwin insisted while patting the spot next to him, a cheerful grin on his face, “Armin wrote instructions for how to use it. I’ve just figured it out.”

Levi rolled his eyes with a small smile at Erwin’s enthusiasm for the new object, walking over to his husband and plopping down next to him on the wooden floor. Erwin was almost giggling, and he seemed eager to show Levi how it worked. Levi crossed his arms, watching Erwin take a flat circular disk with ridges in it and place it on the surface of the box.

“This is a record,” Erwin explained, “It has these grooves in it, so the needle here picks up the vibrations and it plays the sound.”

Levi didn’t really understand what Erwin was talking about. He wasn’t dumb; he understood his words, but didn’t really get the concept of how the phonograph worked. Would it really play music just from ridges in a disk? He supposed he’d have to see it for himself. Erwin flipped a switch on the side of the box and picked up the needle he’d been talking about, carefully placing it on the now-spinning record. And just like magic, the horn began to emit music; the sound of those jazz instruments Levi was becoming more familiar with. He couldn’t help but exchange a look of awe with Erwin before watching the record spin round and round, listening to a pleasant female voice come crackling through the phonograph:

Never thought that you would be

Standing here so close to me

There’s so much I feel that I should say

But words can wait, until some other day

Levi swayed to the music, staring intently at the record spinning and almost becoming entranced by it. He barely even noticed Erwin rising to his feet next to him, until the man held out his hand in front of Levi. Levi looked up at him in some confusion, seeing Erwin’s familiar charismatic grin, his handsome chiseled features glistening in the sunlight that shone through the window. Levi could feel his breath being taken away from just how handsome he was, his stomach fluttering with that familiar warm feeling he always got around his husband.

“Dance with me?” Erwin asked, smiling, looking confident yet coy at the same time, which made Levi nearly melt with adoration for him. He was so cute when he got all sheepish and nervous like that. Levi just couldn’t understand how someone could feel that way for him, what he had done to deserve such a thing.

Levi was speechless for a moment. He couldn’t use the excuse that he didn’t know how; he’d gotten plenty drunk and danced at their reception with Erwin all night. And why wouldn’t he want to dance with Erwin, anyway? They were alone, nobody here to see him make a fool of himself. Levi took Erwin’s hand with a small smile, letting the man pull him to his feet.

Erwin wrapped his arm around Levi’s waist, placing his hand on the small of his back and pulling him close. Levi wrapped his hands around Erwin’s neck, the sound of the music vibrating off the walls:

Kiss me once, then kiss me twice

Then kiss me once again

It’s been a long, long time

Haven’t felt like this my dear

Since can’t remember when

It’s been a long, long time

The two swayed sweetly to the tune of the song, and Levi could feel his face only reddening the longer they spent in each other’s arms. He’d never felt this way for anyone before. This thing that caused his heart to beat uncontrollably fast, his stomach to flip with excitement and happiness, his chest to constrict and take all his breath away. It took him a long time to realize it was love, and now that he had it, he’d never let it go. Erwin leaned down to press their foreheads together, knocking their noses and pressing a gentle kiss to Levi’s lips.

“Can this be our song?” Erwin whispered, his breath tickling Levi’s skin.

Levi could feel that blush getting worse, and he didn’t understand how after all these years, Erwin could still make him red like a school kid with a crush. He thought Erwin was being incredibly cheesy, though that wasn’t much of a surprise. Erwin had always been the romantic one, bringing Levi gifts and saying such beautiful things to him.

“Tch,” Levi huffed, eyes darting away from Erwin, “You’re so corny, Erwin.”

“I’m serious,” Erwin chuckled softly, and Levi looked back into his pleading blue eyes, “I want this to be our song, Levi. Just for us. When we hear it, we’ll always think of one another. Won’t that be wonderful?”

Levi couldn’t help the goofy smile that spread across his lips from Erwin’s words. Sure, he might think some of this romantic stuff was a little too much, but he loved seeing Erwin so happy and in love, and he wanted Erwin to know he felt the same, wanted to please him and make him happy. Despite thinking that the idea of ‘our song' was a little embarrassing, Levi couldn’t help but smile at it. Just for us, he thought happily.

“Yes,” Levi nodded, “This can be our song, Erwin.”

Erwin grinned before he picked Levi up with his one arm, spinning him and setting him back down with a sweet kiss to his lips. Levi squeaked and giggled happily, kissing him back and sighing. The two held each other like that as the song finished:

You’ll never know how many dreams I dream about you

Or just how empty they all seem without you

So kiss me once

Then kiss me twice

Then kiss me once again

It’s been a long, long time

“Mmph,” he heard Erwin grunt as he got out of bed, likely to go use the bathroom. Levi yawned and turned over on his side to watch his husband hobble to their master bathroom, frail limbs careful with each step. Levi sat up on the bed and checked the clock on the nightstand, noting it was 8am.

He decided this would be a good opportunity to make his husband a surprise breakfast. It was their twenty-fifth wedding anniversary today, and the two hadn’t even made plans to celebrate. Every anniversary that passed was a blessing, but they’d celebrated in every way they could think of, and the past few years they’d celebrated their wedding anniversary in brief, un exciting ways: extra kisses and ‘I love you’s throughout the day. But this time, Levi wanted to give Erwin something that would make the day a little more special.

He took his cane from its place leaning against the bedside table, and used it to hoist himself out of bed. He was 65 now, still using a wheelchair on long walks, but able to get around the house fairly well. But he wasn’t as spry as he had once been, and needed a cane around the house to lean on.

Levi walked unevenly to the kitchen. Thank god the house didn’t have stairs. Erwin didn’t have as many mobility issues, even at 70 he was still walking around fairly well. Even though Erwin was older, Levi often felt like the one who was worse-off.

Levi took out a pan from the cabinet and went to the ice box to retrieve some bacon he’d bought from the market. He unwrapped the paper and started cooking the bacon, listening to the sound as it sizzled and popped on the stove. He knew it would take Erwin a little while to use the bathroom and make his way to the kitchen, so he figured he had some time to cook. He took out another pan and cracked some eggs into it, hearing the creaking of the floorboards down the hallway.

Erwin appeared in the entryway to the kitchen, the two sharing a brief smile of greeting before Levi turned back to his cooking. Erwin took his time walking towards Levi, leaning his chin on Levi’s shoulder and wrapping his arm around Levi’s waist from behind.

“Good morning, beautiful,” Erwin murmured against his cheek before pressing a kiss there, “Making me breakfast, hmm?  What’s the special occasion?”

Levi rolled his eyes a little, knowing Erwin was merely teasing. Erwin was the last person who would forget their anniversary. Levi would forget, if anyone. But Levi leaned into Erwin’s touch anyways, turning to share a kiss with his husband.

“You know what the occasion is,” Levi replied.

“Of course I do,” Erwin sighed happily, “It’s the anniversary of the best day of my life.”

Levi could feel himself blushing. After all these years, Erwin could still make him blush. Levi felt Erwin bury his face into his shoulder, breathing in his scent. Levi didn’t think he smelled particularly nice; he hadn’t showered yet. But clearly Erwin didn’t mind.

“You really insist on being insufferable, don’t you?” Levi joked, using a spatula to flip the eggs.

Erwin chuckled, “You love it, though.”

Levi did love it. He enjoyed every second of their relationship; the good and the bad days. There were more good days than bad, but even when they fought occasionally, Levi still loved Erwin with all his heart. They’d never had any particularly bad fights over the years. Levi remembered one time when they’d fought about something menial and stupid, so stupid that he couldn’t even remember what it was. Erwin had stormed out of the house for hours, but returned later that evening with flowers and an apology. He always knew just what to say to make Levi fall for him all over again.

“You know what this means, right?” Erwin moved his hand from Levi’s waist to his hip, gripping it tightly in his wrinkled hand before lightly grinding against Levi’s ass, “It’s sex night, baby.”

“We don’t have to have sex just because it’s our anniversary,” Levi grumbled, still feeling himself get a little spark of pleasure from Erwin’s actions.

“Aww, you don’t want to?” Erwin asked, gentle kisses down Levi’s neck.

It wasn’t that Levi didn’t want to. It was just a lot of work for both of them. They could both still get hard fairly easily, but the logistics of fucking as two elderly men was difficult. They weren’t dead yet, and their libidos weren’t either. They tried to have sex every once in a while, but it certainly wasn’t as often as they did when they were young. Their sex life used to be much more exciting, but Levi supposed that was just another thing old age had brought to them. On their last anniversary, though, Erwin had surprised Levi by doing him over the kitchen counter. How they kept up the stamina, Levi had no idea, but he’d been so turned on by Erwin’s insistence to switch things up that it had worked out somehow.

This year, unbeknownst to Erwin, Levi had really challenged himself. He wasn’t particularly a fan of his elderly body; he’d lost a lot of muscle in old age, and was a little pudgy around the stomach. Spider veins and stretch marks covered his thighs and tummy. But Erwin insisted every time he saw Levi naked that he was the most beautiful man he’d ever laid eyes on. Levi had really pushed himself this time, and decided he was going to do something he hadn’t done in a long time: dress up for Erwin.

“At least wait until the bacon’s done, you horny old man,” Levi teased, hearing Erwin laugh softly in his ear.

“Alright, my love,” he whispered before pulling away, “I can wait.”

Levi plated the bacon and eggs, putting them on the table before sitting down with Erwin to eat. The two chatted about their usual conversation topics: the weather, their plans for the day, what they would make for dinner that night. Mikasa and Jean would be coming to visit with their kids and grandkids soon, which Levi was particularly excited about, and he knew Erwin was too. It was nice to see kids running around their backyard; made them feel youthful. They were good kids too; real sweet and well-behaved. Always said their pleases and thank-you’s, never threw tantrums or fits. And Levi and Erwin were good uncles, as they’d been dubbed, always making sure they had treats like cookies or cake for the kids. Erwin was the worse one though with spoiling the kids. He would put them on his shoulders and run around with them, even when Levi insisted he stop because he could get hurt.

They finished up their breakfast and abandoned the plates in the sink for Levi to wash later. He took on a lot of the basic household cleaning, though they hired a maid to do the heavy cleaning as Levi couldn’t kneel and bend like he used to. Erwin took care of the lawn and the flowers, while Levi would do the dishes and clean what he could. The maid never lived up to his expectations anyway.

Erwin took Levi’s small hand into his own, his large hand enveloping Levi’s easily. He led the two back down the hall to their bedroom, and they began taking off their clothes. Gone were the days where they could hungrily rip one another’s clothes off, eagerly fuck like there was no tomorrow. They took their time with it now, and sex for them was more about the love-making than it was about lust.

“I have a surprise for you,” Levi muttered, “I’ll be right back.”

He used his cane to help him get to the bathroom, where he’d hidden his outfit amongst some old towels that he knew Erwin wouldn’t touch. They were too low on the shelf, anyways, and Erwin likely couldn’t reach that low. He took his time putting it on: a one-piece black lacy bodysuit that he’d gotten in the red light district of town twenty years ago. The cashier had given him quite the look when he’d bought it, but he had simply tried to ignore the embarrassment by thinking of how much it might please Erwin to see him in it.

He hoped Erwin would still find him sexy in this outfit from so long ago. He stared at himself in the mirror, feeling self conscious about the rolls and folds of his skin, the wrinkles and the prominent veins. Levi opened the door and took a step back into the bedroom, seeing Erwin sitting on the bed up against the pillows, naked and trying to get comfortable. He stopped shuffling in his seat when he saw Levi, mouth dropping open at the sight.

“Do… Do you like it?” Levi asked anxiously, rubbing his arm and balancing on his cane.

Erwin sucked in a deep breath, swallowing thickly before nodding. Levi could see his husband getting hard out of the corner of his eye, cock twitching just from the sight. Levi was relieved to say the least. He had worried Erwin might get turned off by him, might not be able to get it up.

“Honey,” Erwin breathed, holding his arm out to Levi, “Come here, love. You look amazing.”

Levi walked over to the bed, abandoning his cane at the bedside table and climbing over the sheets to Erwin. He straddled him, knees cracking as he did so. Erwin placed a hand on Levi’s ass, feeling up the skin through the lace and sighing contently.

“You take my breath away,” Erwin smiled up at him, “You’re so gorgeous.”

Levi was getting incredibly red in the face from Erwin’s compliments. He should’ve expected them, but for some reason he’d thought Erwin might be disgusted with him instead. He rolled his hips down against Erwin’s erection, eliciting quiet groans from each of them.

“I was worried you might not like it,” Levi mumbled sheepishly.

“Are you serious?” Erwin gawked with some surprise, “Baby, you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen. Always have been, always will be.”

Levi let out a sigh as he finally relaxed a little, feeling better about the situation. Erwin always knew just how to make him feel better. He placed his hands on Erwin’s shoulders for leverage, starting to grind against him as he leaned in to share a tender kiss with his husband. The sounds of their smooching filled the room, hot and heavy kisses as the two ground against one another sensually.

“I love you,” Erwin whispered against Levi’s lips.

“I love you too,” Levi responded, reaching down to undo the clasp at the bottom where the two pieces of fabric met, “We might need to try missionary. My knees are already starting to ache.”

Erwin nodded, “Of course, darling. Whatever you’d like.”

The two switched positions, Levi lying back in the pillows as Erwin moved to climb on top of him. Levi stared up at his husband; gray hair and sagging body, rolls and veins just like he had. He was still as handsome as the day they’d met, though, in Levi’s eyes. Levi spread his legs, wrapping his arms around Erwin’s neck and allowing him to lay fully on top of him. Erwin wouldn’t be able to hold himself up on one arm, and Levi didn’t mind feeling a little crushed, Erwin wasn’t that heavy.

“You can go ahead,” Levi murmured, “I prepped in the shower last night.”

Erwin’s eyes widened slightly, crow’s feet stretching out around his eyes, “Oh? I thought you were the one who was just saying we didn’t need to have sex just cause it was our anniversary. But look who prepped for me and got all ready anyways.”

Levi blushed and swatted lightly at Erwin’s face, “Shut it.”

Erwin chuckled softly, wetting his hand with saliva and using it to lubricate himself. He lined himself up and pressed his way in carefully, breath heavy on Levi’s face. Levi whined at the feeling, fingers laced together at the nape of Erwin’s neck. The last time they’d had sex, Erwin had pulled a muscle in his back, so Levi could tell his husband was trying to be particularly careful this time around. He began with short thrusts, Levi wrapping his legs around Erwin’s waist.

“Why were you worried I wouldn’t like your outfit?” Erwin asked, already short of breath.

“I… I dunno,” Levi replied sheepishly, looking away, “I thought… I thought my body would turn you off.”

When Levi looked back, Erwin was staring down at him with an almost hurt expression. Levi was worried he’d offended Erwin, but his husband merely switched to his usual smile, pressing a kiss to Levi’s lips as he moved his hips to grind into Levi a few more times. Levi gasped and let out a low moan, toes curling in pleasure.

“Nothing about you could turn me off, Levi,” Erwin explained gently, nuzzling Levi’s cheek with his nose, “Nothing. I love everything about you, darling.”

He pressed a kiss to Levi’s wrinkled forehead, then on the corner of his mouth, “I love every wrinkle, dimple, blemish…”

Erwin was breathing deeply through his nose, stuttered thrusts as he tried to keep going for as long as he could. He leaned on the bed with the shoulder of his missing arm, using his hand to grip at some of the rolls on Levi’s stomach, touching the skin so carefully and tenderly.

“I love every bit of skin, every roll,” he moved his hand to grip Levi’s thighs, where his worst marks were, “Every stretch mark and scar.”

“S-Stop,” Levi groaned, lightly scratching at Erwin’s back with his fingernails, “Don’t say those things.”

Erwin slowed to a halt, face hovering above Levi’s as he pushed himself up with his one arm, “But they’re true. Every bit of you is beautiful, Levi.”

Levi couldn’t help but whimper, feeling Erwin start to move again. He liked it when Erwin complimented him. Erwin knew that he liked it, which was probably part of the reason he was saying such lovely things. Levi’s legs were starting to get tired around Erwin’s waist, and he let him fall back onto the bed as Erwin continued to fuck into him as best he could. Erwin groaned and panted, sweat beading at his brow and trickling down his face. He paused to calm his breathing for a moment before continuing to thrust.

“Are you tired?” Levi asked with some concern at Erwin’s exhausted look, “We could try doggy style. That way you can stand up. Would that be easier?”

Erwin nodded a little, kissing Levi sweetly, “Yeah, baby. If you think your knees can handle it.”

Levi shuffled on the bed onto his hands and knees, and Erwin clambered out of bed, taking his place behind Levi and pushing his cock back inside. Levi groaned at the feeling and heard Erwin let out a grunt as he started fucking into him a little faster now. It must’ve been a much easier position for him - to just stand and move his hips back and forth. Levi felt the pleasure building in his stomach, his wrinkled fingers gripping at the sheets below.

“Oh baby,” Erwin sighed, “You feel so good.”

“E-Ervy!” Levi cried as Erwin finally hit that sweet spot within him, sending shockwaves up his spine, “R-Right there, baby. P-Please-”

“Levi,” Erwin groaned, picking up the pace, “N-Ngh, I’m… I’m getting close. Here, turn over, lovely. I want to see your face.”

He slowed to a stop and pulled out, Levi looked up at him with uncertainty, “Won’t that hurt your back?”

“I’ll endure it for now,” Erwin insisted, “Come on, baby. Turn over.”

Levi gave in. He’d been close too, and wanted to feel his husband back inside of him. He turned to lay on his back, legs spread. Erwin kneeled on the edge of the bed and put Levi’s legs over his shoulders, pushing back in with a moan.

“Oh god,” Levi panted, feeling his orgasm rising in his stomach, balls tightening under the pressure, “E-Ervy… will you cum with me? I… I’m gonna…”

“Yes,” Erwin groaned, “Yes.”

The two came together, both breathing heavily as chests heaved up and down. Erwin pulled out quickly so that he could collapse onto the bed next to Levi. Levi could feel his own heart racing in his chest, and sucked in some deep breaths to calm himself. Erwin was doing the same, and it took them a good few minutes to recover. But when they finally had, Erwin propped himself up with his one arm, leaning over Levi and kissing him gently.

“Happy anniversary, baby,” he whispered against Levi’s lips.

“Happy anniversary,” Levi smiled softly.

Levi sat on the porch with Erwin in their rocking swing, busy mending a hole in a pair of Erwin’s trousers. Erwin was reading a book on the history of the world, reading glasses perched on his nose. The two had been mostly silent for the afternoon, just carrying about their usual chores and activities. Erwin had such a vast library in his little office nook that Levi didn’t understand how he was going to read them all. But over the years he’d done fairly well, getting through a few books a week.

Levi pulled the thread through the fabric and used his teeth to snip off the excess, tying it off neatly. He held up the pants and examined his handy work. Erwin had ripped the pants when he’d been working in the garden, pulling weeds. Levi had told him not to wear those nice pants, but he’d insisted it would be fine. Levi had held his tongue when Erwin came in with a huge tear in the knee of his trousers, refraining from saying ‘I told you so’.

“Wow,” Erwin breathed in awe, looking up from his book, “Did you know that the shortest war in history lasted only 38 minutes?”

Erwin was always telling Levi about the things in his books. He was simply fascinated by new knowledge, and Levi would let him talk for ages about this and that historical event, such and such historical figure. Erwin always sounded so youthful, like a child, when he talked about things he was interested in. Though Levi wasn’t one for history (what was so interesting about the past anyways?), he still enjoyed hearing Erwin sound so enthusiastic about something.

“Interesting,” Levi noted, “Wonder what they had a war about…”

“I’ll tell you!” Erwin responded with a smile, starting to explain in detail what had caused this half-hour war. Levi was barely listening, just nodding softly whenever he had to. He was staring off down the walkway, seeing a figure off in the distance. He squinted, trying to see if he recognized the person. As they walked closer, Levi saw a familiar satchel over the person’s shoulder. It was the mail person. Levi always looked forward to the mail. He would get letters from Mikasa and Jean, cute drawings from their grandkids. Sometimes Armin and Annie would send postcards from wherever in the world they were busy traveling. Erwin slowed his explanation to a halt upon seeing the mail person. They had the same delivery person who came to visit every day (except Sunday, of course) to bring them mail. Their name was Alex, and they reminded Levi a lot of Hange in a way, excited and cheerful with a goofy smile. They also insisted upon being referred to as a ‘they’, just like Hange used to. Levi supposed some people probably had bigger things to worry about than what was between their legs, and he and Erwin of course didn’t mind, wanting Alex to feel comfortable around them. They were old, but they weren’t assholes.

“Alex!” Erwin waved, closing his book and moving to get up. He gripped Levi’s knee for leverage.

“Please don’t get up, Mr. Smith!” Alex insisted, starting their way up the steps, “I’ll bring your mail to you.”

Erwin sat back in the rocking swing, jolting it a little as his weight rested back upon it. Alex dug into their satchel and pulled out three envelopes, handing them to Erwin, who reached out and took them.

“And how are your studies going?” Erwin asked.

Alex was a student at the local university, and did mail delivery as a side job to make some extra cash. They studied chemistry, and were very smart. Even though Erwin wasn’t much of a science man, the two still got into conversations about smart people things that Levi didn’t entirely enjoy nor understand. He wasn’t stupid; he just didn’t care about molecules and other scientific bullshit.

“Good,” Alex smiled, “I passed all my finals! Second semester starts next week.”

“How exciting,” Erwin replied, straining to reach in his back pocket for his wallet.

Levi knew exactly what he was going for, and shot him a look. He didn’t mind helping Alex out, but Erwin was always one to throw away money left and right as if it grew on trees (Erwin didn’t need to know that Levi had slipped Alex an extra tip on numerous occasions). Erwin took out two ten dollar bills, holding them out to Alex, whose eyes widened a little.

“Here, so you can go and have some fun on your week off,” Erwin said with his charismatic smile.

Alex shook their head, “Oh, sir. I can’t just accept money from you.”

He pushed the money into Alex’s hand, patting it gently, “Yes, you can. Think of it as a donation to your college fund.”

Alex grinned, stuffing the cash into their pocket and shaking Erwin’s hand vigorously, “Thank you, Mr. Smith! And Mr. Ackerman! Thank you both!”

Levi nodded a little, giving Alex a brief smile as they skipped down the steps excitedly, getting halfway down the pathway before turning to wave at them. The two waved back, watching Alex disappear in the distance once they got far enough away.

Erwin began opening the letters, the first one with a light blue envelope. Levi sighed and scolded, “You really shouldn’t just hand out money like that. You know we’re on a budget. Our retirement funds only stretch so f-”

Levi paused when he noticed the look on Erwin’s face as his eyes scanned the letter before him. Erwin looked pained, his eyebrows furrowed. Levi frowned, leaning over to see if he could read it.

Before he could even read a single word, Erwin explained the reason for his change in expression: “Connie passed away.”

Levi could feel his heart sinking in his chest, his stomach doing a flip. Erwin had to be joking, right? Connie was only about 50; there’s no way he could’ve died so young, or at least young in comparison to Erwin and Levi. Levi’s head immediately flooded with questions: how could this have happened? And to Connie of all people. Levi had always been fond of Connie. Despite his annoying habits and his unhygienic ways, Connie minded his own business for the most part, got done what needed to be done, and never went out of his way to bother Levi or anyone else (at least not on purpose). Levi had liked that about him. Plus, the kid had always laughed at his shit jokes, and Levi appreciated that.

“He had a heart attack,” Erwin handed Levi the letter, “His daughter sent us the letter. We’ll have to see if we can make the funeral.”

“Erwin, they live all the way back in Sina,” Levi sighed, “You know we’re too old to make that trip.”

They had stopped traveling a couple of years back. It was just too difficult to handle Levi’s wheelchair and Erwin’s increasing mobility problems as he aged. They couldn’t travel like they once did. Their final trip had been to Jean and Mikasa’s place in Shiganshina, and Erwin had gotten exhausted too easily pushing Levi around. He was so tired when they got to Paradis that he was faint and clammy, and Levi had decided they wouldn’t be traveling so far anymore.

“Levi,” Erwin argued, “It’s for a funeral. For a dear friend. We have to go. I’ll be fine.”

“Erwin,” Levi placed his hand on top of Erwin’s, giving him a stern look, “We’re not going. We’ll send our condolences through the mail, but we can’t be putting our own health at risk. I’m sure everyone will understand.”

Levi could tell Erwin wanted to be annoyed with him, but a silence fell over them as they both took in the death of their friend. The pain of losing someone they’d been close to was hard for Levi to bear. He’d lost many people in the past, but for some reason, he’d always thought that those who’d survived would never leave him. Or at least, that he or Erwin would be the first to go amongst them, as the rest of their friends were much younger than they were. Levi couldn’t have imagined Connie would be the first of them to go.

“Letter said they’re going to have him cremated,” Erwin muttered, as if it was such a simple thing to say.

“Mm,” Levi replied uncomfortably, staring out at the ocean before them and starting to feel a little queasy.

Since he had lost so many comrades in the past, he wasn’t particularly comfortable with loss. He’d been so numb to it for so long, but he supposed now that he was older he should get used to the idea of death. It was just something he’d avoided thinking about - the thought that he would die… that Erwin would die someday.

“What do you want to happen to your body when you die?” Erwin asked quietly, joining Levi in staring out at the sea in front of them.

Levi felt a drop in his stomach from the question. Why was Erwin asking him something like that? He dreaded having these types of conversations. Erwin had tried talking to him about death before: what their funerals might look like, who they would leave their things to. He didn’t understand what made him fear death so much. Nothing scared him. Nothing could shake him. Except apparently the topic of death.

“I… I don’t want to talk about that,” Levi mumbled, gently running his fingers along the scar on his face. Was it because he’d been near death so much in his life? Was that why he feared it so? He didn’t understand. Death was like the ocean to him; deep and dark and vast and unknown.

“Well,” Erwin offered, trying to keep the conversation alive, “For a long time, I wanted to be buried with my family. Reunited at last.”

Levi gave Erwin a short side glance, knowing he was thinking about his family, the loved ones he’d lost throughout his life. But Erwin didn’t look sad. He looked almost happy, smiling softly as he stared off into the distance, shaky hands still holding the envelope that contained news of Connie’s death.

“But now,” Erwin continued, clearing his throat, “I think I’d like to be cremated… have my ashes spread across the nearby cliffs… I’d like to fly once more before I return to the ground from whence I came.”

Levi turned to look at Erwin now. He looked so shockingly peaceful, the soft wind from the shore whistling through his bangs as he spoke so poetically. It made Levi incredibly uncomfortable. He didn’t know how someone could talk about death and be so calm. Levi swallowed thickly, shaking his head a little at Erwin. He didn’t want to think about that; about cremating Erwin. Having to say goodbye to his body, the emotional toll it would take on Levi to spread his ashes like that.

“I said I didn’t want to talk about that,” Levi grunted, moving to grab his cane and get up from the swing. If Erwin was going to talk about this awful topic, then Levi just wasn’t going to listen. He was going to go inside, maybe take an afternoon nap or take a soothing bath.

“Darling,” Erwin snapped his attention back to Levi upon the shorter man’s shifting on the swing. He placed a hand on Levi’s thigh, “Darling, please don’t go. This is important. Death is inevitable, and we need to talk about it before it happens to one of us.”

Levi remained seated at the edge of the swing, gripping his cane in his hand as he looked back at his husband. Erwin’s eyes were pleading with him. This wasn’t the first time they’d tried to have this conversation, and it wouldn’t be the last. Levi was just too stubborn to talk about something that might make him emotional and worse yet, vulnerable. He didn’t need Erwin to know how scared he was; didn’t want to worry him.

“Erwin,” he tried again, “I don’t feel comfortable with this topic. Please stop forcing it.”

Levi could see the disappointed look in his husband’s eye, and that didn’t make him feel any better. He didn’t like being a disappointment, but he was particularly afraid of this topic. And Erwin wasn’t an idiot. Levi was sure he knew, after all these years, about Levi’s fear of death. It wasn’t like Levi was good at keeping it a secret. Whenever it was brought up in conversation, Levi would avoid it like the plague.

“You always say that,” Erwin sighed in frustration, “I understand that you’re uncomfortable, and I’m sorry for that. But I’ve done everything I can to dance around this topic for a long time. And now that our friends are starting to pass away, I think it’s important for us to talk about what would happen if one of us died.”

Levi could feel the sick feeling building in his stomach, his chest constricting. It was the same feeling he got when he stared out at the ocean at night, or woke from a nightmare about drowning. He couldn’t breathe properly now, heaving in some breaths as he gripped his cane tighter. He recognized this feeling. It’d been a long time since he’d had one, but this was certainly some sort of anxiety attack. Levi used to get them when he was younger, and he was now remembering that feeling of extreme nerves and fear coursing through him.

Erwin almost instantly noticed his distress, and gently tried to coax him out of the panic before it got too unmanageable, whispering softly as he reached out his hand to caress Levi’s cheek, “Shh… oh baby, shh. It’s okay. Take some deep breaths, I didn’t mean to upset you so. I just think it’s important. I’m sorry, honey.”

Levi let a quiet whimper escape his lips, shaking his head quickly as he brushed at some of the tears forming in his eyes, “I… I’m fine… I’m fine, Erwin. Really… stop fussing.”

But Erwin wasn’t listening, too focused on Levi’s anguish to recognize what Levi was saying. He often got carried away like this; his concern for Levi’s safety and happiness overtook his ability to pay proper attention at times. He was carding his fingers through Levi’s bangs, worry painted on his face. But perhaps he was right to be worried.

That feeling of anxiety wasn’t going away. In fact, it was only getting worse the more time passed, and Erwin’s fawning over him wasn’t exactly helping. He let out a huff, trying to suck in air but wincing when the coldness of it pierced his lungs. He tried again, short breath out, harsh breaths in. He was well on his way to hyperventilating. Levi was too focused on everything at once; the feeling of Erwin’s fingers on his scalp, the sound of the waves crashing on the shore, the feeling of the cool breeze from the ocean. Though these were usually such calming things, they were overwhelming him. He couldn’t handle anything, and didn’t know how to breathe properly anymore. Why couldn’t he just breathe?

“… Levi,” Erwin said for probably the third or fourth time. Levi had zoned out, deep in his thoughts. He was staring off at the water down the beach from their house, picturing himself in the middle of that vast ocean, trapped, no way out. How do I get out? He thought frantically, clutching at his chest as he heaved, legs treading water, How the hell do I get out of here?!

“Levi!” Erwin tried again, shaking him lightly to get him to snap out of it. As if nothing had happened, as if he hadn’t just been imagining his own demise, Levi was violently pulled back into the present. He looked around, bewildered, seeing his husband near tears himself. Oh… Levi frowned, Why is Erwin so upset?

“Baby,” Erwin cooed softly, “Oh baby, I’m sorry. Are you back, my darling? I didn’t mean to send you away.”

Levi sniffled, rubbing at his nose and shaking his head as he swallowed back some tears, “‘M okay. ‘M alright.”

He barely even remembered what he was so worked up about in the first place. What had gotten him so emotional? Oh, that’s right… Levi remembered, Connie and… and death. He let a shaky breath escape him, finally taking a second to look his husband in the eyes. He’d been avoiding it this whole time. Looking at Erwin meant everything was real. Erwin grounded him, and sometimes he didn’t feel like he was really present, especially when he went into an episode like the one he’d just had.

“Are you sure?” Erwin asked quietly, sounding sheepish and guilty, “I really didn’t mean to upset you, Levi. I shouldn’t have pushed it…”

Levi didn’t want Erwin to feel bad. As much as Levi hadn’t wanted to talk about death, he knew that it was something he would have to confront sometime. And it wasn’t unreasonable for his elderly husband to ask such a thing of him. They were getting to that age. Erwin merely wanted to have a plan in place for when the inevitable happened. Levi was starting to feel guilty now. What was wrong with him? Why couldn’t he just suck it up and move past these crippling emotions?

“I… I’m sorry,” Levi muttered, looking down at his lap, “I was being stupid. I didn’t mean to worry you. I’m fine, really.”

He felt two fingers on his chin, tilting his face upwards so that they were staring each other in the eyes. Erwin’s blue ones were searching his grays, trying to decipher Levi’s true feelings. Levi knew Erwin could see right through his lies. After all the time they’d spent together, what was the point in even lying to him in the first place? Erwin could figure him out in mere moments.

“You weren’t being stupid,” he murmured carefully, as if he didn’t want to upset Levi all over again, “I’m the one who kept pressing you. I can tell you’re not fine… and that’s okay, Levi. After all these years, you really think I’m going to judge you for not being okay?”

Levi sniffed and shook his head, feeling even worse now. Why had he assumed Erwin was going to make him feel stupid for getting upset? This was Erwin. His husband. The one he’d spent so much time with, the one who knew him better than anybody else. His soulmate. He felt incredibly guilty for not only mistrusting Erwin’s intentions, but also for creating their problems in the first place. He felt so weak and frankly quite dumb. What kind of a former hero was he, to be acting like this over a little talk of death?

“Come here, my love,” Erwin sighed, holding his arm out to Levi, “It’s okay. You don’t have to feel bad… just let me hold you.”

Levi instantly leaned into Erwin, burying his face into that once broad chest that had now become a little more skeletal in old age. Erwin was the only person he could rely on to be that strong, solid rock he needed when reality was too much for him to handle. When he felt everything slipping away from him, shattering around him, Erwin was always there to pick up the pieces, to put everything back together for him.

“We’ll talk about it when you’re ready,” Erwin whispered against the shell of his ear before pressing a kiss there.

Levi sucked in a deep breath. His mind was turning back to Erwin’s original inquiry over what they’d do when one of them died. Levi was worried about that, if he was honest with himself. He was worried about leaving Erwin behind, worried about Erwin leaving him behind. What would he do without Erwin? When he died… what did he… what should happen to him? Well, only one thought came to mind when Levi thought about it. He pulled his face out of Erwin’s shirt to mumble:

“…I… I think I’d like to be buried…”

He’d said it so quietly he wasn’t even sure if he’d really said it aloud. His statement was met with silence for a moment, and he was starting to wonder if he really hadn’t said it out loud.

But he could hear Erwin’s breath hitch at his words once he recognized them. The hold on Levi tightened slightly, as if Erwin wanted to hold onto the Levi that had built up the courage to say such a thing, before he were to float away again. Erwin responded cautiously, “Oh… buried where?”

Levi barely had to think about his answer this time. He knew where he wanted to spend eternity. There was only one place he felt the most at home; one place he wanted to spend forever. 

“With you…” Levi whispered, “With you, Erwin. I want to go wherever you go.”

He could hear Erwin let out that happy breath through his nose that he sometimes did when Levi caught him by surprise with his words. He hadn’t thought that answer would be so surprising to his husband, but at least it was a pleasant surprise.

“Does that mean I have to change my plans?” Erwin asked with a chuckle, fingers gently tickling the side of Levi’s face, “Unless you want both of us to be cremated - we could have our ashes spread on the same cliffside. You could fly with me, Levi.”

Levi breathed in the scent of Erwin’s shirt; his pomade was still his most prominent scent, but his shirts always smelled so freshly pressed and clean - all thanks to Levi’s doing, anyways, but that was besides the point. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to get burnt up after death. He supposed he wouldn’t be alive to feel it, but he just didn’t like the idea of that. Levi was starting to wonder what they’d done with his mama’s body after she’d…

No, he squeezed his eyes shut, Not now. He shook the thought from his mind, trying to focus on what Erwin had said to him. Being cremated… being with Erwin… it didn’t sound all that bad, if Levi was honest with himself. After all, he wanted to follow Erwin wherever he went, so perhaps he’d reconsider his post-mortem plans.

“Erwin,” Levi tilted his head up to share a kiss with his husband, “I want to fly with you.”

The smile on Erwin’s face made all his anxiety, all his suffering, worth it.

Levi sat back on the couch in the living room the next afternoon as Erwin went through some old boxes he’d pulled down from the attic. Levi was busy knitting a blanket for Mikasa’s new grandchild that would be arriving in the coming months. He glanced up from his work every once in a while, watching Erwin pull something out of the box and examine it before setting it in a pile: keep, give away, trash. After their brief conversation on death, Erwin had been hinting at calling in a lawyer to write their wills. That’s why he’d been pulling things down from the attic: he wanted to go through everything to decide who would receive what upon their deaths.

Levi didn’t understand how someone could be so obsessed with dying, but now that he’d opened up the slightest bit about it, Erwin was going full force into preparation mode. But Levi let him do what he needed to do. Perhaps they just coped with the idea of death differently, and that was okay. Erwin hadn’t forced Levi to participate in any of his projects yet, and Levi was perfectly content to just sit back and watch instead of partake.

“Oh Levi,” Erwin gasped in awe, pulling out an old disc and blowing the dust off with one deep breath, “Look what I found.”

Levi set his knitting down in his lap and craned his neck to try and see the lettering on the record, but it was simply too far away, and he wasn’t wearing his reading glasses. He picked the needles back up and kept knitting, waiting for Erwin to tell him what it was.

“It’s our song!” Erwin turned to grin at Levi, holding up the record.

Levi raised an eyebrow at him, “Our… song?”

He was trying to remember which song Erwin was talking about. They’d listened to a lot of music over their decades together, and Levi couldn’t think of one specific song that they loved the most. After all, they’d spent many a night swaying back and forth in their living room to some new tune they’d come across.

Erwin carefully rose to his feet from the chair he was sitting in and hobbled over to their record player. It wasn’t the same as their first one that they’d received from Armin and Annie so many years ago. They’d kept that one for decades, until it literally couldn’t run anymore. Armin and Annie had come to visit with their son about a year ago, and Armin had insisted on taking Erwin and Levi into town right then and buying them a new record player as an early Christmas present (it had been during the autumn that they’d visited). Since then, they had a fancy new record player, and Levi thought the sound was quite fantastic from the new machine.

It still played old records, which was good, since that’s all they owned anyways. Erwin was carefully setting the record on the tabletop, pulling up the pin and setting it gently on the spinning record. The sound of jazz horns filled the living room, and Levi recognized it almost instantly, a small smile appearing on his face. Memories of their wedding, their honeymoon, moving into their new beach house, flooded back to him. Memories of their youth.

I want this to be our song, Levi. Just for us. When we hear it, we’ll always think of one another. Won’t that be wonderful? Erwin’s words from that day replayed in his head. Levi set aside his knitting as Erwin began to walk towards him, hand extended in offering. They were smiling lovingly at one another, a cheerful energy radiating from them as Levi took hold of Erwin’s outstretched hand and let the taller man help him off the couch.

He leaned against Erwin’s chest, both hands wrapped around Erwin’s middle as they swayed to the music. Levi sighed contently, resting more of his weight against Erwin’s body. His legs were tired from a long day of going to the market, cleaning, and cooking. He knew Erwin didn’t mind holding them both up, and smiled softly when they fell into that familiar routine of simply loving one another without speaking words.

“It’s been a long, long time,” Erwin hummed into Levi’s ear before pressing a kiss to his cheek.

Levi could feel his legs getting wobbly, and he tried to warn Erwin before he lost control, “O-Oh… Erwin I’m-”

His husband was there to catch him in his one arm, help him to sit back on the couch so he could collect himself. Levi frowned and sat back on the cushions, feeling a little bad for being unable to dance with Erwin. He was annoyed that he couldn’t use his body like he used to. After the war, his body had just collapsed - he couldn’t do anything he could as a young soldier.

“I… I’m sorry,” Levi mumbled, “I ruined our song.”

He felt Erwin’s fingers grace his chin, and looked up at him as he spoke sweetly, his words dripping like honey, “You could never ruin anything, my darling. It was still lovely to get to dance with you like that. Even if it wasn’t long.”

Levi forced a small smile, leaning up to share a kiss with his husband. They shared a sweet smooch before Erwin pulled away, the song drawing to a close with loud brass. Erwin walked back to the record player, turning to give Levi a mischievous grin before he switched out the records to one of the new ones they’d bought in the market a couple weeks ago.

Levi instantly recognized the jazzy tune that played through the speakers, and rolled his eyes a little. Erwin loved this song far too much, and Levi had been making fun of him the past couple of days for playing it so often. As the opening played, Erwin made his way back over to Levi, holding out his arm.

“Here, honey,” he offered, “I’ll hold you up this time. Let’s dance again.”

Levi sighed, knowing Erwin wasn’t going to let this one go. He was very insistent, and admittedly, very charming. It wasn’t difficult for Erwin to convince Levi of anything. At least the feeling had returned to his legs by now, and he allowed Erwin to hoist him off the couch, the man grunting with exertion as he held Levi’s smaller body to his own broad one.

“Come fly with me, let’s fly, let’s fly away!” Erwin sang along with the man on the record, swinging them around the living room.

Levi couldn’t help but giggle as Erwin danced them round, Levi holding around Erwin’s middle tightly. We must be quite a sight, Levi thought to himself. Two old men who had no business to be so lively and excited, twirling around the room as if they were young again.

“Once I get you up there,” Erwin wriggled his eyebrows, trying to do his best impression of a jazz singer but failing miserably except at making Levi laugh, “Where the air is rarefied, we’ll just glide, starry-eyed. Once I get you up there, I’ll be holding you so near. You may hear angels cheer ‘cause we’re together.”

“I swear this is going to your head,” Levi scolded, a playful smile on his face.

Erwin tossed his head back in a hearty laugh, and the sound was music to Levi’s ears. Levi loved making Erwin laugh; it was such a beautiful sound. It was infectious, and Levi couldn’t help the giddy smile on his face whenever he heard it.

“You think you can do better?” Erwin asked with a raise of his eyebrow, taunting Levi a little, “Go ahead. Let’s see your impression, then.”

Levi instantly blushed, swearing a little under his breath as he looked away from Erwin. He didn’t want to have to do an impression; how embarrassing, he thought to himself. But he supposed he wouldn’t back down from the challenge anyways, and cleared his throat, trying to think of how he would do an impression of the jazz singer they were listening to.

“Weather-wise it’s such a lovely day,” Levi crooned in an imitation of the singer’s proud voice, seeing Erwin’s eyes light up with delight at Levi joining in with his antics, “You just say the words and we’ll beat the birds down to Acapulco Bay. It’s perfect for a flying honeymoon, they say.”

“Come fly with me,” Erwin took Levi around the middle and dipped him backwards as they sang through giggles, “Let’s fly, let’s fly away!”

Levi wrapped his arms around Erwin’s neck, laughing happily as his husband lifted him back to his feet. Erwin was breathing heavily, clearly having exerted a lot of effort in what he’d just done. Levi wanted to scold him for acting like he was a young man, for overdoing it, but he couldn’t ruin the moment they were having. He was enjoying himself far too much, and the grin on Erwin’s face was something he couldn’t take away from him.

Levi could feel his legs getting shaky again, and Erwin noticed this time, helping him to the couch. The song was drawing to a close, anyways. They were both catching their breath from their laughter, chests moving up and down as they drew in air. Levi liked feeling this way. It’d been a long time, but somehow, Erwin always managed to keep him feeling like that youthful twenty year old who could drink and dance and sing; move around so freely and simply enjoy himself. That’s how old he had been when he’d met Erwin. He was so ignorant and lonely then, especially when his friends had died. But Erwin had saved him; he’d brought him away from that loneliness, protected him, and made him happy. Without Erwin, Levi felt as though he wouldn’t have discovered himself. Without Erwin, there was no Levi.

Levi sat in his chair at the beach, crocheting some dish towels as he watched Erwin pull back his fishing rod and cast it out into the ocean. Erwin had taken up fishing some years ago, a hobby that was made quite difficult by his one arm. He compensated for his missing arm by handing the rod to Levi to reel in when he caught a bite. Levi wasn’t a fan of fishing; he thought fish were pretty nasty. They were all slimy and scaly. Levi didn’t mind cooking the fish that Erwin caught, though, as long as Erwin did all the prep by descaling the nasty creatures.

Though Levi had a deep fear of the ocean, he didn’t mind sitting at the beach. It was soothing to sit there in his wheelchair. Sometimes he’d sit in the sand, let the dry substance sink between his toes and fingers. The only problem was getting the sand out of all his clothes afterward, which is why he was simply sitting in his chair today. He didn’t want to deal with the sandy aftermath.

“Ooh, Levi!” Erwin exclaimed excitedly, “I got one! I got one!”

Levi sighed in some irritation and held out his hand for the rod. It wasn’t like he was hoping for Erwin to fail; he just really didn’t like fish… or snakes, or frogs, or anything slimy and scaly for that matter. Levi set down his crochet needle and took the rod when Erwin handed it to him, starting to reel in the fish that was fighting against the line. He sat up, Erwin’s hand on his shoulder and face near his ear as he whispered the same advice he did almost every time Levi helped him fish: That’s it… slowly now, just like that. You’re doing so well, Levi. Oh look! Here it comes…

Levi watched as the fish flopped onto the shore, and Erwin rushed to go retrieve it, knowing Levi wouldn’t go near the thing. He watched Erwin bend down carefully, unhooking the fish from the line and tossing it into the bucket he’d brought with him. Upon trying to stand again, he placed his hand on his lower back, groaning in pain as he rose to his feet. Levi looked on with concern at the look of pain on his husband’s face.

“You okay, Ervy?” Levi asked quietly, handing him back the rod as he walked back over.

“Just my back,” Erwin sighed as he took the fishing rod, “Nothing new.”

“Probably because you were swinging me around the living room yesterday,” Levi mumbled, “You really do too much, Erwin.”

Erwin frowned, staring out at the ocean as he reeled in the rest of the line and took a few steps away from Levi. He threw the line back out into the water, shrugging a little at what Levi had said. It was as if he was saying: ‘Nothing to be done about it now’. But Levi was concerned. Erwin really did do too much. He was constantly out in the garden pulling weeds, picking Levi up even when Levi insisted he shouldn’t, bending and lifting things that were too heavy for him in his old age. But Erwin was a stubborn old man. He didn’t like to give things up because of his elderly status.

Levi watched Erwin continue to fish, the two silently passing the rod between them whenever Erwin noticed that a fish bit the bait. Levi was certain he’d pissed Erwin off with his comment, and he decided to just let it sit between them rather than bring it up. As the sun began to set, Erwin started packing up his supplies, putting his bag of fishing stuff over one shoulder and lifting the pail of fish with his hand. Levi tucked his crochet project into the little bag he had attached to the back of his wheelchair. He tried to wheel himself out of the sand, and remembered he had no traction here, sinking deeper into the ground. He turned to see Erwin already heading up the ramp to the house, and frowned. Had Erwin really been so upset with him that he’d abandon him like that?

Levi struggled to push himself out of his chair, clinging to one of the armrests as he tried to circle to the back. He held onto the handles and started trying to push the chair out of the sand. It shifted in the sand, freeing itself and starting to roll forwards a little. Levi took that opportunity to pull it backward, taking a step back towards the ramp to the house. He went slow, glancing behind him every once in a while to check that nothing was in his way.

But that’s when he felt it; his legs giving way. His knees knocked together as his legs wobbled, and he clung to the handles of the wheelchair as if that could save him from losing his balance. His fall felt very slow, though it probably happened a lot quicker in real-time. One minute, he was on his feet, shaky and uncertain. The next, he was laying in the sand, hands out in front of him. He felt a ping of pain in his lower back that spread through the nerves in his legs, and winced. Panic filled his chest as he wondered how the hell he was going to get back up, how he would get help. Erwin was already inside; how long would it be before he came out to look for him?

Almost immediately after he fell, he heard the fast patting of feet on wood, a gasp of shock from behind him. Levi tried to push himself up off the sand, turning his head to see Erwin rushing down the ramp towards him, looking horrified and concerned all at once. He hadn’t seen Erwin move so quickly in a long time, but the fear in Erwin’s eyes was clearly driving him to rush to Levi’s side.

“Levi!” He cried out when he reached his husband’s side, falling to his knees next to Levi and helping him sit up in the sand, “Oh baby, why did you try and come up on your own? I was coming back for you, I just had to put my stuff in the house.”

Levi felt a little foolish for having assumed Erwin would just abandon him like that. Erwin knew he couldn’t maneuver his wheelchair in the sand, and he wouldn’t have just left Levi alone to figure things out. Erwin looked frantic, dusting the sand off Levi’s shirt before hugging Levi to his chest.

“I’m so sorry, baby,” Erwin whimpered, holding Levi tightly, “I’m so sorry. I should’ve helped you first… I was irritated with you, and I shouldn’t have just left you without saying anything. Are you hurt? Are you okay?”

“I-I’m okay,” Levi reassured him after a moment of initial shock, his fingers hooking into Erwin’s shirt, “I’m fine, Erwin. Don’t beat yourself up.”

But Erwin was practically hyperventilating now, breathing heavily as he pulled away from Levi, taking his face into his hand and examining Levi carefully. Levi let him; anything to help ease Erwin’s fears. He would see that Levi was okay and then he’d calm down. But when Erwin examined his hands, he gasped, his face falling into a frown.

Levi looked down to see his hands were scuffed up, bleeding a little from catching his fall. It was no big deal to Levi. They stung a little, but it wasn’t as though it was the worst injury he’d ever been through. This was nothing compared to his previous injuries. But Erwin looked so upset, and Levi didn’t understand why Erwin was overreacting. Did he really feel that guilty about all this? Levi didn’t particularly blame Erwin for what had happened in the first place. It was his stupid decision to try and get to the house himself. He should’ve just waited and been more patient.

“I’m sorry,” Erwin breathed, pressing kisses to Levi’s hands gently, “Oh baby, you’re hurt. It’s all my fault.”

“It’s just some cuts,” Levi insisted calmly, letting Erwin fuss over him, “It’s not your fault, Erwin. I shouldn’t have tried to leave by myself. I should’ve waited.”

Erwin wiped some tears of shock out of his eyes before he hoisted Levi over his shoulder with a loud huff. If Levi was worried about Erwin overexerting himself before, he was even more worried now. Erwin was shaking, clearly struggling with Levi’s weight as he carried him back up the ramp to the house. Levi could hear him huffing and puffing, and felt incredibly worried and guilty. Erwin took him into the house and set him on the couch carefully, taking a few moments to breathe before he stood up straight and headed back out to get Levi’s wheelchair from the beach.

While he was gone for that brief minute, Levi took account of his injuries. Sure, he knew his hands were a little messed up, but he could feel a throbbing in his leg. He let his fingers run down his thigh and felt a tear in his pants. Oh great, he thought in annoyance, Another thing to mend. But he felt a wet substance there, and brought his fingers up to see blood. His eyes widened slightly, and he spread his legs a little to look down at his thigh. There was a cut that had torn through his pants. He wasn’t sure if he’d fallen on some glass or perhaps a rock or a stick, but his legs had been so numb from the fall that he hadn’t noticed. Erwin was going to flip when he saw that.

Levi quickly reached forwards to grab tissues off the coffee table, pressing a couple to the cut to stop the bleeding. He was going to do his best to hide this from Erwin; didn’t want to worry him or make him feel worse. He heard the door open as Erwin re-entered, leaving his wheelchair outside the front door so that he wouldn’t trek sand into the house.

“I’ll go get some bandages for your hands,” Erwin called from the foyer, and Levi could hear his footsteps disappearing down the hall towards their bathroom where they kept their medical supplies.

Levi frantically tried to stop the bleeding, but he must’ve really been cut badly, as it kept gushing. As soon as he heard Erwin heading back down the hall, he clapped his legs shut, hoping to hide the wound and apply pressure to it at the same time by squeezing his thighs together. Erwin came into the room with some alcohol and bandages, and he kneeled down in front of Levi with some difficulty, setting the supplies on the floor next to him.

“My baby’s beautiful hands all scuffed up,” Erwin sighed, a frustrated sigh as if he was still upset with himself, “I really am sorry, Levi.”

Levi let Erwin clean and bandage his hands, squeezing his thighs tightly as he felt the wetness of the blood soaking his pants. It wasn’t a huge cut, but it sure was bleeding quite a lot. Erwin was cooing at him, repeating apologies and whispering sweet things to keep Levi calm. Although it was likely that those things were keeping Erwin more calm than anything.

“Erwin,” Levi muttered, “I… I didn’t mean to upset you with what I said. I just worry that you do too much sometimes. I don’t want you to overdo it, you know? I don’t want you to injure yourself.”

Erwin looked up at Levi with a sad smile, running his fingers along Levi’s jaw bone, “It’s okay, baby. I shouldn’t have gotten so easily annoyed. It’s just… I thought we were having fun yesterday. I didn’t know you were worrying about me like that.”

“I did have fun,” Levi admitted, “I just don’t want you to get hurt.”

Levi was suddenly thinking about how he might stain the couch with the blood between his legs, and his eyes widened as he pushed himself off the couch on instinct, falling into Erwin’s arms. Erwin gasped in some surprise, but welcomed Levi’s embrace, as he thought Levi was just hugging him. But Erwin’s soft smile turned into a frown when the wet blood began to seep into Erwin’s pants as well.

“Are you bleeding?” Erwin asked with some alarm, glancing down and seeing the cut. Just what Levi didn’t want to happen. Erwin’s face paled, his breath becoming panicked all over again, “Honey! Why didn’t you say something?”

“I… I didn’t want you to worry…” Levi responded sheepishly.

Erwin was hurriedly pushing Levi off his lap, trying to take his pants off so he could reach the wound. He didn’t say anything, panic written on his face. It’d probably been a while since he’d seen so much blood. The two of them hadn’t been in battle in ages, and Levi could see Erwin slipping away into his memories, hand shaking as he picked up the alcohol to clean Levi’s wound. Levi watched his eyes dilate, his mouth lined in a worried frown as he wrapped the bandage around Levi’s thigh with quaking fingers, helping him tug his pants back on when he was done.

Levi didn’t blame him. He too would go into episodes like this, like the one he’d had when they talked about dying. Memories of death, dismemberment, blood, painful screams, and last breaths of comrades he’d grown fond of. It was all too easy to slip away into these painful memories; as if he was living it all over again.

“Erwin…” Levi placed his hand on Erwin’s cheek, trying to capture his attention, “Erwin, baby… come back, sweetie. You’re here with me. We’re not there anymore… we’re safe.”

Erwin’s eyes flickered with remembrance upon connecting with Levi’s, and he sucked in a deep breath as he nodded slowly, taking in Levi’s words even though he still looked a little distant, “I… I’m okay. I’m here, baby. I’m sorry, that was a lot of blood… so much blood…”

“I know,” Levi whispered soothingly, fingers running over Erwin’s cheeks, “I know, honey. It’s okay… it’s okay, my love. You’re with me… you’re here.”

Erwin swallowed thickly, tears pooling in his eyes before he buried his face into Levi’s lap, wrapping his arm around Levi’s waist and hugging onto him tightly. Levi ran his fingers through Erwin’s graying hair, leaning over to press a kiss to the crown of his head. Erwin’s whole body shook as he gripped at Levi’s shirt, as if he was trying hard to cling to Levi; to cling to any semblance of reality.

“Shh,” Levi whispered as he stroked Erwin’s hair, “Shh, love. I’m here. You cry if you need to, I’m here.”

But Erwin was stubborn, and he shook his head in Levi’s lap, pulling in deep breaths like he was a fish out of water. One thing Levi had learned over the years: neither of them liked crying, though they both needed to fairly often from the trauma they’d been through over the years. Levi recognized long ago that they both just needed to cry sometimes, and he’d grown to trust Erwin as the one person he could cry to when he needed it. Erwin, as much as he appeared to trust Levi, didn’t often give up his tears to him. He was intent on being the stoic, strong man who didn’t cry, even around Levi. Levi could remember every time that Erwin had cried in front of him because it happened that infrequently.

Erwin pulled away after a long moment, wiping away his tears and smiling sadly, “I’m okay, baby. Thank you.”

“Do you need to cry?” Levi asked gently, “It’s okay if you do. I’m here for you.”

He wanted Erwin to be vulnerable around him, didn’t want him to have to hold back for Levi’s sake. But Erwin merely chuckled and shook his head, “I’m fine. Thanks, darling. Let’s go cook up that fish, okay? Are you up for that?”

Levi frowned, nodding a little to Erwin’s question. Whatever had been going through Erwin’s head was gone now, wiped from his expression. He was masking with a cheerful one now, getting off the floor and holding his hand out to Levi as though nothing had happened. Levi took his hand and allowed himself to be helped up. The two of them walked into the kitchen slowly to prepare the fish for dinner. But Levi felt uneasy about what had just happened. While Levi leaned on Erwin as his rock, the person he relied on, Erwin struggled with letting go and relying on Levi in return. Erwin always wanted to be the strong one in their relationship, which Levi was okay with until it became a problem. And it was definitely a problem.

Levi huffed in annoyance as Erwin pushed him in his wheelchair cheerfully down the pathway, waving at passers-by that he recognized from town. Levi recognized them too, giving them a brief nod as opposed to a happy greeting like his husband would. He wasn’t much of a people person, but his husband seemed to know everyone in the whole damn neighborhood. They were always pausing on their walks to talk to so and so about such and such, which Levi wasn’t very fond of. But he’d put on a neutral look and let Erwin do the talking.

The two finally made it to their destination: the duck pond. Levi took out the bag of grapes he’d cut up before their trip out, ready to feed the ducks. Erwin pushed his chair up next to the bench he would sit on; their usual spot. They came to feed the ducks at least once a week. It got them out of the house and kept them active, something that was important for them at their age. Neither of them wanted to fully lose their mobility. It was also nice to spend some time together. Usually, they did their own activities around the house, trying not to get in one another’s way. But taking time to sit together at the pond and feed the ducks was a nice way to spend time with one another.

Levi smiled softly as he saw the mother duck leading her ducklings towards the pond, the several little fluffy yellow bundles quacking giddily as they followed behind her. He and Erwin had seen cycles of the ducks for years now. They watched the ducks grow up, some of them becoming mothers of their own ducklings. Not all of them would make it to adulthood, which was sad, but inevitable.

“So sweet,” Erwin smiled, holding his hand out to Levi, “Can I have some?”

Levi took some grapes from the bag and handed them to Erwin, who took them and tossed a couple towards the ducks. The mother duck paused in her tracks, looking over at the fallen grapes and waddling towards them, the baby ducks falling over each other before following her lead towards the snacks Erwin had left for them. They began pecking at the food before tilting their heads back to swallow down the grapes. Levi had made sure to cut the grapes into fourths so that the ducks wouldn’t choke. He didn’t need any duck deaths on his hands.

“The babies are so cute,” Levi commented, watching them pick at the grapes with their mother.

Levi could sense Erwin looking at him, and turned to face his husband. Erwin had a look of indifference on his face, as if he was debating something in his head. His eyebrows furrowed, and Levi frowned, wondering what was causing his husband this distress. What could he be thinking about?

“Do… Do you ever regret not having kids?” Erwin asked quietly, looking back towards the baby ducklings that were cutely fighting for grapes. Levi tossed a few more their way so they wouldn’t have to jump over one another to get the few Erwin had thrown.

Levi wasn’t sure why Erwin was asking him that. They’d talked about their decision to not have children plenty of times before. Perhaps seeing the baby ducks triggered some sort of anxiety within him about the topic. When they first got married, they talked about having kids all the time. Levi had initially been a little hesitant about kids, but then warmed up to the idea. However, their letters and applications to adoption agencies in Marley had all been denied. Not only were they discriminatory against same-sex couples, but they also expressed concern over Erwin’s missing arm and Levi’s limited mobility: how will you raise little ones if you can’t care for them like a normal mom and dad? The lady at the adoption agency had said to them.

Erwin had been furious. One of the few times Levi had seen him so angry. He’d stood calmly in front of the woman’s desk and berated her for several minutes about the ‘homophobic and frankly ableist’ institution she was running. This had been the final adoption agency in Marley they’d applied to; their last chance at having kids, and Erwin had wanted to be a dad with all his heart.

Levi remembered that Erwin was silent the whole ride home in the taxi. He’d been very enthusiastic about having children with Levi, and though Levi too was disappointed, he knew Erwin was devastated at the news that they wouldn’t be able to have kids together.

When they’d finally arrived at home, Erwin spent the rest of the evening in his study, not coming out for hours. Levi didn’t want to bother him, and tried to occupy himself with other household chores. He’d been in bed reading the newspaper when Erwin finally emerged from his den. The man had looked completely ragged: red, tired eyes and alcohol on his breath.

This was a rare moment where Erwin had finally let himself go. He’d walked over to Levi, who set down his paper next to him and looked up at his husband with concern. Erwin had fallen to his knees next to Levi’s bedside, burying his face in Levi’s lap. It wasn’t long before he shook with sobs, and Levi just held him, running his fingers through his hair and pressing kisses to the top of his head to soothe him. He’d even shed some tears as well for the children they’d never have.

And now, after all these years, Levi knew Erwin still had regrets about that. But they’d done what they could, and at least they could see their friends’ children every once in a while. Levi didn’t know how to answer Erwin’s initial question: do you ever regret not having kids?

“I suppose,” Levi responded, filling Erwin’s hand with more grapes that he could give to the ducks, “It would’ve been nice to have kids, but I’m happy with the life we’ve had together. Why? Do you have regrets about it?”

Erwin nodded solemnly as he tossed more grapes in the direction of the ducks. More had gathered now that there was the promise of food, coming from the pond to pick at the grapes Levi and Erwin had brought for them.

“Tell me,” Levi prodded gently, wanting Erwin to tell him what he was thinking, “What’s on your mind, love?”

Erwin sighed, watching the baby ducks with a sad expression, “I’m happy with our life too, it’s just… sometimes I wonder what our life would’ve been like if we had children. We’d probably have grandkids running around by now…”

Levi watched Erwin carefully, sensing how hurt he was just by the aura he gave off. He reached out to place a gentle hand on his husband’s shoulder, rubbing it soothingly. Erwin returned a sad smile his way, placing his hand on top of Levi’s and squeezing it lightly.

“Even though we didn’t have kids,” Levi replied quietly, “I think you’ve been the most amazing husband… and you would’ve been an amazing father too. I’m sorry you never got the chance. Perhaps if you’d married a woman, you could’ve had kids…”

It was Levi’s turn to frown now. He felt guilty about so many things. He’d always felt as though he was holding Erwin back from a better life, and now here was his proof of that. If Erwin had married a woman, he could’ve had children with her and been happy. But Levi had ruined those chances for him.

“Oh baby,” Erwin breathed, picking up Levi’s hand off his shoulder to press a tender kiss to the back of it, “As much as I wanted children, I never would’ve run off to have them with some lady. Part of the reason I wanted kids was so that I could raise them with you, anyways. It wouldn’t have been the same if it wasn’t with you.”

Levi could feel himself blushing, a smile returning to his face. He thought that was an incredibly sweet thing for Erwin to say. Of course, there were things that Levi had regrets about. Things he wished they had done. He would’ve liked to travel a little more, explore the world. They’d been on several trips over the decades, and Levi would love it if he could just travel every day until he died. But old age had taken that away from him, much like it had taken other things from him.

“Well,” Levi placed his hands on his knees, the bag of grapes empty now, “We can’t change the past. At least the Kirstein grandkids will be visiting soon.”

Mikasa and Jean would be visiting with their grandkids that upcoming weekend. Their kids were on a vacation with their spouses, and as the grandparents, Jean and Mikasa had agreed to look after their grandkids for the weekend. Sometimes when looking after the children, the two would take them on a trip to Marley for a couple of days, just to visit Levi and Erwin.

“Yeah,” Erwin smiled, remembering it, “I almost forgot they were coming. I’m excited to see them. Ana’s just turned three, she’s getting so big.”

Ana was the littlest of the grandchildren (though she wouldn’t be for long as Mikasa’s daughter-in-law was pregnant), and Erwin was her absolute favorite. Though Erwin insisted he didn’t have favorites, Levi knew that Ana was Erwin’s favorite grandchild, too. Erwin had been insistent on teaching her to walk, teaching her her first words. It was almost as if Erwin was projecting his need to be a father onto Mikasa’s grandchild, though Mikasa and Jean didn’t seem to mind much. They had other grandchildren to fawn over.

“She is,” Levi agreed, “I’m sure she can’t wait to see her favorite uncle.”

Erwin smiled knowingly, “Oh stop, Levi. She loves us both equally.”

Levi rolled his eyes, folding up the bag he’d put the grapes in and putting it in his pocket. The ducks were going on their merry way now, the little ducklings following their mother to the pond and swimming away. Levi was a little sad to see them go. He knew that not all of them would survive the next winter, and it was certainly a melancholy feeling that flowed through him from that thought.

“Shall we go?” Erwin asked, getting up when Levi nodded in response.

Erwin began to wheel Levi back down the pathway in the direction of their house. The ride back was pretty quiet, apart from Erwin constantly greeting people he met along the way. They stopped at the marketplace on their back so Erwin could pick up some sweets for the children. Levi sat next to him and waited patiently as Erwin bargained with the shop owner, trying to work out some kind of deal.

“Hey!” Levi heard a loud shriek behind him, “Give it back!”

Erwin hadn’t noticed, too busy with the shopkeeper. Levi turned his chair to see a little girl jumping up and down, trying to get her teddy bear back from a trio of boys who were holding it up too high, taunting and laughing at her. The little girl couldn’t have been more than six years old, and the boys seemed at least ten. Tears were pooling in the girl’s eyes as she tried to reach her toy. Levi’s eyes narrowed, and he immediately abandoned Erwin’s side to wheel himself over to the scene, muttering something about being right back.

Once he was close enough, Levi took his cane out of the satchel hanging off the back of his chair, using it to whack one of the boys on the head as he growled, “Oi! What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

The boy gasped in pain and rubbed his head, turning to glare at Levi, “What do you think you’re gonna do about it, old man?”

The other two boys turned around and gasped when they saw Levi, one of them muttering, “Don’t you know who that is? That’s Levi Ackerman!”

Levi watched looks of fear come over the boys’ faces, and they exchanged terrified glances before the boy holding the bear shoved it back into the little girl’s arms, as if they hadn’t done anything wrong in the first place. Levi and Erwin had a reputation in this town: the heroes from Paradis. War stories about the two of them had been passed around the little village, and though most people knew Levi and Erwin were generally kind and approachable, they knew not to mess with them. Levi liked to use this to his advantage, especially in his old age when he couldn’t really fight anyone.

“We’re sorry, Mr. Ackerman,” the one boy apologized, tears filling his eyes from how scared he must’ve been, “Please… we won’t do it again!”

Levi let out an irritated sigh, glaring amongst the three boys, “You apologize to the little girl. And don’t bother her again.”

They all nodded quickly, mumbling sheepish apologies to the girl, who was staring at Levi with wide eyes, as if she couldn’t believe who was sitting in front of her. She appeared almost starstruck; something Levi was used to by this point. The boys apologized to Levi again, running off before Levi could find out their names or where they lived. They clearly didn’t want their mothers to know what they’d been up to.

“Th… Thank you, Mr. Levi,” the little girl mumbled nervously, hugging her teddy bear close.

“No problem, kid,” Levi leaned forward and ruffled her hair lightly, “You stay out of trouble, okay?”

The little girl nodded, smiling at the affectionate touch before rushing off to go play with her teddy bear. He heard footsteps behind him, and looked over his shoulder to see Erwin with a small bag of sweets, smiling at him. Erwin hadn’t seen what happened, which was probably good. Erwin always thought Levi was too harsh with kids sometimes, and probably would’ve scolded him for hitting the boy with his cane.

“Everything okay?” Erwin asked.

“Yeah,” Levi replied quietly, “Little girl was a fan of mine I suppose.”

Erwin chuckled, a raise of an eyebrow, “Oh really? Well, it’s a shame she couldn’t meet the famous Commander Erwin, then.”

Levi rolled his eyes, smacking Erwin’s side playfully. Erwin was a little too proud of his past for Levi’s liking. And Levi didn’t particularly like being fawned over by people, unless it was Erwin. But when it came to fame, Levi preferred to live the quiet life. Most people in their town were used to them by now, and didn’t bother them much. But every once in a while they’d come across a person new to town, or a tourist who recognized them, and would get bombarded with questions. And Levi didn’t like that. He let Erwin handle all the talking. It wasn’t like he didn’t appreciate people’s excitement over him. It was nice to be appreciated. But he just didn’t see what all the fuss was about. After all, Levi had merely been a pawn in Erwin’s plan. Erwin was the one who deserved the praise, not Levi.

Erwin wheeled Levi back to the house, humming a tune under his breath. He sounded particularly cheerful, which Levi was surprised by after their solemn conversation about not being able to have children together. Perhaps the thought that Mikasa’s grandchildren were coming to visit soon had reinvigorated him. There seemed to be a spring in his step now as he pushed Levi down the pathway to their front door. Levi couldn’t help but be a little excited as well for the kids to come over. They might help Erwin to forget that regret he felt over not having children together.

“Winnie!” Ana shrieked as she ran down the pathway towards Erwin, who had his arm out as he knelt down on the porch waiting for her. She didn’t bother with the uncle title for Erwin, just called him ‘Winnie’. It was easier for her to pronounce than ‘Uncle Erwin’, that’s for sure.

The three-year-old bounded down the stone path to their house, little shoes pounding on the surface with each step. She had her arms outstretched towards Erwin, running as quickly as her little legs could carry her. Finally, she rushed into Erwin’s chest, throwing her arms around his neck and squealing excitedly.

“Hi, Ana!” Erwin hugged her close, a grin on his face as he rubbed her back. He scooped her up and stood, holding her close as she continued to hug onto him, not letting go.

Levi watched from the doorway with a small smile. He thought it was sweet; how much the two seemed to adore one another. Further down the path, Mikasa had her arm laced through Jean’s, who was carrying five-year-old Ren in his free arm. Ren and Ana were cousins; Mikasa and Jean’s only grandchildren. Ren was a little ball of energy, sometimes he could be quite the trouble-maker. But Levi thought both the kids were well-behaved for the most part. They were good kids.

Jean put Ren down so he could run towards the house too. The little boy had been squirming in his arms, excited to greet his old uncles. Ren scampered down the path, waving at Erwin before climbing up the steps and going to stand in front of Levi. The little boy reminded Levi far too much of Eren. He had dark hair and green eyes, a rambunctious spirit about him. Mikasa had told him that her daughter named him after Eren, which Levi wasn’t surprised by. Even after all these years, he could tell how heartbroken Mikasa was. It was a pain that would never go away, and Levi knew that. He was lucky to have been blessed with Erwin, and though Mikasa loved Jean, they all knew her heart was with Eren.

“Uncle Levi!” Ren exclaimed, hugging onto one of Levi’s legs.

Levi ruffled his hair, watching Ren look up at him through pleading eyes, “Can we go swimming? Pretty please? Grandma said I have to ask you.”

Levi smiled down at the boy softly, fingers carding through his hair. He tried not to show it on the outside, but he loved Mikasa’s grandkids as if they were his own. They were incredibly sweet, and Levi cared for them greatly.

“Sure,” Levi replied, watching the boy’s face light up as he let go of Levi’s leg and turned back to Mikasa.

“Gramma, Gramma!” He rushed up to her, grasping at her skirts, “Uncle Levi said we can swim!”

Mikasa squatted down in front of him, holding his hands and swinging his arms back and forth with a smile, “That’s great, Ren! Let’s just wait till we get settled in and then we can get your swimsuit on, okay?”

Ren nodded, practically bouncing with excitement. Erwin had already taken Ana inside, and Ren rushed into the house after them. Mikasa greeted Levi with a hug. The two weren’t particularly close, but they had some sort of bond between them that Levi would never understand. They just understood one another, even though they didn’t always get along. Mikasa wouldn’t let Levi get away with his little games of pretending to be unbothered. She could read him almost better than Erwin at times, and wasn’t afraid to point out his emotions.

“Hi, Captain,” Jean greeted with an outstretched hand.

Levi rolled his eyes a little, shaking Jean’s hand, “Jean, you know you can call me Levi. It’s fine, really.”

“I know,” Jean replied sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck, “It just doesn’t sound right to call you by your first name.”

An awkward silence hung in the air for a moment as Levi realized they hadn’t yet discussed the bad news. It seemed as though Jean and Mikasa recognized that too, because they were all quiet for a time. Jean seemed the most solemn of them all, and Levi knew that the two of them had always been close friends. It must’ve been hard for Jean to lose someone like that.

“I’m so sorry,” Levi started, reaching out a hand and placing it on Jean’s arm, “I know you two were close.”

Jean frowned and nodded, tears flowing to his eyes. Mikasa reached out to rub his back gently, and Levi could feel himself getting a little stuck. Even though he’d dealt with much loss and grief throughout his life, he still didn’t know how to comfort people through their emotions. It was just something he’d never gotten better at, unfortunately.

“Thank you,” Jean responded, choking back tears. Levi tried to copy what Mikasa was doing, gently rubbing Jean’s arm to try and soothe him. Jean took in a shaky breath, “He was… he meant a lot to me. He was like a brother.”

Levi could feel that emotion welling up in his chest, willing him to cry too. But he held it back, not wanting to show it in front of Jean and Mikasa. He couldn’t cry in front of others, even if he wanted to. It’d taken him a long time to open up to Erwin in that way, and now Erwin was the only person he cried openly in front of. So, he swallowed back the lump in his throat and tried to forget how much Connie had meant to him in favor of remaining numb.

Erwin appeared in the doorway, Ren clinging to his leg and Ana still in his arms. He already looked exhausted from playing with the kids. Erwin always tried to match their energy, and that was his downfall. Levi would usually scold him after they left, telling him he was not a child anymore and shouldn’t behave like one. But it wasn’t about the behavior - it was more about the fact that Levi was worried Erwin would hurt himself.

“Is everything okay?” Erwin asked with a raise of his eyebrow.

“Yes, sir,” Jean wiped away his tears, “Just remembering Connie, that’s all.”

Erwin’s expression changed to one of remorse, and he set Ana on the ground, shaking Ren off his leg so the two cousins could go play together. He walked forwards and enveloped Jean in a tight hug, patting his back gently.

“It’s alright, son,” Erwin comforted, “He was a good man. He’ll be deeply missed.”

Jean nodded, giving Erwin a grateful smile as Erwin pulled away and patted his shoulder a couple of times. He dried his tears and sucked in a deep breath, looking a little better now. Levi didn’t understand how Erwin did it. How he knew exactly what to say and what to do to make people feel better. The only way Levi knew to comfort people was to tell them shit jokes, and that wasn’t always appropriate for the situation at hand.

The four of them went back into the house, the little ones running around their legs and chasing one another. Jean seemed to be better now, him and Erwin laughing as they reminisced about a time when Connie had gotten drunk and sung very off-key to his then-future wife.

“Oi,” Levi stopped in front of the two kids, “No running in the house, okay?”

Ren pouted, but Ana nodded quickly, rushing to Erwin’s side. She was a smart girl: she knew to listen to Levi, and she knew that Erwin would defend her against Levi when she got in trouble with him. Levi couldn’t help but smirk a little at that. Ana’s clinging drew Erwin away from his conversation with Jean, and he smiled down at the little girl.

“Do you want to see what I got for you two?” Erwin asked the kids, whose faces brightened upon hearing the old man had something for them.

Ren started jumping up and down, and Ana was nodding eagerly, “I wanna see! I wanna see!”

Erwin went to the pantry and pulled out the bag of sweets. Levi could see how excited the kids were, and watched Erwin bend down to give them each one, instructing them that they could have one now and one later. The children ate the candy hungrily, Erwin putting the bag back into the pantry and shutting the door.

“Can we swim now, Grandma?” Ren asked impatiently, mouth full of candy.

That was the only thing Levi couldn’t stand about kids. As patient as he was with them, as much as he cared for and tried to understand them, he didn’t like how gross they could be. Their little grubby fingers always in their noses and playing in dirt and muck. It made Levi cringe just to think about it.

“Don’t talk with your mouth full,” Mikasa scolded, “And yes, let’s get you in your swimsuits.”

Mikasa ushered the children off to the bathroom to help them get ready for swimming, and Erwin headed to the bedroom to get on his swim trunks so he could swim with them. Levi chatted away with Jean, who seemed to be much better now that Erwin had comforted him. Jean talked about what he and Mikasa had been up to with their now-empty nest. The grandkids came to visit fairly often, but outside of that their house was now just the two of them. The two had been going out to restaurants and spending more time in town: seeing plays and the like. Levi was impressed by Jean’s ability to be incredibly romantic with Mikasa. He’d always been such an awkward teenager.

“So how have things been with you and the command- I mean… Erwin,” Jean asked, “Heard it was just your anniversary. Congratulations.”

Levi nodded, fingers grasping his cane a little harder as he rested more weight on it, “Yeah. Things have been good. Just the usual things that come with getting old.”

He didn’t need to tell Jean about his fall the other day, or the break-down he’d had when he and Erwin started talking about death. He didn’t want Jean to worry about them. When he’d gotten his first gray hair, Jean and Connie had dissolved into tears (it was after a couple of glasses of wine, admittedly), crying over how old he was getting. Levi had been incredibly uncomfortable, and had knocked their heads together, telling them to calm down and suck it up. Everybody gets old, he told them, No use in crying over it.

But he too had been concerned about getting older. Every year that passed was a little scary; the older they got, the more fearful Levi became of the inevitable: death. When he was young, he never thought he’d get old and die. He always thought his life would be taken quickly at a young age, whether by a Titan or something else. But after the war, his fear of death grew, and he never thought the years would pass by this quickly. Never thought death would approach so fast.

Erwin emerged from the bedroom in his swimming trunks, and Mikasa soon came out of the bathroom with the kids, who were practically bouncing off the walls with their excitement to swim. The six of them headed down to the beach, Erwin and Jean carrying lawn chairs for the four adults to sit in while the children played. Levi had a little trouble getting down the ramp. He usually took his chair, but didn’t want to hold everyone up while he retrieved it. Mikasa held his arm to steady him, and he shot her an appreciative glance. Though they didn’t always get along, Mikasa was a thoughtful person, and Levi liked that about her.

As soon as the lawn chairs were set up, the kids were already running along the shore, splashing water under their feet and shrieking with excitement. Levi sat on the chair and watched them, a smile on his face. Their youthfulness really cheered him up. Made him feel like a child all over again. Although, his childhood hadn’t been nearly as nice as the one Mikasa’s grandkids were enjoying. He hadn’t been able to go swimming, have sweets, or have loving parents and grandparents like Ana and Ren did. Perhaps if he’d had a nicer childhood, he wouldn’t be so messed up now.

Ana ran up to Erwin and grabbed his hand, starting to drag him towards the water, “Swim with me, Winnie! Swim with me!”

Erwin chuckled softly and let himself be dragged towards the water. The two waded in until the water was up to Erwin’s knees and Ana’s waist, the toddler still clinging to Erwin’s hand as she splashed the water with her free hand. Levi watched them fondly, feeling that giddy love he always felt for Erwin when he was doing something sweet. Watching him with Ana did make him feel a little regretful about them not having children. Erwin was just so good with kids. Erwin always told Levi that he was good with kids too, but Levi didn’t really believe that. He couldn’t make the little ones giggle and smile the way Erwin could.

Ren was busy making a sandcastle, and Ana was now insisting she climb on Erwin’s shoulders so they could go in further. Levi instantly felt uneasy about that, but he held his tongue, not wanting to ruin their time. He bit his lip to prevent himself from saying anything, watching Ana climb onto Erwin’s shoulders and squeal excitedly.

“I’m so tall!” She exclaimed cheerfully, causing Erwin to laugh.

“Uncle Levi!” Ren called, “Help me with my sandcastle!”

Levi knew there was no way he could sit in the sand like that. As much as he wanted to, he was rendered immobile by his damn legs. He frowned, opening his mouth to tell the little boy he couldn’t, when Jean interjected:

“Sorry, Ren. Uncle Levi can’t sit down there with you. He’d get hurt,” Jean explained carefully, not wanting to upset the boy.

Ren huffed a little, “Fine.”

He went back to his work on the sandcastle, not really understanding why his uncle couldn’t come to play with him. Levi felt a little guilty, wanting to join in, but he knew he couldn’t. There was a pain in his chest from the inability to participate, the irritation welling up inside him at his disability. But that’s when he heard a cry and a loud splash, and turned his attention back towards Ana and Erwin.

Erwin was keeled over slightly, hand on his back and face twisted in pain. Ana was nowhere to be seen, and Jean quickly sprung into action. He hopped out of his chair and rushed into the water, helping Ana to resurface as the water was over her head. Levi went to stand to help Erwin, but Mikasa pushed him back into the chair with one hand, lifting her skirt and heading into the water as well. Levi could only watch helplessly as Jean handed a crying Ana to Mikasa. The poor little girl had been really spooked by her sudden drop into the water, clinging to her Grandma and burying her face into her shoulder.

Jean wrapped an arm around Erwin and helped him walk to the shore. This time, Levi pushed himself to stand. He could feel his heart beating away in his chest, concerned for his husband. Erwin hobbled across the sand, holding his back and wincing with each step. Jean was holding him tightly, helping him to a chair.

“Are you okay?” Levi asked with urgency.

“Levi, sit,” Erwin insisted, “I’m fine.”

Levi scowled but did as he was told, plopping back down in his seat. Erwin sat down on the chair next to him with a loud sigh, leaning back and groaning in some pain. Jean patted his shoulder in comfort, asking him if he needed anything, to which Erwin shook his head.

Mikasa was bouncing Ana, who was still crying into her shoulder. Now that he was sitting down, Erwin seemed more preoccupied with Ana’s condition than his own. Levi was sure his husband felt awful about dropping the little girl into the water, but it wasn’t like Erwin had done it on purpose.

“I’m so sorry, Ana,” Erwin apologized, “Come here, darling. I didn’t mean to drop you. I’m sorry.”

Ana sniffled loudly and rubbed her eyes with her fists before holding out her arms to Erwin. Mikasa set her gently in his lap, and Ana scrambled to throw her arms around his neck, burying her face into his chest as she sobbed. Erwin rubbed her back gently, leaning his head back against the chair and sighing in frustration. Levi watched on with a frown, seeing the pained look on Erwin’s face. And it wasn’t just physical pain he was feeling, Levi could tell.

“I’m sorry I hurted you Winnie!” Ana whimpered tearfully, “Are you okay?”

Erwin smiled down at her softly, kissing her forehead, “I’m okay, sweetie. I was more worried about you. You took quite the tumble there.”

Ana couldn’t help but giggle at Erwin’s words as he poked her stomach playfully, and she wiped away her tears on the back of her hands. Erwin gave her a sad smile, brushing the back of his hand over her cheek lightly. Jean and Mikasa were both soaked from having gone in the water in their clothes and were heading back to the house together to get changed.

Levi was still watching Erwin carefully, could see the pain behind his eyes. His husband was clearly upset by what had just happened. And who could blame him? Erwin let Ana go off to help her cousin with his sandcastle, and Levi scowled, unable to help himself. He was admittedly a little frustrated with Erwin. Hadn’t he told him that he was always overdoing it? And here he’d gone and gotten himself hurt. Levi had been worried this would happen, and Erwin hadn’t listened to him when he’d told him that he was always doing too much.

Erwin noticed Levi staring at him, and returned a frown in Levi’s direction before muttering, “Don’t look at me like that, Levi. I know what you’re going to say.”

Levi sighed heavily, crossing his arms, “You just don’t listen, do you? I told you not to-”

“That’s enough,” Erwin snapped, surprising Levi with his sudden outburst.

Levi watched Erwin shuffle to the edge of his seat, pushing himself out of the chair with a wince of pain. He hadn’t expected Erwin to get so upset with him so quickly. Sure, he knew that it probably didn’t help for him to say ‘I told you so’ to Erwin, but he was just so frustrated with his husband. Why did he have to keep pretending he was a young man when he clearly wasn’t? Levi watched Erwin hold his lower back in his hand to coax the pain there, not bothering another glance in Levi’s direction before he began to head back up to the house. Levi didn’t bother to watch him go, simply staring out at the ocean with that sick feeling inside that he’d done something wrong. Perhaps he shouldn’t have said anything at all.

Levi and Erwin barely talked the rest of the night except for when they needed to. They had dinner with the Kirstein's, making some of the fish they had leftover from Erwin’s fishing the other day. Levi could tell Erwin was still irritated with him. He was very short with his answers, barely casting Levi a second glance. Jean and Mikasa could likely sense the awkward atmosphere between them but didn’t let it affect their visit. At least, if it did affect their visit, they didn’t let on to it. Soon, Levi and Erwin were ushering the four out the door, saying their goodbyes and wishing them well on their travel back.

As soon as the door closed and Levi turned around, Erwin was already heading down the hall to bed, not bothering to even give Levi the courtesy of a ‘good night’. Levi could feel that lump in his throat, the feeling of irritation and hurt at Erwin’s actions. Unfortunately, they could both be a little childish when it came to arguments. Ignoring one another, sulking in separate rooms… but they always came back to one another and apologized, talked through it. Levi decided he was going to go to bed too, shuffling down the hallway to the bedroom. He nearly ran into Erwin as he passed the threshold to the bedroom, his husband holding his pillow and a blanket. Levi raised an eyebrow at him, the two exchanging an awkward look.

“You’re really going to sleep on the couch?” Levi asked in annoyance.

Erwin nodded a little, “I figured we’d both be more comfortable with that arrangement.”

Levi could feel himself gritting his teeth, fists clenching at his sides as he grumbled, “How would you know? You didn’t even bother to ask me.”

Levi was thoroughly irritated with Erwin. Why was he being so difficult? Couldn’t he see that Levi was merely looking out for him? That Levi was just concerned about him? That was the whole reason Levi was so upset. Perhaps he could’ve approached the subject a little differently than he had in the moment, but he still was insistent that he had been right. He had merely wanted Erwin to stop pretending he was a child, and to be more careful with himself. Why was that so hard for Erwin to understand?

“Levi,” Erwin sighed, trying to step past, “We’re not having this argument right now.”

Levi took a step so that he was blocking Erwin’s way again, crossing his arms, “And why shouldn’t we? Why shouldn’t we talk about the way you snapped at me when I was just trying to help?”

It was Erwin’s turn to look irritated now. He shot Levi a small glare, “Help? You call that help? You chastising me like that… after I… after I was already embarrassed enough! Oh yeah, what a whole lot of help you were.”

Levi’s mouth dropped open in feigned shock, glaring back as he argued, “Well you’re the one who didn’t listen to me in the first place! I told you not to overdo it! And what did you do? You went and got yourself hurt - just like I knew you would!”

Erwin tossed his head back with a heavy sigh before rubbing his face with his hand in frustration, “Levi, I know what you said. But when I’m clearly already upset, the last thing I need is for someone to say ‘I told you so’. That was so insensitive of you.”

Levi could feel his heart racing. It was like his anger was overtaking the sense in his brain. When he got angry, he couldn’t think clearly. His mind was clouded with the frustration and annoyance he felt; and all he wanted to do was scream at Erwin, tell him how insensitive he was being. Didn’t he understand how much it pained Levi to see Erwin get hurt? Didn’t he get that Levi spent so much of his time worrying about Erwin? Apparently not.

“What about you?! Don’t you think it’s insensitive to ignore me when I tell you time and time again not to overdo it?!” Levi raised his voice now, breathing a little heavier with the rage he was starting to feel.

“I’m not a child, Levi!” Erwin growled, “I don’t need you to tell me what to do!”

“If you’re not a child, then quit acting like one!” Levi retorted, pointing a finger in Erwin’s direction, “Act your age and stop pretending like you can do everything you could when you were young!”

“At least it’s better than acting pathetic and old all the time!” Erwin shouted, words tumbling out of him, “Like… Like you!”

Erwin was huffing with his own short breaths of pent-up exasperation, fist now clenched at his side. Levi could feel his anger quickly turning to tears as it so often did. Ouch, he thought with a ping of pain in his heart, Why would Erwin say that? Erwin looked as though he regretted the words as soon as they came out of his mouth, uncertain, furrowed eyebrows and furious expression turning to one of regret. Levi could feel the tears in the back of his eyes, and swallowed thickly, unable to help but feel incredibly hurt by what Erwin had said.

“I… I didn’t mean that,” Erwin frowned, trying to backpedal, “Baby, I didn’t mean that, I just-”

But Levi didn’t care what he had to say now. He didn’t want to hear anymore. He stepped past Erwin and stormed to the bed (as best he could in his condition), climbing into the bed and throwing the covers over himself dramatically.

“You were right,” Levi sniffled, “You should sleep on the couch.”

Levi half-expected Erwin to come rushing after him, to beg for his forgiveness for what he’d just said. But he simply listened to Erwin sigh, then heard the retreat of his footsteps down the hall towards the living room. He lay there under the covers, trying so hard to hold back his tears that he could feel his body shaking. But holding back wasn’t an option anymore, and tears soon rolled down his cheeks. Why would Erwin say something like that to Levi? Did he really think Levi was old and… and pathetic?

Levi knew he was old. He didn’t mind that so much, but pathetic? That had really hurt. He didn’t think he was pathetic… or was he? Levi was beginning to second-guess himself now. Perhaps he really was pathetic. He couldn’t walk properly, couldn’t stand for long periods. He thought back to when he couldn’t even sit in the sand and help Ren with his sandcastle, and how Erwin had gone out of his way to make sure the kids had fun, even if it was at his own expense. Levi sniffed, rubbing the tears away with his fist. He reached over to turn off the lamp, the only light now being the moonlight shining in between the curtains.

Then, like a ton of bricks, it hit him. Perhaps it wasn’t just that he was worried for Erwin’s well-being. Maybe he was jealous that he couldn’t do the things Erwin could; couldn’t find it in himself to appear as youthful and unbothered as his husband. He was exactly what Erwin had called him: old and pathetic. And it hurt him to be told such a thing because it was true. At least, in Levi’s eyes, it was true. He drifted off to sleep with the painful thought that he wasn’t enough. That yet again, he’d failed Erwin as a husband, that he was inferior to him. And he had regrets about that.

Levi woke up the next morning groggy and upset. He rolled out of bed and retrieved his cane from his bedside table. He went downstairs and ate some cereal for breakfast, not really in the mood to cook. While he was eating, he heard Erwin getting up from the couch, the groans and huffs of the old man echoed down the hallway. Levi didn’t want to talk to his husband. He was still incredibly agitated by their conversation the night before. He couldn’t believe Erwin would just tell him he was pathetic like that. It had slipped from his mouth so easily that Levi knew Erwin thought it was true.

Erwin walked through the archway into the kitchen, rubbing one of his eyes sleepily. He paused upon seeing Levi, a frown on his face. He opened his mouth to speak, but Levi shot him a glare as if to tell him he shouldn’t even bother, so Erwin shut his mouth again. His husband sought out a bowl of cereal as well, taking it into his study to eat so he could leave Levi alone to sulk. Levi carried about his business, cleaning up his dishes before starting to dust the house. It was frustrating that he couldn’t reach the lower or upper shelves like he could in his youth - which made cleaning a lot more difficult and less calming to him. But he still tried his best, and his best would have to be good enough until their maid could come and clean more thoroughly.

Levi spent the rest of the day sitting on the couch doing various crafting projects that he enjoyed: crocheting, knitting, etc. He mended those pants that he’d torn the other day from his fall in the sand, sewing up the hole and tying it off when he was finished. He worked on the blanket for Mikasa’s grandchild next - he was almost finished with it, but knitting a blanket wasn’t exactly the quickest project to do. It took a lot more time than knitting a hat or a pair of socks or a scarf.

Erwin left the house around midday; to do what, Levi had no idea. His husband didn’t bother to tell him, he just left, which irritated Levi even more than he already had been. He simply continued to ignore Erwin, which was easier now that the man had gone out. He ate leftovers in silence for dinner that night, surprised that Erwin wasn’t back yet. He’d been out at least three hours, and now Levi was beginning to worry.

He went to sit back on the couch for the evening with a glass of wine - god knows how much he needed some alcohol in his system. He read the newspaper, trying to kill some time as he waited anxiously for Erwin to come back home. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, he heard his husband coming through the front door, taking off his shoes. Levi desperately wanted to rise out of his chair and go to greet him with a hug and a kiss, ask him where he’d been, ask him if he was still angry at him, beg him for his love and forgiveness. But he held back. He was still angry with Erwin over what he’d said.

Levi almost expected Erwin to just head straight to his study, to ignore him like he’d been ignoring Levi all day. But his husband shuffled into the living room, a large paper bag in his hand. Levi raised an eyebrow at him suspiciously, wondering what it was he’d bought this time. He was always spending money they didn’t have, and that just annoyed Levi even more. But Erwin walked over to the record player, taking a record out of the paper bag and setting it down on the turntable. Levi raised an eyebrow. Erwin had bought another record? Didn’t they have enough music in that house?

Erwin turned to smile briefly at Levi before he put the needle on the record and it began to play. Levi heard the tinkling of piano keys as the song began to play, horns and violins coming in shortly after. He didn’t know this song, so why on earth had Erwin bought it?

“They were playing this at the record store,” Erwin explained cautiously as if he was worried anything he said might set Levi off, “I… I thought of you, so I bought it so we could listen to it together.”

Levi could feel his icy heart melting at that, and wanted to smile, but held back. He set down the newspaper in his lap and crossed his arms, trying to remain angry with his husband. But Erwin continued to smile shyly at him, walking over slowly as the opening tune continued to play. He took a seat next to Levi on the couch, both of them avoiding looking at one another now. Levi decided he’d give the song a listen, mostly out of curiosity. He was wondering what had made Erwin think of him, and paid careful attention to the lyrics as the man on the record began to sing:

The very thought of you and I forget to do

The little ordinary things that everyone ought to do

I’m living in a kind of daydream

I’m happy as a king

And foolish though it may seem

To me that’s everything

Levi could feel himself growing redder by the second as he took in the words. It was incredibly sweet that Erwin thought of him like this. Very romantic of him too, but that didn’t excuse what he’d said to Levi last night. Erwin seemed to know this, keeping his distance for the moment and not saying a word. Levi could feel his heart beating faster in his chest, the love he had for his husband growing, and the want to forgive him growing with that as well. He could feel the tears in the back of his eyes, the emotions welling up inside of him at the pain he’d felt from Erwin’s words, and from just how much it meant to have Erwin bring him this song as a token of apology.

He felt Erwin’s hand on his knee, his thumb soothingly rubbing the fabric of Levi’s pants. Levi looked up at him, blinking back tears at his husband’s warm yet sad smile. He sucked in a deep breath, wanting desperately to remain furious with him but unable to find the anger left inside. Erwin was so charming, so kind, so good to him. Even if he’d messed up, Levi still longed to forgive him, to let Erwin hold him and kiss him and tell him all those beautiful things he was hearing in this lovely song.

As if they hadn’t been fighting at all the night prior, as if they hadn’t been ignoring one another all day, Erwin stood, helping Levi to his feet and pulling him into his hold to sway slowly to the tune with him. The man on the record continued to sing:

The mere idea of you, the longing here for you

You’ll never know how slow the moments go till I’m near to you

I see your face in every flower

Your eyes in stars above

It’s just the thought of you

The very thought of you, my love

Levi clung to Erwin, tears rolling down his face now. He didn’t understand why he was so emotional. Perhaps it was just the pain he’d felt from Erwin’s words; the fact that he thought they still might be true. Or maybe it was the fact that Erwin had gone out to find something for him, had come back with such a romantic gesture. As the song came to a close, Levi looked up at Erwin with a tearful smile. Erwin smiled back, leaning down to press a kiss to Levi’s lips. Levi kissed back, eyes fluttering shut from the intoxication of it all.

“I’m so sorry for what I said, darling,” Erwin whispered against his mouth before pressing another tender kiss there, “I didn’t mean any of it. I was just upset with you, and I shouldn’t have said that. Especially when it’s not true. You’re not pathetic, baby. You’re far from it.”

Levi’s eyes were half-lidded, arms around Erwin’s neck as he stood on his tiptoes to reach his husband’s lips. He was glad to know that Erwin hadn’t been telling the truth when he’d said that last night; that had been one of his biggest worries. They shared a few more loving kisses, holding onto each other tightly as if letting go meant that their love might fall apart.

“I’m sorry I’ve been on your ass about doing too much,” Levi apologized, not sure how to find the words to explain himself. He was bad with words; had a difficult time expressing how he felt, which was why he was glad to have Erwin. Erwin could always read him so well, and always knew what he was thinking without him having to say it out loud.

“It’s okay, baby,” Erwin replied, as if reading his thoughts, “I know you worry about me. You don’t want me to get hurt, and that’s so sweet of you. I promise I’ll try to be more careful next time, okay?”

Levi nodded, gripping the fabric of Erwin’s shirt between his fingers and responding simply, “Okay, Ervy.”

“I love you, my sweetheart,” Erwin murmured, using his thumb to brush away the tears on Levi’s face, “I’m sorry to have upset you like that.”

Levi sniffled, reveling in the feeling of Erwin’s soft touch on his skin. He didn’t realize how much he’d missed it, even if it’d only been a day. He had felt so cold and lonely the whole day without Erwin’s pleasant personality warming him up.

“It’s okay,” Levi breathed, drying his tears, “I love you too.”

Erwin sighed in relief, as if he had been worried Levi didn’t love him anymore because of what he’d said. Levi clung to him tighter because of that, wanting to express as best he could that he still loved his husband very much despite the awful thing he’d said the night prior. He was forgiving Erwin for that, and he hoped that through his tight hug he could convey that. Things between them would be okay. They’d had fights before, and they would have them again. It was all part of having a relationship, and Levi knew that they were still just as in love as they’d been before their fight.

Levi and Erwin were taking a walk along the beach the next morning. Levi had a habit of collecting seashells, though he couldn’t bend down to grab them. He’d point them out to Erwin, who would dig into the sand and retrieve them for Levi, handing them to him so he could add them to his little collection. Levi had a couple of jars of nice seashells in the house, and he sorted through them every once in a while to decide what ones to keep and what to get rid of. It was a fun little activity for him, even if it seemed a little pointless. Erwin had even bought him a book at the market once that named all the types of seashells, so Levi could identify the ones he had. After all this time, Levi had memorized a lot of seashell names.

“Ooh!” Levi exclaimed as he saw some pink peeking out from the sand, “Erwin, Erwin look! Get that one! The pinkish one!”

Erwin knelt once he saw it, digging it out of the sand carefully and picking it up. He handed it to Levi with a soft smile, and Levi beamed up at him, “Look at! It’s a Sunray Venus! I don’t have this one yet!”

Erwin was grinning at him, clearly amused by Levi’s cheerful demeanor surrounding his hobby, “That’s so great, honey! It’s really pretty.”

Levi rolled his eyes a little, huffing, “It’s not just pretty, Erwin. It comes from the Sunray Venus Clam. They’re from the bivalve mollusk family, called the Veneridae.”

Erwin was looking at him with a raised eyebrow, as if Levi was speaking another language to him, “Oh? Well, that’s exciting. I’m happy for you. Should we keep looking for seashells, or are you happy with the ones you have?”

Levi looked in his lap at the few seashells he collected, shrugging a little, “I think I’m good for today. I got a good haul this time.”

Erwin nodded and started pushing the wheelchair back towards the house. Armin had managed to find them a special wheelchair with one central handle instead of two separate handles, so that Erwin could push it easier with his one arm. Levi looked around, staring out at the ocean with that uncomfortable feeling in his chest. He looked away and focused instead on their house down the path, the sound of the waves crashing on the shore, the feeling of the breeze blowing through his hair.

His husband parked his wheelchair outside of the house and helped him up, Levi cradling the seashells in his shirt so he could carry them inside. He shuffled to the kitchen sink, taking each shell out carefully and setting it in the metal basin. When they were all out of his shirt, he began to wash them, hearing Erwin come into the kitchen behind him.

“I think I’m going to take a small nap in my chair,” Erwin announced, “Wake me for dinner, okay?”

Levi nodded, not bothering to look at his husband as he continued to scrub the sand off his seashells, focused on his work. He heard Erwin leave the room, listened to his footsteps hobble down the hall towards the living room. He had a nice recliner in there that he liked to nap in, even though Levi hated that he slept there when they had a perfectly good bed in the bedroom to sleep in. He would sleep in the living room and snore loudly, interrupting whatever sense of peace and quiet Levi had while he was doing his crafting projects. It was one of his few flaws; napping in the recliner instead of the bed.

But almost as soon as he’d left, Levi heard him shuffling back down the hall to the kitchen, coming through the archway. Levi wondered what he needed now, why he was interrupting Levi again in his cleaning. Erwin knew Levi didn’t like being disrupted while he was cleaning, so why was he bothering Levi again?

“Honey?” Erwin spoke up.

“What?” Levi huffed, turning towards him this time.

“I’m gonna take a nap,” he explained, “Can you wake me for dinner?”

Levi paused in his scrubbing, staring at Erwin as if he was stupid. Was Erwin playing tricks on him? He’d just told Levi this same thing. Why was he repeating himself? Levi could feel some anxiety building in his chest, but pushed back any worrying thoughts that were starting to fill his mind. Perhaps Erwin had simply forgotten.

“I know,” Levi frowned, “You just told me that.”

Erwin’s eyebrows furrowed, confusion falling over his expression, “Oh? Hmm, I must’ve forgotten. Sorry, sweetie. I didn’t mean to interrupt you.”

Levi continued to eye Erwin cautiously, nodding slowly, “It’s okay, baby. Go ahead, go take your nap.”

“Okay,” Erwin smiled softly, turning to leave before he paused his actions, “Oh, and Levi?”

“Yes?” Levi asked, the water still running over his hands, though he’d stopped washing the shells long ago to pay full attention to his husband, who was behaving strangely. Erwin wasn’t one to forget like this.

“Wake me for dinner, will you?” Erwin asked.

Levi’s heart sunk, staring at Erwin with a surprised look. It took him a moment to gather himself, but he nodded up and down, going through the motions as if his husband hadn’t just repeated himself not once, but twice in mere minutes. It was as if Erwin didn’t even realize he was doing it. He was just smiling as though he hadn’t said these things already, and if this was a trick, he was doing an amazing job of masking it. And Erwin wasn’t that good of an actor.

Erwin tottered away on his shaky old legs, back down the hallway from whence he came. Levi just stood there, staring at the space where he’d been standing, water still running from the sink. He felt like he was in shock from what had just happened. But after a brief moment, he shook his head, trying to shake away that anxious feeling growing in his stomach. Erwin was fine, and Levi simply chalked it up to old age - the forgetfulness. It wouldn’t be the first time Erwin had forgotten something, and as Levi turned back to his work, he started to feel a little better about the situation. It wasn’t that big of a deal; what had Levi gotten so anxious for all of a sudden?

He continued to wash the shells until all of them were clean, and he set them out to dry on some towels on the counter. As he limped down the hallway, he could hear Erwin snoring in the living room, and rolled his eyes a little at the sound. He leaned against the archway to the living room, staring at his sleeping husband in the recliner, blanket tucked up under his chin. Levi couldn’t help but smile. Despite the annoying noise coming from his mouth, Erwin was so peaceful and beautiful when he slept; like he had not a care in the world.

Erwin shifted on the chair in his sleep, the blanket falling from his chin to his chest. Levi sighed and made his way over to the chair, tugging the blanket up and tucking it back in place. He ran his fingers through Erwin’s hair soothingly, gently, so as not to wake him, and pressed a kiss to his forehead. Erwin didn’t even stir; he was quite the heavy sleeper.

Levi walked back to the kitchen carefully, feeling as uneasy as he’d felt when looking out at the ocean earlier. He didn’t know why he was still so worked up over something so little. As he began to prepare dinner (a casserole dish of potatoes, ground beef, and vegetables), he felt his anxiety building more and more. It had just been so strange of Erwin to behave that way.

Before Levi could even go to wake Erwin, he appeared in the doorway, looking a little groggy and tired. The two exchanged a brief smile of greeting before Erwin moved to sit at the table, Levi plating the dish for the both of them and joining him.

“How was your nap?” Levi asked, scooping up some of the food and placing it in his mouth, “Do you feel well-rested now?”

Erwin nodded, finishing swallowing his bite before he answered, “Yeah. It was good. I was a little confused when I woke up though.”

“Oh?” Levi inquired, pushing the vegetables around on his plate before taking another spoonful, “Why’s that?”

“I just didn’t know where you were,” Erwin explained, “I was confused.”

Levi frowned, not liking the sound of that. He tried to remind himself, chanting a mantra of reminders in his head: This isn’t the first time this is happening. It’s not a big deal. This isn’t the first time this is happening. It’s not a big deal. Levi was curious to find out more about Erwin’s confusion. He supposed it was normal to get a little confused when you’re getting old, right? But Erwin wasn’t an idiot. Even if he’d forgotten, he was a smart man. Couldn’t he deduce where Levi was based on the smell of food coming from the kitchen?

“I was cooking, baby,” Levi replied nonchalantly, not wanting to share his worries with his husband - he didn’t want to worry him too, “Couldn’t you smell it?”

Erwin tapped his chin in some thought, “I don’t really remember. It felt a little like I was still stuck dreaming, to be honest. It was a little strange…”

There was a short silence, as Levi didn’t know what to say to that. His anxiety wasn’t getting any better from Erwin’s words, and he kept repeating those words in his head: This isn’t the first time this is happening. It’s not a big deal.

“Oh well,” Erwin shrugged a little, looking unbothered, “It’s not the first time I’ve felt that way when waking from a nap. Probably just getting old.”

Levi nodded in agreement, wanting to believe Erwin’s words. He felt a bit better now that Erwin agreed with him, now that Erwin had confirmed his thoughts out loud. It probably was just old age. Nothing was wrong with Erwin, and Levi had been anxious for no reason.

“Should we have a glass of wine after dinner?” Erwin asked, changing the subject. He could likely sense Levi was a little uncomfortable, a little anxious, and didn’t want to make his husband feel worse.

Levi smiled and nodded, “Sure. You can grab one from the cellar when we’re done eating.”

The two continued to eat, Erwin complimenting Levi’s cooking skills, per usual. Erwin was always so impressed with Levi’s ability to cook a tasty meal. His husband wasn’t particularly good at cooking, so he was easily impressed by Levi’s skills, though Levi himself thought he was a pretty mediocre cook.

Levi collected the plates after they finished their food, and went to wash them in the sink while Erwin walked down the stairs to the cellar to get some wine for them. They had a small rack of wine bottles that they’d collected on various trips, and every once in a while they’d crack open a bottle and have a glass together.

Erwin soon returned with a bottle of red wine, taking two glasses down from the cupboards and pouring them each a glass. Levi thought perhaps his hands were shakier than usual… or was it all in his head now? His husband handed him a glass, and the two walked into the living room, sitting on the couch next to one another. They each took a sip, Erwin setting down his glass on the end table before wrapping his arm around Levi and tugging him closer so that the two were snuggling on the couch.

“It’s good,” Levi smiled softly, leaning into Erwin’s hold and swirling the wine around the glass, “Where’s this one from?”

Erwin pressed a kiss to the top of Levi’s head before explaining, “It’s one of the wines we got on our honeymoon.”

Levi’s eyes widened slightly, looking up at Erwin in some shock, “You opened one of our honeymoon wines?”

Those were probably the oldest wine bottles they had in the cellar, and Levi was surprised Erwin had gone for one of those. He seemed to want to preserve them and had never opened one before this. Levi was a little stunned by Erwin’s choice, though he wasn’t angry about it. He wasn’t one to cling to possessions for long periods like Erwin was. He could easily get rid of things, whereas Erwin would hold onto things for a long while, citing reasons like: ‘I never know when I’ll need this’ and ‘This is sentimental to me’.

“Yes,” Erwin chuckled, “I know that’s surprising to you.”

“It is,” Levi confirmed with a raise of his eyebrow, “What’s the special occasion?”

Erwin shook his head, “No special occasion. Just thought we should open one. We’ve had them for twenty-five years now, and we won’t be around forever to enjoy them. Thought it’d be nice to enjoy a beautiful honeymoon wine with my gorgeous husband.”

Levi blushed, a stupid smile appearing on his face as he shoved his husband lightly with his elbow, “Shut up.”

Erwin laughed softly, “I’m not allowed to call my own husband gorgeous?”

“Nope,” Levi responded stubbornly, sipping the wine, “Not allowed.”

He could tell Erwin was grinning; it was such a radiant grin that Levi could sense it. He looked up to confirm, and sure enough, Erwin was beaming down at him. The two shared a brief kiss, looking into one another’s eyes lovingly. Levi enjoyed spending time with Erwin this way. The way they didn’t have to do anything - just sit and hold each other and sip on some wine - and they could still enjoy their time together. Even after all these years, Levi wasn’t bored of doing nothing at all with his husband. Doing nothing with Erwin was his favorite activity.

Levi awoke the next morning to an empty bed and the smell of burnt toast, and crinkled his nose, turning over to look at the clock: 9 am. What the hell was Erwin doing making… well, burning toast at 9 am? He pushed himself to sit up, yawning and rubbing his eyes sleepily. He heard footsteps coming down the hall and pulled his hands away to see Erwin in the doorway with a tray: a plate of toast and jam and a cup of tea balanced atop the tray.

“Good morning, beautiful,” Erwin greeted cheerfully, walking over and handing the tray to Levi, “Sorry for the smell. I burnt the first round of toast.”

Levi smiled softly, the pleasant smell of the tea wafting through the air. He leaned up to share a kiss with Erwin, sighing happily, “Thank you, Ervy.”

Erwin did this sometimes when he was in a particularly good mood. He didn’t always wake up before Levi, but when he did, and when he felt particularly cheerful, he’d attempt to make Levi breakfast. It was always something simple: like a toasted bagel with cream cheese, or cereal, or toast and jam. But Levi didn’t fault him for that, as he knew Erwin wasn’t really much of a cook.

“Of course, darling,” Erwin replied with a loving look, “I hope you enjoy it. You deserve everything good in the world, my love.”

Levi blushed at that, wanting to scold Erwin for saying such ridiculously romantic things. But he liked it, so he kept quiet about it, taking a bite of the toast and nodding in approval. Erwin had used peach jam, his favorite.

“Is it good?” Erwin asked self-consciously, awaiting Levi’s answer with bated breath.

“Mhm,” Levi reassured him, chewing on the bread, “It’s really good, baby. Thank you.”

It was good, Levi wasn’t even pretending. At least his husband could get toast right, even if he had burnt it the first time. Erwin looked particularly proud of himself, which Levi found incredibly adorable.

“I’ll be in my study if you need me, okay?” Erwin leaned over and pressed a kiss to Levi’s forehead.

Levi took another bite of toast and nodded, watching Erwin walk out of the bedroom and down the hall towards his office. He drank the tea slowly as he ate the rest of the toast, listening to the birds chirping outside the window. They sounded so cheerful as well, just like his husband had been. It seemed like the entire world was happy today. Levi set down the tray on the bedside table before swinging his legs off the side of the bed and getting up slowly. His lower back was sore; he must’ve slept on it wrong, but at least it wasn’t restricting his mobility.

He limped into the bathroom and drew a bath, ready to give himself a relaxing day where he didn’t have to do any strenuous work. His muscles and joints would surely thank him for the warm water and Epsom salt that would soothe them. He started to undress, pulling his pajama pants and shirt off and folding them up. He placed them on the bathroom counter and retrieved a towel to use after his bath, climbing in and sighing contently as he sunk into the water and closed his eyes.

Levi had only been soaking in the tub for about five minutes when Erwin knocked on the door, opening it a crack and asking, “Can I come in?”

Levi opened one eye, simply nodding before he closed his eyes again and leaned back against the edge of the tub. Erwin shuffled inside, closing the door behind him. Levi wondered what he needed, but wasn’t too worried about it. He figured Erwin probably had to use the bathroom or something. But when there was no more sound of movement, Levi opened his eyes again, seeing his husband merely standing there looking at him.

“What?” Levi asked, “What is it, Ervy?”

“I just…” Erwin sucked in a deep breath, looking around the room uncomfortably, “I don’t want to be alone in my study… I missed you.”

Levi raised an eyebrow. They spent every day, all day together; how could Erwin miss him? Erwin would spend hours in his study without missing him, so why had a half-hour been too long for him all of a sudden?

“Can I stay in here with you?” Erwin asked sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. His face was red, and he was clearly embarrassed. Levi was suspicious, unsure of what had happened to make Erwin act this way.

“Baby,” Levi started cautiously, “Is everything okay? Did something happen?”

Erwin immediately shook his head, which only made Levi even more doubtful of his words. He let out a sigh and sat up in the tub, the water sloshing around. He was getting a little annoyed with his husband. Why wasn’t Erwin just being honest with him? What had happened that was so embarrassing he didn’t even want to tell Levi?

“You can tell me,” Levi tried, trying to coax it out of him. He didn’t want to start an argument, even if he was feeling a little irritable at being interrupted during his relaxing bath. He could tell Erwin was upset about something, and didn’t want to make things worse.

Erwin looked away from Levi, hand resting at his side uncomfortably now, “I… I’m having trouble…”

“Trouble with…?” Levi asked with a raise of his eyebrow.

“Erm…” Erwin swallowed thickly, “I’m having trouble with doing the bills.”

Levi almost laughed out loud, having to physically hold himself back. He wasn’t making fun of Erwin by any means, or belittling the situation. He simply thought Erwin was messing with him, joking around. Erwin had been doing the bills every week for the twenty-five years they’d lived in this house. He was better with numbers than Levi was, and had taken over doing them when they’d moved in together.

But Levi realized his husband wasn’t joking, and quickly pulled himself together, frowning up at him, “Oh… well, what’s wrong? Is there something new on there you don’t recognize?”

He wasn’t entirely sure why Erwin was having trouble. What was so difficult about something he’d done time and time again? It wasn’t like Levi would know what to do anyway, so Erwin must’ve been desperate to come to him for help. Erwin was very prideful about being smart, which was why he’d been so hesitant and embarrassed to tell Levi his problem.

“I just…” Erwin sighed, “I don’t know why the numbers won’t add up. I’ve tried several times now and I… I just can’t get it right. I kind of feel like an idiot, to be honest.”

Levi didn’t understand why Erwin was bothering him with this problem. Levi didn’t know how to fix it. But he supposed this was all a part of marriage; to help solve one another’s problems even if they didn’t always know how to. And Erwin looked particularly upset by the fact he couldn’t figure out this problem, and Levi wondered just how difficult the problem must be for Erwin of all people to be frustrated by a simple thing like calculating bills.

“Well,” Levi tried his best to comfort Erwin, “You’re certainly not an idiot, that’s for sure. I’ll come to take a look at it when I’m done with my bath, okay?”

Erwin nodded, “Okay, honey. Thank you. I’ll go wait in my study then.”

Levi watched Erwin shuffle out of the room, sinking back into the water and pondering what Erwin had just told him. He tried to get his anxious thoughts out of his mind in favor of relaxing in the bath, but after about ten minutes, he sighed and started to get out, unable to shake his worries. Erwin had seemed a little shaken up, and Levi felt guilty making him wait.

He dried himself off and walked into the bedroom to pick out an outfit, getting dressed and making his way down the hall to Erwin’s study. When he opened the door, his husband was hunched over some paperwork, wrinkles creased on his forehead from the stress he was going through in whatever he couldn’t figure out.

Levi really didn’t think he would be much help if Erwin couldn’t figure it out. He wasn’t very good at math. But he went over to Erwin’s desk anyways to help. Erwin didn’t even look up, eyebrows furrowed as he stared down at the papers in front of him.

“I can’t figure out why this won’t add up,” Erwin showed Levi his work, pointing to various numbers, “This is our electric bill, heating bill, and water bill. This last one’s the mortgage. Oh, and then there’s the car insurance as well.”

Levi didn’t like the stress that money brought him. That’s why he let Erwin do the bills. Sure, he kept mental track of how much money they had, but Erwin doing the books took away some of that anxiety from him. Levi leaned over, placing a hand on the desk and looking over the work Erwin had done.

He immediately noticed mistakes, as in, multiple mistakes. Levi frowned, feeling a bit confused. These were some pretty obvious mistakes, so why hadn’t Erwin noticed them? Levi immediately felt the need to shield his husband from his errors, not wanting to embarrass him by pointing them out.

“Hmm,” Levi let out a sigh, trying to pretend this was a much more difficult situation than it actually was, “This is really hard, Erwin… I’m not sure if I can help…”

Levi was used to being the ‘dumb’ one in their relationship. He knew that Erwin didn’t think of him as stupid, but they both knew that Erwin was certainly the ‘smart’ one of the two of them. So he was fine with pretending he was too stupid to know how to do this, just for Erwin’s sake.

But what was bothering him was that Erwin had made such simple mistakes, and so many of them. He’d added seven and two to make ten instead of nine, six minus four to be three instead of two. Levi supposed mental decline was inevitable with age, but he hadn’t thought it would happen so soon. Erwin was only 70, and he hadn’t thought this would happen for at least another five years or so.

“I know, I don’t see where I’ve gone wrong,” Erwin agreed, “I’ve never struggled this much with math. It’s always come so easily for me. I don’t understand.”

He sounded incredibly frustrated, and Levi wished he could take that feeling away from him. He didn’t know how he could help without embarrassing his husband, and Erwin started typing away the numbers again on the mechanical calculator he had, trying to add them up.

“Ugh,” Erwin sighed in annoyance, “See? It’s coming up wrong again! I just don’t get it!”

Levi placed a hand on Erwin’s shoulder, rubbing soothing circles there with his thumb, “Maybe you should take a break, darling. You seem frustrated. How about you go shower and get ready? I’ll try and figure it out in the meantime.”

With Erwin gone, he’d be able to fix Erwin’s mistakes without calling him out on them and making him feel bad. But Erwin had never let him do the bills before, and Levi wasn’t sure he would allow him to at first.

But Erwin let out a deep, stressed-sounding breath, smiling sadly up at Levi, “Thank you, honey. I’d appreciate that a lot.”

“Of course,” Levi replied, leaning down to press a kiss to Erwin’s lips. The two traded places, Erwin getting up and Levi sitting in his chair, watching Erwin hobble away in the direction of the bedroom.

Levi waited until he was far enough away, and quickly took the pencil off Erwin’s desk, beginning to erase Erwin’s mistakes and rewrite them. He tried his best to mimic Erwin’s handwriting, which wasn’t too difficult since it was only numbers. He typed the numbers into the machine and tore off the receipt when he was done, the numbers matching up this time. He stapled the receipt to the top of the bills like Erwin usually did, and got up from the desk to file it away in their filing cabinet. Erwin was very meticulous with filing their bills and other important paperwork, which Levi appreciated. It made things easy when they had to look back at things for their taxes every year.

It hadn’t taken Levi too long to fix Erwin’s errors, but he was still surprised that it was taking Erwin so long to get into the shower. From the office, you could hear the shower running, and it hadn’t started yet. He hadn’t even heard Erwin head into the bathroom yet. So Levi headed into the bedroom, seeing Erwin standing in front of the closet looking completely lost. What now? Levi wondered with some exasperation, not understanding Erwin’s sudden confusion with everything.

Erwin noticed Levi walking in, and quickly began paging through his shirts, as if he was trying to pick one. But he looked completely unsure of himself, which was unusual for him. Erwin was a very certain person, with a very decisive nature.

“Is everything okay?” Levi asked for the second time that morning. Even though he was a little irritated that Erwin seemed to have another problem, he still had incredible sympathy and patience for him. He wasn’t going to get annoyed with Erwin for something he clearly couldn’t help. It wasn’t as though he was doing this on purpose.

“I can’t seem to figure out what to wear,” Erwin admitted sheepishly, unable to look at Levi as he picked through his shirts with embarrassment, “Would you mind…?”

Levi frowned, walking over to the closet and starting to pull apart the shirts. Erwin usually needed help picking out outfits when they went out somewhere fancy, but this was just a normal day, so he wasn’t sure why Erwin was so caught up on this. He picked out a cream-colored button-up with a floral pattern and a pair of tan pants with a brown belt, holding them out to Erwin, who took them shyly. He seemed to be a little ashamed of himself for being unable to pick out his own clothes. Levi walked over to the dresser to get him an undershirt, some boxers, and a pair of socks, not wanting him to forget anything he would need.

“I’m sorry,” Erwin apologized when Levi handed him the undergarments, looking down at the ground, “I don’t know what’s wrong with me today.”

Levi placed his hands on either side of Erwin’s face, bringing it up so that they were looking at one another, “It’s alright, baby. Don’t apologize. I’m sure the problem with the bills just has you a bit frazzled. That’s all.”

Erwin smiled dejectedly, nodding in agreement, “You’re probably right. Did you figure it out? The bills?”

Levi ran his thumb over Erwin’s aged skin, leaning up to kiss him tenderly, “Yeah. I reset the calculator, and it worked. So the calculator must’ve been off, not you.”

Erwin looked a little relieved at Levi’s lie, smile turning more genuine, “Oh, thank you, sweetheart.”

Erwin’s hand rested on Levi’s hip now, and his husband kissed him chastely, giving him a loving look, “What did I do to deserve such a wonderful husband?”

Levi blushed deeply at the compliment, feeling arousal in his belly. In their younger days, that would’ve been enough for Levi to grab Erwin by the collar and kiss him hungrily, toss him onto the bed and start tearing his clothes off. But they were too old for all that excitement now, so Levi let go of Erwin’s face, and watched him head off to the bathroom with his clothes. Levi watched him with some pain in his heart, feeling that anxiety building again. He was becoming a little concerned for his husband, as he was starting to show more mental signs of old age. So far, all the elderly problems they’d faced had been physical, not mental. And Levi wasn’t prepared for the mental problems to hit them. But he brushed the thought from his mind, thinking perhaps these were just one-time occurrences. Erwin is perfectly fine, he convinced himself.

“Oi!” Levi shouted out the window at the teenagers playing noisily on the beach outside their house, shaking his fist at them, “Find somewhere else to play! This is private property!”

He turned to Erwin, who was sitting in his recliner reading a book, and crossed his arms, “Erwin, go outside and tell those damn kids to go away.”

Erwin didn’t even look up from his book. He tucked his bookmark into the book and closed it, setting it on the coffee table and starting to get up, “Yes, dear.”

Erwin was clearly used to Levi being annoyed with other people, especially teenagers or their noisy neighbors, as he was going to take care of it without question. He stood up and walked to the front door, heading out to talk to the teens, who were playing volleyball on Levi and Erwin’s part of the beach. The beach wasn’t public property; each section of the beach was owned by those who lived in the beach houses along the shoreline, so the teens weren’t allowed to play there.

Levi watched his husband from the window, walking up to the teens and greeting them cheerfully. He was such a gentleman, being so kind about explaining to the teenagers that they couldn’t play volleyball here. He soon turned around and headed back to the house, but the teens simply continued playing, much to Levi’s annoyance. He was gripping his cane tighter in his hand, getting ready to go out and hit those kids over the head with it, when Erwin came back inside.

“I told them they could finish up their game,” Erwin explained, much to Levi’s annoyance, “They said they’re almost finished, anyway.”

Levi huffed, grumbling, “They shouldn’t be playing there in the first place. You’re too nice to people, Erwin.”

Erwin merely chuckled, going back to his recliner and sitting down, picking his book back up. Levi mumbled some swears under his breath and went to sit back on the couch, picking up his knitting project. He was almost done with the blanket he was making for Mikasa’s daughter-in-law’s upcoming birth. It’d taken him a while, but it was turning out nicely, and he was sure the parents would appreciate it.

“That’s looking lovely, Levi,” Erwin noted, “Are you almost done with it?”

Levi nodded with a soft smile, examining his work, “Thanks. And yeah, it’s coming along nicely. Almost finished.”

The two sat in silence for another half hour, simply enjoying one another’s company. That’s when Levi noticed Erwin staring at him, and he looked up from his work to meet his husband’s eyes, curious as to why he was staring. Erwin closed his book and started getting up from his recliner.

“What are you doing?” Levi wondered, pausing his knitting as Erwin began to walk towards him.

He watched Erwin pick up a pillow from the couch, and stared up at him with a raised eyebrow, trying to figure out what his husband was up to. That’s when he got a pillow hit to the face, and gasped in some shock, hearing his husband giggle like a child at his own actions. Levi glared up at him, setting his knitting needles aside and grabbing the other pillow. If Erwin wanted to play games, then Levi was going to play them better.

He got up off the couch and wound up, hitting Erwin over the back of the head with the pillow before he could even figure out what was going on. Erwin cried out before laughing happily at the fact that Levi was joining in on the fun. Erwin whacked Levi in the chest with the pillow and started walking quickly (he couldn’t really run much these days) down the hall to get away from Levi’s wrath. Since they were so old, the pillow hits weren’t very hard, but Levi was now determined to get back at his husband.

He grabbed his cane in one hand and the pillow in the other, walking after Erwin hurriedly and hitting him in the back with the pillow. Erwin gasped and chuckled, turning around to face Levi, who nearly ran into him. The two were mere inches apart now, both breathing heavily from the exertion of chasing one another with the pillows.

Levi had initially been annoyed, but now that he saw Erwin’s beaming face, he couldn’t help but smile too. They were so stupid; running around the house hitting each other with pillows like children. But that’s one of the things Levi loved so much about Erwin. He could bring so much youthful glow into this house, even at the age of 70. But Levi had been so busy staring lovingly up at his husband that he didn’t notice Erwin raising the pillow slowly to whack him over the head with it.

Levi cried out in some shock, staring up at Erwin with wide eyes, before the two of them dissolved into giggles. Levi dropped his own pillow in favor of holding his stomach, which was starting to ache with the laughter they were sharing. He felt Erwin’s arm around his middle, and was surprised to feel his husband hoist him over his shoulder with a grunt, hand on his ass as he began to carry him towards the bedroom. Levi’s cane fell out of his hand and to the ground with a soft clank, Levi clinging to Erwin so he wouldn’t fall.

“Put me down!” He protested through laughter, “Erwin! Let me go!”

But Erwin brought him into the bedroom and laid him carefully on the bed, climbing on top of him and straddling his waist. The two were coming down from their laughter now, and shared a loving, eager kiss. Levi wrapped his arms around Erwin’s neck, drawing him closer as their tender kiss turned to a more lustful one. He sighed into the kiss, feeling intoxicated by Erwin’s rough tongue rubbing against his soft one, the feeling of Erwin’s body on top of his. He missed this kind of excitement in their relationship, and it had his heart beating fast now that Erwin was initiating things in this way. It’d been a long while since they’d been so passionate. Erwin moved to Levi’s neck, licking and sucking at the skin there and eliciting a pleasant mewl from Levi’s lips.

“Ervy,” he let out a breathy sigh at Erwin’s ministrations, “Ervy, I want you.”

He felt Erwin’s shaky movements as his husband ground up against him, a whisper against his neck, “I want you too, Levi.”

The two kissed hungrily again, Levi’s fingers running through Erwin’s hair and tugging on it lightly, knowing he liked having his hair pulled. Erwin groaned quietly at the feeling, sitting back on his heels and starting to unbutton his shirt. Levi pulled his own t-shirt over his head, starting to undo his pants as quickly as he could. He didn’t want them to lose the intensity they were feeling for one another in this moment; he was enjoying it far too much.

Erwin tossed his shirt to the ground, working on his pants next. He got off the bed with a grunt, stripping himself of his pants and boxers. He was only in his undershirt and socks now, and climbed back onto the bed after Levi shimmied out of his pants and underwear as well, throwing them to the floor.

His husband kissed him heatedly, erection pulsing as it rubbed against Levi’s, causing them both to moan from the feeling. Levi could hear his husband breathing heavily in between kisses, but was abandoning all worries of overexerting themselves in favor of the pleasure they were feeling with one another.

“Do you want to do it like the old days?” Erwin asked breathily, raising an eyebrow.

Levi knew exactly what he meant by that, swallowing thickly and nodding quickly at Erwin’s words, “If you think we can still do it. I don’t want you to hurt yourself.”

“I don’t want you to hurt yourself either,” Erwin replied, “But we can try. Just let me know if you start to ache.”

Levi nodded again, flipping over onto his front and drawing up his knees under his stomach so that he was kneeling on all fours. Erwin was busy retrieving the lube from the bedside table. Usually, Levi prepared himself in the shower the morning or night before they had sex because their sex was normally a planned-out activity these days. They didn’t have spontaneous sex very often anymore.

But Erwin began to open him beautifully, slowly, carefully. He poured a generous amount onto his fingers, taking his time to press in to the first knuckle. Levi was always so impossibly tight, probably because he was so wound up in general, but Erwin cooed sweet things in his ear, told him all the right things to keep him relaxed.

“My good boy,” Erwin murmured against the shell of his ear before pressing a gentle kiss there, “My beautiful baby.”

Levi let out a quiet moan, a burning feeling pooling in the pit of his stomach at Erwin’s words and actions. He tried his best to relax, Erwin’s words soothing him. He felt Erwin’s finger sink in further until it was all the way in, stroking at his walls to open them further. Levi let out a deep sigh, pushing back gently against them as he craved more of that amazing feeling in his stomach. It didn’t take long for him to open enough for Erwin to push a second finger past the ring of muscle, adding more lube to make for an easier slide in.

“Ervy,” he breathed, eyes half-lidded and fingers clinging to the sheets below.

“Shh,” Erwin calmed him, “Shh, honey. That’s it.”

Erwin was stretching him open with three fingers soon enough, trying to make it as comfortable as possible for Levi. There was still that fire burning in his belly, arousal that was coursing through him. It’d been a while since Erwin had opened him up like this, a while since they’d started their sex with Levi on his hands and knees. They almost always did missionary, with exception of special occasions like their anniversary. Doing things like this instead was what Erwin had meant by ‘like the old days’.

He whimpered at the loss of feeling when Erwin finally removed his fingers, listening to his husband shuffling behind him. Since they’d been together so long, they’d abandoned the use of condoms, comfortable with one another’s bodies and knowing there were no concerns of disease between them. Erwin pressed up against him, hand guiding his cock inside before he rested his palm on Levi’s hip, pushing in all the way.

Levi held his breath for the moment, feeling the fire inside him only burn brighter when he was finally filled up all the way. He finally let out that breath in a deep sigh, knees starting to get wobbly already. But he was holding on, biting his lip to will himself to stay upright. If Erwin could do this, so could he.

His husband took a moment to breathe before he started grinding in and out, hips snapping into Levi’s ass over and over again. Levi let out a loud moan, erection bouncing against his stomach with each thrust. Erwin was breathing hard, sounding a little overwhelmed already, but he kept going, trying to keep things as eager and passionate as when they’d started.

“Levi,” Erwin breathed, “God, I love you.”

Levi swallowed thickly, practically panting at this point, “I… I love you too.”

He cried out when his husband finally hit that sweet spot inside of him, tossing his head back. Erwin figured out very quickly that he’d found his prostate, and continued angling himself in that direction, the pleasure causing choked moans to escape Levi’s mouth. He was getting incredibly close, the feeling building and building in his stomach, nearly overflowing.

“You’re absolutely gorgeous, Levi,” Erwin huffed, out of breath, “So beautiful under me like this.”

Levi was surprised by one particularly good stroke, crying out as his orgasm washed over him. He could hear Erwin groaning behind him, thrusting a few more times before he too finished, pulling out and laying down next to Levi with shaky legs. Levi collapsed onto the bed as well, knees finally giving out. The two lay there, breathing deeply for a good minute or two. Levi turned his head to observe Erwin, who was red in the face and sweaty, chest heaving.

Levi scooted over to be closer to him, soothingly running his finger up and down Erwin’s chest, tracing the wrinkles there carefully. Erwin took another minute to calm down, his face and breathing slowly returning to normal. Finally, he looked over to Levi with a small smile, leaning over to press a kiss to his forehead.

“That was amazing,” Erwin whispered against his skin, “It’s been a long time since we fucked like that.”

“Yeah,” Levi agreed, bringing his hands up to cup Erwin’s face gently, “It felt really good.”

The two shared a loving kiss with one another, Erwin’s lips tasting like coffee and mint toothpaste. Levi enjoyed this part of sex almost as much as the sex itself: the cuddling afterward. Erwin wrapped his arm around Levi’s waist and drew him close, Levi leaning his head into Erwin’s naked chest, listening to his heartbeat.

“Can we lay like this for a while?” Levi asked quietly.

Erwin chuckled softly, chin resting on top of Levi’s head, “Of course my dear. It’s not like we had plans anyway.”

So they lay like that for a while, Levi tracing shapes on Erwin’s skin and Erwin lightly rubbing Levi’s back. Levi’s legs were tangled in Erwin’s, warmth radiating between them. It was so simple, to be like this with Erwin, but it always meant so much to him - to be able to just hold one another in silence like this.

“Sometimes,” Erwin spoke softly, seeming as though he didn’t want to interrupt the quiet atmosphere they were sharing, “I wish I was young again. But then I think of all the memories I have with you… and I realize I wouldn’t trade those for anything, not even for youth.”

Levi could feel a smile tugging at his lips at Erwin’s words, burrowing further into Erwin’s chest as he let his fingers wander up to Erwin’s collarbone, running his index finger along the bone that protruded from the skin so prominently.

He knew how much he missed being young sometimes, so he appreciated Erwin’s sweet words. The fact that he wouldn’t trade his memories with Levi for youth was so touching to him. But he knew he felt the exact same way. He wouldn’t trade anything for his memories with Erwin. Nothing was worth giving those up.

“That means a lot,” was all Levi could think to respond with, unsure of how to express how much that really meant to him. It meant more than a lot, but he didn’t know how to say that. Erwin pressed a kiss to the crown of Levi’s head, fingers running up and down the little bumps of Levi’s spine.

“I’ll admit,” Erwin muttered, “I’ve been feeling a little idiotic lately. I’ve been struggling to remember some things, struggling with menial tasks. And it’s been… well, it doesn’t really make me feel great.”

Levi remained silent, simply listening to his husband reveal his anxieties as of late. Levi had noticed these things happening too, of course, but he hadn’t wanted to worry Erwin by making a big deal out of them. And he hadn’t wanted to make Erwin feel inferior either, so he’d handled it all the best he could.

“And darling,” Erwin continued with a content sigh, “You’ve handled it all so wonderfully. You’ve never made me feel bad about myself or made things out to be worse than they are. You’ve always handled everything with such grace and gentleness, and I want you to know how much I appreciate that. How much I appreciate you.”

Levi clung to Erwin, feeling that warmth in his heart from Erwin’s words. He could feel emotion welling up inside him, tears springing to his eyes. It was just so sweet of Erwin to say, and he’d been so worried the past couple of days about Erwin’s condition. But the fact that Erwin was aware of it; the fact that he wasn’t worried about it, made Levi feel much better about the whole situation.

“Are you crying, my love?” Erwin asked in some surprise when he heard Levi sniffle, and Levi shook his head into Erwin’s chest stubbornly.

“Nah uh,” Levi mumbled against his skin, a couple of tears running down his cheeks.

“Oh baby,” Erwin breathed, holding Levi closer, “Don’t cry. Why are you crying?”

Levi didn’t know what to say. He didn’t really understand why he was crying if he was honest with himself. Perhaps he’d been a little overwhelmed with the worry he’d felt for Erwin, and he hadn’t even realized it. Levi was used to keeping his feelings inside, letting them well up until he couldn’t hold them back anymore. It seemed as though that had happened once again, and he was upset because he’d been holding his emotions in this whole time.

“I dunno,” Levi sniffled, unable to stop the tears now, “You scared me, Erwin. I was really worried for you.”

He listened to Erwin sigh, felt his strong hand rubbing soothing circles in Levi’s back, “Honey… you know we won’t both be mentally sound forever. We’re going to have our struggles, but it’ll be okay. I just forgot some things, it’s not unusual. It’s old age.”

Levi sniffed and nodded into Erwin’s chest, letting his husband continue to speak, “We just need to lead by your example: being patient and understanding with one another when we’re having trouble. Okay, baby?”

Levi nodded again. He didn’t like growing old. Sure, there were some nice things about it (he kind of liked being known as the crotchety old man that lived at the end of the block), but a lot of things were scary to him. He didn’t like seeing the deterioration of those he loved, especially Erwin. It worried him, reminded him that he might lose him one day, or that Erwin might lose him - as one of these two things was inevitable.

But Levi tried to enjoy the moments like these with Erwin. Like Erwin had said earlier, some of the most precious things they had in life were their memories, and Levi didn’t want to lose those - he didn’t want Erwin to lose them either. But he decided he would enjoy them while he still had them, and give Erwin the happiest memories he could so that it was impossible for his brain to forget them. After all, their memories were all they had left.

Levi smiled at his husband as Erwin opened the car door for him, and he climbed inside the vehicle, a red Cadillac Custom Convertible that Erwin had bought ten years ago. The car still ran perfectly, as Erwin took it to the shop whenever it had a problem. The car was Erwin’s pride and joy, and he’d saved up for years to be able to afford one. He’d surprised Levi with it one day: simply told him he’d be back in a couple of hours and came up the driveway in a fancy car. Levi had to admit, he liked the car too, even if he thought Erwin spent far too much money on it. Erwin had been so proud to drive Levi around in the convertible, showing him all of its features - It even plays music! he’d exclaimed, turning on the radio to demonstrate how it worked.

Levi waited as Erwin circled the car and climbed into the driver’s seat, shutting the door and starting up the vehicle with his key. The car sputtered to a start, and Erwin put it in drive, starting to head down the driveway and turn onto the main road. The two were headed to visit Armin and Annie, who lived a few towns over from them. They’d arranged to meet up, as Armin and Annie had visited them last, so it was Erwin and Levi’s turn to make the trek out to visit the couple.

Erwin turned up the radio as they drove through the countryside, and Levi leaned his elbow on the side of the car, staring at the seaside as they sped down the road. The two had about an hour’s journey to Armin and Annie’s, and Levi listened to the sweet female voice that came crooning through the speakers, humming along to the familiar tune:

You’ll never know just how much I miss you

You’ll never know just how much I care

And if I tried I still couldn’t hide my love for you

You ought to know for haven’t I told you so

A million or more times

Levi sighed contently, feeling the sun’s warmth on his face. He could also feel Erwin’s eyes on him, and turned to share a smile with his husband before scolding him to ‘keep his eyes on the road’. Erwin chuckled and fixed his eyes on the road like he was told, beaming. Levi knew Erwin liked going out; liked driving his car and going to visit friends. He especially liked visiting Armin so that the two could have intellectual conversations about this and that. Levi and Annie got along well, mostly because they were both quiet and just listened to their spouses carry on. He’d help Annie with projects around the house while Armin and Erwin sat in Armin’s study and discussed the latest research on some topic that interested them.

Erwin looked so beautiful in the sunlight; his golden-gray hair shining in the rays. He seemed so cheerful, so excited. Levi couldn’t help but feel that giddiness in his heart, the love he had for his husband. Erwin was a ray of sunshine himself, shining down on Levi’s life with all the warmth and love he needed.

“This is such a beautiful song,” Erwin commented, “Don’t you think?”

Levi nodded in agreement, listening to the beautiful singer continue her tune:

You went away and my heart went with you

I speak your name in my every prayer

If there is some other way to prove that I love you

I swear I don’t know how

You’ll never know if you don’t know now

Levi was paying so much attention to the song that he almost didn’t notice when Erwin turned onto the wrong road. He turned to look at his husband, expecting him to realize his mistake and correct it. But Erwin just kept driving down the wrong road, as if he wasn’t bothered. Levi began second-guessing himself; perhaps it was just a different way to get to Armin and Annie’s. He didn’t usually pay close attention when they drove there, so he couldn’t be totally sure that this was the wrong way.

Levi took out his crochet needle and yarn to distract himself, starting up a new project. He’d recently learned how to crochet beanies, and was starting on some for the kids for holiday gifts. It was going to start getting cold out soon, and he knew they would need them. He focused on his work for a while, not wanting to worry himself with whatever new way Erwin was going to get to Armin and Annie’s.

But as time passed, Levi was realizing how much he didn’t recognize whenever he glanced up to look out of the car. Nothing was looking familiar, and they’d been driving for quite some time now. He adjusted his sunglasses and turned to look at Erwin, who was gripping the wheel tightly in his hand, shoulders tense. His eyebrows were furrowed in stress, as if he was thinking very hard. He looked very unsure of himself, very frazzled. Levi was certain now that he had taken a wrong turn a while back, and that he was now trying to figure out where they were.

“Erwin?” Levi piped up, “Are we lost?”

Erwin had been so focused that he hadn’t even heard Levi, and glanced at him briefly before asking, “Huh?”

“Are we lost?” Levi repeated, “You look upset.”

Erwin frowned, “No, no. I know the way. I’m just taking a different route.”

But he hadn’t seemed very sure of himself when he’d said that, and Levi raised an eyebrow at him, sensing that he was lying. He didn’t like it when Erwin lied to him, so he set down his crocheting project and crossed his arms, shooting his husband a small glare.

“Erwin,” Levi accused, “You’re lying to me.”

Erwin gripped the wheel even tighter, snapping back, “Okay, fine. We’re lost. Is that what you wanted to hear?”

Levi was surprised by Erwin’s sudden outburst. He was usually so calm and collected, even under stress. He only ever lost his cool when they were in an argument, and even then, it took a lot more than a simple accusation to make him angry. He stared at Erwin for a moment, wondering what had brought on this sudden change of mood.

“Erwin, calm down,” Levi tried a little gentler this time, “It’s not a big deal. We can stop somewhere and ask for directions.”

Erwin let out a frustrated sigh, not bothering to look at Levi as he grumbled, “I can figure it out. I can.”

It sounded as though Erwin was trying to convince himself of that, not Levi. He was incredibly irritable all of a sudden, and Levi didn’t understand why. He decided it’d be best to remain quiet, not to argue. That would only make things worse, and if Erwin was going to insist that he could figure it out, who was Levi to stop him?

But Erwin looked more than frustrated now, anger laced into his expression. Levi had never known Erwin to be an angry man, but figured perhaps he was just having a particularly bad day or something. Though that didn’t make sense to him either - he had started this trip off so cheerful.

Erwin kept driving, and Levi kept crocheting, keeping more of an eye on Erwin this time. He noticed Erwin getting increasingly upset, letting out frustrated sighs when he reached the end of the road where he had to make a decision as to where to turn. He was clearly very lost, and didn’t know where the hell he was going, but he was intent on trying to figure it out himself, so Levi would let him do that until he ran out of steam. They’d been driving for a good ten minutes in quiet, when Erwin broke the silence:

“Stop looking at me like that,” he shot Levi a glare, “I know what you’re thinking. You think I’m an idiot for getting us lost.”

Levi set down his crochet project with a huff. He didn’t like it when people put words in his mouth, and that wasn’t at all what Levi was thinking. He was having trouble staying patient and calm with whatever the hell was going on with his husband, starting to lose his cool.

“Don’t put words in my mouth, Erwin,” Levi ordered with a point of his finger, “If you’re lost, why don’t you just ask for directions?”

“I’m not stupid, Levi!” Erwin exclaimed, starting to raise his voice, “I can figure out where we are! I just… I just need to…”

“To what, Erwin?” Levi retorted angrily, “Get angry with me for no reason until you figure out what the hell you’re doing? Because that seems to be working very well for you.”

“You’re the one who accused me of lying!” Erwin growled, “You started this!”

“You were lying!” Levi raised his voice to match Erwin’s, getting frustrated himself, “Now are you going to tell me what’s wrong and let me help you? Or are you going to keep shouting at me and throwing a tantrum like a fucking child?!”

They didn’t have arguments like this often, but Erwin was usually a much calmer person than this. Everything seemed to be out of sorts. The car screeched to a halt as Erwin pulled over on the side of the road and put the car in park. Levi lurched forwards in his seat, almost hitting the dashboard. His crochet needle and yarn flew onto the floor in front of him, and he turned to Erwin in some shock, about to ask what the hell was wrong with him when he noticed just how furious Erwin was. He’d never seen Erwin so angry, especially over something so little, something so easy to fix. All they had to do was ask somebody for directions.

“Don’t call me a child!” Erwin shouted at the top of his lungs, his voice making Levi nearly jump out of his skin, “And keep your damn mouth shut! God, Levi! You never know when to just leave it alone, do you?!”

Things got very quiet after that. Levi watched Erwin, nostrils flaring as he breathed heavily from how angry he was. This didn’t seem right. Why was Erwin so furious with him? What had Levi done to deserve all this? Levi swallowed thickly, feeling the angry tears in the back of his throat. He wanted to yell back, to tell Erwin to fuck off, tell him he was being a gigantic asshole. But he couldn’t find it in himself to do that. Erwin just didn’t look like himself. Levi could see it in his eyes. Something was very wrong here.

That’s when a soft pattering sound began, and Levi could feel drops of water on his head, could see the leather interior of the car start to take on drip after drip. He looked up to see heavy clouds overhead, rain starting to come down in small increments at first, getting heavier with each passing second.

“Great!” Erwin threw his hand up, pushing his door open and climbing out of the car. He tried to push the convertible top up, but it was stuck on the opposite end, and he couldn’t get it to budge. He tugged at it a few times before getting too frustrated with it and kicking the wheel of the car, swearing up a storm.

Levi just sat there silently, not bothering to get out to help. He felt so many emotions at once: betrayed that Erwin would shout at him like that, sad at what Erwin had said, and most of all, confused as to why Erwin was behaving this way. He was usually so composed, even in stressful situations. Why was he suddenly so worked up?

Levi sat there in the rain as Erwin climbed back into the driver’s seat and slammed the door closed, resting his head on the steering wheel and taking a few deep breaths. Levi was thankful for the rain; it masked the tears rolling down his cheeks as he stared numbly out the front windshield. His heart was aching, deeply hurt by what Erwin had shouted at him. Erwin had never shouted at him like that before. In all the years they’d been together, if he ever raised his voice at Levi, it was always followed up with an immediate apology, a beg for forgiveness, a realization that he’d done wrong. But this time was different. This time, he’d gotten angry, and stayed angry, and Levi just wasn’t used to that.

That’s when he noticed Erwin’s shoulders going up and down in small movements. Levi tilted his head, wondering what he was doing at first, until he realized with something like horror that Erwin was crying. He was actually crying. His shoulders had been shaking with sobs, and Levi could make out the tears rolling down his cheeks. Levi was seriously worried now, his heart beating faster in his chest. It was such a rare occurrence for Erwin to cry, and he’d just been so mad. What was with the sudden change in mood?

“Ervy?” Levi tried, reaching out a hand, “Ervy. What’s wrong?”

Erwin swatted his hand away, rubbing at his eyes, “D-Don’t touch me. Just… Just leave me alone, okay?”

Levi frowned, watching Erwin weeping like a child in front of him. He didn’t care what Erwin said. Erwin had comforted him in so many weak moments that he was determined to be there for Erwin in his no matter what. He started gently rubbing Erwin’s back, feeling Erwin try to shake him off at first, but giving up after a moment and allowing Levi to continue.

“Are you okay, baby?” Levi cooed, trying to coax the words out of him, “Tell me what’s wrong, love.”

Erwin shook his head, wet hair dripping everywhere. Levi’s heart sank, confusion washing over him. What was wrong with him? Erwin had been so out of sorts lately, and Levi just didn’t know what to do. Erwin was usually the one who figured out all the problems, the strong one who didn’t have breakdowns.

“I’m lost,” Erwin managed to choke out between sobs, “I’m lost.”

The sound was heart-wrenching, and Levi could feel his lower lip quiver at Erwin’s words. He wrapped both arms around Erwin and pulled him into his arms, hugging him close as the rain continued to pour, soaking them both. But Levi wasn’t really focused on that right now; he was more concerned about Erwin. He knew that Erwin wasn’t just talking about getting to Armin and Annie’s. There was a deeper meaning behind his words, a cry for help. Levi didn’t know exactly what was happening to Erwin, but it was painful for him - Levi could tell.

He held Erwin as he cried, rocking him back and forth and rubbing his back. Erwin didn’t cry long, just for a few minutes, but during those few minutes, his pain was Levi’s own. Erwin sounded so broken, so exhausted. Finally, he began to calm down, sobs turning to sniffles as his hand clung to Levi’s wet shirt, face buried in Levi’s chest.

“Erwin,” Levi murmured, “It’s going to be okay. I’m here for you. I’ll… I’ll find you. When you feel lost, I promise I’ll find you, okay?”

It felt like a stupid thing to say, but Levi didn’t know how else to comfort Erwin. His husband was always so poetic with his words when he comforted Levi, so Levi was trying to do the same; trying to be romantic and sweet like Erwin always was. But it felt dumb to say, and he was second-guessing himself the longer he waited for Erwin to respond.

Erwin sniffed and nodded into Levi’s chest, mumbling something Levi couldn’t hear. Levi pressed a kiss to the damp crown of Erwin’s head, the rain starting to finally slow its downpour.

“What did you say, my love?” Levi asked quietly, wanting Erwin to feel comfortable repeating himself.

Erwin pulled his face away, refusing to look at Levi as he muttered, “I said: what if you can’t? What if I get lost for good?”

Levi didn’t know how to answer that. He carded his fingers through Erwin’s bangs, brushing the wet hair off his forehead. He didn’t know what he would do if Erwin got lost for good; he hadn’t even thought of that as a possibility. Erwin had looked so different; so not himself when he’d been shouting moments before. It had really scared Levi, and it appeared to have scared Erwin too, from the way he was acting now. He hadn’t been himself. He’d been, as he put it, lost.

“Baby,” Levi breathed, “I’ll do everything I can to make sure that doesn’t happen.”

And he meant that. He didn’t care what old age intended for Erwin; it couldn’t take away the person Erwin was to him. He would make sure of that. Erwin was clinging to him like a frightened child, sniveling and rubbing at one eye with his fist. Levi felt his heart go out to his husband, tears filling his eyes. But he held back. He wanted to be strong for Erwin, and didn’t want to scare his husband more with his own emotions. Sure, he was scared too, and growing increasingly concerned, but Erwin didn’t need that adding to his stress.

“I’m sorry I yelled,” Erwin hiccuped, “I don’t know why I got so angry. I was really frustrated. I got really lost and… and I couldn’t figure out the way and I… I…”

Erwin was starting to breathe heavily again, starting to get all worked up, and Levi didn’t want that. He rubbed circles in Erwin’s back, shushing him over and over until he was breathing normally again.

“Shh, baby. Don’t worry about it,” Levi sighed, “Hush now, it’s okay.”

“But… But it’s not okay!” Erwin blubbered, looking up at Levi now with tears running down his cheeks, “I shouted at you, Levi… I hurt you.”

Levi took Erwin’s cheeks into his hands and pressed a tender kiss to his lips, “And I’m forgiving you for it. You didn’t do it on purpose, sweetie. It’s okay.”

Erwin’s lower lip was trembling, eyes filled with tears that threatened to break over his eyelids. Levi would do anything to take those tears away, to get Erwin’s usual smile back. He pressed another kiss to those quivering lips in an attempt to soothe them, fingers running through Erwin’s hair gently. Erwin buried his face back into Levi’s chest, and Levi let him cry for a little while longer, simply holding him and comforting him as best he could. He’d never been particularly good at comforting people, but when it came to Erwin, he was going to try his very best.

“Come on,” Levi encouraged, “Let’s get back on the road. We can stop somewhere and ask for directions, okay? I’ll ask someone for you so you don’t have to worry about it.”

Slowly but surely, Erwin pulled away and wiped his eyes on the back of his hand, smiling at Levi through teary eyes, “Okay. Thank you, honey.”

Levi nodded, watching Erwin take one last deep breath to calm himself before he put the car in drive, pulling back onto the road and starting to head towards the gas station at the end of the street. He looked more like himself now, tears dried and a neutral smile on his face. Levi retrieved his crochet project off the floor - it was a little wet from the rain, but it was only water. It would dry. And Erwin would be okay, Levi was sure of it.

“So what do you think about the government’s recent plan for economic restructuring?” Armin asked Erwin over dinner, and Levi had to refrain from rolling his eyes. Though Erwin looked thoroughly interested by Armin’s question, Levi was not at all interested in whatever the hell ‘economic restructuring’ meant.

They’d arrived to Annie and Armin’s, albeit late but in one piece, both of them feeling much better about things. Erwin was in a cheerful mood now, after they’d gotten directions from a nice woman at the gas station and found their way. They chatted for the rest of the drive about what they would do when winter came: bake gingerbread cookies, make snowmen, decorate the house. Erwin even teased Levi about kissing him under the mistletoe, which made Levi blush.

Armin and Annie’s son was a teenager now, and he was off with his friends for the weekend for a school trip. He was a pretty well-behaved kid, but Levi didn’t like teenagers, so he was secretly thankful the boy was gone for their visit.

“Well,” Erwin started, “I’ve got a couple of theories as to why it won’t work out. Would you like to hear them?”

Armin, ever the student in his and Erwin’s master-pupil relationship, smiled at him with eager eyes, nodding, “Yes - I’d love to!”

Levi exchanged an irritated look with Annie. Though they both loved their spouses very much, Levi could tell that Annie was as disinterested in the topic as he was. She was a little braver than Levi though, rolling her eyes openly when the two weren’t paying attention. Levi would never let Erwin know that he wasn’t interested; he wanted his husband to enjoy himself, and didn’t want to rain on Erwin’s parade by letting him know that this was boring to him.

While Armin and Erwin chatted away about politics, Levi got up to start clearing the plates away. Annie had cooked, so Levi decided cleaning the dishes would be a nice way to show her his appreciation. She’d made a good dish of chicken and rice with a white sauce and vegetables. Levi started washing the dishes at the sink, Annie bringing him the rest of the plates and cups to wash.

“Do you think they’ll ever shut up about politics?” Annie grumbled, just loud enough to Levi to hear her.

Levi chuckled, shaking his head, “They’ll never shut up period.”

Annie laughed under her breath and nodded, grabbing a wash cloth to wipe down the table with. Armin and Erwin continued to chat away, completely unaware and unbothered by Levi and Annie poking fun at them.

“I have some sheets to fold,” Annie commented when she finished drying the dishes Levi had washed, “Would you mind helping me?”

Levi shook his head, “I don’t mind.”

He followed her upstairs, leaving the two men to discuss their boring political opinions. The two spent several minutes folding up the sheets that Annie had washed and dried out on the line, and Annie stored them in the dresser drawers, placing her hands on her hips when they were finally done folding them all. When they returned downstairs, Armin and Erwin were standing out on the front porch, chatting about lord knows what now.

When Annie and Levi approached the two, Armin’s face lit up, turning to Annie and suggesting, “You should show Erwin the garden. I’m sure he’d love to see the bulbs you just planted.”

Erwin was a particularly good gardener, and planted most of the plants around their house. He could keep them alive and thriving, unlike Levi, who somehow killed every plant he touched. He watched Erwin smile at Annie with some excitement on his face, nodding eagerly, “Yes, I’d love to see them!”

Annie and Armin exchanged a knowing glance before she began to lead Erwin down the steps of their front porch and take him around the side of the house. Levi wondered why the two had looked at one another like that, though he would soon find out. Armin watched them go, waiting until they were out of sight before he turned back to Levi with a worried look on his face.

“We have to talk,” Armin frowned, “Before they come back. I have to say something.”

What could Armin possibly have to say that he couldn’t say in front of Erwin? Levi wondered, raising an eyebrow at Armin. He leaned on his cane to sit down on one of the lawn chairs on the porch, Armin sitting down next to him. The man looked incredibly concerned, and Levi wasn’t sure why.

“It’s Erwin,” Armin sighed, “Something’s wrong with him.”

Levi was a little unfazed by what Armin had said. He knew Erwin had been a little off lately, but they both had chalked it up to old age, and it wasn’t really a huge concern of Levi’s. He figured it was just part of getting old, and Erwin hadn’t said anything to the contrary that would make him worry. Sure, he didn’t want Erwin to have problems, but the fact that Erwin had said they were inevitable made him feel at least somewhat better about the situation.

“What happened?” Levi asked, wondering what Erwin had done to make Armin so bothered all of a sudden.

“He keeps repeating himself,” Armin expressed, “As though he doesn’t even realize it. And he kept forgetting where we were in the conversation, forgetting names of places we’ve discussed many times before… I’m worried about him, Levi. Has he been like that with you too?”

Levi bit his lip. He knew that Erwin had been like that with him, forgetting small things here and there. And though he’d been initially worried, he’d pushed those anxious thoughts out of his mind because Erwin had told him it was normal.

“Yes,” Levi confirmed with a nod, “He’s been forgetting some things, but he’s just getting old. Nothing to worry about, right?”

Levi trusted Armin’s opinion, especially on matters like this. Armin knew a lot about many things, even medical conditions. So whatever Armin was going to say, Levi was ready to accept it with full-force. Surely Armin would agree that this was simply a matter of aging, wouldn’t he?

Armin sucked in a deep breath, placing a gentle hand on Levi’s arm. Levi knew this wasn’t a good sign. When someone touched you gently like that, that usually meant they were going to give you bad news. Levi wasn’t ready for bad news, not now. Not after he’d already had to deal with Erwin’s meltdown in the car on the ride over.

“Actually, Levi,” Armin spoke carefully, “I think Erwin’s showing symptoms of a mental disease. It’s not just old age.”

Levi’s eyes widened slightly, shaking his head. A mental disease? Erwin? Erwin had the strongest brain of anyone Levi knew, so how could he have a mental disease? Levi almost didn’t want to believe it, if it wasn’t coming out of Armin’s mouth. There were plenty of elderly mental diseases he’d heard of, and none of them sounded good. They messed with your brain, made you forget things, and not just menial things. They made you forget big things, like the names of those you love. Levi could feel his heart constricting in his chest, Armin’s words shocking him to his core. Surely Erwin doesn’t have a mental disease, Levi tried to convince himself, Erwin’s going to be fine. He can’t be sick.

“I think Erwin’s got a disease where you start losing ability to function over time,” Armin explained, eyes holding a seriousness, but also a great sadness within them, “It starts off with little things: forgetting how to do everyday tasks, getting lost, etc. And then it gets much worse as time goes on. The patient ends up unable to speak or move by themselves. They need constant care - they can’t eat or even use the bathroom by themselves anymore. They start to forget big things, even their spouses.”

Levi stared at Armin with widened eyes, his immediate reaction being to get angry at Armin for suggesting such a thing. Erwin didn’t have a mental disease. What the hell was Armin talking about? And what did he think he was doing - getting Levi all worked up like this over something that couldn’t be true? Erwin was smart, incredibly smart, smarter than anyone Levi knew. It was simply impossible in Levi’s mind for Erwin to get a mental disease.

“You… You…” Levi tried to conjure up words, rendered speechless by this point.

“I’m so sorry, Levi,” Armin breathed, “You know Annie and I will do whatever we can to help. But Erwin needs to see a doctor. There’s no cure for these types of illnesses, but they can help ease his pain as he worsens, let him go peacefully.”

Go where? Levi thought to himself, Erwin’s not going anywhere. He knew exactly what Armin meant by that, but he wouldn’t allow himself to think such a thing. He was upset with Armin for even suggesting such a thing. He tore his arm away from Armin’s touch, shooting him a furious glare.

“How dare you suggest that Erwin’s not mentally sound,” Levi growled, pointing at Armin with an accusatory finger, “Just because he can’t keep up with you anymore doesn’t mean he’s got a mental disease. He’s just getting old, that’s all.”

Armin held up his arms innocently, a frown painting his face, “Levi, I’m not trying to upset you. I’m just concerned about him. I’m not saying he has one, I’m saying he’s showing symptoms, and you should have a doctor check him out.”

“Erwin is fine,” Levi insisted, crossing his arms, “And his medical problems are of no concern to you. Those are private matters, Armin.”

“I’m sorry if I’ve overstepped,” Armin apologized, clasping his hands together in his lap awkwardly and clearing his throat, “I just wanted to let you know what I thought. I really didn’t mean to upset you, Levi.”

Though outwardly he was angry with Armin, on the inside he was incredibly hurt and concerned now. Hurt by Armin’s words, even if Armin hadn’t meant to hurt him. Erwin had been forgetting how to do every tasks, getting lost, all the things Armin had listed as symptoms. Sure, he had been defensive over Armin’s words, wanting to safeguard his husband from ridicule. But in truth, he’d known that something was wrong with Erwin. Something more than just old age. And he’d been refusing to admit it.

Annie and Erwin came back up the steps shortly after Armin and Levi’s exchange, both smiling and chatting about the flowers Erwin had been planting in his garden. Levi refused to look at Armin now, arms crossed and staring at the wooden floorboards heatedly.

“Is everything okay?” Erwin asked, immediately sensing the awkward atmosphere.

“It’s fine,” Armin replied, trying to smooth everything over, “I accidentally called Levi short, and now he’s upset with me.”

Erwin raised an eyebrow, clearly suspicious of Armin’s answer, but he chuckled after a moment, “Wow, you really had a death wish there, Armin. You know how Levi gets about his height.”

Levi could feel his emotions welling up in his throat, and swallowed them back, not wanting to get visibly upset. He didn’t want to let Erwin in on what they’d been talking about; didn’t want to worry him or make him upset too. And Armin didn’t appear to want that either, since he’d covered for the two of them. Levi felt sick to his stomach. I think Erwin’s showing symptoms of a mental disease. Armin’s words echoed in his mind. He was growing increasingly concerned. If Armin had noticed, and not only noticed but deduced a condition from Erwin’s behavior, then was Erwin really sick? This was the first time Levi was admitting it to himself: Erwin isn’t okay.

Levi was pretty silent for most of the ride home, unable to get the thought out of his mind that Erwin might have a real illness in his brain. Erwin didn’t bother Levi, letting him crochet quietly in the car. He could likely tell that Levi was upset, and probably knew it wasn’t just from some dumb short joke Armin had told. But Levi didn’t know how to convey to Erwin the real conversation he’d had with Armin. He didn’t want his husband to worry. But the more he thought about it, the more he knew he would have to confront Erwin with this information at some point. If Erwin really was sick, then Levi knew it was his responsibility to take care of him, to take him to a doctor and find him the best care possible.

When they got back home, Levi walked back into the house without a word to Erwin, heading straight to the bedroom and getting changed into his pajamas. He was crawling under the covers when Erwin appeared in the doorway, looking at him with a solemn and somewhat confused expression, as if he was trying to figure out what on earth was the matter with Levi.

“So what did you and Armin really talk about?” Erwin asked quietly, leaning against the doorframe and putting his hand in his pocket, “I can tell whatever he said really upset you. What was it?”

Levi turned over in the covers so that he was facing away from Erwin, not wanting to look at him. If he looked at Erwin for too long, he might cry, and what good did that do for either of them? It wouldn’t solve anybody’s problems if Levi just burst into tears without explanation. So he kept himself turned around.

“I… I don’t know how to tell you,” Levi mumbled truthfully, tugging the covers up to his chin and hugging onto a pillow to comfort himself. He heard the shuffling of footsteps behind him, and soon felt Erwin’s weight on the bed next to him, fingers carding through his hair.

“It’s okay, baby,” Erwin murmured, “Whatever it is, I’m not going to get upset with you. Did he really call you short? Because if so, this is an unusually long time for you to be mad about a short joke.”

“He didn’t call me short,” Levi huffed, squeezing his eyes shut at the feeling of Erwin’s touch. He wondered just how much longer he had to enjoy the warmth of Erwin’s fingers on his skin. How much longer until he forgets me? Levi wondered, tears springing to his eyes.

“Then what happened?” Erwin cooed, “Come on, baby. You know you can tell me anything.”

Levi couldn’t help the sniffle that escaped him, the whimper that came out of his mouth as he muttered, “Armin thinks you have a mental disease, Erwin.”

There was silence, Erwin’s fingers pausing in Levi’s hair as he took in those words. Levi himself held his breath as he waited for Erwin’s response, chest constricting painfully from doing so. He could feel his anxiety building, the tears crashing like waves over his eyelids as they ran down his face. He was holding back sobs, his small body trembling from doing so.

“Well, that’s just ridiculous,” Erwin finally spoke, almost laughing, “You don’t really believe that, do you, Levi? Armin’s always been a worrier, I’m sure he’s just overreacting.”

“He said you kept repeating yourself, Erwin,” Levi sniveled, rubbing the tears away, “And that you kept forgetting things too. Things he knows that you know.”

He could hear Erwin sighing behind him, could feel his fingers retreating from Levi’s hair. Erwin sounded exhausted, and Levi was feeling a little guilty for putting him through this conversation when he was probably already so tired from driving and socializing all day.

“So you think I have some sort of mental disease too?” Erwin asked in an accusatory manner, his voice rising.

Levi could tell he was a little offended at the implication, but Erwin’s rise in tone had Levi worried. He didn’t want to agitate Erwin, didn’t want to argue with him. He just wanted Erwin to be okay, and he didn’t know how to make Erwin okay.

“I don’t know what to think,” Levi admitted, letting a choked sob escape his mouth as he dissolved into tears, “Erwin, you need to see a doctor.”

“Levi,” Erwin chuckled dismissively, “I’m perfectly fine. Sure, I forget things sometimes, but that’s all part of old age. I don’t need to see a doctor.”

Levi didn’t like Erwin’s nonchalant tone, as if Levi had no idea what he was talking about, or as if he was an idiot. He knew Erwin didn’t think he was stupid, but sometimes he would talk to Levi as if he was - one of his few faults. And Levi was clearly upset, so he didn’t appreciate Erwin simply dismissing his concerns as if they were nothing to him, as if Levi’s feelings didn’t matter.

“Erwin,” Levi sniffled, finally turning over so that Erwin could see how upset he was, could understand how serious this was, “Please listen to me. This is really serious, and I don’t want things to get worse for you. Let’s arrange a doctor’s visit - that way they can help you and we can-”

“Levi,” Erwin said, tone turning completely stern all of a sudden, “Drop it. I’m not going to the doctor over something as simple as aging.”

Levi thought Erwin was being incredibly insensitive, which was unusual for him. Is this is part of his sickness? Levi wondered, tears continuing to run down his face at the thought. He watched Erwin climb into the bed and turn off the light, turning away from Levi and snuggling under the covers. Levi was sure Erwin was upset with him now for bringing it up, which only made him feel worse.

“Erwin,” Levi tapped his arm gently, a small sob escaping his mouth, “Erwin, please don’t be angry. I’m worried.”

There was a loud sigh from Erwin before he shifted in the bed, turning around to face his husband and frowning at the tears. Surely he’d noticed them before, but it seemed as though they were only just now affecting him. He reached down to wipe them away before wrapping his arm around Levi and hugging him close.

“Shh, baby,” Erwin cooed, “Don’t cry. I know you’re concerned. I’m sorry I’ve been worrying you. But please trust me when I say I don’t need a doctor, okay? I know my own body and mind, and I’m doing fine. It’s not like I’ve ever forgotten anything major, you know? Just some little things.”

Levi breathed in Erwin’s scent, clinging to him as if this was the last time they’d be able to hold one another like this. He was thinking about all the things Armin had told him about how Erwin might deteriorate if he had one of these elderly mental diseases, and was terrified that one day he might wake up and Erwin might not recognize him.

“Okay,” Levi whispered, defeated. If Erwin wasn’t going to go to the doctor, Levi couldn’t force him. But he was still incredibly worried - he couldn’t help that. And he still was thinking about what Armin had said to him. The two laid there in silence for a moment, Levi sniffling and Erwin trying to comfort him.

“Armin said…” Levi started, wiping his eyes, “He said you’d get worse… that you’d forget bigger things… that you might even forget me.”

Erwin pressed a kiss to Levi’s forehead with a sigh, “Remind me to scold Armin for frightening you so much. He’s got you all worked up over nothing, baby. Really, I’ll be okay. If I thought I had a problem, I’d go to the doctor.”

Levi wanted to believe Erwin. He wanted to trust that his husband knew what he was talking about, knew what his limits were health-wise. But he’d noticed Erwin slowly forgetting more and more, starting to decline, slowly getting worse. And he knew Armin wasn’t an idiot - he wouldn’t have said anything to Levi if he didn’t think it was serious.

“You promise?” Levi looked up into his husband’s eyes tearfully, “Erwin, promise me you’ll go to the doctor if you need to.”

Erwin gave Levi a tender kiss to his lips, nodding, “I promise, baby. I’ll go to the doctor if I think I need to.”

Levi felt a little better at that, his heartbeat slowing to its normal pace and his tears beginning to dry. He wasn’t as anxious now, as he trusted Erwin to follow through on his promise. His husband had never broken a promise, and he wouldn’t start now.

“And I could never forget you,” Erwin murmured, hugging Levi close, “How could I forget my beautiful, darling husband?”

Both Levi and Erwin knew that it wasn’t Erwin’s choice whether he were to forget Levi or not. But Erwin’s words were still comforting to Levi. He knew Erwin wouldn’t forget him on purpose, and he was so kind to call Levi all those lovely things. But deep down, Levi was still on edge. He felt as though his husband was in denial over his condition, felt as though Armin had been right about what Erwin was going through. And he didn’t know how to get Erwin to believe that too.

Erwin was grumpy the next morning, unusually so. Levi wasn’t sure if he was still upset with Levi’s insistence that he see a doctor, or if he was just grouchy in general, but either way, Levi didn’t like it. Erwin had avoided him for most of the morning, eating breakfast in his study instead of at the table with Levi. He didn’t understand what he’d done to make Erwin like this, but he minded his own business, not wanting to upset Erwin further.

Levi decided at about noon, when he hadn’t seen Erwin for more than a few minutes that morning, that he was going to try and cheer his husband up. How? He wasn’t entirely sure. Levi wasn’t particularly good with romantic things like Erwin was, and he didn’t always have the best ideas either. But he wanted to make Erwin feel better, and he was going to put in some effort to do so.

Levi began to go through some of the boxes strewn about the living room: Erwin’s unfinished project. Erwin was still going through their old stuff to decide what to keep and what to get rid of, and Levi was hoping perhaps he could find something in there, a past memory, that would cheer Erwin up. He pulled the first box over to the couch and sat down, starting to card through the various papers and objects inside. There were some old military documents, and their old uniforms. Levi didn’t think it was a good idea to bring up the past in that way, as he didn’t want Erwin to have bad flashbacks.

He pushed that first box away once he’d gotten through the stuff, dragging another box over and starting to go through that one next. He found old knick-knacks, various things Erwin used to keep on his bookshelves back in his old office. Levi dug through the box and pulled out a pile of letters, recognizing them almost instantly. These weren’t military letters, they were love letters. Levi smiled fondly, remembering the letters he used to write to Erwin while they were away from one another. Though they’d kept their relationship mostly a secret until after the Rumbling, they still sent one another love letters occasionally.

Levi was touched that Erwin had kept all his letters, and carefully unfolded the first one in the pile, seeing his familiar scratchy handwriting on the page:

Dear Erwin,

I’m not sure if writing letters to one another is such a good idea. We might get caught. But I’ll trust your judgement, I suppose. You said in your letter that you missed me dearly and well, I suppose I miss you too. Hange sends their love.

-Levi

Levi almost wanted to laugh at himself. He’d been so closed-off with his emotions when they’d first started their relationship, and here was the proof. Levi couldn’t help but feel a ping of sadness at the last sentence; he and Erwin both missed Hange dearly.

He paged through the letters carefully, smiling as he reminisced about their budding relationship, the early years where they were so shy and adorable with one another. Levi thought he was incredibly corny at this age, but he remembered that Erwin’s letters had always been very well thought-out and beautifully written. He’d kept Erwin’s letters too - they were in a small box under the bed.

Levi carefully put the letters back into the box, now knowing what he was going to do. He got up and headed back towards the kitchen, taking a notepad and pen from the junk drawer and  beginning to write:

Dear Erwin,

I missed you a lot today. My mornings just aren’t the same without your smile. I’m sorry you seem to be feeling down. I wish I was better at comforting you. Just know that I’m here if you need to talk.

Also, I found our old love letters, and it’d be nice to sit down and share those memories with you. You can come sit on the couch and we can have some afternoon tea together while we look.

I’m sorry getting old has been so hard on you lately. Just know that age looks amazing on you, baby. And there’s no one I’d rather grow old with.

I love you,

Levi

When he was done with his writing, he put the pen away and folded the piece of paper into threes, a muscle memory from his days in the Survey Corps. It wasn’t his best work, but he’d written down his honest feelings. He felt as though his letter was rambling and stupid, and knew it wasn’t as eloquent as what Erwin would’ve written to him if the situation were reversed. He hobbled down the hallway to Erwin’s study, fingers holding onto the letter tightly. Erwin’s door was closed, which meant that he wanted to be left alone. Levi frowned, initially thinking perhaps he shouldn’t bother Erwin with the letter. No, he thought, I want to help.

It took some effort, but he managed to get down on his knees, carefully pushing the letter under the door. He struggled to get back up, having to lean on the wall for some balance once he rose to his feet again. But he could hear Erwin get up from his desk and go towards the door to retrieve the letter. Levi began to head back into the living room, knowing that if Erwin was feeling better, he’d come and spend time with Levi. Levi had done his part by trying to help.

He sat down on the couch, hearing Erwin’s study door open after a few minutes. He could feel some excitement coursing through him; the letter must’ve worked. Levi waited for Erwin to come into the living room, occupying himself by picking up the newspaper on the coffee table and pretending to read it.

Erwin soon appeared in the archway of the living room, swaying a little bit. Levi frowned. His husband was drunk, and it was barely one in the afternoon. Erwin tottered over to him, a stupid grin on his face, but Levi was no longer interested. He didn’t like it when his husband got drunk, and didn’t like the fact that he’d been drinking so early in the day. Levi set the newspaper on the end table, preparing to confront Erwin.

“My sweet baby,” Erwin cooed, plopping down on the couch and wrapping his arm around Levi, “You absolutely adorable little thing, you.”

Levi squirmed against his hold, grumbling, “You’re drunk, Erwin.”

He reeked of alcohol, and Levi wasn’t a fan. But his husband insisted on hugging onto him, kissing at his cheeks and laughing happily. At least he’s happier now I guess, Levi thought to himself. But why had Erwin been drinking so early in the day? Had he really been that depressed lately to want to drink himself into a stupor at 1PM?

“And you’re cute,” Erwin chuckled, booping Levi on the nose, “Your letter was so nice. I loved it.”

“Erwin, why are you drunk already?” Levi asked in annoyance, “It’s only one in the-”

“Shh shh shh,” Erwin shushed him, pressing a finger to Levi’s lips, “Shh, baby. You’re so sweet when you’re angry. Just a little ball of rage.”

Levi rolled his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest. He had wanted to spend a nice afternoon with a sober husband, not a drunken one. And here Erwin was, drunk as a skunk, unable to even have a proper conversation with him.

“Gimme a kiss,” Erwin puckered his lips, and Levi huffed before pecking him on the lips, causing Erwin to giggle.

“You’re ridiculous,” Levi mumbled, “Go to bed, maybe you’ll be sober enough for dinner.”

“Aww, you don’t want to spend time with me?” Erwin asked, drawing Levi closer.

“No,” Levi snapped, pulling himself out of Erwin’s grasp and pointing at him angrily, “What the hell is your problem? You’ve been grumpy all morning, and now you’re drunk as hell! What happened?”

Erwin got incredibly quiet, turning away from Levi and swallowing thickly. Levi could sense that Erwin didn’t want to tell him, and now he was really curious. He’d thought Erwin was just depressed in general about his aging lately, but now it seemed as though something really had happened to make him upset. Levi raised an eyebrow, waiting for Erwin to respond to him in some capacity.

“Erwin,” Levi tried again, “What happened?”

“Nothing…” Erwin muttered.

But Levi could tell it wasn’t nothing. He tried to think back over last night, to try and figure out if Erwin had said or done anything he’d be ashamed of now. But nothing was coming to mind. Erwin was avoiding Levi’s gaze, staring down at his lap sheepishly. What the hell happened to make him so upset? Levi wondered.

“Baby,” Levi encouraged cautiously, “You can tell me. I won’t be mad. What is it?”

Erwin shook his head stubbornly, a quiet whimper escaping his lips, “It’s embarrassing.”

Levi knew Erwin trusted him more than anything. He’d told Levi some of his deepest darkest fears over the years. What had Erwin done that was so embarrassing he couldn’t even tell Levi about it?

“It’s okay,” Levi scooted closer, putting a hand on Erwin’s knee to comfort him, “We’ve all done embarrassing things, Erwin. You can tell me about it. Maybe I can help.”

Erwin sucked in a deep breath, squeezing his eyes shut and mumbling something under his breath. Levi frowned, not understanding what he’d said. Erwin had said it so quickly and so quietly that Levi didn’t catch it.

“Huh?” Levi asked, “What was that?”

“I…” Erwin whispered, “I pissed myself, okay?”

Levi didn’t even process what Erwin was saying at first. All he could respond with was a quiet ‘oh’, which probably didn’t make Erwin feel any better. Levi supposed it shouldn’t be a huge surprise. Erwin was 70, and he supposed old men probably had accidents from time to time. It was hard for them to get from one place to another quickly, so Levi deduced that’s what must’ve happened to Erwin. Armin’s words began to echo in Levi’s mind: “they can’t eat or even use the bathroom by themselves anymore.”

Levi was suddenly feeling a little fearful. Was this just another symptom of whatever was going on in Erwin’s brain? Was Erwin’s health deteriorating even further now? Levi didn’t know whether to bring it up or not. He didn’t think it was a good time, not when Erwin was drunk and already so embarrassed over his situation.

“Yeah,” Erwin blushed, “Oh.”

“I’m sorry, baby,” Levi rushed to correct himself - to better the situation, “It happens, you know? It’s not a big deal-”

“It is a big deal,” Erwin emphasized, “I… I just… I feel so stupid.”

“Well, how did it happen?” Levi asked carefully, noting that Erwin was a little fragile right now.

Erwin let out a sigh, still avoiding Levi’s eyes as he explained quietly, “I woke up in the middle of the night and I just didn’t make it in time. I cleaned everything up so you wouldn’t notice.”

Levi reached out and started rubbing Erwin’s back soothingly, wanting to comfort him, “Erwin, it’s okay. These things happen. I’m sure it’ll happen to me too one day. It’s just old age… right?”

He needed Erwin’s confirmation on that. If Erwin started to think something was wrong with him, then Levi would continue to press him to go to the doctor’s. And Levi himself was beginning to think something was really wrong with his husband. Not being able to make it to the bathroom was one thing, but coupled with all the forgetfulness and mood changes, Levi wasn’t sure what to think.

“Yeah,” Erwin agreed, “It’s just old age.”

Levi sighed in some relief at Erwin’s response, wrapping an arm around him and holding him closer, “It’s okay, Ervy. You don’t have to be embarrassed.”

He could tell Erwin felt awful about what had happened, and he didn’t want to rub it in or make it worse for him. He wanted Erwin to feel better, wanted him to feel normal. This was just old age. It’s just old age, Levi was trying to convince himself.

“Thanks, baby,” Erwin leaned into Levi, seeming tired now in his drunken state, “I was really upset about it. That’s why I drank so much, and why I didn’t talk to you this morning. I was mad at myself.”

“Don’t be mad at yourself, honey,” Levi let Erwin lay down his head in Levi’s lap, starting to comb through Erwin’s hair with his fingers, “It’s okay. You come talk to me about it next time, alright? You don’t need to get drunk to cope with your problems.”

Erwin nodded sleepily into Levi’s thigh, fist clinging to Levi’s shirt, bunching it up in his fingers like a toddler would hold onto his mother. He sniffled, and Levi was worried his husband might cry. He welcomed Erwin’s tears, as he didn’t see them often, but he didn’t want to see Erwin so upset. But Erwin shifted on the couch to get more comfy, half-lidded sleepy eyes slowly fluttering closed. He soon began to snore, and Levi smiled affectionately down at him, leaning over to press a kiss to his forehead.

He grabbed the newspaper from the end table and began to read over it while Erwin slept, but quickly found himself getting bored. He set the newspaper back down and looked over his husband: his wrinkled skin, his graying hair, his aging body. He looked so peaceful sleeping like that, and Levi couldn’t help but wonder if this was what Erwin might look like in his casket. As soon as the thought hit him, he recoiled from it, feeling incredibly uncomfortable. He didn’t want to imagine Erwin in a casket, didn’t want to imagine Erwin ever leaving him.

Levi could see Erwin’s eyes moving beneath his eyelids, and wondered what he was dreaming about, what was going on in that brain of his. He ran his fingers through Erwin’s hair once more, sighing sadly. Part of him knew Armin was right, though he was resisting admitting it to himself. Something was wrong with his husband. Erwin was getting sick, and he was being even more stubborn than Levi in admitting to that. Levi kissed Erwin’s forehead gently. How long did they have left? How long until Erwin would start forgetting important memories? How long until Erwin would start forgetting Levi?

He didn’t want to think about that. It pained him to think there would be a day when Erwin might forget him. Though Erwin had tried to reassure Levi that he’d never forget him, Levi knew that he had no control over that, and it wouldn’t be Erwin’s fault if he did forget his husband.

Levi was thinking back now to Erwin’s meltdown in the car on the way to Armin and Annie’s, his heart-wrenching cries. I’m lost, he’d sobbed. Levi could feel the emotions welling up inside of him as he remembered Erwin’s desperate words. I won’t let you get lost Erwin, he thought with determination, smiling down at his husband sadly, I’ll always be right here to find you again. That’s a promise.

Erwin was in a much better mood the next day: sober and cheerful, and Levi was happy for that. His husband was currently sitting out on the porch reading his book, while Levi was inside doing some basic cleaning of the kitchen. Erwin was very sweet; early on in their relationship, he’d always tried to help Levi with the cleaning, wanted to make sure their chores were even. But his cleaning didn’t live up to Levi’s standards, and so they decided to divide their duties between inside and outside the house; Levi taking care of the sweeping, dusting, etc. while Erwin did all of the gardening and lawn-care. But there wasn’t much to do for gardening for half of the year while it was colder out, so Erwin was able to sit on the porch and read while Levi cleaned inside.

Levi got up onto a stool carefully as he reached up to dust the top shelves in Erwin’s study, where it was the dustiest. He had a cloth over his mouth to protect himself from inhaling all that dust, and he began to move some of the bits and bobs on Erwin’s shelves to get the dust underneath them. That’s when he heard some heated conversation going on outside of the front door: not yelling, but loud nonetheless.

Levi wondered who was outside the door talking to Erwin in such an intense way. He slowly climbed down from the stool and undid the cloth around his face, setting it and the duster on the shelf before hobbling towards the front door. He opened it, hearing an impassioned exchange going on:

“I know you did it!” Erwin was scolding, “Don’t lie to me, Alex!”

Alex, the mail person, stood there, tears in their eyes at being yelled at, “Mr. Smith, I swear I don’t know what you’re talking about! I would never look through your mail like that! I promise!”

Levi frowned between the two, confused as to why Erwin was reprimanding Alex. They had always been a perfect mail person, why on earth would they look through Erwin and Levi’s mail? Levi didn’t want to take sides without knowing all the information, but he was already sensing something more was wrong here outside of what he’d heard.

The two turned to see Levi standing in the doorway, and Alex sighed in some relief, “Mr. Ackerman! Please - you have to know I’d never read through your mail! Mr. Smith thinks I did, but I promise I wouldn’t do that!”

Levi crossed his arms, turning to Erwin, “Why are you accusing Alex of doing something like that, Erwin? Alex is a good kid - you know they wouldn’t do that.”

Erwin shoved the letters Alex had delivered into Levi’s hands, pointing at the first envelope, which had a tear on the corner. That’s all Erwin’s upset about? Levi wondered, glancing up at his husband, who was still looking quite paranoid and irritated. Levi didn’t want to make Erwin feel bad; his husband seemed to be a little out of sorts this morning, and was entirely convinced of what he was saying.

It worried Levi, when Erwin got like this. It was like the car ride; Erwin getting angry out of nowhere, acting strange and out of character. He felt like he was stepping on glass; he didn’t want to upset Erwin more by telling him he was being insensitive or that he was overreacting. It was a simple tear in an envelope; there was no way Alex could’ve slipped the letter out to read it with that small of a tear anyway.

“See?” Erwin pointed, as if that was supposed to prove it all.

Levi sucked in a deep breath, placing a hand on Erwin’s bicep as he looked up at him, “You seem very upset, darling. I’ll take care of this, don’t worry. You go inside and calm down a little, okay?”

He wanted to spin it so that Erwin would think Levi believed him, that he would take care of everything and Erwin didn’t have to worry about it anymore. Erwin smiled softly at Levi’s touch and gentle words, nodding a little before shooting a glare in Alex’s direction and heading inside. He closed the door behind him, Levi watching him go before turning back to Alex, who was sniffling and wiping at their eyes.

Levi took out his handkerchief from his shirt pocket, shaking it out so that it unfolded and holding it out to Alex, who took it with a quiet ‘thank you’ and started wiping their eyes. Levi felt horrible for Alex; they hadn’t done anything - simply had been a victim of Erwin’s changing moods.

“I’m so sorry,” Levi apologized, “Erwin is… he’s just been moody lately, and acting strangely. I know if he was feeling better he would never accuse you of something like that. I know you wouldn’t read our mail, Alex.”

Alex blew their nose and clung to the handkerchief, “I-It’s okay, Mr. Ackerman. I knew there was something wrong when he started getting upset. It just didn’t seem like him. I’m just worried, you know? Is he okay?”

“He’s fine,” Levi tried to reassure them, “He’s just getting old; he’s been a little grumpy as of late. Don’t worry, he’ll be okay.”

Alex nodded, finally calming down. Levi still felt awful about Erwin scolding them for essentially no reason at all, so he reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet, going to take out money to tip Alex.

But Alex placed their hand on Levi’s, shaking their head, “Please, Mr. Ackerman. You don’t need to tip me. You save that money for Mr. Smith. I think he needs to get checked out; I’ve never seen him behave that way before. It scared me.”

“Just take it,” Levi insisted, “As an apology for his behavior.”

Alex shook their head again, “I can’t accept the money, sir. You’ll need that for Mr. Smith’s medical bills. Please keep it.”

Levi sighed, tucking the money back into his wallet and putting it back into his pocket. He just wanted to remedy the situation, and he didn’t think Erwin would be needing the money for medical bills - he was perfectly fine.

Alex held out the soiled handkerchief to Levi, who muttered in response that Alex could keep it. They stuffed it into their pocket and sighed, tears finally drying out. Levi patted them gently on the shoulder to comfort them.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Mr. Ackerman,” Alex spoke softly, “Please try to convince Mr. Smith that I didn’t do anything, and let me know if there’s anything I can do to help the two of you.”

Levi nodded with a sad smile, “Thank you, Alex. I appreciate that.”

With that, Alex began walking back down the path, giving Levi a small wave before disappearing over the hill. Levi waited until they were out of view before going back inside to find Erwin. The man wasn’t in the kitchen or living room, or in his study. Levi walked back to the bedroom, seeing Erwin sitting on the edge of the bed with his head in his hand.

“I talked to Alex,” Levi piped up quietly, “I really don’t think they tried to read our mail, Erwin. It’s just a misunderstanding.”

Erwin looked up, “You mean you don’t believe me?”

Levi moved to sit next to his husband on the bed. He didn’t want to make a huge deal out this or make Erwin feel like an idiot - his husband had been feeling that way far too often the past few days.

“It’s not about that, baby,” Levi explained, placing a hand on Erwin’s shoulder comfortingly, “I believe that you have good cause, but I think you might have misinterpreted the situation. Alex wouldn’t do something like that. They were crying by the time you went back inside. Why would they read our mail, anyways?”

Erwin frowned, shaking his head, “Clearly they’re trying to get our secret code.”

Levi stared at Erwin with a tilt of his head, confusion written across his face, “Um… our what?”

Erwin stared at Levi as though he was an idiot, “Our secret code? Levi, don’t tell me you forgot it.”

Levi was starting to wonder if he was the forgetful one now. Had they had a secret code? What the hell was Erwin talking about? And why did he think Alex would want to steal some secret code from them? Why was he acting so odd and paranoid?

“I… I…” Levi saw the hopeful look in Erwin’s eyes, and couldn’t just let him down by telling him he was misremembering things, “Of course I remember the secret code. I just forgot for a moment there.”

He secretly hoped that Erwin wouldn’t ask any further questions of him; wouldn’t press him to test if he really did know whatever secret code this was. Levi watched Erwin smile at him and nod, as if confirming that they had this shared secret between them, even though Levi had no idea what he was talking about.

He was growing increasingly worried about Erwin. First forgetful, then getting lost, and now paranoid and talking about nonsense? Levi was still clinging to the idea that it was old age; that Erwin was okay, just a little out of sorts lately.

“Well,” Erwin placed his hand on his knee, “Shall we go to the market then, my dear?”

Levi had mentioned going to the market to buy a few things earlier in the day, and was surprised Erwin remembered, but this was a good sign. He felt a little better now, the effects of the confrontation with Alex starting to wear off now. He stood up shakily and nodded, using Erwin’s knee to help balance himself.

“I’ll get your wheelchair, darling,” Erwin announced, standing up once Levi was steady and starting to walk towards the front door to retrieve the wheelchair. Levi limped down the hall after him, walking to where Erwin was waiting for him outside with his chair. He grabbed his jacket and put it on, sitting down in the chair and letting Erwin push him down the porch ramp and start on his way towards the town.

Levi kept a short list of groceries in his head: eggs, bacon, fruit. Eggs, bacon, fruit, he repeated in his head. It was easy enough for him to remember. Erwin wheeled him down the path towards the town centre, pointing out that the leaves on the trees were starting to fall off in preparation for winter.

“We’ll be seeing snow within a month or so, I’d say,” Erwin guessed, the dirt pathway turning into cobblestone as they passed from rural to urban.

“Probably,” Levi agreed, “You should’ve worn your jacket. Aren’t you chilly?”

Erwin shrugged, “Not really.”

Levi never believed Erwin when he said he wasn’t cold. Levi was always cold, always needed to be bundled up in a jacket or a sweater or a blanket. But Erwin seemed to run warm, and never really needed a coat or anything. The two entered the marketplace, the pleasant smell of baked goods wafting through the air.

“What would you like to get first, my darling?” Erwin asked, pausing in his tracks to allow Levi some time to think.

“Well,” Levi looked around at the various stalls, seeing the fruit stand was the closest, “We can start at the fruit stand and move our way down. What fruits do you want? I was thinking some apples and peaches. I want to make some more of that peach jam I like.”

“Of course, dear,” Erwin began wheeling him towards the fruit stand, “I’ll just get some oranges.”

Levi was very particular about his fruits: they needed to be perfect, with no dents or bruises. Erwin didn’t care as much, and he would just grab an orange, barely give it a second glance, and toss it in a produce bag to purchase. Levi had scolded him for doing so on more than one occasion, but Erwin didn’t seem to mind imperfections as much as Levi did. Levi picked out some apples and peaches, and listened to Erwin chatting with the shop owner while he picked out some oranges.

“What bargain can I get out of you today, Mr. Mueller?” Erwin teased, the two men laughing with one another. Mr. Mueller was a gentleman in his fifties, who lived with his wife in town. His children were all grown up and out of the house by this point, off doing studies like Alex was. He was a nice enough man, though Erwin seemed to get along with just about anybody. They’d known him for years now, and he was someone they trusted in giving them good quality fruit at a decent price.

“Well, Mr. Smith,” Mr. Mueller clapped Erwin lightly on the back, “I have a good deal going on the apples right now. Thirty cents a pound. I got an extra shipment in this morning, so they’re fresh.”

Levi continued to parse through the apples to find the best ones before moving onto the peaches. He would need quite a few of them to make some peach jam, at least two to three pounds worth.

“And how are you today, Mr. Ackerman?” Mr. Mueller turned his attention to Levi, who gave him a brief, uninterested smile in greeting.

“Doing well, thank you,” Levi replied, “I’m planning to make a peach jam. What’s the price on peaches today?”

“Fifty cents a pound,” Mr. Mueller answered.

“What if I buy three pounds? Would you cut the price some?” Levi raised an eyebrow.

His intimidation tactics from his younger days were particularly good now in his old age when he needed something at a cheaper price. He didn’t want to scare Mr. Mueller, but he had an intimidating presence in general, and he knew Mr. Mueller was a people-pleaser, so it would be easy. Both Erwin and Levi were incredibly good at bartering, and Levi would’ve felt bad about all the ‘deals’ they’d gotten out of Mr. Mueller over the years if he wasn’t doing so well for himself already. He owned a two-story house down the block and had plenty of cash to afford a nice car for himself and his wife to drive around in.

“Only for you, Mr. Ackerman,” Mr. Mueller chuckled, “I’ll give them to you for five cents off a pound. How’s that sound?”

“Ten,” Levi bargained.

Mr. Mueller tapped his chin in thought, “Hmm, I’m not so sure about that. How about six?”

“Mr. Mueller,” Erwin smiled in that charismatic way he always did, “Did you know that it was our 25th wedding anniversary the other day?”

Levi knew exactly what Erwin was doing. He was trying to butter the man up, to get him to feel bad for not giving Levi the deal he wanted. Levi had to hide his smile, looking away from the two of them momentarily before he looked back and awaited Mr. Mueller’s answer.

Mr. Mueller’s eyebrows raised slightly, looking between the two of them, “Oh really? Well congratulations! I suppose… well, why not? Ten cents off a pound for the peaches! My gift to the two of you.”

Levi couldn’t help but feel a little cheerful at that, adding some more peaches until he had around three pounds of them. He handed that along with the bag of apples to Mr. Mueller, who weighed them on his little machine and calculated a price for them on his register. Erwin handed him the oranges next, and Mr. Mueller read out the total before Erwin pulled out his wallet and began handing bills over to him.

“Oh here,” Mr. Mueller handed Erwin back a five dollar bill, “You’ve given me an extra five.”

“Oh?” Erwin frowned, taking the five and putting it back into his wallet, “Must’ve miscounted, my apologies.”
Levi immediately thought back to Erwin’s trouble with the bills, noting that counting and numbers in general were a reoccurring issue now for Erwin. He frowned, but tried to brush the thought from his mind as he took the paper bag from Mr. Mueller and held it in his lap. They finished their exchange and went on their way, stopping at the butcher shop next to purchase some bacon. The lady at the meat counter wasn’t particularly friendly, but she gave them a good price anyways. She and Levi got along mostly because they didn’t take shit from anyone.

The last place they stopped was the small shop at the end of the street that sold various necessities: milk, eggs, butter, etc. Levi disliked going here the most. A teenager worked the register, and she was a particularly moody one at that. Levi had scolded her on more than one occasion to watch her tone when speaking to them, to which she’d rolled her eyes and handed them their groceries. Stupid teenagers, Levi thought to himself. You know, you were a teenager once, Erwin would try and remind him, try to drum up some sympathy for the girl. But thinking back, Levi didn’t even like himself as a teenager, so that kind of persuasion didn’t work on him.

“Hi Marla,” Erwin greeted as they entered the store, and the teen waved nonchalantly at the two.

“Mr. Smith,” she nodded at him, “Mr. Ackerman. I haven’t seen you two in a while. Kinda thought maybe you died.”

Erwin chuckled, though Levi wasn’t at all amused. The teenager was slouched over the counter, reading a book and not even bothering to look up at either of them when she spoke. Levi thought she was incredibly rude for doing so. Didn’t kids know to respect their damn elders, especially those who had literally fought to save the world?

“Oi,” Levi nagged, “Look up when you’re talking to people. Don’t you have any manners?”

Marla glanced up from her book, looking slightly amused at Levi’s irritation as she replied sarcastically, “Oh yes, sir, Mr. Ackerman, sir! Should I wipe your ass too while I’m at it?”

Erwin held back a laugh, as he knew it wouldn’t end well for him if he laughed at Levi’s expense. Levi shot Marla a glare and grumbled swears under his breath. He refrained from whacking her over the head with his cane, which he kept tucked into his wheelchair bag in case he needed it.

“De-escalate, Levi,” Erwin joked with a short laugh, “Marla’s just kidding around with you.”

Levi grunted and began to roll himself towards where they kept the eggs, listening to Marla and Erwin chatting behind him. He didn’t know how Erwin could be so kind to the annoying teenager; how he didn’t get annoyed with her like Levi did. But he supposed Erwin had always had this patience for people that others didn’t. Levi certainly knew he had no patience for people like Marla.

Back in the day, Levi would’ve been concerned about leaving Erwin alone at the counter talking to a teenage girl. All of them used to swoon over Erwin when he was commander, flirting with him and trying to entice him to date them. Of course, Erwin knew these girls were far too young for him, so he would politely let them down. But Levi would always see red when he saw someone flirting with Erwin, teen or not. They didn’t have to really worry about that anymore though with the age they were at. Occasionally, some old lady would recognize them and fawn over Erwin in particular, and Levi would merely sit there with crossed arms and a jealous glare.

“Oh come on, Mr. Smith,” Marla was saying as Levi grabbed a cartoon of eggs and examined them for cracks, “Didn’t you ever do anything fun when you were younger?”

Levi didn’t really know what they were talking about, but he figured it probably involved the teenager talking about some sort of social event she was attending that involved some precarious circumstances that Erwin had disapproved of.

“Erwin was a square,” Levi called from the back of the small shop, finding a good carton of eggs and rolling back towards the counter to pay for them, “And he joined the military at 12, so no. He didn’t do anything fun when he was younger.”

Levi set the eggs on the counter, and Marla rang them up, “That’ll be 56 cents. And god, that sounds awful. You must’ve had a terrible childhood, Mr. Smith.”

“We all did,” Levi looked away slightly while Erwin paid, “You kids have it easy now.”

When Levi looked back, Marla was frowning, “You really think we have it easy, Mr. Ackerman? We grew up in a world post-Rumbling. Our parents and grandparents are very traumatized from what happened, and it’s difficult for us to understand one another. Not to mention, the government’s not very progressive right now. My girlfriend and I…”

Marla paused, a blush appearing on her face as she covered her mouth. Clearly she’d let a secret slip. Erwin was smiling at her knowingly, and Levi cursed under his breath. Of course the girl was into women. Now he’d have to like her, at least a little bit, because they could relate to one another on that level.

“It’s okay,” Erwin reassured her, “Trust me. Levi and I would be the last ones to judge on that matter.”

Marla nodded, slowly removing her hand, “I’m just not used to telling people… my parents don’t even know.”

Erwin gave her a sad smile, “I’m sorry, Marla. That must be hard. I know how difficult it was for us when we were young. People will get used to it, even if they don’t like it. Just give it time.”

Marla smiled a little, the first time Levi had seen the grumpy teenager smile like that. He thought his husband’s words were incredibly sweet and thoughtful. Levi realized he didn’t really know what it was like to be a teenager now. Perhaps he had been too judgmental of Marla initially. Sure, she was a little rude, but what she’d said about growing up in a post-Rumbling world must’ve been difficult as well, especially when she was in a same-sex relationship at a time when the government wasn’t in favor of such things.

“How did you two fall in love?” Marla asked, leaning her elbow on the counter and resting her chin in her hand, “Did Mr. Smith sweep you off your feet? Was it romantic?”

Levi could feel himself blushing, and Erwin quickly laughed and took over the conversation so that Levi couldn’t approve or deny Erwin’s charming personality. He placed his hand on Levi’s shoulder, rubbing it gently.

“Well, it’s quite a long story, Marla,” Erwin explained, “I’m not sure we have time to tell it today. But it was very romantic. We used to send love letters when one of us was away on an expedition. When I was away from Levi, I would give him my bolo tie and he would give me his cravat so we would always have something of one another.”

Marla couldn’t help but smile at that before giggling, “That’s pretty gay, Mr. Smith.”

Erwin laughed openly, and Levi rolled his eyes at the comment as Erwin responded, “Well, yes. I suppose it is. Anyway, Marla. We best be going. It’s starting to get late and we need to get home. You have a nice night now, yeah? Be safe.”

Marla waved at them as they headed out of the store, and Levi waved back briefly, having a newfound appreciation for the teenager. She must’ve understood some of the struggles Erwin and Levi had gone through as a same-sex couple, and the fact that they could relate on that meant that Marla must be alright after all.

As they headed down the pathway, Erwin was muttering to himself under his breath. Levi frowned, wondering what his husband was so suddenly worked up about. He seemed to be annoyed by something, and Levi didn’t know what had happened to cause this.

“Is everything okay?” He asked as they bumped along the cobblestone walkway.

“They’re onto us, Levi,” Erwin spoke quietly, as if trying to keep a secret.

Levi turned around to look up at his husband, who was glancing around worriedly at the other people in the market. He looked completely paranoid, just as he had earlier when insisting that Alex had read through their mail. Levi could feel a drop in his stomach, an ache in his heart to see his husband so frazzled over nothing at all. Levi didn’t know if paranoia came with old age; it seemed like a symptom that was quite unusual, and he didn’t know what to make of it. The more he thought about it, the more Armin’s words rang in his head about Erwin having some kind of mental disease. And he didn’t want to think about that.

“Who’s onto us?” Levi asked, deciding to play into Erwin’s little game to try and figure out how he could help.

“Didn’t you hear?” Erwin whispered in some surprise, “Mr. Mueller gave me back that five dollars when I know I counted right. And Marla asking so many questions of us. It’s very suspicious, don’t you think?”

No, Levi thought, That’s not suspicious at all. You just can’t count right anymore, and Marla’s a nosy teenager. But he didn’t say that aloud. He merely mulled over what Erwin was saying, and tried to figure out why on earth Erwin would think that these trusted people they’d come to know would be ‘onto them’, whatever that meant.

“They’re trying to figure out the code,” Erwin muttered, “And here I thought I could trust people again.”

Levi felt a ping of sadness at that. You can trust people, Erwin, he wanted to say. But he didn’t know how to tell Erwin he was simply overreacting, overanalyzing things. He swallowed thickly, unsure of how to even answer his husband at this point.

“It’s okay, Ervy,” Levi reached up to pat his husband’s hand that was pushing him in his wheelchair, “Let’s not think about that now, okay?”

“You’re right,” Erwin agreed, “Best not to talk about it in public. Don’t want people asking anymore questions, that’s for sure.”

Levi stayed quiet for the rest of the way home, holding some of the groceries on his lap as they passed back over into the rural area of the town where they lived. He didn’t understand what was wrong with Erwin’s mind, why he was so suspicious of everyone all of a sudden. At least Levi was included in Erwin’s little game. How long would it be before Erwin started getting suspicious of Levi? He never thought there’d come a day where he was worried that Erwin might not trust him anymore, but here they were.

They got back to the house and Levi pushed himself out of his chair, carrying some of the groceries into the kitchen. Erwin didn’t follow him inside, which was confusing at first, but Levi brushed it off, thinking perhaps he’d gone to check on some of the plants in his garden. He began to put the fruit, bacon, and eggs away, hearing some shouting in the distance. Levi frowned. Is that Erwin shouting? Who’s he yelling at? He wondered, using his cane to help him back to the front door. He opened it and peered outside, seeing Erwin on the beach down the ramp, waving his arm as he shouted at some teenagers for being on their part of the beach.

At first, Levi was pleased. Finally, telling those damn kids off, he thought to himself. But then he saw just how scared the teens looked, just how furious Erwin was, and he felt a little bad. And god knows what sort of things Erwin was saying, as he hadn’t been in his right mind as of late. Levi made his way down the ramp towards the beach carefully, starting to hear what Erwin was saying:

“Who the hell do you work for?!” He growled at the teens, “Why are you spying on us?!”

One of the boys shook his head, “We… We’re not spying on you, sir! I promise! We were just playing volleyball… we’ll find somewhere else to play, okay? We’re sorry to have bothered you.”

At least they seem polite, Levi thought to himself, walking shakily towards Erwin and placing a hand on his arm. Erwin looked down at Levi briefly before turning back to the teens and wagging a finger at them.

“Tell me who sent you here,” Erwin demanded, “I don’t have patience for these games - who do you work for?!”

“Erwin,” Levi tugged lightly on Erwin’s arm, trying to get his attention, “They’re just kids. They’re not hurting anybody, come on. Just let them leave.”

Erwin frowned, looking back down at his husband with some exasperation written on his face, “Levi. They’re spies, don’t you see that?”

“Erwin, stop,” Levi snapped, finally having had enough as he turned to the frightened teens, “Go on, you kids get out of here. Sorry about him.”

The teenagers rushed off down the beach away from their property, whispering amongst themselves about the ‘crazy old man’ they’d just encountered. Levi didn’t like that. He didn’t want his poor husband to be known as a crazy old man. He was just a little confused, that’s all. Erwin crossed his arm over his chest in annoyance, frowned down at Levi.

“Why would you do that?” Erwin asked, “They were clearly spying on us!”

“Erwin, no they weren’t,” Levi replied, done playing these games with Erwin, “They’re just kids. Come on, let’s head back inside.”

Erwin huffed in some irritation before heading back towards the house, Levi trailing behind him with his cane. At least he’d managed to keep Erwin at bay for now. Things would be okay, right? His husband just needed a good nap and probably some coffee or something to eat. Then things would go back to normal.

But Levi wasn’t so sure anymore. The more time he spent with his husband, the more he was beginning to realize how messed up Erwin was becoming. And Levi was growing more and more concerned; becoming more and more convinced that this wasn’t old age. Something was very wrong here.

The next morning, Erwin and Levi went into town and bought a few more things from the marketplace like fresh bread and deli meats (Erwin made them stop at the record store, of course). Levi was in a good mood too, happy that his husband was doing better today. Erwin’s moods affected him very much - when Erwin was happy, so was he, but when Erwin was in a bad mood, then Levi was too. They arrived home after a couple hours of shopping, both a little tired and ready for a nap. The two snuggled in the bed and fell asleep for an hour or so, their aging bodies needing the rest.

Levi was the first to stir, sitting up and yawning as he stretched his arms. Erwin was still passed out under the covers, his face calm and his snoring just as annoying to Levi as usual. It was just a normal day for the two of them, going about their usual routine. Levi got out of bed and grabbed his cane, using it to help him down the hall to the kitchen. It was the late afternoon now, and he thought he’d get a head start on dinner. He took out some beef from the sink that he’d left to thaw, and began cutting it into cubes, planning to make a stew of some kind.

He heard the familiar sounds of Erwin climbing out of bed coming from the bedroom, and continued to cut up some vegetables as he waited for his husband to enter the kitchen and greet him. Levi could already picture Erwin coming in, asking him what he was making, and giving him a kiss to the cheek to say hello. He smiled to himself as he thought about it, but after a moment, he began to wonder what Erwin was doing. Levi didn’t hear him leaving the bedroom, and it’d been a good five minutes now. What was he doing?

That’s when Levi heard a loud crash, the sound of glass shattering, and his heart nearly stopped from the sound. He set the knife down on the cutting board, wiping his hands on a nearby towel and limping down the hallway as fast as he could. He didn’t even bring his cane. He stood in the entryway, looking into the bedroom with some shock.

Erwin was standing there, hand shaking furiously and bloody cuts on his palm. A large picture frame from the wall was on the floor now, glass everywhere, blood dripping onto the floor. Levi himself was shaking simply from the shock of finding Erwin like this. What the hell happened?! Levi thought to himself, staring at Erwin with wide eyes. But Erwin wasn’t even paying attention to him. He was kneeling on the floor in the glass now, pushing pieces of glass around haphazardly as if searching for something, mumbling ‘where is it, where is it’ under his breath. Levi didn’t even know how to react to finding Erwin this way.

“Erwin,” he whimpered, “Erwin, what happened? What are you doing?!”

He carefully walked around the glass, watching Erwin only cutting up his hand more as he searched through the glass pieces. He’s lost his fucking mind, Levi thought to himself as Erwin didn’t even look up, still searching for something, though Levi didn’t know what.

“I can’t find it, Levi,” Erwin muttered, “I can’t find it!”

“Can’t find what?!” Levi exclaimed, leaning down to grasp at Erwin’s arm, to make him stop cutting his hand up, “Erwin… Erwin, stop. You’re hurting yourself, stop it!”

Erwin ripped his arm away from Levi’s grasp, “I have to find it, Levi!”

“Find what?!” Levi asked in exasperation, holding onto Erwin’s shoulder for balance as he knelt down next to him and forcefully held Erwin’s hand away from the glass on the floor. His hand was bleeding pretty badly, and Levi was almost sure he would have to get stitches as this point.

“The secret code!” Erwin stared at Levi as if he was stupid, and Levi could feel the fear beating in his heart. Erwin really has lost his mind, hasn’t he? He thought to himself, feeling like everything was crumbling around him. Erwin tore his hand away from Levi again, continuing to look through the glass on the floor for this supposed ‘secret code’.

“Erwin,” Levi tried to grab at his hand again before losing his patience and shouting, “Erwin!”

Erwin stopped this time, looking at Levi with wide eyes. It was as though he snapped out of it finally, and Levi could see the change in his eyes, the person he recognized coming back to him. Erwin looked at his surroundings, confusion passing over his face. His eyebrows furrowed, clearly not understanding what had happened.

“Oh…” Erwin whispered, “I thought that… I don’t know what happened…”

Levi didn’t even realize that he had tears running down his face, but he could feel them, staring at Erwin with wide, terrified eyes and holding onto Erwin’s arm tightly to make sure he wouldn’t go back into the glass. But Erwin looked like he had returned to normal by this point, looking around at the mess he’d made. He looked like his mind was trying to work through it all, trying to figure out what had happened in the moments before. He stared down at his hand, eyes widening in shock at the bloody mess he’d made of his palm. And finally, he looked over at Levi, making eye contact with his husband and seeing how distraught and scared Levi looked from what Erwin had done.

“Erwin,” Levi breathed, not sure what else to say other than, “What happened?”

“I… I don’t know,” Erwin replied, swallowing thickly. Levi quickly untied his cravat from his neck and started to wrap it around Erwin’s hand, tying it tightly to help stop the bleeding. They’d have to make a trip to the hospital in town so Erwin could get stitches, as the cuts from the glass were quite bad.

“We have to get you to the hospital,” Levi sniffled, wiping away the tears and starting to get up, “Come on, let’s go. I’ll clean this up later.”

Erwin stayed seated there, looking down at his lap. He seemed to be in some form of shock, as if he didn’t understand what had happened to him. Levi didn’t understand either, but it had clearly scared the both of them.

“Erwin, come on,” Levi tried again.

Erwin looked up at Levi, tears threatening to spill over his eyelids, “Levi… what’s wrong with me?”

Levi could feel his lower lip quivering at Erwin’s question, but he took a deep breath to hold it in, feeling the urgency of needing to get Erwin to the hospital so he could get his hand looked at. But Erwin’s question really hit Levi hard. What’s wrong with him? Levi wondered, already feeling as though he knew the answer. He knelt back down slowly, placing a hand on Erwin’s shoulder gently.

“You… You’re sick, baby,” Levi admitted, “You’re very sick. You need to see a doctor.”

Erwin sniffed, “I… It’s just old-”

“It’s not old age,” Levi snapped, starting to get frustrated, “It’s not. Old people don’t do… whatever the hell that just was. You’re sick. You need help, Erwin.”

Levi had had enough. He’d coddled Erwin, believed him when he said he wasn’t sick, and now look what he’d done. No, Levi couldn’t just ignore this any longer. There was something wrong with Erwin, and he needed to go to the doctor.

Erwin shook his head in disbelief, tears finally breaking over his eyelids as he started to break down. His shoulders shook, tears falling faster by the second. Levi realized his words had been harsh, and he sighed, starting to rub Erwin’s back gently. He hadn’t meant to be that way; it was just hard. It was hard for him to admit it to himself, let alone to convince Erwin something was wrong with him. And he’d just lost his patience with the situation. A thousand emotions were flowing through him at once: anger, frustration, sadness, confusion. And he just hadn’t been able to hold all that in.

Levi wrapped his arms around Erwin as his husband dissolved into tears, bandaged hand clinging to the back of Levi’s shirt and his face burrowing into Levi’s shoulder. Levi just held him, silent tears rolling down his own cheeks as Erwin wept. He was admittedly terrified for his husband. He didn’t understand what was wrong with Erwin, but at least now they were admitting there was definitely a problem, whereas before the two of them had been denying it wholeheartedly.

“I’m scared,” Erwin admitted, “I don’t understand what’s happening to me.”

Levi rubbed his back, “It’s okay, Ervy. It’ll be okay. We’re gonna go to the doctor and find out what’s going on with you. The doctors will help you.”

Levi was remembering what Armin had said about there being no cure for these types of diseases, but he didn’t think Erwin needed to know that right now. He could find that out in his own time, but he didn’t need to know immediately. It would only make things worse for him.

Erwin pulled away slowly, tears rolling down his face as he tried to wipe them away with the back of his bloody hand. It was bleeding through the cloth now, and Levi knew they should really get going.

“Come on,” Levi struggled to his feet, using Erwin’s shoulder to push himself back up, “Come on, baby. Let’s go. I’ll drive us, okay?”

Erwin nodded silently, looking over the destruction he’d made one last time before he rose to his feet. Thankfully he’d been wearing long pants that had protected him from getting glass in his knees. Levi took Erwin’s arm and began to lead him down the hall and to the foyer. He grabbed the car keys and their wallets, taking them out the front door and to the car in the driveway.

Levi didn’t drive much, but he knew how to. Erwin had insisted on teaching him, and it was a frustrating endeavor to learn, but it was probably a good thing Erwin had taught him for situations like this where Erwin couldn’t drive, but they needed to get into town. Levi helped Erwin into the passenger’s side before walking around the car and getting into the driver’s side. He could drive the short distance into town - his legs could handle that, but anything far away like Armin and Annie’s was too much for him.

Levi moved the seat up closer to the steering wheel so he could reach the peddles, and he started the car. He turned to see Erwin still sniffling tearfully, wiping away at his tears every once in a while. The sight broke his heart: to see his husband so broken down and upset over something he couldn’t control. It was painful to watch. Levi started driving down the road towards downtown, reaching a hand over to place on Erwin’s thigh and squeeze it gently for comfort.

“It’ll be okay,” Levi reassured him, “We’re gonna figure out what’s wrong, okay?”

Erwin nodded, placing his bandaged hand on top of Levi’s and holding onto it. He didn’t say a word the entire drive into town, and Levi continued to try and say comforting words to him to make him feel a bit better as they drove. They pulled into the hospital parking lot and parked the car. It wasn’t a particularly big hospital: just a one-floor square building with limited capacity for patients. But it usually wasn’t too busy, so Levi wasn’t worried about them getting in and having trouble being seen in a timely manner.

The two of them went into the building, and Levi could still feel Erwin shaking as he held onto his arm and lead him in. He rubbed Erwin’s arm to try and soothe him, knowing how scared his husband must’ve been from whatever type of episode he’d just had.

“Hi there,” the receptionist greeted them, “How can I help you today?”

Levi held up Erwin’s bandaged hand for him, “My husband needs stitches. He cut himself on some glass.”

The receptionist raised an eyebrow, “On purpose?”

“No,” Levi shook his head, “It was an accident. He’s bleeding pretty badly.”

Erwin let Levi do all the talking, which was unusual for them. Erwin was usually the one who spoke for Levi, not the other way around. But Erwin stayed silent; he was clearly still highly upset and confused at what he had done.

“Alright,” the receptionist said once he’d checked them in, “You two can have a seat, the doctor will be right with you.”

Levi nodded and thanked him before leading Erwin into the waiting room and sitting down with him. Levi hadn’t even brought his cane, and his legs were incredibly shaky. He sighed in relief when he was finally able to sit down. He’d been so worried about Erwin that he’d forgotten about his own condition. Erwin seemed to have forgotten too, and was suddenly looking at Levi with worry.

“Oh no,” Erwin frowned, “We forgot your wheelchair, baby. You don’t even have your cane. I’m so sorry, I should’ve said something. I didn’t even think-”

“Baby, it’s fine,” Levi reassured him, “I didn’t think about it either. I’ll be okay. We’ll be mostly sitting anyways.”

“I’m an idiot,” Erwin muttered, staring down at his hand, “I’m a complete idiot.”

He looked as though he might start crying again, and Levi didn’t want him to embarrass himself in public - he knew Erwin would regret that more than anything he’d done today. He rubbed Erwin’s back gently, shushing him.

“Shh, Erwin. You’re not an idiot,” he whispered, “Don’t be so hard on yourself. Take some deep breaths, okay? It’s all gonna be okay.”

Erwin nodded, sucking in a deep breath and letting it out until he was a little calmer. The waiting room was pretty empty, except for a little boy and his father, who both appeared fine. Perhaps the mother is the one in the emergency room, Levi thought, hoping that she was okay. The little boy was playing some sort of game, hiding under the chairs and coming out to try and scare his father. Levi watched Erwin calm down even more upon watching the boy, a small smile on his face.

The little boy caught Erwin’s eye and smiled, walking over to the two of them cautiously. His father was busy reading a magazine, not even noticing his son approaching two strangers. Erwin greeted the boy with a small wave, almost as if he forgot his hand was all bloody and bandaged up.

“Whoa,” the little boy’s eyes widened, “What happened to your hand, mister? And your arm - it’s gone!”

Erwin chuckled, smiling softly, “It’s a secret. I don’t know if I can tell you.”

The little boy cupped his hands around his mouth and whispered loudly, “I can keep a secret. You can tell me.”

Levi looked on fondly as Erwin cupped his own hand around his mouth and whispered back, “I got in a fight with a bear.”

The little boy looked significantly impressed, eyes wide in awe, “You did?! All by yourself?!”

“Yep,” Erwin nodded, gesturing to Levi, “It tried to attack my husband here. So I had to save him.”

Levi rolled his eyes a little, but kept quiet, not wanting to ruin Erwin’s fun. Erwin always seemed to light up when he was around little ones; he became so vibrant and energetic, and Levi loved that about him.

“Hey,” the boy’s father called, “Come here, Leo. We don’t talk to strangers.”

The little boy pouted a little and waved at Erwin and Levi before rushing back over to his father. Erwin chuckled as he heard the boy telling his father all about how Erwin had lost his arm and hurt his hand.

A nurse came out of the door and called Erwin and Levi back. Levi rose to his feet, clinging to Erwin’s arm this time for leverage. His legs were still a little shaky, but he knew he could sit again soon. They were led back into one of the emergency rooms, and the nurse instructed Erwin to sit on the hospital bed, while gesturing to a chair next to the bed for Levi.

Since the Rumbling, the two hadn’t been to the hospital very often. There had only been the time that Levi had taken a bad tumble on the pavement once and needed stitches in his knee, along with the time Erwin had gotten a bad burn on his hand from trying to grab something out of the oven without using an oven mitt. But other than that, they hadn’t really been to the hospital outside of regular doctor’s visits.

“Hello Mr. Smith, Mr. Ackerman,” the doctor entered the room. Her name was Dr. Owens, and she was their primary care doctor. She was the only doctor who would admit them in the town, as the rest were homophobic and had refused them service. That, along with her excellent care, was why Levi liked her so much as their doctor. She was a fairly young doctor, and she seemed to know what she was talking about, so Levi trusted her.

“Hi Dr. Owens,” Erwin greeted, Levi waved at her.

“I heard you cut your hand up, Mr. Smith,” Dr. Owens checked her chart, “Can I take a look?”

Erwin nodded, holding his bandaged hand out to her. She unwrapped it carefully, examining the wound that was still gushing blood. She frowned and did the bandage back up for the time being, patting Erwin’s hand carefully to comfort him.

“Do you think I’ll live, doctor?” Erwin quipped.

She smiled a little at Erwin’s joke, replying sarcastically, “I think you’ll make it out of this one, thankfully.”

Levi rolled his eyes a little. Erwin could be so cheesy sometimes. Dr. Owens let go of his hand and Erwin let it fall back to his side. She looked back down at her chart, taking a couple of notes before tapping her lip with the pen.

“So can you tell me how this happened?” Dr. Owens asked, and Erwin’s cheerful demeanor instantly changed. He looked to Levi for help, not knowing how to explain to her what happened.

Levi piped up, “Erm… well that’s another reason we’ve come in. You see, Erwin’s had some sort of episode. We don’t know what happened.”

Erwin was suddenly very timid, looking ashamed and embarrassed as he nodded as if to confirm Levi’s story. Dr. Owens looked up from her chart with a raised eyebrow, asking, “Oh? Can you describe to me what happened?”

“Well I…” Levi started, realizing he didn’t really know, “I guess I’m not sure… Erwin?”

In all their panic, he hadn’t even asked Erwin how it had happened - what he remembered about the event. Erwin shifted uncomfortably on the hospital bed, clearing his throat.

“Well,” Erwin explained, “I woke up from a nap, and I was really confused. I don’t remember exactly what happened, but one moment I was getting out of bed, and the next I was on the floor with glass everywhere and my hand all bloody, Levi at my side trying to get me to come out of it.”

Dr. Owens nodded, furiously scribbling notes as she took in Erwin’s words, inquiring, “And have you noticed any other significant changes lately? Like drastic shifts in mood or sudden forgetfulness?”

Erwin swallowed thickly and nodded solemnly, almost as if he was resigning to his fate. Levi knew it had taken a lot for Erwin to admit that, and he was proud of his husband for doing so. He placed a hand on Erwin’s forearm and squeezed it gently to convey that. Erwin gave Levi a sad smile in return.

“Alright, Mr. Smith. We’re going to get you stitched up, and then we’ll run a couple of tests on you, okay?” Dr. Owens tried to reassure him, “Nothing bad, just a blood test and some cognitive tests. It shouldn’t take too long.”

Erwin nodded, watching Dr. Owens leave the examination room. He let out a sigh as soon as she left, turning to Levi to give him a small smile, “Thank you, darling. You’ve been so helpful.”

“Of course,” Levi responded, fingers running up and down Erwin’s arm soothingly, “You don’t have to thank me, Erwin. I want to help.”

Erwin took Levi’s hand into his own and pressed a kiss to the back of it, leaning back on the bed and giving Levi a loving look, “What did I ever do to deserve you, Levi?”

Levi didn’t know why Erwin would always say that to him. He didn’t think he was anything special, but Erwin seemed to think he was. Erwin thought Levi was incredible, even when Levi did the most menial tasks. Levi liked to be helpful, and he was glad Erwin thought so highly of him, even if he didn’t always understand it.

Erwin and Levi sat quietly now, waiting for the doctor to return. She soon did with a couple of nurses and a rolling tray with some instruments on it. Dr. Owens undid the cloth on Erwin’s hand and began to clean the wound. The bleeding was slowing to a stop now, so she was able to stitch up the cuts. One of the nurses rewrapped his hand in fresh bandages, while the other nurse prepared a needle for blood work. She took blood from Erwin’s arm to fill a vial that they could test, and soon the three women exited the room, leaving the two alone once more.

“See?” Levi smiled sweetly, “I told you they’d take care of everything. Your hand will heal quickly, I’m sure of it.”

Erwin gave Levi a sad smile in return, as if he wanted to be happy but couldn’t. And Levi knew exactly why that was. His husband was thinking about that blood test, and the cognitive tests he was going to have to do. Levi wondered what sort of questions they would ask Erwin, and how he would do. His husband was incredibly smart, and some part of him hoped that Erwin would do well. But he knew it wasn’t about smarts; it was about ability. And Erwin had been losing his cognitive abilities whether he wanted to or not.

One of the nurses came back with a clipboard, “Alright, Mr. Smith. We’re going to start the cognitive test now.”

She started with simple questions: the date, day, month, year, and season. Then, she moved on to ask what building they were in, what floor they were on, the town name, county name, and what country they were in. Erwin got them all right, though he’d taken some significant time to think about some of them that Levi thought would’ve come incredibly easy to him. It worried him, Levi couldn’t help it. He silently prayed for Erwin on each question, prayed that he’d get it right, even though he wasn’t religious.

“Okay, Mr. Smith,” the nurse said, “You’re doing well so far. I need you to remember three words for me because I’m going to ask you about them later. The words are: lemon, key, and ball.”

She repeated the words one more time for him, and Erwin nodded, repeating them back to her just to confirm. She continued with the test, asking him to do some subtraction. This was one that Erwin had a difficult time with, looking confused. He got several of them wrong, but she didn’t correct him, just taking notes on his answers. Levi remained silent, a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach.

“Okay, next I need you to spell ‘world’ for me,” she requested, not looking up from the clipboard, “And then spell it backwards.”

“W…O…R…L…D,” Erwin replied, “D…R…L…O…W.”

Levi didn’t understand when this had happened. It felt as though a year ago, Erwin would’ve been able to pass this test easily. Why was he having so much trouble with it now? Levi didn’t think there would come a day when he could beat Erwin in a cognitive test. But as they continued the test, Levi began to feel more and more queasy. The nurse asked Erwin for the three things she’d asked him to remember, and he got them right, much to Levi’s relief. But when she asked him who the current head of the country was, Erwin couldn’t answer. He sat there, trying to think of the name, but unable to. Levi knew he was faking it either, because he was really trying hard to think of it. He looked shocked that he couldn’t think of it too.

“It’s okay. We’ll move on to the next one,” the nurse reassured him.

She had him think up words that started with the letter S, all the animals he could think of, repeat various phrases and think up sentences with a verb and a subject. Erwin did okay, but it wasn’t his best. Levi knew him at his best, and this wasn’t it. He had trouble thinking up things, but barely any problems repeating phrases. The nurse moved onto pictures: she held up pictures of objects like a pen, a watch, a crown, etc. and asked him to name the items. Levi was shocked when Erwin couldn’t name the last two: the accordion and the alligator.

The last part of the test was drawing: Erwin had to copy various drawings of shapes, and then draw a clock. Levi tried not to watch, but it was impossible not to. The drawing Erwin did of a clock shocked him. He put the numbers all on one side of the circle and only drew one hand instead of two. Erwin didn’t seem to find anything wrong with it at all, handing the paper back to the nurse, who didn’t react to it either, probably not wanting Erwin to feel worried or stressed about his responses.

Levi wanted to cry. He wanted to burst into tears right there in the hospital room, but he held back. He didn’t want to make Erwin feel worse, but his heart was aching for his husband. There really was something wrong with him. Levi was feeling incredibly guilty for not noticing earlier; for not forcing Erwin to go to the doctor when he initially thought he should. Though he knew there was nothing that could be done, he felt like if they had caught it earlier, maybe they could’ve done some sort of exercises to help strengthen Erwin’s brain against it.

The nurse soon finished up the test, thanking Erwin for his answers and leaving the room with the paperwork. Erwin sat back on the bed, neither of them saying a word. Erwin looked distraught, as if he was realizing for the first time that he really wasn’t okay. His eyes darted around the room, swallowing thickly and unsure of what to do with himself. Levi took his hand, squeezing it gently so as not to disturb the stitches under the bandages. Erwin gave him an appreciative smile, bringing Levi’s hand to his lips to press a kiss there.

“Whatever happens,” Erwin whispered against his skin, “I’ll always appreciate how you’ve been here for me through all of this. Levi… thank you.”

Levi bit his lip to hold back his tears, smiling through them, “Of course, Erwin.”

Dr. Owens soon returned through the door, holding her clipboard and the test results. She put a hand on Erwin’s shoulder, smiling at him sadly. They were clearly about to receive bad news, and Levi didn’t know if he could handle the words that were about to leave her mouth.

“Mr. Smith,” she murmured, “I’m sorry to inform you that you have cortical dementia.”

It felt like all the air was taken out of the room when Levi heard those words. He held on tightly to Erwin’s hand, just to keep a grasp on reality as Levi’s whole world reeled in front of him. So it was true. And Armin had been right. Erwin had dementia. Levi felt so many emotions run through him at once, but grief was the most prominent. Then, as if nothing had happened at all, he went completely numb.

Erwin nodded, staying silent for a moment before asking, “How… How long do I have?”

Dr. Owens rubbed his arm soothingly, sensing the pain the two of them were going through at that moment, “It depends on a few factors. We’ve caught it a little late, so if it continues to progress at a rapid pace, then you have about a year or so. If it progresses at a slower pace, you could have up to five years.”

Levi couldn’t breathe. A year… a year to five years… that was all the time he had left with Erwin. He felt like he could pass out, clinging to Erwin’s hand as if letting go meant he might lose Erwin forever. Erwin wouldn’t look at Levi, but Levi couldn’t look away from Erwin. He was taking in everything about his husband: his hooked nose, his thick eyebrows, his plump lips. He didn’t want to lose those things, didn’t want to lose Erwin.

“I see,” Erwin replied, “And there’s nothing we can do to stop it?”

“No, sir,” Dr. Owens said in a regretful voice, “There are some medications we’re going to prescribe you that can help with the symptoms, but unfortunately there’s nothing that can stop it from worsening.”

Levi wanted to get up and run as far as he could away from this place. He wanted to run away from the problems that had just been presented to him in the form of a simple diagnosis. But he remained in his seat. He knew he had to be there for Erwin. He couldn’t let his husband go through that all alone.

“I’m so sorry,” Dr. Owens frowned, “I wish there was more I could do for you, Mr. Smith. I really do.”

Erwin gave her a small smile, ever the gentleman, “Thank you, Dr. Owens. I appreciate it. Are my husband and I free to leave now?”

Dr. Owens nodded, “I’ll go get your release paperwork and then you’ll be free to go.”

With that, she disappeared out of the door. Erwin and Levi stayed silent. Levi didn’t want to say anything. He knew whatever he said wouldn’t give Erwin solace. He couldn’t say anything that would fix the situation they were in. So he simply stayed quiet, and Erwin did too, which was surprising. Usually, Erwin would be the type of person to speak in this type of situation, to try and make everything seem okay. But that wasn’t okay, and he wouldn’t lie again.

Dr. Owens brought them their release forms and sent them on their way, and Levi drove them back home, the two remaining silent the whole way back. Erwin didn’t even want the radio on, which was unusual for him. Levi parked the car in the driveway and got out. Erwin got out too, helping Levi to the kitchen where he could retrieve his cane. Once he had gotten his cane back, the two made their way into the living room and sat on the couch. Over the years, they’d sat on this couch after a lot of bad news, and that day was just like those days, only it was much, much worse.

Then, as if nothing had happened at all, Erwin rose to his feet and made his way over to the record player. He picked a record from the shelf and put it on the turntable, starting to play the song:

My love must be a kind of blind love

I can’t see anyone but you

He let out a deep sigh and leaned a hand against the bookcase, back facing Levi now. Levi knew that listening to music calmed Erwin, and he watched his husband tap his foot to the beat, keeping in rhythm with bluesy tune:

Are the stars out tonight?

I don’t know if it’s cloudy or bright

I only have eyes for you dear

Levi slowly pushed himself off the couch, walking over to his husband and tapping him on the shoulder. He only knew of one thing he could do that might make Erwin feel better, and as Erwin turned to look at him, Levi stretched his hand out towards Erwin, asking quietly, “Will you dance with me?”

Erwin looked a little surprised at first, but soon shared a sad smile with Levi and nodded, taking Levi around the waist and pulling him close. Levi wrapped his arms around Erwin’s neck, standing on his tiptoes so that their faces were brushing against one another.

The moon may be high

But I can’t see a thing in the sky

I only have eyes for you

I don’t know if we’re in a garden

Or on a crowded avenue

It didn’t take very long for Levi to feel the wetness of Erwin’s tears on his cheek, and his heart broke at that. He held onto Erwin tighter, never wanting to let go of him. He didn’t want to lose his husband, and he felt like losing Erwin meant everything he had was going with him. Erwin was Levi’s entire life. How was he supposed to live without him?

Levi finally allowed himself to cry too, letting those tears break past his eyelids and spill onto Erwin’s face as well. They were both crying quietly, letting the silent tears pass between them as they held one another. Levi didn’t know what was going to happen now. All he knew was that he was going to keep ahold of Erwin for as long as he could.

You are here

And so am I

Maybe millions of people go by

But they all disappear from view

And I only have eyes for you

Levi was happy that Erwin went on a walk the next morning by himself. Usually, they went together, but this time, Levi had declined the offer to join Erwin, wanting to spend some time by himself. He needed alone time to process the medical diagnosis Erwin had gotten the night prior. After they’d finished dancing together, Levi had gone and cleaned up Erwin’s mess in the bedroom, picking up the glass and washing away the blood from the wooden floor so his husband wouldn’t have to relive that moment. Then, they’d gone to bed, snuggling, and decidedly not mentioning what had happened that evening.

But now that Levi was alone, he could feel those walls he put up for Erwin’s sake finally breaking down. Those emotions he’d been holding back so that Erwin could have someone to lean on were finally coming through. Levi had been in the middle of doing the dishes when he’d finally broken down. It was just too much for him to handle.

He scrubbed furiously at a stain on one of the white porcelain bowls they’d used for breakfast that morning. He’d made scrambled eggs and sausage with cheese, and there was a cheese stain on the dish that he couldn’t seem to get out. Levi scrubbed and scrubbed at it. When finally, he set it back down in the basin and gripped the edges of the sink, squeezing as hard as he could until it was painful. His bangs hung in his face as he stared down at the stain, tears filling his eyes. It just felt like nothing was going right. How could something so little set him off like this?

Levi bit his lip, trying to quell the emotions that were fast breaking forwards and wanting to escape. He didn’t want to cry, but he could feel it in his chest; it pained him. He could feel tears running down his cheeks now, a quiet sob escaping his mouth. He sniffled, bringing a hand up and clutching at his shirt, letting out a silent sob. It was hurting him badly, absolute agony as he clawed at his chest, breathing deeply to try to stop his crying.

He was still holding the edge of the sink with his other hand, so tightly his knuckles were white. Another sob, his body shaking. He raised the hand from his shirt to his head, placing it on his forehead as if he couldn’t believe this was happening to him. He couldn’t believe this was happening to Erwin, that his husband was going to die sooner than either of them thought. They didn’t have much time left with one another, and even the time they had together was short because Erwin was losing his mind slowly, but surely.

Levi let go of the sink and wiped his eyes with both fists, sniffling tearfully. How could this be happening? How could Erwin have dementia? He didn’t understand. A million stressful thoughts were running through his mind at what they would have to go through now. He wasn’t sure how he was going to take care of Erwin when he began to deteriorate physically. Mentally would be difficult, too, but with his own mobility problems, how was he going to help Erwin get around the house? Do things like use the bathroom, eat food? He wasn’t a nurse; he knew nothing about taking care of a dementia patient. What was he going to do when Erwin needed more from him than he could offer?

He had always pictured himself as the one who would need Erwin’s care, not the other way around. He was the one who had trouble getting around, not Erwin. And now, the roles would be reversed. Levi knew he would give it his all; he didn’t want anyone else to take care of Erwin. He wanted to do it. He would give Erwin anything he needed and couldn’t bear the thought of sending Erwin away to a nursing home so he could get proper care. Though Levi was sure that was an inevitable possibility, he pushed those thoughts far back. The thought of not living with Erwin anymore, watching him fade away in an old people’s home, was too much, and the tears were flowing so fast now that they blinded Levi.

He heard the front door open and quickly wiped his tears away. He had to be strong; couldn’t let Erwin see him so distraught. It wasn’t Erwin’s fault that this was happening, and Levi didn’t want to make him feel guilty. He had made a silent vow to himself to not cry in front of Erwin anymore, so that he wouldn’t stress his husband out further.

“Hi baby,” Erwin greeted as he entered the kitchen. “I’m home.”

Levi nodded, quickly sucking in deep breaths to calm himself. He turned around, certain Erwin would probably be able to tell he’d been crying, but silently praying he wouldn’t bring it up. The two made eye contact, and Levi could see the brief sadness in Erwin’s eyes as he recognized what Levi had been up to while he was gone. But they quickly returned to normal, and Levi’s eyes flitted downwards to see that Erwin had a small bundle of flowers in his hands. They looked like wildflowers, and he must’ve picked them from the trail near their house where he often went on walks.

“I picked these for you,” Erwin smiled softly, hobbling over to Levi and pressing a kiss to his forehead. “Beautiful flowers for my beautiful husband.”

“Thank you, Ervy,” Levi sighed happily, taking the flowers from him and leaning up to share a kiss with him. “I really needed some cheering up.”

Erwin ran his fingers through Levi’s hair. “Well, did you want to do something? I’m sure we could both use some cheering up after last night.”

Neither of them had specifically referenced last night since it had happened, and Levi was glad they were addressing the elephant in the room. Well, they weren’t really directly addressing it, but at least it was being talked about somewhat normally now.

“Sure,” Levi took in a whiff of the flowers, they smelled of lavender. “What should we do?”

“Well,” Erwin started, bending down under the sink to retrieve a vase for Levi. “We could listen to the radio if you want.”

He grunted with the effort, handing Levi the vase. Levi filled it with some water and spruced the flowers inside, admiring how nice they looked. The flowers were vibrant shades of purple and blue with bright green stems.

“Is there a new show on?” Levi asked curiously, setting the vase on the countertop and pushing it to the center so the flowers could be displayed perfectly.

The two of them listened to various radio shows on the stereo Armin had gifted them. Armin was quite tech savvy and insisted Levi and Erwin have some of the newest technologies, though Levi had managed to keep him from buying them a television - that was just far too expensive, no matter how much Erwin wanted one. So their radio was enough for them.

“I’m not sure,” Erwin admitted. “Let’s see what’s on.”

“As long as it’s not the news, I don’t care,” Levi muttered, listening to Erwin chuckle in response.

Levi wasn’t one for the news. It was always so depressing: so many people died in such-and-such bombing, or some politician passed another law restricting people from loving who they want. He preferred to listen to the radio shows with Erwin, who enjoyed them probably just as much.

The two walked into the living room, and Levi sat on the couch while Erwin walked over to the stereo and began messing with the buttons. Levi had no idea how to use the damn thing, but he was paying attention to what Erwin was doing now, as he realized Erwin might forget how to do it one day. Erwin pressed the big button to turn the machine on and used the knob to flip through the channels. It didn’t seem too difficult, really, though Levi was sure he’d mess it up somehow.

“Ooh!” Erwin exclaimed. “It’s The Shadow! We haven’t listened to that in a while. You want this one, or something else?”

The Shadow was a detective mystery show where a person who was never seen, only heard, was a crime fighter, who possessed various skills that helped him overcome his enemies. He could defy gravity, speak all languages, unravel codes, and become invisible. This was one of Erwin’s favorites, though Levi was a little indifferent to it. Someone who could defy gravity and turn invisible? It didn’t seem realistic at all to Levi, who didn’t enjoy the imaginary as much as Erwin did.

“We can listen to this,” Levi decided, thinking about how excited Erwin was sounding, and how he couldn’t just ruin that excitement. “Come sit with me.”

Erwin left the knob on that station and walked back to the couch, sitting next to Levi with a huff of exertion. Levi pulled his legs up onto the couch and laid them over Erwin’s lap, letting Erwin drape his arm around Levi and pull him close. Levi wanted moments like these to last forever, though he knew that was impossible. He was even more clingy now that he knew Erwin was going to leave him soon. Erwin seemed to be feeling the same way, hugging Levi tightly as the radio show crackled throughout the room:

(3:11) What you got in those test tubes? What kind of stuff are you making? Hey, why are you looking at me like that? What have I done? Don’t look at me like that. Hey, don’t come any closer. I’m gettin’ out of here, I’m gettin’ out of here! Locked. Please let me out of here!

Levi listened to the frantic voice trying to escape, leaning into Erwin’s chest and snuggling up to the pillowy pecs. Erwin was stroking his lower back slowly as they quietly listened to the show. The men were poisoned with a drug that caused them to laugh to death, and Levi could feel the chills up his spine as he listened to the laughter of the men who would soon meet their fate. This show could be creepy, though Erwin seemed to enjoy that quite a bit.

Erwin’s hand wandered down to Levi’s ass, squeezing gently and starting to knead the fatty muscle. Levi could feel himself blushing. How could Erwin be horny at a time like this? Levi thought to himself. This was hardly the time to be aroused, listening to two men dying of laughter. But Levi had discovered over the years that Erwin could get turned on in many situations, even when it was less than appropriate. He soon felt his husband’s lips graze the side of his head, kissing his undercut before moving to his ear and nuzzling and kissing his earlobe. Levi sighed, enjoying the careful touches and kisses. They admittedly felt nice, although Levi wasn’t particularly turned on right now (though that was changing more and more by the second).

“Come sit on my lap, darling,” Erwin invited, tugging at Levi’s waist to get him to do so.

Levi sat up and straddled Erwin, placing his hands on either side of Erwin’s face. His husband was looking up at him lustfully, eyes hooded, and lips parted. Levi sighed and leaned in, kissing him sweetly. The sounds of their smooching filled the room, drowning out the radio as the kisses became more heated by the second. Erwin was grasping Levi by his hair, drawing him closer, and Levi groaned into the kiss when he felt Erwin grind up against him.

His knees were starting to hurt, and he pulled away, the two of them breathing heavily for a moment. Levi was getting ready to tell Erwin they needed to switch positions, when Erwin grasped him by the hair and tugged him close for another kiss, this one much hungrier than the others. Levi couldn’t help but moan into the kiss, sighing contently as the two of them eagerly exchanged kisses, lips smacking against one another. Erwin is certainly putting a lot of passion into this, Levi thought to himself, a little surprised.

“Fuck,” Levi muttered between kisses, grinding down on Erwin more heatedly. They were both aroused, and Levi knew there was no stopping it now. He felt Erwin tugging down his pants and boxers, fingers ghosting over his parting and making him mewl with desire.

But Levi wanted things to be different this time. He wanted to give Erwin something, especially since Erwin had been going through so much lately. So, Levi removed himself from Erwin’s lap with wobbly knees, placing a throw pillow on the ground and kneeling on it between Erwin’s legs. Erwin was looking down at him with wide eyes, seeming very surprised by what Levi was doing. Levi looked up at him seductively before reaching forward to undo Erwin’s pants. Erwin scooted to the edge of the couch so Levi would have better access, and Levi pulled Erwin’s cock out of his boxers, tugging at it a few times.

He opened his mouth and leaned forwards, enveloping the head into his mouth and suckling on it. Erwin groaned, pulling on Levi’s hair enthusiastically to encourage him to continue. Levi sunk down on his erection, bobbing his head and licking at the veins. Erwin was sighing above him, fingers petting his hair and gently tugging at it every once in a while. Levi was enjoying listening to Erwin’s noises; he could be so loud when Levi did this to him, and it turned Levi on even more. He clung to Erwin’s hairy thighs as he moved up and down on his cock, letting it hit the back of his throat.

He continued those ministrations for a couple of minutes before noticing Erwin’s noises had subsided. Levi frowned, sucking harder and hoping to elicit some kind of noise. Nothing. Levi glanced up at Erwin, seeing him staring off with a hazy look in his eyes. Levi instantly pulled away, realizing something was wrong.

“Ervy?” He frowned, shaking Erwin’s thigh lightly. “Ervy, what’s wrong?”

“I’m tired, Marie,” Erwin sighed, still not looking at Levi.

Marie?! Levi thought to himself in shock, his mouth dropping open. Erwin had never, ever called him Marie before, not in all their years of marriage. His initial reaction would’ve been to get up and storm off, slam the bedroom door, and not speak to Erwin for the rest of the night. But something wasn’t right. Erwin hadn’t done it on purpose; he seemed to be very out of it at the moment.

Marie was a name that hadn’t been spoken in their household for a long time. She still lived in the capital of Paradis, surrounded by kids and grandkids. She fared pretty well without Nile, even though she missed her husband dearly. You could see it in her eyes; something was gone there that she could never get back. But Erwin never brought her up, knowing it irked Levi to hear about Erwin’s former lover. So, Levi knew Erwin must be really out of it to bring her up, especially at a time like this.

“Ervy, it’s me,” Levi tried. “It’s Levi. Not Marie.”

Erwin glanced down at Levi in confusion, seeing who was before him and eyes widening, “Oh. Hi Levi.”

His eyes were clouded over, as though he was completely gone. Levi could feel the tears tugging at the back of his eyes and sucked them back before patiently helping Erwin do his pants back up. He tugged his own pants up and plopped back onto the couch next to Erwin, who was still looking around the room in confusion.

Then, as if nothing at all had occurred between them, Erwin turned to Levi and asked, “Wait… weren’t we about to have sex? What happened?”

Levi smiled sadly up at Erwin, “Baby… you went away for a moment there.”

Erwin frowned, “I… I did? I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

Levi shook his head, reaching over and placing a hand on Erwin’s thigh, rubbing him there soothingly. Erwin looked a little distraught then, as if a million questions were going through his head at once. He didn’t think it was a good idea to tell Erwin in detail what he’d done; he didn’t want Erwin to get upset with himself for calling Levi ‘Marie’. He hadn’t meant to do it.

“Well… we can try again,” Erwin said with determination, turning to Levi and placing a hand on Levi’s waist. “Come on, baby. We can try it in the bedroom instead.”

It seemed as though Erwin wasn’t even determined to just have sex with Levi; he was more determined to prove things could still be like they were before. He wanted to make things normal for them, and having sex was one of the most normal things he could think of doing at that moment.

“No, baby…” Levi frowned. “I… I don’t think we should have sex anymore.”

Levi was just so uncomfortable with the fact that he’d been sucking Erwin’s dick while Erwin wasn’t even all there mentally. It felt as though he was taking advantage of his husband, and that was the last thing he wanted. He wanted their sexual activities to have enthusiastic consent and didn’t need Erwin to blank out while they were having sex, only to reawaken and be confused as to what they were doing.

Erwin’s eyes widened slightly, “You… You mean… never again?”

Not until you get better, Levi wanted to say, but he realized Erwin wasn’t going to get better. This was it. Levi’s decision meant that the last time they’d had sex was the last time they ever would. Levi could feel a pit in his stomach. It wasn’t just about the sex for him; it was about the intimacy, the normalcy of doing such an activity together as husbands. Now that was being ripped away from them, too.

“Never again,” Levi repeated. “I… I don’t want you to forget what we’re doing while we’re having sex… I’d feel like I’m taking advantage of you, and I don’t want to hurt you like that, Erwin.”

Erwin looked considerably hurt, placing his hand on his chest, “Levi… you mean we’re never going to do it again? Like… never?”

Levi didn’t know what Erwin wasn’t getting, but maybe it was just such a surprise to him that he couldn’t help but ask again and again. Levi nodded to confirm that yes, they would never have sex again. It hurt Levi to say that as much as it probably hurt Erwin to hear it. His husband looked betrayed and pained, as if Levi had told him he didn’t love him anymore.

“I’m sorry, baby,” Levi whispered, placing a hand on Erwin’s shoulder. “It’s just what we have to do. We wouldn’t have been able to have sex forever, anyway. We’re just getting too old for all that.”

Erwin shrugged Levi’s hand off his shoulder and stood, readying himself to leave the room in a huff. Levi sighed. He knew Erwin wouldn’t take it well, but Levi didn’t see another way out of this situation. It wasn’t right for Levi to ask for sex from someone who wasn’t all there mentally.

“I’m not stupid,” Erwin muttered heatedly. “I can still consent to things - I’m not that bad. Not yet. I’m still here, so why can’t we keep doing things while I’m still here?”

Levi sighed, looking up at Erwin, “Because you’re not all here, Erwin. You just disappeared while I was sucking your dick. Don’t you think that makes me feel incredibly guilty?”

Erwin clenched his fist at his side, “It wasn’t even for that long - it was only a couple of minutes! I… I just can’t believe that you’re trying to take something away from me when I’ve had so much taken away already!”

“I’m not doing this to hurt you, Erwin,” Levi tried. “I’m doing this for your own good. Why can’t you understand that?”

Erwin shot Levi a bit of a glare. “Maybe it’s because I’m just a stupid old man with dementia who can’t make his own decisions anymore. Is that why I don’t understand, Levi? Hmm?”

Levi didn’t understand why Erwin was being so difficult about this. He knew Erwin’s dementia made him moody, so he supposed that was probably what was making him behave this way. Still, it hurt that Erwin was getting so upset over it; it was clearly painful for him that Levi was rejecting him in this way.

“Erwin,” Levi started. “You’re not a stupid old man. Please respect my decision. I’m sorry I’ve upset you, but it’s for the best.”

Erwin was looking angrier by the second, something Levi wasn’t really used to. But he was starting to become used to Erwin’s mood swings, his husband crying one minute and shouting the next. He was all over the place sometimes.

“I could divorce you for this,” Erwin threatened furiously, pointing his finger at Levi. “An integral part of marriage is being intimate with one another.”

Levi could feel the pain in his heart from Erwin’s words, though he tried to push it away. He knew Erwin didn’t mean it; he wasn’t fully responsible for what came out of his mouth now-a-days. Levi simply stayed quiet, trying to convey that Erwin’s words had hurt him. Perhaps then Erwin would realize what he was saying. But Erwin merely huffed angrily when Levi didn’t respond, crossing his arm over his chest and storming out of the room.

Levi waited until Erwin was gone to allow the tears to roll down his cheeks. It wasn’t just the fact that Erwin was angry with him, it was also the fact that their sex life was essentially over. Something that had been so important to them in their relationship. Levi would never feel Erwin inside him again, would never enjoy that warmth in his stomach when his husband opened him up. He’d never again get to scratch his nails down Erwin’s back, feel like he could never get enough of Erwin even with him inside. Levi let the tears fall now, the voice of the radio show still in the background:

(18:51) The place gives me the creeps. I can still hear the sound of that horrible laugh. First you tell me you don’t like the apartment and then you persuade me to move here!

Well, Margot, the reason I wanted you to rent this apartment is that I believe that the solution to the laughing corpse may still be here.

Well, that isn’t going to make me feel any better about living here.

Erwin was much more cheerful later that evening, seeming as though he’d forgotten about their earlier fight. Levi was sure they’d have the same fight again the next time Erwin tried to ask for sex, but Levi hoped he would have some time before that happened. He needed time to calm down and get over the fact that he and his husband’s intimate lives were over.

“Levi!” Erwin called from the living room, and Levi, who was busy making dinner, grabbed his cane and limped into the other room.

“What is it?” Levi asked as he walked into the room.

Erwin looked up from his book, a panic in his eyes. Levi immediately became concerned, going to his husband’s side to find out what was wrong. He placed a hand on Erwin’s shoulder, rubbing it gently to soothe him as he repeated his question: “What is it?”

“The letters keep getting jumbled,” Erwin sighed, gesturing to the book. “I… I’m trying to read it, but it’s… it’s really hard for me. I noticed it a couple weeks ago, but I really didn’t think anything of it. But now that I have my diagnosis, I… I’m having trouble.”

“Do we need to buy you larger print?” Levi asked, bewildered by Erwin’s words and unsure of what to say. Of all the things to go, why should it be the thing Erwin enjoyed the most? Levi didn’t understand why this was happening to Erwin, and he could see the agony in his husband’s eyes as he was realizing he wouldn’t be able to enjoy his favorite hobby for much longer.

“No,” Erwin shook his head. “I can see the letters just fine… I just keep forgetting how words are pronounced, what they mean… how to read them. It’s too complicated, and I’m… I’m just…”

Erwin placed his bookmark in the book and closed it, setting it on the table and letting out a shaky sigh as he held back tears. “I’m just so frustrated with this, Levi. I don’t know what to do.”

Levi could tell how much this was paining Erwin, and he would do anything to take that away. So, without hesitation, he picked up the book, gesturing for Erwin to follow him. Erwin looked up at him curiously, but stood and followed Levi back into the kitchen. Levi had been busy making sandwiches and soup for dinner, a recipe easy enough for Erwin to follow.

“You make the sandwiches, I’ll read,” Levi decided, opening the book, and sitting down at the kitchen table.

Erwin looked a little lost, walking over to the cutting board where Levi had been putting together sandwiches before Erwin had interrupted him. Levi examined the book, “Capital” by Karl Marx. He started assembling the sandwiches as Levi read: “The wealth of those societies in which the capitalist mode of production prevails, presents itself as ‘an immense accumulation of commodities,’ its unit being a single commodity. Our investigation must therefore begin with the analysis of a commodity.”

Levi didn’t understand a single word of what he was reading: quality versus quantity, use-values and commodity. But when he glanced up at Erwin, his husband was nodding every once in a while, taking in the information as he cut the sandwiches into halves. He seemed to understand what was going on in the book. Levi didn’t know who this Marx guy was, but he needed to use words that normal people understood, because Levi was thoroughly confused by what he wrote.

“Some people might think that if the value of a commodity is determined by the quantity of labour spent on it, the more idle and unskillful the labourer, the more valuable would his commodity be, because more time would be required in its production,” Levi read as Erwin took a ladle and spooned soup into two bowls.

His husband set down the food in front of the two of them, sitting down next to Levi and listening to him read to the end of the page. Levi put the bookmark in the book and set it down, sighing in relief that he didn’t have to read anymore of that. If it was something Erwin was reading, he was sure it was probably incredibly smart and interesting theory, but Levi just didn’t get it, and he was fine with not knowing or understanding.

“Isn’t that interesting, Levi?” Erwin asked with a smile. “Marx has such intriguing theories. I wish I’d read more of his works in my youth, but they obviously weren’t available to me at the time.”

Levi shrugged a little, taking a spoonful of soup and putting it in his mouth, “I guess it’s interesting. I don’t really understand what he was saying.”

“Well,” Erwin started. “He’s talking about labor-power, and how various circumstances affect the power of labor in our society, and in societies all over the world who adopt the capitalist system.”

Levi simply stared at his husband, sandwich in his hands, eyebrow raised, “… okay.”

Erwin chuckled at Levi’s uninterested response, picking up his sandwich as well, “I’m sorry. I’ll quit boring you. Thank you for reading to me, I promise I’ll choose something more interesting next time.”

Levi nodded, taking a bite, “I don’t mind reading it to you, I just don’t like discussing it. Makes me feel kinda dumb, you know?”

Erwin nodded, reaching his hand out to caress Levi’s cheek gently, “I know, baby. You’re not dumb, don’t worry. It’s very high-level theory. Sometimes I don’t even understand it.”

Levi smiled softly, placing his hand on top of Erwin’s to keep it there for a moment before they both went back to eating. Levi was still feeling a little sick from their argument earlier, but he wasn’t sure if Erwin even remembered it; he’d been ignoring the issue all day.

“Levi,” Erwin sighed, as if reading Levi’s mind. “I want to apologize for earlier. I don’t understand why I get so upset. It’s like I can’t control myself. I don’t want to divorce you, and I completely understand why you don’t want to have sex anymore. It… It hurts, it really hurts, I’ll admit it. But I’ll respect your decision.”

Levi could feel those tears again. God dammit, why did he have to be so emotional lately? He held them back, giving Erwin a sad smile before reaching out to take his hand. “It hurts me too, Erwin. I still want to have sex with you. It’s just what’s best for us right now.”

“Yeah,” Erwin nodded in agreement. “I understand… I wish I’d known last time was our last time. I would’ve given it my all.”

Levi could feel himself blushing, feel his cock twitching at the thought of Erwin fucking him with everything he had. It sounded hot, Levi had to admit. He swallowed thickly, trying to push those horny thoughts away. Maybe… Maybe we could do it just one last time… Levi thought to himself. Maybe it’ll be okay just this once. And then we won’t do it again after that.

“Levi?” Erwin questioned, head tilted. “What are you thinking, darling?”

Levi shook his head, “N-Nothing, I… I just…”

Erwin raised an eyebrow, squeezing Levi’s hand gently, “You can tell me, baby. What is it?”

“I… I don’t know,” Levi mumbled, looking away from Erwin sheepishly. “I was thinking maybe… maybe we could do it just… one more time? So that we can have it be our last time together?”

Erwin’s eyes were wide when Levi looked back at him, an eager look on his face now as he nodded, “Yeah. We… We could. Only if you’re sure, though. I don’t want to pressure you, baby.”

Levi was letting his arousal take over his mind now, taking the last bite of his sandwich before wiping his mouth on a napkin. Erwin was staring at him intensely now, and Levi knew it was already beginning. The two of them had a lust for one another that just couldn’t be stopped once it got going. And Levi supposed he could let it slide just this once… just for their last time together.

“I’m sure,” Levi decided, pushing himself out of his chair. “Now… where did we leave it off?”

“I think you were on your knees, baby,” Erwin smirked, reaching a hand out and grasping Levi by the ass before tugging him closer. “You want to continue there, or move on?”

Levi felt the fire burning in his belly now, the blood flowing to his groin as he felt Erwin’s hand groping at his ass. He placed a hand on Erwin’s shoulder, the other on his cheek, as he smiled down at him coyly.

“I bet you’d love it if I got back on my knees,” Levi teased with a light scoff. “But I think it’s my turn now.”

Erwin chuckled softly, “Come bend over the table then.”

As tempting as that offer was, Levi shook his head while caressing Erwin’s cheek gently, “Actually, I was hoping we could take things slow… have our last time in the bedroom, make love to one another?”

Though he had a fiery arousal in his stomach, he still felt that warm love for his husband. He wanted Erwin to take him with all the enthusiasm of lust, he still wanted Erwin to give it to him with all the love they had for one another.

Erwin smiled up at him lovingly, “That’s incredibly sweet, darling. Of course, we can make love in the bedroom. Come on, let’s go.”

Levi watched Erwin get up from the chair, the two holding hands as they made their way down the hall towards the bedroom. As they got into the room, Levi had a stupid smile on his face. Levi went to take his shirt off, but he felt Erwin’s hand stopping him. Levi turned to his husband in some confusion, wondering what he was stopping him for.

“Let me,” Erwin insisted, reaching shaky hands down to undo the buttons of Levi’s shirt. 

This felt so sweet, so intimate, to have Erwin undress him like this. They usually undressed themselves these days, so this was such a tender thing for Erwin to do. Levi let the garment fall from his shoulders when Erwin was done with the buttons, and Levi reached up to help Erwin pull his sweater over his head, tossing it aside. Levi worked on Erwin’s pants next, unzipping them and tugging them down with his underwear until they fell around his ankles, and he stepped out of them. Once his own pants and boxers were taken off, the two were left in the nude, taking in one another’s bodies and admiring each other.

“You’re so beautiful, Levi,” Erwin breathed, almost as if he couldn’t believe how beautiful Levi was to him, using the back of his hand to caress Levi’s cheek. “Look at you. Every time feels like the first all over again. I’m so lucky.”

Levi blushed, huffing at Erwin’s compliments as his face flushed red, “Well… you look like a Greek god, so… I don’t know if I’m much to look at in comparison.”

Erwin laughed at Levi’s words, leaning down to press their foreheads together as he whispered, “Thank you, my love. You know that you’re the most beautiful man I’ve ever laid eyes on, don’t you? If I’m a Greek god, then you’re an angel.”

Levi rolled his eyes a bit, tilting his head up to press a quick kiss to Erwin’s lips, “Alright, alright. Enough with the sappy shit, let’s get to it.”

Erwin chuckled, “Of course, dear.”

They made their way to the bed and got under the covers, Erwin climbing on top of Levi and kissing him sensually. Levi was already so intoxicated from Erwin’s kisses, eyes half-lidded and mouth parted to allow Erwin’s tongue inside. Levi would let Erwin kiss him forever if he could. He could spend an eternity of his lips crashing together with his husband’s. They were kissing hungrily, knowing this wouldn’t be their last time kissing, but it would be their last time making love like this together. And they both wanted it to last as long as humanly possible, so they took their sweet time with it. Erwin removed his lips from Levi’s, much to his dismay, and began kissing down Levi’s neck, one wet kiss at a time. Levi whined, fingers clinging to Erwin’s back and scratching lightly at the skin there. Erwin made his way down his collar bone, licking and sucking as he went. Levi was sure he’d have hickies on the wrinkled skin, but he didn’t particularly care right now. So, what if the people at the market saw hickies on his neck? On a normal day, that might’ve embarrassed him, but he was starting to care less and less.

“My gorgeous baby,” Erwin whispered against his skin. “I’m going to give you all the love I can. I want you to feel it deep inside you.”

Levi knew that had a double meaning, and he couldn’t help but whimper at Erwin’s words, a blush on his face as he wrapped his legs around Erwin’s middle and ground up against him. It was taking all the strength he had left in his wounded body to push himself up to do so, but Erwin gave him an appreciative groan in return.

“I want to feel it deep inside me too,” Levi replied in a sultry voice.

“Oh, I bet you do,” Erwin teased with a smirk.

He kissed down Levi’s chest and to his stomach, kissing Levi’s stretch marks in particular. Levi hated when he gave attention to them, but he knew Erwin did it to make Levi feel less self-conscious about them. Erwin took Levi’s erection into his hand, stroking it a few times and thumbing at the head before he flicked his tongue out to lick at the pre-cum collecting there. Levi groaned, tossing his head back. He couldn’t remember the last time Erwin had done this to him, and it was certainly making him incredibly aroused to see his husband between his legs, suckling on him with a lustful look on his face.

“Ervy,” Levi breathed as Erwin took the whole tip into his mouth, bobbing his head up and down. Levi’s fingers flew to the sheets, gripping them for support while Erwin did his work. His mouth was so soft and warm, and he was licking and sucking at all the right places, giving attention to his most sensitive spots. Levi was on cloud nine, eyes rolling back and moans spilling out of his mouth as Erwin swallowed around him, letting the head hit the back of his throat.

“Fuck,” Levi whimpered. “Erwin, if you keep doing that, I’m gonna finish before we even start.”

Erwin chuckled, licking the head one last time before pulling away. Levi gasped as Erwin grasped him by the ankle and flipped him onto his stomach, pulling him closer so that Levi was ass up in Erwin’s lap, face down in the pillows.

“You could’ve at least warned me,” Levi grumbled, causing Erwin to laugh softly at him.

“Can you reach the lube?” Erwin asked, his hand groping at Levi’s ass and pulling back one of his cheeks.

Levi hissed at the feeling of the cold air hitting his entrance, and got up on his elbows, reaching over to the bedside table and retrieving the bottle of lube from the top drawer. He handed it back to Erwin, soon feeling the cold substance being poured over his hole. Erwin’s fingers graced the tight furl, rubbing the lube over it with a single digit, as if to warm it up. Levi was breathing deeply, trying to relax himself so that he could open up easily for his husband.

“Shh,” Erwin cooed, gently pushing in to the first knuckle. “You’re so good for me, Levi.”

Levi moaned openly at that, wriggling his ass back against Erwin’s finger to try and force more of it inside. Erwin always made him feel amazing, opening him up slowly but surely, taking his time and making Levi almost lose his mind from how good it made him feel.

Erwin continued to push his finger inside, pushing against his walls as he tried to open them wider. Levi clung to the pillow below him, mewling pleasantly at the feeling. Erwin was breathing deeply as he focused on what he was doing, inserting a second finger shortly after the first and scissoring them. Levi was usually wound up so tight, but Erwin always knew how to get him to relax, whispering soothing things and shushing him as he coaxed the second finger inside. Levi whimpered and gently started fucking himself back on Erwin’s fingers, pushing with his elbows in the sheets.

“There you go,” Erwin teased lovingly. “You’re so beautiful, darling.”

He slowly pushed a third finger inside, and Levi whined at the intrusion, legs squeezing around Erwin’s thighs. Levi was practically drooling into the pillow below him, soft pants escaping his mouth between moans. His erection was trapped against Erwin’s leg, and he was rubbing it against the skin there every time he fucked back against Erwin’s fingers. He was in so much bliss that he could feel his orgasm rising in his stomach, only to have it fall again as Erwin removed his fingers, resulting in a quiet whimper.

“Shh, baby,” Erwin whispered. “You’ll get what you want soon enough.”

Those words set a new fire alight in Levi’s stomach, and as Erwin removed himself from Levi’s legs, Levi turned onto his back and spread his legs, giving Erwin the most seductive look he could pull off. Erwin himself looked incredibly aroused, his erection on full display and pre-cum dribbling from the tip. The sight of Levi like that made him groan, and he got between his husband’s legs. Levi hooked his knees over Erwin’s shoulders, scooting down so that Erwin could have better access to his entrance. He was concerned about Erwin’s back in this position, but Erwin wasn’t complaining about it, so Levi let it slide this once.

Erwin lined up his cock, getting ready to push inside, before he looked at Levi, smiling lovingly at him and sighing. He was probably trying to take the moment in; their last moments like this together. He could feel Erwin prodding at him, pushing in slowly as he watched Levi’s face. Levi couldn’t remain stoic; he clung to the sheets below him as he gasped out a moan, Erwin’s cock filling him up.

“Shh,” Erwin murmured as he pushed in the rest of the way. “Shh, that’s it. You look so beautiful, Levi.”

“Ervy,” Levi whimpered, hand shooting up to grip Erwin’s forearm. “Ervy, please.”

Erwin was already sweating from the effort it took to hold himself upright in this position. He was on his knees, holding one of Levi’s thighs. Levi knew his husband had back problems, so he wasn’t sure how long they could keep this up, but he knew Erwin was putting in his best effort. He pulled out to the tip and sunk back in, eliciting groans from both of them.

“Shit,” Erwin swore, leaning over Levi so that his thighs were now bunched up against his chest, “I love you, baby. So much.”

Levi whined and craned his neck to kiss Erwin, the two sharing a deep, sloppy kiss as Erwin started to thrust in and out slowly. Levi pulled away to whisper against Erwin’s lips, “I love you too. So much.”

Erwin smiled, burying his face into Levi’s neck as his breathing grew heavier from exertion. His breath was hot on Levi’s neck, and Levi himself was panting in little breaths against Erwin’s head.

“Such a good boy,” Erwin growled against Levi’s neck, thrusting harshly a couple of times.

Levi cried out, fingers grasping at Erwin’s back and holding on for dear life. His eyes were half-lidded now, dizzy with bliss as Erwin continued to thrust up into him, both of them breathing deeply in tune with one another.

“Erwin,” Levi gasped when his husband hit his sweet spot directly, fingernails scraping at Erwin’s back. Erwin’s head rose from Levi’s neck, pressing tender kisses to Levi’s cheek and knocking their noses together as he went to seal a kiss to his lips.

Erwin had sweat dripping from his brow, eyebrows furrowed in focus as he continued to pump up into his husband’s prostate. Levi could feel the growing warmth in his stomach again, his fingers scraping and squeezing at the skin on Erwin’s back.

“Are you close, Levi?” Erwin grunted. “I want us to cum together.”

Levi nodded, unable to speak from how much pleasure was coursing through him. His mouth hung open, moans spilling out of him with every stroke Erwin gave to him. His husband was giving it his all, Levi could tell. He was doing his very best, practically shaking from how much effort he was putting in.

“Fuck,” Erwin let out a few more stuttered thrusts, reaching his hand down to tug at Levi a few times, which sent Levi over the edge at the same time as Erwin was filling him up.

Levi let out a deep sigh, the two of them merely holding onto one another while they tried to catch their breath. It hadn’t been the best sex they’d ever had, but it was certainly memorable as their last time. Levi would never forget it.

Erwin shakily pushed himself off Levi, pulling out slowly and collapsing next to his husband on the sheets. He looked melancholy, as if he was thinking about how this had been their last time having sex. Levi frowned and snuggled up to his side, wrapping an arm around Erwin’s broad chest and burying his face in Erwin’s shoulder. He could sense his husband’s smile, felt his arm wrap around Levi’s waist and draw him closer, his lips on the crown on Levi’s head.

Levi pulled his face away from Erwin’s shoulder, looking up at him. He had tears in his eyes, and Levi could feel his heart sink. He didn’t want Erwin to cry, not now; didn’t want the memory of their last sexual experience together to be soiled by Erwin’s tears.

Levi reached his hand up, turning Erwin’s face towards him, and smiled sweetly, “I love you, Erwin.”

His husband smiled back down at him after a brief moment of sadness, “I love you too, Levi. You’re so precious to me.”

Levi rested his head on Erwin’s chest now, listening to his quick heartbeat normalizing after their strenuous activity. He knew Erwin was in pain, knew that Levi had hurt him by deciding they wouldn’t be engaging in sex anymore, but he also knew that it was probably for the best for both of them. Levi couldn’t live with the guilt of taking advantage of Erwin, and Erwin’s mind just wasn’t healthy enough for them to continue on like everything was normal. Levi was wondering how much more they would have to lose, as Erwin got worse. The two soon fell asleep in one another’s arms, the last time they would do so post-sex.

Levi woke up a while later, noticing that Erwin was already up and out of the room. He wondered where his husband had gone to and tried to listen for any movement in the house, but heard nothing. He struggled to sit up, swinging his legs out of the bed and grabbing his cane. He used it to push himself to his feet, making his way out of the bedroom and into the living room, where he assumed Erwin might be.

He was right in his assumption; Erwin was sitting in his recliner, a bottle of scotch in his hand and tears running down his face. Levi stopped in the doorway at the sight and quickly took a few steps backwards out of the room. Erwin hadn’t noticed him enter, and Levi could tell he was having a very personal moment that Levi didn’t want to interrupt.

He could feel his heart sinking in his chest. Erwin must’ve been very upset about his condition for him to be drinking like this. Levi clenched his fists at his sides to calm himself down, not wanting Erwin to know he, too, had been crying. He sucked in a deep breath, knowing he needed to be strong for his husband.

Levi knocked his cane against the floor a little louder, taking heavier steps so that Erwin would surely hear him coming. He heard Erwin shuffling, and as he walked in, he saw his husband hide the bottle on the other side of the chair where Levi wouldn’t be able to see it, wiping his tears on the back of his hand.

Once Levi came closer, Erwin turned to him with his familiar smile. “Hi baby. How was your nap?”

Levi decided it was probably for the best that he not mention what Erwin was hiding from him. Erwin clearly didn’t want him to know, and Levi didn’t want to pry into a personal moment. He needed to let Erwin cope with this diagnosis in his own way, and he would only step in if things got out of hand.

“It was good,” Levi shrugged. “How about you? Do you feel well-rested?”

Erwin nodded a little, reaching out his hand and taking Levi’s, “Yeah, I feel fine.”

That’s a lie, Levi thought to himself, trying to ignore it. He didn’t like when Erwin kept things from him, but he knew they couldn’t share in everything. Erwin would need to get through this with Levi’s help, but he would also need to work through some things by himself. There was only so much Levi could do.

“Do you want to go do something?” Levi asked, squeezing Erwin’s hand lightly. “We could go out for dinner tonight if you’d like.”

Erwin, much to Levi’s surprise, shook his head, “No baby. That’s okay. Let’s just find something here to eat.”

Erwin was always eager to go out and do something, but today it seemed like that wasn’t the case. Levi was surprised by his husband’s answer, raising an eyebrow at him, “Are you sure? You always want to go out…”

Erwin took his hand away, looking down at his lap and mumbling, “I don’t really feel like it today. I’m sorry, my love.”

Levi rested his hand on Erwin’s shoulder, rubbing it soothingly. “It’s alright, honey. You don’t have to apologize. There’s plenty for us to do here at home. What would you like to do? We could listen to the radio, do a puzzle… you could help me with dinner if you want.”

Levi usually wasn’t so talkative, but he felt as though Erwin was struggling, and he wanted to help. His husband seemed particularly down that day, and Levi wanted to make him feel better. But Erwin merely shook his head in response, giving Levi a sad smile. “That’s okay, baby. You go do whatever you need to. Don’t let me hold you up.”

“You’re not holding me up, Erwin,” Levi insisted. “I just think that you should get up and do something, you know? Sitting around isn’t going to help you feel better about your situation, so let’s find something for you to do. You could go check on your plants in the garden?”

Erwin was seeming a little irritated now, shaking his head stubbornly, “Levi, I’m fine, really. Please don’t fuss over me.”

Levi frowned, taking his hand away and sighing, “Alright… just come find me if you change your mind.”

With that, Levi left the room, heading to the kitchen to look for something to make for dinner. He had some chicken thawing in the sink, and started to make a pot pie, throwing together some vegetables and chicken on the stove. He put the lid on so they would cook a little faster and began making the sauce that would go into the pie with the other ingredients. Once the pie was in the oven, he stood back up to see Erwin standing in the doorway, looking a little lost.

“What’s wrong, Ervy?” Levi asked patiently. “Did you need something?”

Erwin looked like he’d probably cried more in the time he was away from Levi, but Levi decided not to mention it. Erwin shrugged a little and walked over to the table. His legs were shaky, and Levi wondered briefly if it was the alcohol or the dementia making him walk funny. He looked as though he might fall at any moment, so fragile a small breeze might blow him over.

“I had a lot of trouble getting out of my chair,” Erwin noted, not bothering to answer Levi’s questions. It was as though he was stuck on that thought, unable to say anything but that. Levi frowned, wondering how his husband’s mobility would be affected by his diagnosis.

Dr. Owens had given them a booklet on how Erwin’s dementia might progress over the coming months: difficulty with everyday tasks such as getting changed, feeding himself, and using the bathroom; difficulty sleeping; and difficulty with mobility and speech patterns. Levi had already noticed a few of these symptoms starting up in his husband. Erwin usually napped longer than Levi, but today, he’d gotten up long before Levi had. And he had been struggling to get himself dressed as well, though he’d insisted that he didn’t need help, and Levi watched him struggle, which was painful for him. But Erwin was showing signs of mobility issues, and Levi wasn’t sure how they would cope with something like that. Levi could barely walk himself, let alone help Erwin walk around the place.

“I’m sorry, honey,” Levi replied. “I would’ve tried to help you if you called for me.”

Erwin smiled sadly at him, “That’s okay, lovely. I didn’t want you to strain yourself.”

Levi sat at the table across from his husband, the two joining hands and simply sharing the atmosphere with one another. It was never awkward between them when things got quiet like this; it was just normal. They didn’t have to speak to understand one another.

Levi was starting to think about how much help they were going to need after Erwin had been diagnosed with dementia. He was thinking about seeing how often Armin and Annie could come visit, maybe even call on Falco and Gabi for their help as well (though the two had kids of their own and couldn’t visit super often). He knew Jean and Mikasa lived too far away to come visit that often, and they had busy lives of their own, anyway. That’s when Levi realized that the kids didn’t even know about Erwin’s diagnosis.

“I think we need to tell the kids,” Levi announced, squeezing Erwin’s hand. “They deserve to know.”

Erwin’s eyes widened slightly, before he shook his head, “Levi… I don’t want to worry them. Shouldn’t we wait a little while?”

Levi frowned, “Erwin, it’s better to just tell them so they can come help us out. We’re going to need the extra help around here, and they’ll be upset with us if we don’t tell them as soon as we can. You should write them letters. It’ll be more personal if it comes from you.”

Erwin didn’t look very convinced, or at least, if he was convinced, he was looking like he was dreading the thought of following through with it. Erwin definitely knew that this was the right thing to do, but he didn’t seem particularly thrilled about having to write them, having to tell them this information.

“I’ll help you,” Levi suggested. “We can work on them together. Would that make it easier on you?”

Erwin gave him a small appreciative smile, nodding a little. “Yes, dear. That would help a lot. Thank you.”

Levi smiled back, bringing Erwin’s hand up to his lips and pressing a kiss there. “Of course, Ervy.”

Erwin sighed and stood up shakily, holding his hand out to Levi. “Let’s go to my study.”

Levi hadn’t meant that they needed to do this immediately, but Erwin seemed as though he wanted to get it out of the way. Levi could understand that, as Erwin probably didn’t want it to weigh on his mind. He took Erwin’s hand and stood, grabbing his cane, and following his husband to his study. Erwin pulled a chair up next to the desk for Levi to sit and sat down in his own office chair. Levi sat next to him, watching Erwin’s shaky hands retrieve a piece of parchment and a pen from his desk drawers.

Erwin put pen to paper, his hand only shaking worse as he did so. Levi frowned, watching him scribble ‘Dear Armin and Annie’ onto the sheet. His penmanship was atrocious, which was unusual for Erwin. He usually had such elegant handwriting, and Levi was surprised to see how badly his hand shook. It had taken him a long time to relearn writing with his left hand, and Levi hadn’t seen his handwriting look so awful since he lost his arm. Erwin looked over his work before sighing in frustration and putting the pen down, hand to his forehead in stress.

“… I can write it,” Levi offered, reaching his hand out for the pen. “Here, let me.”

When Erwin had lost his arm, he had been incredibly stubborn about letting Levi do things for him. He’d seemed determined to do everything by himself, despite his struggle of adjusting to having only one arm. But Levi had written his letters for him back then, so it wasn’t like this was something new for them. And Erwin seemed a little less stubborn in his old age.

Erwin hesitantly handed the pen over to Levi, scrapping the piece he’d written on and handing Levi a new paper. Levi readied the pen in his hand, looking expectantly at his husband as he waited for Erwin to tell him what to write. Erwin began, and Levi wrote:

Dear Armin and Annie,

I have some unfortunate news to share with you both. After some initial struggles with my memory and other things that Levi and I had chalked up to old age, I went to the doctor to discover I have dementia. I’m doing fairly well currently, but I know I will deteriorate as time goes on. The doctor says I have one to five years left, depending on how the disease progresses.

I don’t mean to worry you with this news, but Levi and I thought you should know. We will likely need some assistance around the house in the future. You’re welcome to come visit us whenever you’d like, but please keep in mind that I won’t be the same man you’ve known for decades now. I can’t always control the things that come out of my mouth, nor the things I remember or forget. I apologize for anything I say or do in the future that might upset you. I’ll do my best to control what I can.

Levi and I send our love, and hope all is well with you and your family.

Sincerely,

Erwin

Levi finished up the letter, signing Erwin’s name for him (he’d memorized Erwin’s signature long ago), and handing it back to Erwin for him to look over. He watched Erwin reread the letter and nod in approval, grabbing another piece of paper.

“Here, now write the same thing for Mikasa and Jean,” Erwin requested. “And then one for Gabi and Falco as well. I’m sure they’ll spread the news to the rest.”

The rest referred to Historia, Reiner, and their families. They didn’t keep in contact as much with them, but still saw them every once in a while. Levi nodded, copying the message twice more and handing the papers off to Erwin so he could place them in envelopes. Levi took the envelopes back and wrote the addresses on them, and Erwin placed a stamp on each one so they could go out with the mail in the morning. Erwin looked over the envelopes one last time before setting them down on his desk, as if he was resigning to his fate.

Levi placed a hand on top of Erwin’s, smiling sadly at him, “I’m very proud of you.”

Erwin returned the smile, turning his hand over and squeezing Levi’s gently, “Thank you, my love.”

Being diagnosed was one thing, but sharing that diagnosis with their loved ones was another. Levi could see it on Erwin’s face: the pain of having to tell the kids about his dementia. It was similar to admitting a weakness, one that Erwin couldn’t help. And he wasn’t only admitting to that, he was also asking for help, and that was a difficult thing for Erwin to do, Levi knew it was.

Levi spent the next couple of weeks watching his husband slowly begin to struggle more and more with everyday tasks. It was at the point where Levi was now picking out Erwin’s clothing every morning because his husband would spend too long and get too frustrated trying to figure out what to wear. Levi wanted to be as helpful as he could, even though Erwin could be incredibly stubborn and in denial over what he needed help with. Erwin was having trouble with lots of things now: he had developed a bout of insomnia, unable to sleep the whole night through, and he was starting to forget things more frequently.

Just the other day Erwin had forgotten Ana’s name, which was incredibly concerning to Levi. Levi knew just how important that little girl was to Erwin, and for him to struggle in remembering her name was certainly worrying to both of them. In fact, Erwin had been so mortified that he’d forgotten her name, that he’d gone silent for the rest of the evening and went to bed without speaking another word.

Levi knew his husband was incredibly depressed and didn’t know how to pull him out of it. He noticed bottles of liquor disappearing from their liquor cabinet and knew that Erwin was developing some sort of drinking problem to cope with his diagnosis. He didn’t know how to confront Erwin about it, and the only way he could keep the problem at bay was to spend as much time with his husband as possible. He tried not to leave Erwin alone for long periods of time, concerned that he might pick up the bottle again and begin to drink himself into a stupor. Levi had walked into the living room too many times to smell alcohol on Erwin’s breath, even though his husband tried to cover it up and pretend he was sober. Levi wasn’t stupid; he could tell when Erwin was drunk.

The two of them were walking through the marketplace a few weeks after Erwin’s diagnosis. Erwin had started struggling with his mobility as of late, though he refused to admit it. Levi had noticed just how hard Erwin was clinging to the handlebar of Levi’s wheelchair; just how much he leaned upon it for support. He was doing so now as Levi negotiated prices with Mr. Mueller over the price of his strawberries, trying to get him down to 40 cents instead of 50 per pint. That’s when the weight of Erwin leaning on the back of his wheelchair suddenly disappeared, and there was a loud thud behind him.

Mr. Mueller immediately gasped and flew into action before Levi even realized what had happened. He turned around in his chair to see Erwin on the ground, eyes closed and Mr. Mueller kneeling next to him. Levi’s heart immediately began to beat uncontrollably fast, and he struggled to stand from his chair so that he could kneel at Erwin’s side.

“Mr. Ackerman,” Mr. Mueller snapped with an authoritative voice, “Stay in your chair. We can’t have two of you passed out now.”

Levi listened to him, staying in his chair, and watching helplessly as Mr. Mueller tried to shake Erwin awake. A million thoughts were running through Levi’s head: was Erwin having a heart attack? A stroke? Or worse, was he dying? Levi could feel his chest constricting, putting a hand to his heart and gasping to take in deep breaths. He was trying to stay calm for Mr. Mueller’s sake; he didn’t want to be an additional problem in this situation. So, he focused on breathing deeply, keeping himself calm while he watched with panic as Mr. Mueller leaned down to listen for Erwin’s heartbeat.

“He’s still there,” Mr. Mueller stated plainly, and a crowd was beginning to gather now, “Don’t you worry, Mr. Ackerman. He’ll be alright. He’s just had a brief fainting spell, I’m sure of it.”

Levi wasn’t sure how Mr. Mueller could be so certain of this, but he decided to believe him for now so that he could keep himself from losing his composure. He was clinging to the armrests of his wheelchair so hard that his knuckles were turning white, and Mr. Mueller was now calling for anyone in the growing crowd to get a doctor: “And quick!” He added.

Levi could feel the tears welling up in his throat, the nasty thoughts springing to his mind: He’s dead. He’s dead. He’s dying. This is the end. He pushed those thoughts as far down as he could, wiping away the tears. He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up; it was Marla. She must’ve run out of the convenience store when she saw the commotion. Levi reached up and put his hand on top of hers to let her know he was okay; that he appreciated her being there for him while Erwin lay on the ground passed out.

Then, almost as quickly as Erwin had lost consciousness, he regained it, eyes fluttering open and looking around in confusion. He tried to sit up, but Mr. Mueller, and a man who had made his way through the crowd claiming to be a doctor, pushed him back down so that he wouldn’t get up too quickly and pass out again.

“Mr. Smith,” Mr. Mueller held a hand on his chest to keep him from sitting up, “Just stay there. You passed out. Let the doctor look at you.”

“Where’s Levi?” Was the first thing out of Erwin’s mouth, “Where is he? Is he okay?”

Levi could feel his heart pounding out of his chest at that. Even after passing out, Erwin was still most concerned about his husband’s well-being. He couldn’t help it; that moved him to tears. They began streaming down his face now, a loud sniffle as he tried to wipe them away as quickly as they were coming. Marla was rubbing his arm now to try and comfort him.

“I’m… I’m here, Ervy. I’m okay,” Levi tried, thoroughly embarrassed that he was crying in front of a bunch of strangers. How were people going to respect him now that the great Captain Levi had broken down crying?

Erwin turned his head to see Levi, his look of panic disappearing almost instantly upon making eye contact with his husband. He stopped struggling and laid back on the pavement, the doctor examining him and asking him several questions to make sure he wasn’t having a stroke or something.

“Here, Mr. Ackerman,” Marla held out a white lace handkerchief to him, which he took with great appreciation and began wiping the tears from his eyes. Perhaps the teen wasn’t so bad after all.

Mr. Mueller and the doctor were helping Erwin stand up now, and the crowd was starting to dissipate. Erwin stood on shaky legs, looking a little in shock from what had happened. It appeared as though he was trying to remember what he’d been doing before he’d passed out, looking around in confusion.

“Erwin, honey,” Levi finally calmed down enough to dry his tears fully with the handkerchief before handing it back to Marla, “Baby, look at me. You’re okay. Just look at me, alright? You’re gonna be okay.”

Erwin didn’t seem concerned with himself, though. He still looked at Levi, a sad smile on his face as he clung to Mr. Mueller to steady himself. Levi was still feeling incredibly panicked by what had just happened. What on earth was he going to do if Erwin passed out at home? Levi wouldn’t be able to pick him up, wouldn’t know how to help him. He was starting to think Erwin might need to be somewhere where he could be taken care of, but he pushed that thought away quickly, as he didn’t want to think about the two of them separating.

“I’m fine,” Erwin insisted, holding a hand to his aching head, “Really, I’m okay. Just got a little light-headed, that’s all.”

“Still,” Mr. Mueller frowned, “Someone should escort the two of you home just in case. I would do it if I didn’t have my shop to run… perhaps I can see if my wife can look after the shop while I help you home.”

Erwin shook his head immediately, ever the stubborn and self-sufficient one. “No, no. I don’t want to put you out of your way, Mr. Mueller. I’m perfectly fine to get Levi and I home. It’s not a long walk, anyway.”

Levi could feel himself getting upset at Erwin for not taking the help that he clearly needed. Erwin had been rejecting help even before he’d gotten his diagnosis, hell-bent on ‘being proactive’ and ‘doing things himself’.

“Mr. Smith,” Mr. Mueller sighed, “You really shouldn’t-”

“I can walk them home,” the doctor offered, “I’m headed out of town anyways. It wouldn’t be a bother to-”

“Gentlemen. Really, I’m alright,” Erwin interrupted, that charming smile on his face only making Levi more annoyed. How could he be so cheerful at a time like this - still trying to put on a display for people when he clearly wasn’t well?

“Are you sure?” The doctor asked, “It’s really not a bother to me.”

“I’m sure,” Erwin insisted, “I don’t need-”

“Just take the damn help, Erwin!” Levi snapped, causing all three of the men to jump a little from his sudden outburst. He even felt Marla jump a little from behind him, her hand twitching on his shoulder.

Erwin was looking at Levi with a slightly hurt expression, like a wounded puppy, and Levi felt a little guilty. But he was just getting so sick of Erwin’s dismissive nature surrounding his condition. Erwin knew he was sick. There were no more excuses for his stubborn behavior, and he would have to start accepting help sooner rather than later if he didn’t want to continue getting hurt.

Erwin let out a loud sigh before turning to the doctor, “It would be great if you could walk us home. And your name is…?”

“I’m Dr. Greenbaum,” the man shook Erwin’s hand gently, as if he was worried he might break Erwin with a firm handshake, “Nice to meet you Mr. Smith, Mr. Ackerman.”

“I have to go back to the shop,” Marla announced, patting Levi on the shoulder gently, “I’ll see you both around, okay? Feel better, Mr. Smith.”

Erwin and Levi waved as the teenager walked back to the convenience store. Mr. Mueller was looking relieved that Erwin had taken up the doctor’s offer to walk them home, and the atmosphere seemed to be returning to normal.

Mr. Mueller placed two pints of strawberries into a paper bag and handed it to Levi. “Here you go, Mr. Ackerman. It’s free of charge today, alright? Don’t worry about it.”

Levi wanted to argue, to tell Mr. Mueller that he should pay him, but he could sense Mr. Mueller was too tired from what had happened with Erwin to have an argument right now, so Levi simply thanked him quietly and took the bag.

The doctor placed his hands on the handle of Levi’s wheelchair. “Alright, you lead the way, Mr. Smith. If you start to get dizzy, just let us know and we’ll take a break, okay?”

Erwin looked thoroughly irritated, not at the doctor, but at the situation in general. He clearly felt embarrassed by what had happened, and wasn’t even looking at Levi anymore, which Levi could sense meant he was upset with his husband for snapping at him. But Levi hadn’t been able to help himself; he was just so fed up with Erwin’s insistence that he was fine even in the face of a morbid diagnosis.

Erwin led the doctor down the cobblestone path towards the house, and the doctor pushed Levi so that they were following him. Levi held the bag of strawberries in his lap, watching his husband struggle to walk. He was walking so carefully, as if he was on a thin stretch of ice trying not to fall through or slip. Levi was only growing more concerned by the second. If Erwin was going to have mobility issues, how would Levi be able to help him? He could barely walk himself, let alone help Erwin get around.

Dr. Greenbaum tried to make small talk with Levi and Erwin, asking them about their day to day lives, how long they’d been living in Marley, etc. Levi answered all his questions, not wanting to be rude, especially to someone who had volunteered to make sure they both got home safely.

Erwin remained silent, walking just slightly ahead of them. He was probably in a grumpy mood now from what had happened, and Levi expected him to just go to his study once they got back home.

“So how are you and Mr. Smith related?” Dr. Greenbaum asked, and suddenly Levi began to get a sick feeling in his stomach. He didn’t know if he could tell the truth - what if the doctor simply abandoned them there once he found out they were married?

“Oh, erm…” Levi muttered, “We’re-”

“He’s my husband,” Erwin turned to give Dr. Greenbaum a stern look, “If you have a problem with that, you can go to hell.”

Levi was shocked that Erwin had said that. Why was he jeopardizing this? Dr. Greenbaum was a strong, young man. If he really wanted to, he could not only abandon them, but possibly even hurt them. Levi felt Dr. Greenbaum pause in his tracks, and Erwin did too, the two simply staring at one another.

“That’s quite alright, Mr. Smith,” Dr. Greenbaum reassured him, “I mean… I certainly don’t mind. I come from the town in Marley that first legalized same-sex marriage: Esterfort. I know things are worse here, but I promise I’m alright with it.”

Esterfort was where Erwin and Levi had gotten married all those years ago, and Levi could feel the giddiness in his heart as he remembered their wedding and how romantic it all had been. He felt relieved that Dr. Greenbaum came from Esterfort and was certainly thankful that he wasn’t a bigot.

Erwin simply nodded and turned around, continuing to walk. Dr. Greenbaum kept following him, and Levi was feeling a little bad that Erwin had confronted the man so harshly. He knew that Erwin was in a bad mood, but he didn’t have to snap at him that way. The rest of the ride home was quiet after that, and that made Levi feel incredibly uneasy.

They approached the house, and Levi could make out two figures standing on the front porch. He frowned, squinting to see if he could figure out who they were. His eyesight had gotten worse in his old age, especially since he only had one working eye.

Erwin held up his arm and waved at the two, clearly recognizing them before Levi did. As they got closer, their details came into frame more easily for Levi. It was Falco and Gabi, visiting from a few towns over. They lived closer than Armin and Annie, and sometimes would just show up out of the blue like this. It certainly wasn’t an unusual occurrence for them to just pop up at their front door without announcing they’d be coming.

Dr. Greenbaum wheeled Levi up the ramp and onto the porch, and Gabi instantly squealed and threw her arms around him, hugging him tight, “Captain! We missed you so much!”

It didn’t matter how many times Levi insisted she call him ‘Levi’, Gabi still called him ‘captain’, even though she had never been in the Survey Corps or under his or Erwin’s command. Equally, she called Erwin ‘commander’, though Falco would call them by their first names.

“Hi Gabi,” Levi hugged her back, and she soon pulled away, “We missed you too.”

Dr. Greenbaum patted Levi lightly on the shoulder, and Levi looked back at him, “I assume these two will take good care of you, then?”

Levi nodded a little, placing a hand on top of Dr. Greenbaum’s, “Yes, thank you, doctor. I’m sure we’ll see you around town.”

Dr. Greenbaum nodded with a smile, taking his hand away and holding it out to Erwin, “Nice to meet you, Mr. Smith. Hope you’re feeling better.”

Erwin didn’t seem to like the doctor, though Levi wasn’t entirely sure why. He was nice enough, and he hadn’t judged them for their marriage, so Levi didn’t see why Erwin was being so rude to him.

He shook the doctor’s hand, anyway, muttering a ‘thank you’ before turning to Falco and greeting him with a hug. Dr. Greenbaum waved a little at Levi before heading back down the path, and Levi waved back.

“Ooh, who was that handsome man, Captain?” Gabi teased, poking his shoulder playfully, “A doctor? Wow, you still got it after all these years, huh?”

Levi couldn’t help but chuckle at her words, “It’s not like that, Gabi. He was just making sure we got home safely.”

“Mhm,” Gabi wriggled her eyebrows suggestively, “Sure. Commander, I think you might have to watch out. The captain’s got his hands on a doctor now.”

Erwin laughed, but Levi could tell it was forced. He looked almost annoyed by the joke, and Levi was suddenly hit with the realization: was Erwin jealous of Dr. Greenbaum? Did he really think that Levi liked him? Sure, the doctor had been quite the handsome young man, but Erwin didn’t have to worry about anybody stealing him away. Perhaps this was another delusion of his illness.

The four piled into the house, Erwin starting to take off his coat and put it on the hooks by the door. Levi climbed out of his wheelchair with some help from Gabi, who offered her arm to him. They left the wheelchair out on the porch so it wouldn’t trek any dirt inside, and Levi hobbled through the front door while clinging to Gabi’s arm.

“So, what brings you two here?” Erwin asked with a smile, trying to keep the mood light despite how annoyed and grumpy he probably was.

“Well,” Falco frowned, “We got your letter, Erwin. And Gabi insisted we come visit immediately to make sure you’re okay.”

Erwin kept his smile on to reassure them that he was doing okay. “That’s very kind of you to come see us. I’m doing alright for the moment.”

Gabi pointed a finger at Erwin and wagged it at him, “Now, now, Commander. Don’t lie to us. Are you really doing okay? You have dementia; we’re seriously worried for you! Do you need us to do anything while we’re here?”

Gabi and Falco were in their late 40s, certainly not young anymore, but younger than Erwin and Levi by far. They could still move around fairly well and get things done easily compared to the two elderly men.

“Calm down, Gabi,” Erwin chuckled, holding his hand up in innocence, “I’m fine, really.”

Gabi crossed her arms, knowing Erwin was one to sugarcoat and downplay his true condition. She looked over at Levi to wait for him to confirm that Erwin really was okay, knowing he would tell the truth of the matter. Erwin and Levi exchanged a glance, and Levi could tell Erwin was trying to convey that he didn’t want Gabi and Falco to fuss over him.

“Erwin’s doing fine for now,” Levi lied, “I’m sure we’ll need more help in the future, but for right now everything’s okay.”

He wasn’t going to worry them by telling them that Erwin had passed out at the market, especially with Erwin’s eyes on him like that. He didn’t want to embarrass his husband or make him feel worse about what had happened; it’d been embarrassing enough for him, Levi was sure of that.

“Okay,” Gabi sighed in defeat, “Well, don’t you two worry about dinner. Falco and I will take care of it, okay? You two just relax.”

Falco didn’t look bothered by the fact that Gabi had volunteered him to help. Levi was leaning on his cane now, and Gabi and Falco went into the kitchen to start on dinner while Levi and Erwin went into the living room to sit down and relax. If Erwin had been in a better mood, he might’ve sat next to Levi on the couch, but Levi could tell he was upset still, so his husband sat in his recliner.

“How are you feeling?” Levi asked, still concerned after his husband’s fainting spell earlier, “Are you still light-headed?”

“I’m fine,” Erwin mumbled, grabbing his book off the end table, and opening it, even though he and Levi both knew he struggled with it too much to actually read it.

“Are you going to sulk all day about it?” Levi questioned as he crossed his arms, unable to help himself. He didn’t like it when Erwin got into these moods.

“Maybe,” Erwin grumbled, shooting Levi a glare, “Are you going to keep flirting with other men?”

Levi’s mouth dropped open. He couldn’t believe Erwin was accusing him of flirting with Dr. Greenbaum. He glared back at his husband, “You really think I was flirting with him? I was just making small talk, Erwin.”

“Sure,” Erwin grunted, “Clearly, I have no clue what the hell I’m talking about. I must’ve imagined it all.”

Levi uncrossed his arms and clenched his fists in anger, “Erwin! You don’t really think I’d flirt with another man when I’m married to you, do you? Have I ever done that before in all our years of marriage?”

Erwin shrugged, narrowing his eyes, “What about Anton?”

Levi could feel a blush appearing on his face. How could Erwin be bringing up Anton at a time like this? Anton had been their neighbor for a few months, renting out the place next door while he was visiting the town on business. This had happened twenty years ago, which was why Levi was so shocked by Erwin bringing him up all of a sudden.

Anton had been blatantly crushing on Levi despite knowing he had a husband. When Erwin wasn’t home, Anton would visit, bringing Levi flowers and kissing his hand in greeting. Levi was incredibly flustered by the man, as he was insanely handsome (though not handsomer than Erwin, that was for sure), and Erwin knew about all of it because Levi didn’t want to keep it a secret from him. Erwin had been insanely jealous when he’d first found out that Anton had come over trying to woo his husband, storming over to the neighbors, and confronting the man about it. Luckily, Levi had kept the two from physically fighting, but when they got back to the house, Levi and Erwin had one of the biggest arguments they’d ever had in their marriage. Erwin wouldn’t talk to Levi for days. They’d finally made up after those few days, but Anton still pursued Levi day in and day out. The problem only went away when Anton left town, and that last day he’d said goodbye to Levi by kissing him on the cheek in front of Erwin, who had decked him in the face for doing so. That was the last time he’d seen Anton.

“That was twenty years ago, Erwin!” Levi growled, “And I wasn’t flirting with Dr. Greenbaum! Don’t be ridiculous!”

“You were in love with Anton,” Erwin spat bitterly, “I know you loved the attention he gave you.”

Levi could feel the hurt in his chest at Erwin’s accusation. He knew Erwin was grumpy, that he probably wasn’t in his right mind, but this was incredibly hurtful to hear. Sure, he’d had a mild crush on Anton, but that was nowhere near being in love with him.

“That’s not true!” Levi raised his voice, “Just… Just stop! You’re always so easy to jealousy, Erwin!”

Erwin closed his book with a loud slam and set it on the end table before shouting back, “And you’re just… easy!”

It felt like a shot to his heart, a sharp pain in his chest from Erwin’s words. Was… Was Erwin calling him a slut? In all their years of marriage, Erwin had never said anything like that to his husband. Levi pushed himself off the couch, having had enough. He didn’t care if Erwin was saying things that he didn’t mean; if this was just a part of his illness to be so rude and cranky. He was pissed.

“Erwin!” Levi yelled, “Knock it off! Go take a nap if you’re going to be so fucking grumpy!”

Erwin looked taken aback by Levi’s words, and Gabi suddenly appeared in the archway, “Is everything okay, you two?”

Erwin got up from the chair, mumbling, “It’s fine. I’m gonna go take a nap.”

With that, he stormed out of the room, leaving Gabi looking confused and Levi looking thoroughly upset. Levi could feel the tears welling up again, but he didn’t want to cry anymore. He pushed them back down and sat back down on the couch with a huff. Gabi came over and sat next to him, placing a hand on his shoulder.

“Is everything okay, Captain?” Gabi asked quietly.

“It’s fine, Gabi,” Levi insisted, “We were just having a discussion.”

“Well, you were having a pretty heated… uh… discussion,” Gabi teased.

Levi chuckled a little, though he wasn’t really in a joking mood. He let out a deep sigh, sitting back on the couch. “Erwin’s just been quite moody lately. It’s a symptom of his dementia: to have mood swings and get irritable. But it’s just hard to cope with.”

Gabi frowned and took his hand into her own, squeezing it encouragingly, “It’ll be okay, Captain. I’m sure it’ll just take time for you two to get used to this new routine. And I’m sure the Commander doesn’t mean to be angry with you. He loves you very much.”

Levi gave her a sad smile. “I know he does. It’s just difficult, you know? He’s… He’s changing a lot. He’s starting to need more help, and I don’t know how long I’ll be able to take care of him by myself.”

Gabi was so easy to talk to. In fact, Levi had the easiest relationship with Gabi out of all the kids he knew from before the Rumbling, though she wasn’t a kid anymore. She could be incredibly rowdy and out of control, but she had a special place in Levi’s heart, and he always knew he could reach out to her when he needed to.

“Do you think you’ll have to put him in a home?” Gabi asked, a solemn look on her face. She was usually so cheerful, but she knew the gravity of the situation at hand.

“I don’t know,” Levi placed a hand on his forehead in stress, “I really don’t know, Gabi. I don’t want to send him away. He needs me.”

Gabi frowned at that, letting go of Levi’s hand and placing it on his shoulder, “Does he need you, or do you need him?”

Levi’s eyes widened slightly at that. He hadn’t even thought about it that way. He felt those tears again. When had he become such an emotional person? Erwin’s disease had really exhausted him mentally and emotionally, and he had found himself crying a lot more when he was alone since Erwin’s diagnosis.

“Gabi,” Levi tried to breathe, putting a hand on her knee as he swallowed thickly, “I… I don’t think I can live without him.”

Gabi could clearly sense he was at the beginning of a panic attack, and soothingly rubbed his back, “Shh, shh. Come on now, Captain. It’s going to be okay. You have Falco and me, and the other members of the 104th. We won’t abandon you guys.”

Levi nodded, sucking in deep breaths as he was unable to speak because of his building anxiety. He sniffled loudly, tears growing in his eyes. He’d never cried in front of anybody but Erwin before, and today he’d cried in front of strangers in the market, and now Gabi? He couldn’t believe how much Erwin’s illness was affecting him.

“Here, take some deep breaths with me,” Gabi instructed, taking both of Levi’s hands into her own and starting to breathe deeply for him to copy. He did as he was told, sucking in deep breaths and letting them back out in time with Gabi. He could feel his rushing heartbeat calming now, his breathing returning to normal.

“There you go,” Gabi smiled, “You feel a little better?”

Levi nodded a bit. “Yes. Thank you.”

But although he was physically feeling better, mentally, Levi was a mess. He was thinking about what on earth he was going to do if he had to send Erwin to a nursing home. He knew it was an inevitability, as he wouldn’t be able to care for Erwin forever, but he didn’t want to face that eventuality. And what was Erwin going to say? There was no way Erwin would let Levi put him in a nursing home, although Levi wasn’t sure how much longer Erwin would be mentally sound enough to have a say in what Levi did with him. But he knew he should bring it up to him, anyway, should let Erwin have some say before he couldn’t anymore.

They had a nice, peaceful dinner with Falco and Gabi, as Erwin woke up from his nap in a much better mood. They didn’t mention what had happened in front of the other two, but Levi could sense his husband felt horrible for what he’d said. And Levi was going to forgive him one way or another. It was just a matter of time.

That night, Levi was surprised when Erwin climbed into bed. He’d thought for sure Erwin would sleep on the couch that night; that’s what he usually did when they’d had an argument. But he got under the covers and turned off the light on his nightstand, snuggling underneath and holding his arm out to Levi.

“You just think I’m going to cuddle you after you basically called me a slut?” Levi grumbled, climbing into bed but keeping his distance.

Confusion and horror came over Erwin’s face, “I did what?!”

Levi stared at him for a moment, thinking he was joking. But Erwin’s expression looked genuine, and Levi was realizing his husband must’ve really forgotten about their earlier argument.

“You… You accused me of flirting with Dr. Greenbaum and told me to stop being so easy,” Levi explained carefully, though he wasn’t even sure if he wanted Erwin to know anymore. It might’ve just been easier to let it slide rather than get his husband all worked up over something he couldn’t even remember.

Erwin’s eyes were wide, retracting his arm slowly as he pushed himself to sit up, rambling, “Honey… Honey, I’m so sorry. I don’t even remember… I really said that?”

Levi nodded, looking up into his husband’s eyes and seeing the fear there. He must’ve been scared that he couldn’t remember, and Levi could feel the agony building in his chest at what his husband must’ve been going through, and he felt sorry for him.

“Oh god, Levi,” Erwin placed a hand to his forehead in shock, “I’m really sorry. I… I’ll go sleep on the couch. I’ll leave you alone, I-”

“No,” Levi immediately interjected, not wanting Erwin to leave. He didn’t know how many nights he had left to be in their bed together, to be in Erwin’s warm, strong hold.

“No?” Erwin questioned, raising an eyebrow.

“N… No,” Levi shook his head, practically throwing himself into Erwin’s arms and burying his face in Erwin’s chest and murmuring, “I want you to stay.”

“But,” Erwin protested, not holding onto him out of pure confusion, “But I said something so awful to you, Levi.”

“It’s okay,” Levi sniffled, balling up Erwin’s cotton pajama shirt in his fists, “It’s fine, Erwin. Just… Just hold me, okay? Please hold me…”

He felt Erwin’s arm wrap around him now, hugging him tightly as he asked, “Are you okay, baby?”

Levi wasn’t okay. But he’d vowed he wouldn’t cry in front of Erwin anymore, wouldn’t make him feel worse about his condition. He didn’t want Erwin to see how all this was affecting him, so he sucked in a deep breath, trying to breathe like Gabi had with him earlier that day. He managed to calm himself down, nodding into Erwin’s chest.

“I’m fine,” he lied, “I just missed you, that’s all. I thought you were still upset with me.”

Erwin sighed against his skin, rubbing his back gently, “I’m not upset with you, sweetie. I’m so sorry I said that. I… I don’t even remember-”

“Baby, it’s okay,” Levi insisted, “Really, you don’t have to apologize. I forgive you.”

He didn’t even care about what Erwin had said anymore. He just wanted to be in his husband’s hold, listen to his heartbeat and feel his warm touch as he ran his fingers up and down Levi’s spine. He didn’t want to lose that, and he knew he was getting closer and closer to losing it each day.

Levi also didn’t know how to bring up the fact that he was thinking about putting Erwin in a home eventually. He didn’t know how to tell his husband such a thing, and he knew how stubborn Erwin could be, especially when he thought the help he was receiving was unnecessary, even when it wasn’t.

“Levi,” Erwin used his hand to pull Levi’s face away from his chest, stroking his cheek lovingly, “Is there something on your mind? You seem frazzled.”

Levi just shook his head, “I… It’s just… I’ve been thinking about… how we need to plan our future.”

Erwin raised an eyebrow. “Our… future…?”

Levi could understand his confusion. What future did they even have at this point, after all? But Levi had meant the future of Erwin’s condition; what they were going to do about it. He wanted Erwin to accept that he’d have to go to a home in his own time; he didn’t want to say it and have Erwin get upset at him for suggesting such a thing. If Erwin said it himself, he couldn’t get upset at Levi for bringing it up.

“Yeah,” Levi nodded, looking up into Erwin’s steely blue eyes, “I… I’ve been trying to think about what we’re going to do when you… when you get worse, Ervy. I don’t know how I’m going to be able to help you when you can’t move around as easily as you do now.”

Erwin frowned down at him, kissing Levi’s forehead lovingly, “Oh baby. Don’t worry about that now. We have time.”

But Levi wasn’t so sure about all that. They had a year to five years, according to the doctors, and Erwin was already deteriorating quickly in Levi’s opinion. Did they really have time? Levi didn’t think so.

“But Ervy,” Levi whimpered, playing up his concern a little so that Erwin would take him more seriously, “I’m really worried. You passed out today, and I wouldn’t have been able to help you if it were just the two of us. What are we gonna do if that happens when we’re at home?”

Levi let his lower lip wobble slightly, and Erwin’s expression immediately became one of sympathy, rubbing Levi’s back soothingly and shushing him. “Oh baby, shh. It’s okay, love. You… You can always get a neighbor to help. And I just wasn’t feeling well today. I’m sure I won’t pass out again.”

“But… But you can’t be sure,” Levi sniffled, and to be honest, this wasn’t really as much of an act as Levi thought it was, “And what about when you can’t eat or use the bathroom by yourself? How am I gonna be able to help you? I… I just feel so useless, Ervy. I can’t help you here… this house… and me… we’re no good for you.”

Erwin sighed heavily, looking a little distraught by Levi’s state, which Levi felt a little bad about. But he wanted Erwin to realize that this was something they needed to think about now before it was too late for them to plan anything at all. Erwin was silent for a while, eyes darting around the room as though he was thinking about what Levi was saying.

Finally, he looked down at Levi, tears in his eyes, “I… I’ll have to go to a nursing home, I think… when it comes to that point.”

This was what Levi had wanted, so why were there suddenly tears running down his own face? Why were sobs building in the back of his throat, his chest constricting? He hadn’t meant to get actually upset. But something about hearing Erwin say those words, hearing his husband admit that he would have to move into a home, was incredibly emotional for the both of them. It meant that they would be separated, that Erwin would have to leave their house for good. It was just so permanent, much like everything with this disease was.

“No!” Levi shook his head stubbornly, gripping Erwin’s shirt in his fists and tugging on it like a little child, “No, you… you can’t leave. This… This isn’t a home without you here. We’ve lived here for years, Erwin. This is… it’s our home.”

He was desperately trying to get Erwin to understand, tears spilling faster down his face now. Though moments before he’d been wanting Erwin to say that he belonged in a home, now he was painfully trying to get him to take it back. He hadn’t realized it would be so real once Erwin had spoken it. But there was no going back now.

“Levi,” Erwin held Levi’s face in his palm, thumbing away some of the tears as he stared down into his husband’s eyes with solemn, tear-filled eyes of his own, “Baby, I have to. I can’t be a burden to you. And it won’t be right away. We still have time here together. I’m not sure how much time, but… we’ll make every second worth it. I promise.”

Levi let the sobs rack through his body now, clinging to Erwin and knowing he was right. Erwin would have to go to a home, eventually. There was no way for Levi to care for him forever, not when he had his own health to look after. But Levi was right, too. This house wouldn’t be a home anymore. Not without Erwin.

Levi spent the next couple of weeks trying to make the most out of their time together at home. He wanted to make as many memories in that house with Erwin as possible before their time together ran out. Erwin had been doing his part too, looking through all of his old boxes to get rid of unnecessary stuff and make lists of who would receive what items upon his inevitable death. When he’d first started doing this a couple of months ago, Levi had thought it was strange and too soon to be doing such a thing. But now that Erwin had this diagnosis, Levi was thinking it was probably a good idea, as uncomfortable as it made him.

Levi sat out on the porch doing some knitting, staring out at the ocean in front of him. He was still afraid of it, in some sense. His mind still went to that awful place; imagining himself drowning in that vast, dark ocean, but he didn’t know how to cope with such thoughts. Erwin appeared in the doorway, leaning against the frame, and sighing with some exhaustion. He hadn’t been sleeping much lately, and physically, he was just becoming more easily tired by everyday activities.

“Ervy,” Levi smiled sweetly at him, patting the spot next to him on the porch swing, “Come sit with me.”

Erwin walked over to the swing and sat next to him, his weight causing it to go back and forth a couple of times before it adjusted. Erwin leaned over to press a kiss to Levi’s temple, a smile on his face. Erwin wasn’t talking much these days. Levi had noticed that he was developing somewhat of a stutter, and his husband seemed incredibly embarrassed by it, so he simply chose to speak less rather than to stutter through his sentences. Levi didn’t mind his husband’s choice. They didn’t have to speak to enjoy each other’s company.

But he knew how much it was bothering Erwin. When he’d started stuttering over the last week, he’d been really broken up about it, his drinking problem increasing. Levi knew Erwin prided himself on being incredibly intelligent and charming, a man good at motivating and convincing people with his words. If I don’t have my words, who am I? - is what he’d asked Levi one drunken night before dissolving into tears. Levi had held him, caressed his back, and told him: You’re Erwin Smith. You’re my husband. And I’ll love you with or without your words.

“I l-looked at some p-places,” Erwin announced, placing a shaky hand on Levi’s knee, “N-Nursing homes.”

Levi placed his hand on top of Erwin’s to stop it from shaking so much, lacing his fingers through Erwin’s, “Oh? You’ll have to show me, honey. Maybe we can tour some places, okay?”

Erwin nodded, looking out onto the ocean, and leaning back in the swing. He closed his tired eyes for a few seconds before opening them again, and Levi knew he was probably incredibly sleepy.

“Should we go for a nap?” Levi asked, squeezing Erwin’s hand gently.

Erwin shook his head a little, “I… I l-like sitting here… with y-you.”

Levi smiled softly, using his other hand to fix Erwin’s hair: a bang that had fallen out of place. So cute, Levi couldn’t help but think of his husband, how he could smile so radiantly even in such dire circumstances as the ones they were in.

“Then we’ll just sit here,” Levi agreed, leaning in to share a kiss with Erwin, “You can lay your head in my lap if you get too tired. I don’t mind.”

Erwin nodded, curling his rather large body up on the porch swing and resting his head in Levi’s lap, facing out towards the ocean. Levi set his knitting aside and ran his fingers through Erwin’s hair, appreciating this precious time they were sharing together. He was going to miss days like this, where they had nothing to do and no commitments except their love for one another. Erwin was soon snoring in Levi’s lap, and Levi sighed happily at the fact that his husband was finally getting some well-deserved rest, even though his snoring was so obnoxious. The sound had always annoyed Levi, but now it was like music to his ears. He supposed he wouldn’t have the sound for all that much longer, and he wanted to enjoy the little things about Erwin, even the things he wasn’t too fond of.

His husband stirred about a half hour later, jolting a little in Levi’s lap as he awoke. He sat up quickly, looking around as though he didn’t know where on earth he was. Levi had noticed this happening often too when Erwin woke up from a nap in the evening. He would always appear incredibly confused and fearful until he saw Levi’s face, which is why Levi tried to be in the same room as Erwin while he slept no matter what - so that Levi would be there when he woke up, and Erwin wouldn’t have to remain confused for long.

“Shh,” Levi cooed, reaching out a hand to touch Erwin’s shoulder to get his attention, “Shh, my love. You’re here. You’re with me.”

Erwin looked at Levi, still in brief confusion for a moment before a recognition took over his eyes and he let out a deep sigh of relief, “O-Oh… baby. It’s y-you.”

“Yes, darling,” Levi smiled tenderly, “It’s me. You’re here with me. Nothing’s going to hurt you.”

Erwin looked relieved by Levi’s words, patting Levi’s hand on his shoulder. Levi leaned over to kiss Erwin’s cheek, wrapping his arms around Erwin’s shoulders and resting his head in the crook of his husband’s neck. Erwin wrapped his own arm around Levi’s waist, hugging him close.

“H-Had a n-nightmare,” Erwin whispered against Levi’s skin.

“Oh?” Levi frowned as he pulled away, “Are you okay? What happened in the nightmare?”

Erwin nodded to confirm he was fine, explaining, “I dr-drowned. Out there.”

He pointed to the ocean, and Levi could feel his stomach turn uncomfortably from thinking about Erwin drowning out there in the ocean. He usually pictured himself out there, but he found it made him just as uneasy to picture Erwin in the ocean, struggling to stay afloat.

“My poor darling,” Levi murmured, pressing a kiss to Erwin’s cheek, “It’s okay, honey.”

Erwin was blushing lightly at the attention, leaning his head against Levi’s, and nuzzling it tenderly. They had been so in love with each other, more so than usual since Erwin’s diagnosis. It was as though they wanted to show every bit of love they had for one another. Erwin began to hum a song, fingers tracing up and down Levi’s arm. Levi instantly recognized the tune as the one they’d been listening to in the car on the way to Armin and Annie’s. He could vaguely remember the lyrics and wondered if Erwin had forgotten them. Usually, Levi didn’t like to sing, but he knew Erwin found his voice soothing, and he didn’t mind sharing his voice with his husband when it was just the two of them.

“You’ll never know just how much I miss you,” Levi sang quietly, hugging onto Erwin a little tighter, “You’ll never know just how much I care.”

Erwin was beaming as he hummed along with Levi’s voice, sighing contently at that moment they were sharing. Levi laced his fingers between Erwin’s, using his other hand to caress Erwin’s cheek as he looked up into his eyes.

“If there is some other way to prove that I love you, I swear I don’t know how,” he crooned, “You’ll never know if you don’t know now.”

Erwin closed his eyes as he leaned in to share a deep, loving kiss with his husband, the two smooching for a few seconds before hearing a car come up their driveway. Levi broke the kiss to look over and see Armin and Annie, their son Aldo, in the back seat of their car. Armin parked the car and got out, a sad smile on his face as he waved to Erwin and Levi. The two never showed up unannounced, so Levi was a little surprised, but perhaps they’d decided to visit after getting the news of Erwin’s diagnosis.

Annie and Aldo got out of the car, the three making their way up the steps to the porch. Erwin struggled to get off the swing, needing a small push from Levi to do so. Armin stood in front of him for a moment before hugging him tight, whispering apologies. Levi could see the tears in his eyes as his head peeked over Erwin’s shoulder, and Erwin was hugging Armin just as tight. The two had always been close, and it was probably hard for both of them to cope with the fact that they wouldn’t be able to have the same relationship they’d always had. Erwin wouldn’t be able to have intellectual conversations anymore, though Levi was sure Armin wouldn’t fault Erwin for that. It wasn’t his fault, anyway.

Annie hugged Erwin next, stroking his back, “We’re so sorry to hear about your dementia. How have you been?”

Erwin pulled away, smiling down at her solemnly, “I… I…”

He looked back at Levi, not sure what to say. Levi pushed himself off the swing and grabbed his cane, “Erwin’s okay. He’s been having some trouble speaking lately, so you’ll have to excuse his stutter.”

Erwin nodded in agreement. He seemed too embarrassed to speak at the moment, but Levi was sure once he warmed up to everyone he’d start talking again. Armin placed a hand on Erwin’s arm before motioning for their son to come over and say hello. Aldo looked incredibly uncomfortable, and Levi remembered how at that age he was very uneasy around older people, death, disease… so he assumed Aldo was feeling similar.

“Hi Uncle Erwin,” Aldo greeted Erwin with a quick hug, “Sorry you’re sick.”

Erwin smiled down at him once they pulled away, “Th-Thanks…”

“Sorry for our unexpected visit,” Armin apologized, “We’re on our way to visit Jean and Mikasa, and thought we’d stop by to see how you two were doing.”

“It’s alright,” Levi replied after realizing Erwin wasn’t going to say anything. He was still getting used to speaking for his husband, “Come on in. We’re not very busy these days, anyway, so we didn’t have plans.”

The five of them headed inside to the living room, the three Arlerts sitting on the couch, Erwin sitting in his recliner, and Levi sitting in the armchair next to the couch. They all settled in and got comfortable, though Levi noted the teenager was busy scribbling in a notebook he’d had in his pocket.

“Are you d-drawing?” Erwin asked Aldo, the teen immediately holding the notebook to his chest and turning a little red.

“Don’t be embarrassed,” Armin nudged his son, “Show him. You’re good at it.”

Aldo rolled his eyes at his father before holding out the notebook for Erwin to see. Levi craned his neck, seeing a lovely portrait the boy was drawing of some other boy, probably someone Aldo knew from school.

“L-Lovely,” Erwin stared in awe, “You’re v-very t-talented.”

“Thanks,” Aldo replied, going back to sketching in the notebook while the adults talked.

“Aren’t you going to tell him who you’re drawing?” Armin prodded, much to Aldo’s clear annoyance. The boy shook his head, not even looking up from his notebook, as his face only grew redder.

Annie smiled fondly at her son. “That’s his boyfriend, Emil.”

Aldo was a furious shade of red now, groaning in annoyance, “Mom, he’s not my boyfriend!”

“Not yet,” Annie teased with a giggle, “But they’ve been on a few dates together. Aldo’s just waiting for the right moment to ask him, right honey?”

Aldo covered his face. “Mom, please.”

Erwin laughed at the boy’s embarrassment. “I-It’s ok-kay, son. No n-need to be emb-barrassed.”

Armin chuckled, “You’re with two experts on love. Your uncles are probably the most romantic people I’ve ever met. Your Uncle Erwin especially.”

Erwin smiled, nodding at Armin in thanks before looking directly at Levi as he said, “Levi’s not the e-easiest to ch-charm, but I m-managed.”

Levi rolled his eyes with some amusement, replying with some sarcasm, “Yeah, your Uncle Erwin is, unfortunately, very charming. Swept me off my feet.”

Aldo’s face was slowly returning to its normal shade, a shy smile on his face, “That’s so sweet. And you’ve been together for like… centuries now, right?”

Erwin found the joke amusing, a hearty laugh leaving his mouth, but Levi merely grumbled swears under his breath in annoyance, reminding the teen, “It’s only been 25 years, not centuries, you idiot.”

Aldo grinned knowingly, and Armin patted his son on the shoulder. “Why don’t you go down to the beach for a little while? We have some personal things to discuss with your uncles - adult talk.”

Aldo nodded, getting off the couch and heading for the front door. Levi thought it was probably a good idea for the teen to leave - he didn’t need to hear the things they would discuss. He was still a boy and didn’t need to be involved in their adult conversation. The four listened and waited for Aldo to exit the front door before the atmosphere adjusted to a much more serious one.

“So how have you really been?” Armin asked, turning to Erwin, “Please be honest with us. We want to help you the best that we can.”

Annie nodded in agreement, and Erwin looked to Levi to explain his current condition, entrusting Levi would keep the necessary things secret from the two despite their plea for them to be honest. They didn’t need to know everything.

“Erwin’s physical health has been okay,” Levi said carefully, not wanting to reveal anything Erwin wouldn’t want him to, “It’s just the mental health mostly. He’s got the stutter now, has some trouble reading… but unfortunately, I won’t be able to care for him much longer.”

Armin raised an eyebrow, “Meaning…?”

“Meaning,” Levi continued with a sigh, “We’re looking at nursing homes to send him to.”

Armin and Annie looked a little shocked, as if they didn’t think that Erwin was doing that badly that they’d have to send him to a home. But the two weren’t stupid. They likely knew that this was an inevitability. They probably just didn’t think it had to happen as soon as it was.

Erwin was looking very solemn and quiet. Levi knew how he was feeling. He felt guilty for putting them through all this. Though Levi had reminded him time and time again that none of this was his fault, he still felt bad for causing so many problems.

“Well,” Armin frowned, “Annie and I will contribute to the bill. How much will it cost to send him there?”

Erwin immediately interjected, “N-No… there’s no n-need to… to give us m-money, Armin… Annie. Th-Thank you, but-”

“Erwin,” Levi interrupted carefully, his husband going silent, “We could use a little help if they’re willing to offer some. You know our retirement funds only stretch so far.”

Erwin nodded a little, still looking as if asking for monetary assistance pained him. They’d always paid for everything themselves, but Armin and Annie still had jobs, and they were both making a good amount of money, so Levi didn’t see why taking a little monetary help was a bad thing. He knew that Erwin was very prideful about paying for everything themselves, though, so he could understand why his husband was feeling the way he was.

“It’s about $1800 a month,” Levi explained, “We have quite a bit of money saved away, and the retirement funds, of course, but we could definitely use some help.”

“We can give you $400 a month,” Armin replied, “Annie and I have already discussed what we could give up a month. If Aldo goes to college, we might have to give a little less, but that’s what we can do for now.”

Four hundred was quite a lot, and Erwin and Levi both were a little shocked that the two were willing to give so much to them. But the lesser the monthly payment was, the better chance they had of finding a good place for Erwin to stay.

“When we go to Jean and Mikasa’s,” Annie continued, “We’re going to see how much they’d be willing to contribute. We’ll let you know on our way back, okay? And perhaps Gabi and Falco can give some, too.”

Erwin swallowed thickly, an incredibly grateful look on his face, “Th-Thank you. This is… this is so k-kind of you b-both. I… I r-really appreciate it.”

“Yes,” Levi agreed with a smile, “That’s very generous of you.”

“Well, we want to take good care of you two,” Armin stated, “Like you both took care of us when we were young.”

Annie nodded in agreement, and Levi could see how those words touched Erwin. They touched him too, of course, but his husband was clearly moved by the care that Armin and Annie had for him in his time of need. Though the two never had kids, they clearly had people in their life who would care for them in their old age, and that was incredibly touching.

“Thank y-you,” Erwin smiled sadly, “That means… s-so much to us.”

Armin smiled back, “Of course, Erwin. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.”

Levi saw the tears building in Erwin’s eyes and was surprised by his sudden rush of emotions. Erwin never got emotional in front of anyone except Levi, and even then, he was hesitant about showing that vulnerable side of himself. He liked to be viewed as strong, as the person who comforted others, not the other way around. But Levi could sense the breakdown of Erwin’s emotions before it even happened, and he didn’t even know what to do when the tears began to flow down Erwin’s face. He must’ve been incredibly moved by Armin and Annie’s kindness towards him.

Armin was the first to move upon seeing Erwin’s tears. He got up and kneeled next to Erwin’s chair, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and leaning his head on Erwin’s shoulder. He soothingly began to rub Erwin’s shoulder as Erwin let out a quiet sob, his shaky hand reaching out to grasp Armin’s free one.

“It’ll be okay,” Armin whispered cautiously, “It’s okay to be sad… it’s hard right now.”

Erwin sniffled and hiccuped, “I… I kn-know. There… There will be b-better d-days.”

Levi could feel the tears in his own eyes, seeing Erwin in such an emotional, vulnerable state. Annie, usually so stoic and emotionless, had tears in her own eyes from watching the two, and Levi had to suck in a deep breath to keep himself calm. Erwin was trying to keep himself together; Levi could see it in his eyes. But he couldn’t hold on anymore. He couldn’t be that strong stone of a man he once was. He couldn’t be a pillar of strength for the ones he loved anymore. He needed them to be his rock now, and that was a tough thing to cope with.

“We love you very much,” Armin murmured, “We just want you to be okay, Erwin.”

Erwin nodded, tears running down his face and a sob racking his shoulders, “Th-Thank you… I don’t kn-know what I did to d-deserve such w-wonderful f-friends.”

Annie wiped a couple of tears from her eyes, but Armin kept his emotions at bay somehow. They all knew they needed to be strong for Erwin; that crying in front of him might only make him feel worse about his situation. Levi didn’t even realize he had tears rolling down his own cheeks until one dripped onto his shirt, causing a wet spot on the fabric. He quickly rubbed the tears away, watching the two with a great sadness filling his heart.

“Can…” Erwin cleared his throat, the tears falling faster than he could wipe at them, “Can you just h-hold m-me like this… for a l-little while?”

Levi’s heart broke at Erwin’s words, holding back a sob in his throat. He’d never heard Erwin cry like this. He sounded like a broken little boy, like a child who’d lost his mother. It was painful to hear him cry this way, especially in front of their friends.

Armin nodded, hugging Erwin a little tighter, “Of course.”

Armin just continued to hold him for some time, Annie getting up to join them by rubbing Erwin’s back gently as he cried. Levi just sat there, watching them with tears running down his own face. Erwin wouldn’t even look at him, wouldn’t look at any of them. He was probably ashamed that he was crying, and Levi didn’t blame him for feeling that way. He simply watched as his secure, indestructible husband transformed into a frail, frightened little old man right before his eyes. And there was absolutely nothing that he, or anybody else, could do to change that outcome.

Levi and Erwin sat in the waiting room at the nursing home about a week later. They had been busy touring places nearby, and so far hadn’t had any luck. The other places were either too expensive or too run down, and Levi was insistent that Erwin get the best of the best with what they could afford. This was their last chance at finding a place nearby that Levi could visit on a regular basis, and Levi was growing more anxious the longer they waited. Levi was sure they could afford this place, and it looked like it was well-kept, but he had some sort of familiar, bad feeling about it, and he wasn’t sure why.

“Mr. Smith, Mr. Ackerman,” the receptionist called them up, “Mr. Feld will see you now.”

Erwin got up, gripping Levi’s wheelchair handle and starting to push him towards the office. The receptionist held the door for them as they entered, being greeted by a beaming young man with a nice suit on, sitting behind an expensive-looking wooden desk. Erwin pushed Levi up to the desk and sat down in a chair next to him with a huff, becoming more easily exhausted now-a-days.

“Hello, gentleman,” Mr. Feld smiled as the door closed behind them, “So, you’re interested in a room with us here?”

Levi nodded, and even though Mr. Feld was looking at him as though he was the one who needed the room, he motioned to Erwin, “Yes, Erwin’s developing dementia, and he’ll need a room sometime soon.”

“Well,” Mr. Feld looked over at Erwin, “Mr. Smith, is it?” Erwin nodded and he continued, “Luckily for you, we have several rooms available for immediate move-in. The monthly rent for a senior is $1860 a month, which includes all-around care, meals, and other amenities.”

Levi was taking mental notes, nodding at what Mr. Feld was saying, “That all sounds great. But what are the policies for visitors here?”

Levi knew that that was one of the most important things for the two of them, besides the money and the state of the building. They wanted to be able to see each other as often as possible. That’s why they’d been looking at places near to their home - because Levi and Erwin knew they needed to see each other as often as they could.

“We have an open policy for visitors,” Mr. Feld explained, “So for example, Mr. Smith, if your wife wanted to visit, all she would have to do is bring her ID, sign in at the front desk, and she could visit you any day of the week during our visiting hours: 7am-10pm.”

Levi and Erwin exchanged a small glance at the mention of a ‘wife’. Levi was starting to figure out why he’d been feeling so uncomfortable when they first entered the place. But maybe they could get around this somehow without exposing their relationship and being kicked out, which is what Levi assumed might happen if he revealed they were married.

“Well,” Levi asked, “What about friends? Say, if I wanted to visit Erwin?”

Mr. Feld nodded, “Well, we have a strict policy about non-family members. You would have to do some paperwork, which could take months to process.”

Months, Levi thought, We don’t have months. He was debating in his head whether to let the man know that he and Erwin were legally related through marriage; they were family. But he didn’t know how the man would take it after bringing up a ‘wife’. Levi sighed, deciding the only way to find out would be to mention it.

“Well… you see,” Levi could see Erwin looking around the room, as if he had not a care in the world, “Erwin and I… well… we’re married. So, we are family, legally.”

Mr. Feld stared at him for a moment, eyes widening slightly before he mumbled something under his breath. Erwin snapped his attention back to the man, apparently having heard what he’d said, though Levi hadn’t.

“Excuse me?” Erwin asked with a growl to his voice, “W-What did you s-say?!”

“I said,” Mr. Feld stood, pointing at the door angrily, “We don’t serve fags here.”

Erwin stood, ready to curse the man out, but Levi reached up and placed a hand on Erwin’s hip (which was as far up as he could reach while sitting down), “Erwin, go wait for me outside. I’ll take care of this, darling.”

Erwin looked down at Levi with a combination of shock and worry, as if he wasn’t sure whether to go or not. But Levi was giving him a look that said trust me, so Erwin did as he was told, hobbling to the door, and exiting the room. Levi gripped the edge of the desk, pushing himself up to stand in front of the man who had just verbally assaulted them. Mr. Feld was staring at him expectantly, as if waiting for Levi to curse him out, scream at him, tell him what a bigot he was. But when Levi looked down at the man, he had pitiful tears in his eyes, a pleading look on his face.

“Please,” Levi pleaded with a raspy, desperate voice, as if putting everything he had into it, “This is… This is the only place we have left. You don’t have to see us interact or listen to us talk about our love. We won’t cause any trouble here. I… I need you to let him stay here. Otherwise, I… I won’t get to see him and I can’t… I can’t live without him. Please.”

Levi had never begged for anything like he was begging now. He’d never felt so desperate in his life. He needed this; needed Mr. Feld to let Erwin stay here, to let Levi visit him. He would get on his knees to beg if he had to. He’d do anything. If Erwin couldn’t stay here, he’d have to live somewhere towns over, and Levi would only be able to visit him maybe once or twice a week, and that just wasn’t enough. Levi needed to see his husband every day. How was he supposed to live without him?

And Erwin needed Levi too. As much as Levi hated admitting his self-worth, he knew that Erwin needed him to get through this. He’d been so depressed because of his illness, but with Levi there, he was able to cope better. How would he be able to cope without Levi there every day?

“Get out,” Mr. Feld pointed at the door, “Before I get security to throw you out. I don’t mind stooping so low as to throw an old man in a wheelchair and his retarded husband out my doors.”

Levi clenched his fists at his sides, fury filling his entire body. What the hell had he just called Erwin? Levi could deal with the homophobic slurs, the insults to his own character, but insulting his husband’s intelligence? That was another thing entirely, especially when the word he’d used wasn’t one used in polite conversation.

Levi wound his fist back and socked the man directly in the nose before grabbing his cane and starting to beat him over the head with it. Upon hearing the commotion, Erwin and the receptionist opened the door.

“Mr. Ackerman!” The receptionist cried out, rushing to help Mr. Feld off the floor before she called out for security.

“Erwin,” Levi sat down in his chair, “Come on, let’s go. This place isn’t worth it.”

Erwin stared between them in some shock before starting to push Levi hurriedly out of the room and towards the front doors before security could come to kick them out. Levi believed the man’s threat of literally throwing them out the doors, and he didn’t want Erwin to get hurt due to his inability to control his anger.

“What h-happened?” Erwin asked as they got to the car, Levi getting in the driver’s seat while Erwin packed the wheelchair into the backseat. Erwin appeared to not remember what Mr. Feld had called them, as he didn’t seem very bothered.

“He called me short,” Levi lied, not wanting to upset Erwin with what the man had really said, “So I beat him with my cane.”

Erwin tutted quietly in disappointment. “Levi, you r-really need to learn to c-control your a-anger.”

Levi started to drive off, a heavy weight on his shoulders now, “I know, baby. I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok-kay,” Erwin reached over to place a hand on Levi’s thigh to comfort him, joking, “I guess I won’t be st-staying there then, h-huh?”

“No,” Levi chuckled, though on the inside he was considerably hurting, “No, I guess not.”

“Onto the next p-place?” Erwin asked.

Levi didn’t know how to tell Erwin that the next place was two towns over - a whole 45-minute drive away. He didn’t know how to tell Erwin that he couldn’t make that drive every day. And he certainly didn’t know how to tell Erwin that he would only be seeing him once a week for the rest of his life.

Levi’s eyes snapped open, the sound of water rushing around him. He looked around, realizing he was underwater, a deep and dark pool of ocean water beneath his feet. He couldn’t see the ocean floor; he was stuck underwater, a frantic, terrified feeling filling his chest. The light from the sun shone across the surface as he looked up. Levi immediately kicked his legs weakly, going up towards the light. He could feel his lungs just about bursting from holding the air in, and when he finally emerged from the water, he sucked in a huge breath, coughing and sputtering as his legs and arms kicked tirelessly to keep him afloat. He looked around in a panic, seeing nothing but water for miles around him. Where the hell am I? He wondered to himself.

That’s when he heard a desperate voice scream: “Levi!” Followed by the sound of frantic splashing. Levi turned around in the water, trying to locate the sound. The voice was all too familiar, and he could feel himself growing more and more concerned when he heard the voice scream for help: “Levi! Help!”

Erwin, Levi thought to himself, That’s Erwin’s voice. He turned about wildly in the water, trying to locate his husband as he called back, “Erwin! Erwin, where are you?!”

“Help me!” The voice shouted, torn and desperate and followed by sounds of gurgling water. Levi was wildly swimming towards where he heard the voice, feeling as though the voice was getting farther and farther away even when he was swimming in its direction.

“Levi!” He heard again and felt his own legs and arms turning to jelly, getting tired from his constant movement. His body was failing him, but he was still determined to save Erwin, wherever he was. The voice stopped, and that scared Levi more than the initial scream he’d heard.

“No… No, Erwin?!” Levi yelled, “Erwin?! Where are you?!”

That’s when he spotted him: a figure floating in the water face down, feet from him. Levi opened his mouth in a silent scream; he didn’t even hear the noise leave him as he swam hurriedly towards Erwin’s floating body. He turned him over, his husband’s eyes closed and no breath leaving his mouth. He was still and cold, and Levi tried to hold onto him, to keep him afloat so he could try to save him. But Erwin was slipping from his arms, and Levi wasn’t strong enough to keep both of them on the surface. Erwin’s lips were turning blue, and Levi didn’t know when he’d started to cry, but he sobbed hysterically as he fought to keep them both above water. He was crying so hard he could barely see, and he could feel Erwin’s dead body slipping from his arms. He knew if he didn’t let go, he’d drown too.

“Please wake up,” Levi pleaded, “Please, please wake up, Erwin.”

He slowly, reluctantly, let Erwin’s body slide from his arms, sink below the surface and towards the ocean floor, where Levi couldn’t see him anymore. Levi watched as his beautiful husband slipped into the water, sinking down further and further until Levi couldn’t see him. As soon as Erwin was out of sight, Levi tilted his head back to let out an agonizing wail, pain tearing through his chest as the sound ripped from him. He still couldn’t see through his tears, and he let the sobs shake his entire body, barely staying afloat now.

Slowly, a numbness set in, and his tears came to a gradual halt. He leaned back in the water, floating on his back as he stared up at the sky. Erwin was gone, and now all Levi wanted to do was wait until he couldn’t keep afloat anymore by himself; wait until he too sank to the bottom of the ocean to join his love in death.

Levi sat up quicklyin bed, gasping for air and clutching his chest. He looked around the room, sweat beading at his brow and harsh breaths heaving his chest up and down. His eyes settled on his husband, who was sitting up in bed looking at the pictures in the newspaper (since he had trouble reading it). Levi used to be the one who sat up all night, but now it was Erwin who had the insomnia. Erwin’s expression turned to one of alarm upon seeing his husband shoot up in bed like that. It was a dream, Levi thought with some relief. It was all a bad dream. Erwin’s alive - he’s right here.

“Are you ok-kay, Levi?” Erwin asked, folding up the newspaper and placing it on the bedside table, “You really j-jumped there.”

“I… I’m okay,” Levi breathed deeply, trying to calm his fast-beating heart, “Just a nightmare, that’s all.”

Erwin frowned. “Do you w-want to t-talk about it?”

Levi shook his head. He didn’t want to tell Erwin about the traumatic dream he’d had. Erwin would likely try to decipher the dream, try to talk about Levi’s fear of death. The nightmare reflected all the times Levi had stared out at the ocean and envisioned himself drowning out there. But this time was different. Erwin had never really been part of that terrifying thought, but he was starting to show up there more and more now. But how long would he be able to avoid this conversation with Erwin?

“You can t-tell me,” Erwin insisted as he went to wrap his arm around Levi in comfort, “You look upset.”

Levi sighed, leaning into Erwin’s warm hold. He rolled into Erwin’s chest, fingers grasping at the soft cotton material of his light blue pajama shirt. He was trying to build up the courage to speak, and Erwin could sense that; was giving him time to gather himself. Levi always appreciated that about Erwin - that he knew what Levi needed, would give him the time he needed and wouldn’t press him.

Slowly, he began to explain his dream to Erwin, playing with the fabric of Erwin’s pajama shirt absentmindedly to keep himself from getting too anxious. He told Erwin about the drowning, not leaving out any details. He supposed if he was going to tell Erwin about this nightmare, he might as well tell the whole thing and not keep anything out.

“And I… I know what it means,” Levi muttered after telling Erwin the whole dream, “I know… I know I’m afraid of death… afraid of you dying - afraid of dying myself… but I… I just don’t know what to do about it. It makes me so nervous and scared.”

Erwin was quiet for a while, fingers stroking through Levi’s black and gray locks as he sucked in a deep breath, as if he was taking in the information Levi had given him. He pressed a gentle kiss to Levi’s forehead to soothe him, which Levi appreciated; he was certainly starting to feel anxious all over again.

“Well, my d-dear,” Erwin murmured, “Death is… inevitable. Nobody can s-stop it.”

“I know,” Levi agreed as he snuggled his face into Erwin’s pillowy chest, “I just… I don’t like the uncertainty of it all. Like… what if when we die, that’s it? What if we never see each other again?”

This was the first time Levi was really opening up about his thoughts on death - he didn’t often share these fears with anyone, not even his husband. But he was opening up about them now because… well, the two of them didn’t have much time left together. Erwin’s mind was going, and he wouldn’t be around for much longer. Levi wanted to have this conversation while he was still here, even if it made him incredibly uncomfortable.

“W-Well,” Erwin spoke softly, trying to be gentle, “If that’s the case, we live on through the m-memories we’ve made with one an-nother. I’m content kn-knowing that I lived a life with someone I l-love very much. That’s good enough for m-me.”

“But… But that’s not good enough for me,” Levi tried to explain, starting to get upset now, “I don’t want to never see you again…”

Erwin moved his fingers to Levi’s back, running them up and down his spine to calm him down, “Shh, my l-love. That might not be the c-case. Let’s not f-fret about something we don’t kn-know to be true, ok-kay?”

Levi supposed Erwin was right. He shouldn’t worry so much about an outcome that he didn’t know to be the absolute truth. But that was the problem: the precariousness of the situation. He didn’t know what would happen, and he didn’t like the not knowing. Levi always knew exactly what he wanted, exactly what would happen for the most part. His everyday was very certain since the Rumbling had ended - sure, there were some unpredictabilities, but for the most part, Levi and Erwin’s lives had become a routine of the same. Levi didn’t want that uncertainty again. He didn’t want Erwin to leave him without knowing where he would be going. He didn’t want to die without knowing what would happen to him when he did.

“I just don’t like not knowing,” Levi whimpered, starting to get emotional, “I… I want to spend forever with you, Erwin.”

“I know, b-baby,” Erwin whispered against the top of his head before pressing a gentle kiss there, “I know. B-But who knows? Maybe we’ll f-find each other in the afterl-life, and we will get to spend eternity t-together. We j-just don’t know, b-baby. I know that’s what I h-hope for… and if I have to sp-spend the rest of eternity looking f-for you, I’ll do that.”

Levi sniffled, burying his face in Erwin’s soft pecs and mumbling against his pajama shirt, “You… You promise? You promise you’ll look for me if you can? Maybe… Maybe then we could spend eternity together…”

Erwin held Levi tighter, not hesitating in giving him the answer he was looking for: “Of c-course I p-promise. There’s n-no one I’d rather sp-spend eternity with.”

Levi smiled against Erwin’s chest, tears filling his eyes. He didn’t feel much better about death, but Erwin’s words were comforting in some ways. He was just scared. He didn’t want to end up all alone again. So many people had left him throughout the years. He couldn’t lose another. He could only hope that death would bring them back together for eternity, that he would be reunited with all those he’d loved and lost over the years.

Levi folded up the last of Erwin’s shirts and placed them in his suitcase. That night would be their last night together. It had been a few weeks since Armin and Annie had visited, and they had brought back Mikasa and Jean with them a couple weeks later to start moving Erwin into the home - specifically some furniture that would’ve been too heavy for them to move themselves. 

They helped bring Erwin’s favorite recliner, an end table, and a bookcase for his favorite books (he had several bookcases full, so choosing his favorites had been difficult for him, especially knowing he wouldn’t really be able to read them much anyway). The room came with a twin bed; it was fairly nice, a wooden frame with a thick mattress. Levi had bought a mattress protector with padding anyways, as he knew Erwin liked a soft bed. Armin had been kind enough to take Erwin to the electronics store to get him a smaller stereo that could play records, since their tabletop stereo would be too big to take with him, and Armin knew how Erwin enjoyed listening to music and the radio.

When they’d come back, Levi was shocked to find that they’d also bought a small TV for Erwin. He’d cursed at Armin, telling him that it was far too much money and insisting they take it back, but Armin was adamant that it was fine, and Erwin seemed far too excited about it for Levi to force them to return it. He supposed Erwin was allowed to have his little pleasures, and calmed down about it after a little while.

All that was left was to do was unpack, and they’d already taken all the boxes of Erwin’s stuff to the room. He had just this suitcase to take with him tomorrow when he left, and Levi would stay in his room all day to help him unpack until he had to leave when visiting hours were over at 8pm. Levi closed the suitcase and carried it to the front door, placing it there for them to take with them tomorrow. He’d had a pit in his stomach the whole day; a dread for what tomorrow would bring.

Erwin was sitting in the living room, looking through one of his old history books. It was a book on various important events and inventions throughout history, and had lots of pictures in it, so it was easier for him to get through. Levi joined him, walking in and frowning at the empty space where the recliner had once been. It wouldn’t be the same without that recliner there; in fact, it wouldn’t be the same without Erwin there. Levi was so used to sitting on the couch, knitting or crocheting or something else, while Erwin sat in the recliner next to him and read a book or the newspaper, or listened to the stereo.

Erwin looked up when Levi came into the room, smiling sweetly at him. They were both trying to be cheerful for one another’s sake. Though it was certainly a sad day, they both wanted to make the best of it. After all, this wouldn’t be the last they’d see of each other. Though Erwin was going to be at a nursing home farther away than expected, Levi still agreed to visit him at least twice a week: Wednesdays and Saturdays. Levi was already looking forward to visiting Erwin, already missing him, even though he hadn’t left yet. He could feel it in his gut; the feeling of something not right, and he knew exactly what it was. It was Erwin leaving, it was the empty space that would never be filled in this house again once Erwin left.

“Levi,” Erwin piped up before he could sit down, “You should l-look behind the couch. I g-got you something.”

Levi gave Erwin a small look of surprise. Erwin had gotten him something? It wasn’t unusual; Erwin spoiled Levi a lot, but Levi was mostly surprised because he too had gotten something for Erwin while he was out in the market with Mikasa and Annie (while Jean and Armin helped Erwin move his things to the nursing home).

Levi peered behind the couch, holding onto the back of it for support. He saw a teddy bear sitting there with a huge red bow around its neck. He picked it up, looking at Erwin in some confusion. Why had Erwin gotten him a bear? It wasn’t a small bear either; it was big enough for him to wrap his arms around it, to hug onto - the size of a small toddler. But it wasn’t huge either, like the giant bears Levi had seen in the marketplace on some occasions.

“I know it m-might seem s-silly,” Erwin muttered sheepishly, “But I… I th-thought you’d need something to c-cuddle when I’m gone. I sprayed some of my cologne on it, so it smells like me too.”

Levi breathed in the scent of the bear to confirm; it did smell like Erwin. He smiled softly, examining the bear. It was such a sweet gift, and he was happy to have something to sleep with at night, now that Erwin would be gone. He hugged the bear close to his chest, feeling the tears coming. He’d been holding them in all day, wanting to be strong for Erwin. And he knew he couldn’t just burst into tears right now, but holding onto this bear that was going to be his new companion in the house, it was just too sad. He sucked in a shaky breath, trying to keep his composure.

“I love it,” he managed to get out between deep breaths, “Thank you, honey. I… I got you something too.”

Erwin raised an eyebrow as Levi set down the bear on the couch and said something about being right back. As soon as he was out of sight, he let a few tears fall, wiping them away and taking long, calming breaths to keep himself from having a full-on meltdown. I need to be strong for Erwin, he thought to himself, walking to his closet and pulling out a big paper bag with a record inside. He carried it back to the living room, holding it out to his husband, who took it with a smile.

“Ooh, what r-record is it?” Erwin asked excitedly, slipping it out of the bag and examining the front cover, “Johnny M-Mathis. Never h-heard of h-him.”

Levi smiled softly, “They were playing it in the store… I thought you might like it.”

“Well, let’s l-listen n-now,” Erwin decided, pushing himself shakily off the couch and heading to the tabletop. He sounded thrilled to have new music to listen to, and Levi felt relieved that he’d chosen a good record, as he usually didn’t really know about those types of things. He’d really hoped Erwin would like it. He watched his husband place the record on the player, carefully putting the needle in place and turning the volume up a little as the record began to turn. The tinkling of piano keys started, followed by a sweet man’s voice:

It’s not for me to say, you love me

It’s not for me to say, you’ll always care

Oh, but here for the moment, I can hold you fast

And press your lips to mine, and dream that love will last

Levi already knew what Erwin was going to ask him before he even opened his mouth. He was already pushing himself off the couch as Erwin turned to him, his hand outstretched. Levi was smiling, though on the inside he felt so numb and empty. Our last time dancing in the living room together, he thought miserably as he took Erwin’s hand, letting his husband pull him close. It was bittersweet: nice to be held and swayed by Erwin, but melancholy given the circumstances. He was going to be strong though, he was determined to be, for Erwin.

Erwin wrapped his arm around Levi’s waist, resting his chin on the top of Levi’s head and pressing a kiss there as they moved from side to side. Levi had both arms around Erwin’s shoulders, cheek against Erwin’s chest, breathing in that same cologne that he’d smelled on the bear Erwin had given him.

  As far as I can see, this is heaven

And speaking just for me, it’s ours to share
Perhaps the glow of love will grow with every passing day

Or we may never meet again

But then, it’s not for me to say

He leaned back to look up at his husband, surprised to find Erwin with tears rolling down his face and a wobbling lower lip. Levi hadn’t thought Erwin would cry, though he had been more emotional as of late.

“Oh honey,” Levi sighed, reaching up to wipe away at Erwin’s tears. But as soon as he let out that sigh, he felt his lower lip quivering as well, a sob threatening to break forwards. He sniffled, frantically trying to wipe his own tears now.

Erwin stopped him, wrapping his arm around him again and pulling him close. He whispered against the shell of Levi’s ear, “Shh… j-just… let’s just d-dance, baby. Let’s just dance…”

Levi knew what Erwin meant by that. It wasn’t that he wanted to keep dancing, he just wanted to enjoy the moment they were having, not have it ruined by their tears. Levi nodded into Erwin’s chest, wrapping his arms back around Erwin’s neck and standing on his tiptoes as he leaned up to share a kiss that was wet from their tears. Erwin smiled sadly down at him, carefully tipping Levi back before setting him to his feet again. Levi giggled, tears blinding his eyes as he shared another sweet kiss with Erwin. He held onto Erwin’s cheeks with both hands, their foreheads resting against one another as they continued to sway to the song:

And speaking just for me, it’s ours to share

Perhaps the glow of love will grow with every passing day

Or we may never meet again

But then, it’s not for me to say

Levi turned the key and opened the door to Erwin’s room before handing the key to his husband. Erwin held the suitcase that Levi had packed, and Levi was holding his cane in his other hand, pushing the door open and walking inside. God, this place needs a good dusting, Levi thought in some disgust. But it wasn’t so bad. It was a small square room with a large window opposite the front door. The twin bed was up against the wall next to the door, with a nightstand next to it. Erwin’s recliner was under the window with the television and stereo next to it, both turned towards one another. Erwin’s bookshelf was on the wall opposite the bed, and there was a small closet for his clothes. A door that led to the bathroom was at the end of the bed. There were several boxes littering the floor that had to be unpacked, and Erwin and Levi made their way around the boxes, Erwin setting the suitcase on the bed.

He hadn’t been talking much that morning. The night prior, they’d gone to bed, holding onto one another tightly and cuddling all night. Erwin even slept through the night for once, which was surprising, but a nice thing to have on their final night together. It was like the universe was gifting them this final happiness before they would be separated. But Erwin had been quiet since they woke up, getting ready and eating breakfast without much to say at all. Levi didn’t blame him; it was a sad day for both of them.

“Well,” Levi put his hand on his hip, the other still clinging to his cane, “Let’s start unpacking. You tell me where you want things.”

He was trying to keep an upbeat, positive mood about him; if Erwin was going to be down about their situation, he would try his best to counter it. Erwin would’ve done the same if the situation was reversed, and Levi wanted to be there for his husband as much as he could be, especially since he was about to be leaving him here.

Erwin sat down on the edge of the bed with a slight huff, nodding at Levi’s words. He picked up a light box from the ground and set it next to him, starting to open it up. It contained the bedsheets, which Erwin got up and began to work to unpack. Levi started unpacking a box of books, stacking them on the bookshelf. He could see Erwin struggling with the fitted sheet, and paused briefly to help him put it on before going back to the shelf. Once he was done with that box, he moved onto the next, starting to unpack Erwin’s clothes.

He smiled fondly as he hung up Erwin’s shirts; he’d had some of them for a long time, and memories were flooding back to Levi of times they were together and Erwin had been wearing one of these shirts. Levi picked up a light blue plaid button-up, remembering one of their walks on the beach when Erwin had picked Levi up and slung him over his shoulder, spinning him around while Levi giggled. These were the things he would try to remember when he missed Erwin.

“Baby,” Erwin piped up, “Where… Where should I p-put my records?”

Levi turned to look at him, seeing him with a box full of records. He turned back to the shelf, scooting some of the books over and suggesting, “We can put them on the shelf. There’s room.”

Erwin nodded, starting to hand the records over so Levi could stack them on the shelf. He was feeling that pit of sadness in his gut as he put them away, each album bringing back memories of times they had danced around the living room, held one another and shared kiss after kiss.

They spent the rest of the afternoon unpacking things and cleaning. Well, Levi did the cleaning while Erwin unpacked. He wanted to make sure this was a livable place for Erwin, wanted him to feel as comfortable as he was back home. When he’d finally dusted and scrubbed to his satisfaction, the sun was going down, and it was almost time for Levi to head out. The closer they got to 8pm, when visiting hours ended, the more sick Levi was feeling. And he could tell Erwin was feeling uneasy too. He was unusually quiet as he sat down in his recliner once he was done unpacking.

Levi smiled sadly at him, and they didn’t even have to speak to know what the other wanted. Levi walked over and sat in Erwin’s lap, curling his legs up onto the recliner so he could fit comfortably in Erwin’s hold. Erwin wrapped his arm around Levi’s back, gently running his fingers up and down Levi’s side. Levi tucked his face into the crook of Erwin’s neck, his arms resting on Erwin’s chest. They just sat like that for a while, rocking back and forth in Erwin’s recliner and holding onto one another. Levi was proud of Erwin. He was being remarkably brave considering Levi would be leaving him soon. Levi knew if it were the opposite situation, he’d be a damn mess.

“I should probably go,” Levi whispered regretfully, “It’s almost eight.”

Erwin instinctively held him a little tighter, but nodded in agreement, “Okay, baby. Would you… Would you m-mind helping me get ready for b-bed? Just… Just for tonight. Please?”

How could Levi deny him when he sounded so lost and lonely? Levi immediately nodded into Erwin’s neck, replying, “Of course, honey. Come on, let’s get you ready.”

Levi got off Erwin’s lap, helping his husband to his feet. He went and dutifully picked out a pair of pajamas for Erwin, the light blue ones he liked so much. Erwin was struggling to undo his shirt buttons, his hands too shaky to get the buttons out of the eyelets. Levi set the pajamas on the bed, standing in front of Erwin and reaching up. He shooed Erwin’s hands away and started undoing the buttons, helping him pull the shirt off along with his undershirt. He could feel Erwin’s smile, it radiated the bittersweet energy of the moment. Levi helped him get into his pajama shirt, buttoning up the buttons of the soft flannel pajamas. The two of them worked together to get Erwin’s pants and boxers off, Erwin holding Levi’s shoulder for balance as Levi held the pajamas pants open for Erwin to step into. Once he did, Levi pulled them up, making sure they were snug around his hips. He tied the string that went around the waist, not making it too tight - he didn’t want Erwin to struggle when he inevitably had to use the bathroom.

“I put your toothbrush next to the sink,” Levi leaned up to press a kiss to Erwin’s cheek, “You go ahead, I’ll get the bed ready for you.”

Erwin nodded, going to the bathroom to brush his teeth. In the meantime, Levi pulled the sheets back, fluffing the pillows to get them ready for his husband. Within a couple of minutes, Erwin returned and climbed into the bed, and Levi tucked him in, sitting on the edge of the bed and running his fingers through Erwin’s hair. Erwin was smiling up at him lovingly.

“I’ll be back on Wednesday, okay?” Levi reminded him, tucking Erwin’s bangs behind his ear, “There’s only three days between now and then… it’ll go by before you know it.”

Erwin nodded, “Okay. I’ll… I’ll miss you, b-baby.”

Levi leaned down to kiss him goodnight, whispering against his lips, “I’ll miss you too. Goodnight, honey.”

“Goodnight,” Erwin murmured, and Levi kissed him once more before grabbing his cane and standing up to go.

He went to turn the light off and leave, when he heard a quiet, “Wait.”

Levi turned to Erwin, who now had tears filling his eyes as he begged, “D-Don’t go. Please, don’t go, L-Levi.”

Levi could feel his heart sink into his stomach, wanting to burst into tears at the sight. But he held back; it wouldn’t do anyone any good if both of them were crying. But his heart went out to his husband; his poor, poor husband. Erwin was getting worked up, sniffling as tears trickled down his face. He looked frightened, and Levi didn’t blame him. He knew he wouldn’t want to be left alone here, and if he had a choice, he wouldn’t leave Erwin alone here. Levi checked his watch; it was 7:58. Screw them, Levi thought, They can come kick me out if they want.

“Scoot over, baby,” Levi requested, and Erwin did as he was told, making room for Levi, who climbed into the bed next to him. He snuggled up to Erwin, letting his husband rest his head on Levi’s chest. He held Erwin close, rubbing his back soothingly as the man simply cried. Levi let him; there was no reason to stop him from doing so. This was a scary situation, and Erwin was afraid. Levi didn’t blame him one bit.

“Shh,” Levi cooed, “It’s okay… I know it’s hard, Ervy. But I promise we’ll make the most of it, okay?”

Erwin nodded into Levi’s chest, sobs wracking his whole body as he replied, “I… I don’t w-want to be al-lone.”

“Baby,” Levi sighed sadly, pressing a couple kisses to the top of Erwin’s head, “You’ll never be alone, okay? Even if I’m not here, I’ll always be thinking about you. And… And you’ll make friends here. I’m sure you will. You’ve always been good at that.”

Erwin sniffled, “I don’t… I-I…”

He was getting all worked up, hiccuping and sobbing and unable to speak properly. Levi continued to comfort him, shushing him and stroking his back as he whispered, “Shh, honey. Take some deep breaths. You’re working yourself up, baby. It’s not good for you.”

Erwin sucked in some deep breaths, rubbing his eyes and trying to calm himself down. Levi wanted to cry too, but he was really holding on for Erwin’s sake. Erwin’s sobs were reduced to snivels now, hugging onto Levi tightly.

“Will… Will you sing to m-me?” Erwin asked quietly.

Levi instantly gave in, nodding as he tried to think of what to sing. He leaned back against the headboard, letting Erwin rest on his chest. Levi glanced over at the records on the bookshelf. He could barely see the names on the albums from here, but he made out one that reminded him of a song the two of them used to dance to when they were a little younger; one they hadn’t listened to in a long time. But Levi still knew all the words.

He sang softly, “Everything I have is yours. You’re part of me. Everything I have is yours, my destiny.”

Erwin let out a deep sigh, trying to get comfortable on Levi’s chest. His sniveling was getting quieter as Levi sang, a yawn escaping his mouth. Levi pressed gentle kisses to the crown of his head, watching his husband’s eyes grow tired, fluttering open and shut with sleepiness.

“I would gladly give the sun to you, if the sun were only mine. I would gladly give the earth to you, and the stars that shine,” Levi continued, “Everything that I possess, I offer you.”

Erwin’s eyes were closed now, quiet breaths tickling Levi’s skin. He helped Erwin to readjust on the bed so that he was laying on his pillows, eyes opening to smile briefly at Levi before they closed again.

“Let my dream of happiness come true. I’ll be happy just to spend my life waiting at your beck and call,” Levi finished, “Everything I have is yours: my life, my all.”

Erwin was snoring lightly now, and Levi smiled fondly at him, kissing his cheek and tucking his hair behind his ear before he climbed out of the bed carefully, not wanting to wake Erwin. He turned off the light and opened the door, giving Erwin one last glance before he left, clicking the lock on the door so Erwin would have privacy.

It was a quiet ride home. Levi didn’t even want to listen to the radio. He arrived to an empty house, an empty feeling in his heart. There was a numbness in his chest that he couldn’t get rid of, a sick feeling in his gut. Though he’d been holding back tears all day, he couldn’t find it in him to cry once he was finally alone. He locked the car and went inside the house, hanging up the car keys and going into the bedroom. He began to get changed into his pajamas, feeling the emotions in his chest and his throat.

When he was ready for bed, he noticed Erwin had put the teddy bear on his side of the bed, waiting there for Levi when he got back. Levi felt his lower lip wobble as he walked towards the bed, climbing under the covers and turning off the light next to him. He snuggled down to get comfortable, grasping the bear by the arm before pulling it to his chest and hugging it tight. It smelled just like Erwin, was pillowy soft just like Erwin’s chest. He could feel the tears flowing down his face. He missed Erwin so much. He’d never felt so lonely in his whole life. And he couldn’t even imagine how Erwin must’ve felt.

The days between Saturday and Wednesday were going by far too slow. Levi woke up on Sunday morning alone in bed, feeling just as miserable as when he’d fallen asleep. It didn’t even feel like a Sunday. It just felt like a day without Erwin.

He dragged himself out of bed, going to shower and get ready. He made himself some scrambled eggs for breakfast, realizing just how quiet the house was without Erwin around. He half-expected to hear the normal sounds of Erwin getting out of bed, going to shower, showing up in the kitchen with damp hair and a kiss to Levi’s cheek, a ‘good morning baby’ or something of the sort. But today was different, and Erwin wasn’t here to do those things anymore.

It almost felt like Erwin had died, which made Levi feel even more depressed than he already was. He spent the rest of the day trying to keep himself occupied: walking on the beach, starting up some new projects around the house, etc. Erwin had recently finished going through all the boxes they had in the attic, so Levi decided it was his turn to go through and get rid of some of his old things that he didn’t need anymore, decide where they should go upon his death just like Erwin had been doing.

He didn’t know what to do with himself after that. He just sat on the couch, staring at the wall for a while, feeling completely numb and exhausted. He wondered what Erwin was up to at the nursing home. Was he happy there? Was he perhaps making friends? Levi hoped so. Even though he was missing Erwin dearly, he hoped Erwin was having a good time where he was. It was difficult enough being alone in the house, but not knowing how Erwin was - that was making it all the more difficult.

Levi made dinner for one that night, a sad plate of chicken and potatoes that he had to wrap back up anyways and put in the ice box to reheat for tomorrow. He just wasn’t hungry. He’d lost his appetite, the depression and anxiety eating away at his stomach.

Two more days, he thought to himself, Two days until I can see Erwin.

Levi could feel the excitement building in his stomach. Finally, it was Wednesday, and he could go up to the nursing home to visit his husband. He got all nicely dressed in a button-up shirt and slacks, his cravat proudly on his collar. He’d picked up some things in the marketplace on the few days between seeing Erwin; stuff he knew his husband might like, such as oranges, pastries, etc.

He got into the car and began the long drive to the nursing home. Levi had set off early, wanting to get there right when visiting hours started at 8am, so that they could spend all day together. He listened to the radio the whole ride there, trying to keep occupied on the drive. He wondered what kinds of things Erwin had done while he’d been gone: if he was making friends, things like that.

Levi pulled into the parking lot and got out with his little bag of goodies, hobbling with his cane to the front door. He walked up to the front desk, smiling shyly at the nurses as he approached them.

“Hi there,” the receptionist greeted, “How can I help you?”

“I’m here to visit my husband,” Levi replied, “Erwin Smith.”

She paged through her book of patients, finding Erwin’s name and that Levi was listed as family. She pushed a visitor’s sign-in sheet across the desk, along with a pen, for Levi to sign in. He took the pen and put the date and time, signing himself in. He handed it back to the receptionist.

“Mr. Ackerman,” the nurse standing behind the receptionist murmured, “Could I speak to you for a moment about your husband?”

Levi frowned, a feeling of dread washing over him. What was wrong? Did something bad happen to Erwin? But he nodded anyway, wanting to know what they were going to say about his husband. The nurse motioned for him to step aside, and he followed her into the side hall.

“What’s wrong?” Levi wondered.

“Well sir,” the nurse explained, “Your husband isn’t faring well. He’s been refusing to take his medication, and he won’t eat. The way things are going, he won’t last long here. We were hoping that you could talk some sense into him.”

Levi was starting to feel sick to his stomach with anxiety. Erwin’s not eating? Or taking his meds? This just wasn’t like him. He always listened to professional medical advice. Was he really so depressed about his situation that he was giving up so soon? Levi didn’t even know what to say to the nurse.

“Of… Of course I’ll talk to him,” Levi agreed, “And I’ll make sure he eats while I’m here.”

The nurse smiled sadly, “Thank you, Mr. Ackerman.”

Levi nodded, starting to make his way down the hall towards Erwin’s bedroom. He knocked lightly on the door, hearing a quiet ‘come in’. He pushed the door open, seeing Erwin sitting in his recliner, blanket wrapped around his shoulders, a cup of coffee on the end table. He looked weary; as though he hadn’t been sleeping or eating much at all. Levi couldn’t believe how different his husband looked after only three days of being apart.

“Honey?” Levi poked his head in the door, “It’s me.”

Erwin looked up to see him, his entire face lighting up upon seeing Levi. A smile appeared on his face as Levi walked inside, closing the door behind him. He looked ten times better simply from seeing his husband, and Levi knew he must’ve been incredibly sad the past few days without him.

“Levi!” He exclaimed, starting to push himself up from his chair.

“Don’t get up,” Levi insisted, “I’ll come to you, don’t worry.”

Erwin sat back in his chair, that grin still on his face as Levi walked over. Levi was smiling too, and he set his bag on the end table, climbing into Erwin’s lap and wrapping his arms around his shoulders. He hugged on tight, burying his face into Erwin’s neck as he felt Erwin holding him with his one arm.

“God, I m-missed you so m-much,” Erwin whispered against his skin, breathing in his scent, “Baby… my b-baby. You’re so beautiful. I missed h-holding you.”

“It’s okay, Ervy,” Levi murmured, carding his fingers through Erwin’s gray and blonde locks, “I’m here now. I’m here.”

Levi could feel Erwin’s wet tears against his face. Erwin must’ve really missed him. He hugged him closer, tears forming in his own eyes. He had missed Erwin too, and with what the nurse told him, he was concerned for his husband.

“Shh,” Levi shushed him, cradling Erwin’s head on his shoulder and kissing the crown of his head, “Oh baby, don’t cry. I’m here. Shh.”

“I really m-missed you,” Erwin sniffled, “P-Please… don’t leave me here alone. I don’t l-like being alone.”

“Sweetheart,” Levi sighed, “I can’t just stay, you know that. But I’m here to visit for the day, okay? So let’s make the most of it.”

Erwin nodded slowly, pulling his face out of Levi’s shoulder and looking up at where he was perched in his lap. Levi wiped away his husband’s tears, smiling sadly down at him. He caressed Erwin’s cheeks, holding his face in both hands.

“I brought you some things,” Levi announced, “You wanna see?”

Erwin nodded, sniffing before he sucked in a deep breath to calm himself down. Levi turned towards the end table, still sitting in Erwin’s lap as he put the bag between them. He opened it up and showed Erwin the oranges and pastries, leaning down to press a kiss to Erwin’s forehead as he grinned at the goodies.

“Th-Thank you, Levi,” Erwin smiled, “Such a s-sweet husband. What did I do to deserve you, d-darling?”

“You don’t have to thank me,” Levi nuzzled their noses together lovingly, “I want you to have the best of everything, Ervy. You deserve it.”

Levi put the bag back on the table, fingers running over Erwin’s cheeks, “What do you want to do today, love? We could listen to the radio, play some card games…”

“Just k-kiss me,” Erwin requested quietly, “Please. Just kiss me, L-Levi.”

Levi leaned down, pressing a gentle kiss to Erwin’s lips. They spent the next few minutes like that: exchanging intimate kisses and holding onto one another. They were smiling, lips brushing over one another. Levi almost wanted to laugh; they hadn’t behaved this way since they were young lovers. But being away from each other for a few days had turned them into love-drunk idiots all over again.

“I love my baby s-so much,” Erwin cooed, kissing Levi’s lips once again, “Such a cute little th-thing you are.”

Levi couldn’t help but giggle at that, thumbs caressing Erwin’s cheeks and lips smooching against his husband’s. He was so happy to be here with Erwin like this. They spent a good twenty minutes just holding onto each other, as they had missed each other so much over the past few days.

“I h-hate to interrupt,” Erwin whispered, “But you’re starting to h-hurt my legs.”

Levi laughed softly, starting to get off Erwin’s lap, “Okay, baby. I’ll sit on the bed for now, maybe we can ask one of the nurses to move an extra chair in here for us.”

Erwin nodded, his eyes on his husband as Levi moved to the bed, as if he was worried Levi might disappear now that they weren’t sitting with one another. Levi remembered now what the nurse had said to him when he came in, and was pondering how to best bring it up to Erwin. He didn’t want to upset him, and wanted their time together to be filled with happiness, not arguments or upsetting topics. But Levi knew it was his responsibility to talk to Erwin, to make sure he understood that he had to eat and take his medications if he wanted to better his chances at living a longer life.

“Baby,” Levi started, “We have to talk about something, okay? It’s something serious.”

Erwin raised an eyebrow, looking a little concerned, “O-Oh? What is it? You haven’t m-moved on already, h-have you?”

He had a joking lilt to his voice, but Levi could sense some actual worry behind that question, as if he was really thinking that Levi had moved on already from Erwin. Levi rolled his eyes a little and shook his head at the ridiculous assumption.

“No,” he replied, “It’s just… the nurses told me you haven’t been eating or taking your meds, honey. And that really worries me.”

Erwin’s face fell, looking solemn all of a sudden. He swallowed thickly before looking away from Levi, “I… I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, baby,” Levi frowned, “It… It just feels like you’re giving up. And I don’t want you to give up. I want you to try… for me, okay?”

Erwin looked guilty, like he felt bad for putting Levi through this, all of this. The dementia, the nursing home, and now not eating or taking his meds. But none of it was really his fault. It was a rough time for both of them, and Levi didn’t blame Erwin for feeling so depressed he couldn’t eat or take his medications.

“I just w-want to go h-home,” Erwin whispered, looking down at his lap, “I don’t like it h-here.”

“I know, honey, I know,” Levi responded, feeling guilty as well. He had been the one who put Erwin here, and even if it was for his own good, it still didn’t make Levi feel all that great that he’d put Erwin in a place that he didn’t want to be.

“No you d-don’t,” Erwin’s eyes shot back up to look at Levi with some frustration, “You don’t unders-stand what this is l-like. I’m alone, L-Levi.”

“You don’t think I feel that way too?” Levi quipped, equally as irritated now, “I’ve been lonely too, Erwin. Don’t you think I miss you?”

Erwin sat back in his chair with a small huff, clearly desperate for Levi to understand as he tried again, “But… But you can c-come and go as you p-please. I’m… I’m s-stuck here! With all these old p-people.”

Levi knew what he meant, though it made him want to laugh a little. We are old, he wanted to remind Erwin. But he didn’t think that would help the situation. Besides, Erwin had probably meant that a lot of people in the nursing home weren’t in their right mind, and though Erwin was suffering from a similar disease, he wasn’t yet at the stage where he was completely lost like the others were. But there had to be someone there who was in a similar predicament as Erwin, right? He had to make friends with somebody. Erwin was just too cheerful and charismatic to be alone. Clearly, he hadn’t been trying very hard to get to know anyone.

“Erwin,” Levi sighed, “Listen, hun. Maybe I don’t understand what it’s like. But that doesn’t mean you should just give up and wither away here, okay? Don’t you want to keep living… for me? For your friends and those who love you?”

Levi didn’t want to guilt trip Erwin; he hadn’t intended it, but the words came out faster than he could think about them. But Erwin didn’t seem upset with him. In fact, he seemed to already have an answer to Levi’s question.

“Levi, I…” he started, taking a deep breath, “I really don’t.”

Levi felt as though the air was taken out of the room. Erwin… Erwin wanted to give up? This just didn’t seem like him. Levi didn’t think things were this bad in Erwin’s mind, but apparently his husband had been far more depressed than Levi originally thought. He wished Erwin would be more open and honest with him about it.

“You… You don’t want to live?” Levi muttered, almost unable to believe the words.

Erwin was staring down at his lap again, not bothering to look up as he nodded to confirm Levi’s question, fresh tears spilling down his cheeks. Tears sprung to his own eyes at the sight.

Levi stood shakily, leaning his cane against the bed as he hobbled back over to Erwin. It took him some time, but he kneeled between his husband’s legs, wrapping his arms around Erwin’s middle and resting his cheek on Erwin’s stomach as he hugged onto him. Erwin rested his chin on the top of Levi’s head, hand on Levi’s upper back as he held him back.

“Not… Not even for me?” Levi asked, looking up at Erwin as he blinked back some tears.

“Baby, it… it’s not l-like that,” Erwin tried to explain, looking exasperated and just tired. Tired of all he’d been going through. Levi never suspected things were this bad for his husband. He always thought that, no matter what happened, Erwin would want to stay alive for Levi’s sake. Levi wanted to stay alive for Erwin, so why couldn’t his husband feel the same way? It hurt, deeply, to hear this from his husband.

“It’s… not about you,” Erwin continued, “You know… I would do a-anything for you. But I just… I’ve l-lost the desire to live.”

Levi understood what he was saying. He was starting to feel selfish for asking Erwin to keep living for him. If Erwin didn’t want to be alive anymore, wasn’t it his right to die when he wanted to? But here he was suffering through all this just to end up dead at the end of it anyways.

But it still hurt to hear that Erwin didn’t want to live anymore. It pained Levi, directly in his chest, his heart. He wanted to cry, to sob into Erwin’s arms and beg him to take back what he’d said. He couldn’t just do that, though.

“I’m s-sorry,” Erwin let out a quiet sob, “I’m so s-sorry, Levi.”

Levi clung to Erwin, shaking his head against his stomach, “No, baby. Don’t apologize. I… I may not understand what you’re going through, but I understand what you’re saying. And… And I… I have to be selfish, Erwin. I have to ask you something that’s deeply unfair. I… I need you to stay alive. For me?”

Erwin’s breath hitched, but Levi continued before Erwin could interrupt, “I don’t think I’m ready for you to go yet. And I… I know it’s horrible of me to ask something like that from you when I’ve already asked for so much over the years. But I just… I’m not ready to be without you yet, Erwin.”

Levi was surprised he wasn’t crying too; he could feel the shaking of his husband crying above him. But he couldn’t do anything but hold him, try to console him. Erwin was certainly fragile right now, but Levi was hoping against hope that his husband would agree to at least try, just a little bit.

“For you, L-Levi,” Erwin finally whispered, “Anything. I… I’d do a-anything. I’ll try, m-my love. I promise I’ll t-try.”

Levi let out a deep sigh of relief. That’s all he needed to hear.

The next time Levi came to visit was a little more successful than the last. Erwin appeared a little more cheerful, and the nurses had informed Levi that he’d been trying to eat more and had taken his meds consistently. Levi was happy, sitting next to his husband in a chair the nurses had moved into the room for him, watching a show on Erwin’s fancy new television. Levi had seen moving pictures before at the movies, but he was still in awe that this little box could produce this shorter television shows for them to watch. He didn’t really understand how it worked, and didn’t want to ask Erwin either, not wanting a spiel about technology and its inner workings.

“This is quite a f-funny show,” Erwin commented as the two of them worked on a puzzle together. “The lady and her f-friend always get themselves into s-some sort of comical situation that the h-husbands have to get them o-out of.”

Levi had bought a puzzle that was meant to be a picture of some horses running in a field, and right now he was collecting all of the pieces that looked like the wildflowers beneath the horses’ hooves while Erwin put together the pieces of the horses themselves. It was early afternoon, and Levi had been at the nursing home for a few hours now. They’d spent their first thirty minutes together just hugging and kissing, holding onto each other like they had that first time after being away from one another.

“Have you seen this show a lot?” Levi asked, squinting at a piece of the puzzle - he couldn’t tell whether it was a piece of the forest in the background or a piece of the field the horses were running through.

“Yeah,” Erwin nodded, explaining that in the last episode he’d seen, the two women were at a chocolate factory trying to package chocolates, but they were coming down the conveyer belt too quickly and so they started eating them and stuffing them in their clothes. “I nearly ch-choked from laughing so h-hard.”

Erwin chuckled as he reminisced the episode, and Levi couldn’t help but smile at the funny image forming in his mind of what Erwin had described. Though he wasn’t particularly the biggest fan of the new technology, he did like that Erwin seemed amused by it.

“Is this a h-horse piece or a t-tree trunk p-piece?” Erwin asked, holding up a brown puzzle piece for Levi to look at.

Levi examined the front of the box before looking back at the piece, tilting his head a little in thought before deciding, “Tree trunk. It’s a little too dark to be the horse piece. See?”

He held up the box to show Erwin what he meant, and Erwin nodded in understanding, placing the piece in a pile with the other tree trunk pieces. The two continued to work in silence as the sound of the television buzzed in the background. The nurses soon brought in lunch for the two of them; they were always so sweet to bring Levi a plate as well when he visited, though Levi certainly was paying them enough.

The nurses brought them soup and sandwiches for lunch: a turkey sandwich for Levi and a ham sandwich for Erwin with chicken and wild rice soup for the both of them. Levi was happy to see Erwin eating; it made him feel a bit better about leaving Erwin in the care of the nursing home.

“So…” Levi ate a spoonful of soup. “Have you made any friends?”

Erwin shrugged a little, not bothering to look at Levi as he finished chewing a bite of his sandwich, “N-Not really… I haven’t really left my r-room much. I’ve been watching t-television and listening to the r-radio… to records, etc.”

“Well,” Levi sighed. “You’re not going to make friends just sitting in your room, Erwin.”

Erwin frowned, taking another bite of the sandwich before muttering, “I… I know.”

Levi stirred his spoon in his soup, watching Erwin’s face carefully. Underneath that cheerful demeanor, he knew that Erwin was still depressed. He couldn’t just change overnight, Levi knew that. But Levi hoped that with him coming to visit Erwin twice a week, encouraging him to make friends - stuff like this would help Erwin feel better, slowly but surely.

“There have to be some events or activities here that you want to do,” Levi suggested. “Why don’t you ask the nurses if there are groups you can join?”

Erwin was purposefully avoiding Levi’s gaze now, nibbling at his lower lip nervously, “M-Maybe. I’m not r-really interested.”

Levi was feeling a little frustrated. Was Erwin really just going to sit back and let himself die, all alone and giving up on everything? He wanted Erwin to try, to really try. Not just… do basic things like eat and take his meds, but make friends and make an effort.

“You look d-disappointed,” Erwin noted, finally looking up to meet Levi’s gaze, “Do I… Do I d-disappoint you, Levi?”

Levi shook his head. He wasn’t really disappointed in Erwin. He was more… concerned. Upset even. Perhaps a little bit of disappointment because he knew that Erwin wasn’t giving his best efforts.

“No, baby,” Levi reassured him, reaching across the table to take his hand. “I’m not disappointed. I just don’t want you to give up on yourself, you know? I want you to try your best until the very end, like the Erwin I’ve grown to love.”

He stroked the back of Erwin’s hand with his thumb tenderly, giving Erwin a small smile. Erwin returned the smile, though it was much sadder than his usual one. He let out a deep sigh, pulling his hand away from Levi’s as he went back to eating his sandwich.

“I… I’ll try harder,” Erwin mumbled, “I’ll try h-harder.”

That’s all Levi could ask for, at the end of the day. He leaned across the table to press a smooch to Erwin’s forehead before sitting back in his chair. They finished up their food in silence, as Erwin was clearly mulling over what Levi had said. There was a quiet knock on the door before it opened, the nurse coming to collect their plates.

“How was your lunch, Mr. Smith?” She asked, smiling sweetly at Erwin.

“It was g-good,” Erwin smiled back, ever the charmer. “I actually h-have a qu-question for you.”

“Of course!” She replied enthusiastically, sounding almost surprised. Perhaps Erwin didn’t often talk to the nurses outside of when he had to. Levi was sure that Erwin wouldn’t be rude to them, but maybe he merely spoke to them briefly, not bothering to inquire anything.

“What…” Erwin started, clearing his throat. “What sorts of th-things are there to do h-here?”

“I’m so glad you’re interested, Mr. Smith” she beamed. “There’s crafting, exercise, book clubs, stuff like that. We actually have an exercise group starting soon if you’d like to join. We’re just doing some simple stuff today, nothing too difficult.”

Levi quickly placed a hand on top of Erwin’s to encourage him, smiling softly, “Would you like to go, honey? I’ll come with you.”

Erwin looked a little conflicted, as if he really didn’t want to, but he didn’t want to disappoint Levi or the nurse by rejecting the offer. He nibbled on his lower lip, glancing briefly at Levi before nodding slightly. Levi felt a little successful at getting Erwin to join something, and the nurse looked excited that Erwin had agreed to join in.

“Come on, then,” she held out her hand. “Let’s go join.”

“I… I just want to w-watch,” Erwin insisted, and Levi almost rolled his eyes at how stubborn his husband could be. Didn’t he want to join in and have fun? Although, Levi couldn’t really fault him, as he himself wasn’t the most social of people.

Erwin just seemed to be pretty skeptical about this place, and he wasn’t exactly thrilled to have to get out of his chair and go do something with people he didn’t really know. It wasn’t that he was anti-social - Levi thought perhaps it was more about the fact that he was accepting being old and being in a nursing home. Erwin likely saw it as an us-versus-them situation - where he thought he was different from the ‘old bags’ that were at the nursing home. But at some point, Erwin would have to realize he wasn’t much different from them really.

Erwin got up, the nurse lacing her arm through his to lead him out of the room, and Levi grabbed his cane and followed them. Erwin let her take them down the hall and into a large open  exercise room where other elderly people were busy on various exercising equipment: treadmills, exercise bikes, weights, etc. There was a small group on the opposite side of the room doing yoga in an open area.

“This is our exercise room,” the nurse introduced. “Did you want to try anything, Mr. Smith?”

Erwin looked around nervously, as though he was a child on his first day of school. Levi placed a hand on his lower back to encourage him, running his fingers over the fabric of his shirt soothingly.

“Do you want to join in, Ervy?” Levi asked cautiously. “It would be good for you.”

“I… I just w-wanna watch,” Erwin repeated his earlier statement, sounding anxious.

Levi moved his hand up to Erwin’s shoulder, and Erwin looked down at his husband, smiling shyly. Levi smiled back, leaning up on his tiptoes to press a kiss to Erwin’s cheek. The nurse began to explain things about the exercise room to Erwin: the hours it was open, how to clean up the equipment after using it, what kinds of classes they offered, etc.

One of the older women doing yoga glanced over at them, a smile appearing on her face when she saw Erwin. She began to walk over, and Erwin noticed her, giving her a charming smile in return.

“And who’s this handsome man?” She giggled, placing her hand on Erwin’s chest. “Are you here to join us?”

Erwin laughed nervously, the nurse answering for him, “He’s just here to watch for today. Would you like to introduce yourself, Mr. Smith?”

Erwin nodded a little, “I’m E-Erwin. Erwin Smith.”

She beamed up at him, recognition passing over her face, “Oh my. The Erwin Smith? The old commander?”

Erwin nodded again, “Yes, that’s the one. And you are?”

“I’m Liesel Vogt,” she introduced. “Are you sure you don’t want to join? We can be exercise buddies!”

Levi chuckled under his breath, nudging Erwin lightly in the side, “Exercise buddies, Erwin. That sounds nice, doesn’t it?”

Erwin shot Levi a slight glare for egging her on before smiling sweetly at the old woman, “I’m not really d-dressed ap-ppropriately.”

“Nonsense!” She cheered him on, taking his arm from the nurse and looping hers through his. “Come on, I’ll show you what to do!”

With that, Erwin was being whisked away to the yoga mats, looking back to Levi with a ‘help me’ expression on his face. Levi could only smile back, watching with affection as the old woman started showing Erwin some of the moves the others were doing. Levi could feel a little jealousy brewing at the way she was touching Erwin, but he tried to brush it off. He wanted Erwin to make friends, so what if the woman was enamored with his husband? He knew Erwin wouldn’t do anything to cheat on him, so he wasn’t too worried about it.

“He’ll be alright, Mr. Ackerman,” the nurse reassured him. “After that scare we had, we’re glad to see him doing better.”

Levi frowned, raising an eyebrow, “What scare?”

He assumed she meant the fact that he’d stopped eating and taking medication last week, but he wanted to make sure they were talking about the same thing. The nurse looked a little surprised.

“Nobody told you?” She asked with some concern.

“Told me what?” Levi replied, getting worried now.

“Mr. Ackerman,” the nurse muttered, trying to keep quiet and discreet as she revealed, “We… We found a suicide note in your husband’s things.”

Levi’s eyes widened significantly, “Oh… Oh my god. When was this?”

He was shocked. Sure, he knew that Erwin had been depressed - he’d even known that Erwin was harming himself through not eating, not taking his meds, drinking excessively when he’d been at home, etc. But he hadn’t expected that things were that bad. How could he be so out of touch with what was going on with Erwin?

Suddenly, he could feel the air being pulled from his lungs, an anxious feeling filling his stomach. When they’d had their talk about Erwin not wanting to live anymore, Levi had never thought Erwin was seriously considering ending his life. He looked over at his husband, who was busy trying to copy the movements of the others doing yoga. What was Erwin thinking about right now? Was he still feeling suicidal? How active were those thoughts? Had he tried anything? Had he hurt himself?

Levi was incredibly concerned now, and he wanted to take Erwin home immediately; put him to bed and coddle and care for him until he felt better. But he knew he couldn’t do that. Erwin had to stay here; Levi knew he couldn’t care for him like he needed to be cared for. He didn’t have the right tools - no amount of chicken noodle soup and cuddles could cure Erwin of what he had, what he was going through.

“We found the note a couple of days ago,” the nurse explained. “We’ve been keeping a close eye on him since then; haven’t left him alone for long periods of time, that sort of thing. If you’d like, we can put him in contact with a therapist or psychiatrist to get him some help.”

Levi nodded absentmindedly. He thought it was a good idea - Erwin seeing someone who he could talk to, or someone who could prescribe him medications that could help with his depression. But Levi was barely paying attention at this point. He was just staring at Erwin, a lump in the back of his throat as he thought about just how close he was to losing his husband. Not only to the threat of the dementia, but also to the severe depression he was so clearly suffering from. And Levi knew he probably hadn’t helped when he begged Erwin to keep living for him. He’d probably made Erwin feel worse; feel guilty about wanting to end his life.

Levi wished more than anything that he could whisk Erwin away from here and take away all his problems, but it just wasn’t that simple. Even though Erwin was smiling on the outside right now, laughing a little as he failed miserably at copying the yoga poses he’d never done before, Levi wondered if that was all surface-level. He wondered what Erwin was really feeling right now, underneath it all.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Ackerman,” the nurse apologized. “I thought for sure someone might have notified you.”

“It’s okay,” Levi replied, forcing a small smile. “I’m going to talk to him about seeing someone. Thank you for letting me know.”

The nurse nodded, sensing that Levi wanted to be alone now and wandering off to attend to some of the other patients. The yoga class soon finished, and Liesel and Erwin were busy chatting away. Levi was glad that Erwin at least seemed to be making a friend, but he was feeling sick to his stomach with worry for his husband. Just because he was being social now didn’t mean he was suddenly cured of his depression.

The two said brief words of goodbyes and Erwin returned to Levi’s side. Levi forced himself to stay positive, for Erwin’s sake, and beamed up at him, “Did you have fun, sweetheart?”

Erwin nodded, reaching out and taking Levi’s hand, “I d-did. I’m glad we came here. L-Liesel invited me to sit with some of her fr-friends at our meals tomorrow, so I won’t have to s-sit alone in my room and eat.”

Levi squeezed Erwin’s hand gently, “That’s great, baby. I’m so proud of you for making a friend.”

Erwin squeezed back, leaning down and kissing the crown of Levi’s head, “Th-Thanks. Let’s go and finish that p-puzzle, okay?”

Levi let Erwin lead them back to his room, shutting the door behind them as they entered. He didn’t even know what to do now. He wanted to see the note; he wanted to confront Erwin about it, but he didn’t know how to approach the topic.

“I’m a little t-tired now,” Erwin admitted. “Should we t-take a nap instead?”

Levi sighed, letting go of Erwin’s hand, “Baby, we need to talk. Lay down, okay?”

Erwin frowned, looking puzzled as to what Levi was talking about. He carefully climbed under the covers of his bed, snuggling beneath them and looking up at Levi curiously, like he was trying to figure out what Levi wanted to speak with him about.

Levi took a seat on the edge of the bed, taking Erwin’s hand into his own, “Honey, the nurse told me about your suicide note.”

Erwin’s eyes widened before he looked away from Levi sheepishly, ashamed of himself as he muttered, “I… I didn’t mean to… I d-didn’t…”

He looked like a child that had been caught in the act of doing something he wasn’t supposed to, and Levi reached his free hand up to card through Erwin’s hair, waiting for Erwin to look up at him again. He stared into his husband’s eyes, searching for the truth about how he felt. Erwin truthfully looked tired, as though he was simply sick of everything, sick of fighting a useless fight.

“Can I see it?” Levi asked cautiously. “I wanna see it, baby.”

“N-No,” Erwin shook his head instantly, tugging his hand away from Levi’s, “No, I… I don’t w-want you t-to. It’s… I shouldn’t have wr-written it.”

Levi moved his hand from Erwin’s hair to his face, stroking his cheek gently, “I’m not going to be mad about it, or upset. I just want to know what’s going on, Erwin. I want to try and understand what you’re going through the best I can. I need to see the note. Please.”

Erwin sniffled and bit his lip lightly as he looked away from Levi again, mumbling, “It’s… It’s in between my b-books. On the sh-shelf over there.”

Levi glanced over to the shelf, seeing a piece of paper sticking out from the books. He was honestly surprised the nurses hadn’t confiscated the note, but perhaps they weren’t allowed to take away a patient’s belongings unless they were dangerous (though Levi would argue a suicide note was pretty dangerous in itself).

Levi got up and made his way across the small room, grabbing the note and pulling it from the shelves. He unfolded it, seeing Erwin’s shaky handwriting across the page. The note was written in his usual fashion: very professional-looking as if it was simply a business note from his military days. He glanced over to Erwin, who wasn’t looking at him. He was looking down at his lap, playing with the sheets between his fingers and sniffling sadly. Levi’s heart broke simply from seeing him like this. He looked back to the note, reading over it:

To all those I love:

I’m sorry for what I’m about to do. I don’t want to put you through the grief, but the agony of this disease is too much for me to bear any longer. I find myself losing my mind, my memory, more and more as the days go on. And I’m afraid of what’s to come. Please forgive me.

And to my love, Levi:

You are my sunshine, my sweetheart, my everything. You are so beautiful, and the life I’ve spent with you is more than I could ever ask for. This isn’t your fault by any means - you’ve done what you had to do, and you’ve been so helpful to me even in the most difficult of circumstances. I know this will be hard for you, but I want you to be strong for me, okay? You’ve always been so strong, Levi. Be strong for me one last time.

All my love,

Erwin Smith

Levi couldn’t help himself. As he read the note, tears filled his eyes. How could Erwin write something like this? What had he planned? Clearly, the note was something Erwin had written in a moment of weakness, a moment where he felt he had no other option but to end his life. And what if he’d actually followed through with it? Levi folded the letter and put it back where he’d found it, not knowing what else to do with such a thing.

Erwin was looking at him with an anxious glance, as if he was worried Levi would be upset or disappointed with him. But Levi wasn’t either of those things. If anything, he was simply sad. Very sad, and very hurt. It wasn’t Erwin’s fault; he hadn’t meant to hurt Levi with this. But it wounded Levi deeply to know how Erwin really felt; how much he was suffering.

Levi wiped his eyes on his sleeves, his feet taking him back to Erwin’s bed without him even thinking much about it. He climbed in next to his husband, seeing Erwin’s lower lip wobbling. He held out his arms, allowing Erwin to cuddle up to him and rest his head on Levi’s chest. He was already shaking in Levi’s arms, trying to hold back his tears.

“I… I want to d-die,” he whispered against Levi’s chest before bursting into tears, and Levi could feel his heart drop into his stomach at Erwin’s words and his sobs. “I d-don’t wanna s-suffer anymore.”

Levi held him tight, running his fingers through Erwin’s hair as he cried and shushing him, “Shh, love. Shh, it’s all going to be okay-”

“No it w-won’t!” Erwin wept. “It’s not going to be okay, Levi, I… I’m going to l-lose my mind. How am I s-supposed to just l-live with that?”

Levi didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know how to answer that. He didn’t even blame Erwin for feeling this way - he couldn’t begin to imagine what it was like to be going through something so horrible.

“I’m just s-scared, Levi,” Erwin whimpered. “I’m afraid of what’s h-happening to m-me.”

“I know, baby,” Levi whispered against the top of Erwin’s head, “I know. It’s okay to be scared. It’s a scary thing, what you’re going through. You’ve been so brave, honey. I’m so proud of you.”

Levi wasn’t good with his words like Erwin had always been. He didn’t know how else to comfort his husband. But he held onto Erwin tightly, letting him cry into Levi’s chest. When they were younger, Levi never would’ve imagined this is where they’d end up. Erwin almost never cried when they were young; he was very strong-willed and stubborn about his emotions. Yet here they were.

“I’m… I-I’m…” Erwin couldn’t even get his words out. He was practically hyperventilating at this point, sobbing miserably into Levi’s shirt.

“Shh, honey,” Levi soothed, “You have to take some deep breaths for me, alright? Come on, you’re working yourself up too much. Take deep breaths with me.”

He did what Gabi had shown him weeks before, taking in deep breaths through his nose and letting them out through his mouth. Erwin began to copy him, taking in a big breath of air through his nose and letting it out through his mouth. It took a good minute of this to get him to calm down.

“I’m… I’m s-sorry,” Erwin finally got out through his tears. “I’m sorry for p-putting you th-through all of this.”

“Oh baby,” Levi sighed, stroking his hair gently. “Don’t apologize. Don’t ever apologize for any of this. It’s all out of your control, and I don’t blame you for any of it. I’m happy to be able to help you as best I can.”

Erwin sniffled, looking up at Levi with tear-filled eyes, “I don’t d-deserve you, Levi. You’re so g-good to me.”

Levi used his thumb to wipe away at Erwin’s tears, pressing a kiss to his forehead, “None of that now. We deserve one another, Ervy. We were made for each other. You’ve said so yourself plenty of times before.”

Erwin nodded a little, working to sit up as he began to calm down. He took a handkerchief from his pocket, wiping at his eyes and blowing his nose. Levi smiled sadly at him, rubbing his shoulder soothingly.

“I… I was g-gonna do it,” Erwin spoke quietly, timidly. “I had it all p-planned out.”

That was painful to hear, but Levi didn’t want to discourage Erwin from talking openly about this. It was clearly important for him to get these thoughts out, and Levi wanted to be there to hear it, to help him through it.

“How were you going to do it?” Levi asked carefully, fingers gracing Erwin’s wrist before he laced their fingers together.

Erwin held tightly to Levi’s hand, staring determinedly down at his lap as he swallowed thickly. It took him a moment to respond, and that moment certainly felt like a long time, but Levi said nothing, wanting to give Erwin all the time he needed to speak about this.

“I… I didn’t w-want there to be m-mess,” Erwin explained. “So I thought I’d just h-hang myself from the ceiling f-fan with my b-belt.”

He said it so nonchalantly, as if those words didn’t have gravity to them. But they did. The weight they placed on Levi’s shoulders was immense, the painful mass it placed on his heart was horrible. But Erwin didn’t need to know that. Levi kept quiet for a brief moment, taking it all in. His mind immediately conjured up the image of walking into Erwin’s room, finding him like that. A shiver ran up his spine from the thought before he brushed it away, refused to imagine it for long.

“And I…” Erwin continued before Levi could even speak. “I was g-going to do it on a day you didn’t v-visit. I didn’t want you to f-find me that w-way.”

Levi took in a deep breath, trying to remember everything about Erwin in this moment. He was trying to keep the mental image of Erwin’s calm, collected expression; the way he appeared to numb to the incredibly depressing words he was speaking. And Levi didn’t even know what to say. He felt so useless in this situation. All he could do was hold tightly to Erwin’s hand and listen to what he had to say.

“But I felt g-guilty,” Erwin sighed, bringing Levi’s hand up to his lips to kiss it lightly. “I felt b-bad about it. I didn’t want to… to h-hurt you, baby. I knew it would b-break you - if I did something like th-that.”

Levi pulled his hand away from Erwin’s, taking his husband’s face into his hands and kissing him on the lips. He used his thumbs to stroke Erwin’s skin, nuzzling their noses together affectionately. Something about Erwin’s words was making him want to be as close to his husband as possible. He hadn’t realized how close he’d been to losing him, and now that he knew, he wanted nothing more than to be loving with him.

“I’m so happy you’re here, Erwin,” Levi whispered against his lips. “And I’m happy you decided to stay. I know it must be hard for you to continue on suffering this way, but I’m so glad you’re still alive, and that I can still see you, even if it’s only twice a week.”

Erwin smiled sadly, squeezing his eyes shut painfully and whispering back, “I’m glad I s-stayed too. Just so I could s-see you again, honey. I would’ve m-missed you too m-much.”

Levi could feel the tears in his eyes at that, and could see a tear trickling from Erwin’s eyes and down his cheek. He wiped it away and pressed another tender kiss to Erwin’s lips. He truly didn’t know how to help his husband. All he could do was be there for him when he was going through something as horrible as this. And he would do whatever he could to be the person Erwin could rely on, could lean on when he needed someone.

Levi walked into the nursing home a few days later, signing in at the front desk and heading down to Erwin’s room per usual. He pushed open the door, surprised to find that there was nobody inside the room. He was, admittedly, a little panicked at first. Where’s Erwin? He wondered as he closed the door, feeling anxious to find his husband.

A nurse was passing by, and he put a hand up to stop the man in his tracks. He smiled sweetly at Levi, “Yes? Is there anything I can help you with sir?”

“I was just wondering where my husband is?” Levi asked. “He’s not in his room.”

The nurse glanced at the name on Erwin’s door to figure out who Levi was talking about before he replied, “Oh, Mr. Smith? He’s in the main hall doing some crafts, I think. Would you like me to walk you there?”

Levi nodded, not really knowing where the main hall was. He’d only ever been to the exercise room and Erwin’s room, since Erwin didn’t really go anywhere else. Levi was surprised that Erwin was actually out of his room participating in something, though it did make him feel happy for his husband. The nurse led him down the hall and around the corner to an open area with tables, the walls lined with bookshelves that had books, crafts, and board games. There was a small television with couches on the one side of the room that some of the elderly people were gathered around, and a stereo on the other side that was playing some orchestra music softly, so as not to disturb those watching the television.

Erwin was sitting at a table with a couple of other women, one of them Levi recognized as Liesel from the yoga group the other day. They were busy coloring something, Erwin looking very focused on what he was doing. Levi smiled softly, using his cane to help him walk over to the table. Surely Erwin must’ve been feeling a little better if he was out here spending time with other people. Once he was close enough, he placed a hand on Erwin’s shoulder.

Erwin turned to look up at him, beaming upon seeing his husband, “Levi! You’re here!”

“Yeah, baby,” Levi leaned down to press a kiss to Erwin’s cheek. “It’s Saturday.”

“I didn’t even r-realize,” Erwin chuckled. “The days went by so qu-quickly.”

Liesel and Erwin exchanged a glance before they both started laughing, and Levi didn’t really understand why they were amused, but he assumed it was likely some sort of inside joke. Something about it made him a little uneasy, but he brushed it off.

“Lee’s been k-keeping me c-company,” Erwin explained cheerfully. “She’s made sure I’m n-never bored, that’s for s-sure!”

Liesel giggled before lightly shoving Erwin by the shoulder, “Winnie, quit teasing.”

Lee? Winnie? Levi thought with some annoyance. He couldn’t help but be a little jealous. The two already had pet names for one another, and Levi was starting to feel a bit left out, especially since Lee was a nickname Erwin had called him in the past. He knew Erwin would never ever cheat on him - surely Liesel was just a good friend, but Levi still didn’t like it. He grabbed a chair from the table over and pulled it to sit next to Erwin, purposefully nudging the chair in between Liesel and Erwin to sit between them.

“Do you want to c-color something, h-honey?” Erwin asked, pointing to the pile of papers in the middle of the table that each had some sort of intricate geometric designs on them.

Levi nodded, leaning forwards and grabbing a paper, “Sure.”

He grabbed a blue colored pencil and started to color in the shapes. He glanced over at Erwin, whose hands were a little shaky as he tried to stay inside the lines. But he didn’t appear to be frustrated by his inability to color perfectly. Erwin looked up, seeing the same male nurse that had led Levi over lingering around some of the other patients and asking them how they were or if they needed anything.

“Don’t l-look now, Lee,” he chuckled. “Here comes M-Mr. Handsome.”

Levi watched Liesel turn a light shade of red before she scoffed, “Winnie, stop it! He’s far too young for either of us, you should know that. Besides, you’re married.”

“I didn’t m-mean for m-me!” Erwin grinned before turning to Levi. “Liesel’s got a little c-crush.”

“Oh,” Levi replied, a little uncomfortable. He didn’t really know what else to say.

“Just focus on the shitty coloring job you’re doing,” Liesel teased, causing Erwin to let out a hearty laugh at what she’d said.

“Hey, that’s not f-fair,” he retorted with a playful grin. “I have sh-shaky hands.”

“Mmm,” Liesel joked. “Excuses, excuses, Ervy.”

Levi nearly slammed his hands down on the table, wanting to yell at Liesel for calling Erwin by the nickname only Levi used for him. He’d never felt such jealousy coursing through his veins, pounding in his chest as anger rose. But he didn’t want to ruin things. This was Erwin’s first friend here, after all, and they seemed to be getting along well. Almost too well. So he simply sucked in a deep breath and clenched his hand tighter around the colored pencil, gritting his teeth as he tried to remain calm.

Erwin didn’t seem bothered by the fact that Liesel had used that nickname, so she must’ve been using it pretty frequently, which only made Levi’s blood boil more. He tried to remain focused on his coloring, heatedly pressing the pencil into the paper and coloring in more shapes on the page before switching to a purple colored pencil instead. The three continued to color in silence for a moment.

“So Levi,” Liesel started, though Levi didn’t really have an interest in talking to her. “Tell me: has Erwin always been an insufferable smart-ass?”

Erwin tutted in some shock and amusement at what she’d asked, “L-Liesel Marie V-Vogt! How d-dare you!”

Oh great, Levi thought in annoyance, Her middle name’s Marie? Just another reason not to like her. Now he would be comparing her to Marie Dok, Erwin’s former lover. Plus, the fact that they were on middle-name basis irked Levi even more. Levi set the colored pencil down, trying to keep his cool.

“He certainly has always been a smart-ass,” Levi played along, grabbing a pink colored pencil next. “But I suppose that’s one of the reasons I fell for him. We’ve been married for twenty-five years now, did you know?”

He couldn’t help but rub that number in, wanting to emphasize to Liesel that Erwin had been his for a long time, and he wasn’t intending on giving him up anytime soon. Levi hoped Erwin hadn’t noticed the subtle jab.

“Wow,” Liesel smiled sadly. “I was with my husband for about thirty before he passed.”

Well now I feel like an asshole, Levi thought to himself, feeling a little guilty for bringing it up. He swallowed thickly, avoiding her gaze like the plague as he continued to color.

“I’m so sorry for your husband’s passing,” Levi muttered.

“Oh, it’s quite alright,” Liesel reassured him. “Edsel was kind of a bastard anyways. It’s been a few years since his passing.”

“Yeah, from what L-Lee’s told me, he seemed like an a-ass,” Erwin laughed softly. “Don’t worry t-too much, s-sweetheart.”

“Ah, I see,” Levi cleared his throat, feeling somewhat better about the situation. He was still uncomfortable; he didn’t really know how to interact with the two of them since they got along so well with one another. It almost felt like Levi didn’t even need to be there anymore. Erwin seemed to be doing fine without him.

But Levi tried not to be bitter. This was what he’d wanted, wasn’t it? For Erwin to make friends? And now he was getting upset over that very thing. I’m a hypocrite, Levi thought, listening to the sounds of the pencils on paper scribbling.

“Erwin,” Levi suggested after a few minutes of silent coloring. “Why don’t we go back to your room? We could watch more of that show you like.”

Levi just wanted to get his husband alone, have him for himself. And perhaps that was selfish, but Levi felt like he deserved alone time with Erwin - after all, he only got to see him twice a week, and Liesel and Erwin could see each other every day.

Erwin looked up from his coloring in some confusion, “Oh. I suppose we c-could, if you want. Do you m-mind, Lee?”

Liesel shook her head, smiling between the two of them, “Go ahead. Spend some time with your hubby, Win.”

Erwin smiled back at her, pushing his chair back and getting up slowly from the table, “I’ll see you l-later, ok-kay?”

She nodded, going back to her coloring and starting to chat with some of the other ladies at the table. At least we aren’t leaving her all alone, Levi thought. He slid his arm through Erwin’s, the two of them abandoning their coloring projects to head to Erwin’s room. Levi was a little happier now that they were going to be just the two of them again. He was glad Erwin had a friend, but he was much happier to have Erwin all to himself.

They went back into Erwin’s room, and Levi sat down in his usual chair, smiling when he saw their unfinished puzzle still on Erwin’s table. He started looking through the pieces again to see if he could find any that went together. Erwin turned on his television before getting comfy in his recliner, leaning over the table and starting to look through the pieces with Levi.

“Have you been doing better?” Levi asked. “You seem a lot more cheerful today.”

Erwin nodded a little, a soft smile on his face, “I am. I’m feeling b-better. Liesel’s been m-making sure I get out of my r-room more oft-ten.”

“Well that’s good,” Levi forced a smile, though he wasn’t entirely thrilled about that. He was happy about Erwin getting out of his room more often, doing more, but not entirely happy how quickly Erwin and Liesel had become friends, and how close they were.

Erwin sat back in his chair with a sigh after a moment of silence and piecing through puzzle bits. Levi looked up from the puzzle, eyeing his husband. Erwin had a distant look, as if he wasn’t all there anymore. Levi had seen this look before when Erwin was starting to forget things, and he could feel his heart beating a little faster.

“Ervy?” Levi piped up. “You okay?”

Erwin looked a little confused as he glanced back at Levi, eyebrow raised as he stared at his husband as though he didn’t even recognize him. Levi could feel himself unable to breathe. Was Erwin forgetting him?

“Ervy?” Levi repeated after a moment, reaching across the table to take one of Erwin’s hands in his own.

“N-Nurse!” Erwin yanked his hand away, sounding panicked as he yelled. “Nurse!”

Levi’s eyes widened, pushing himself out of his chair, “Honey, it’s okay. It’s me. It’s Levi.”

He looked scared, continuing to shout for the nurse until two came rushing into the room. He’d been shouting as if he was being murdered, and Levi didn’t understand what was wrong with him.

“What’s wrong, Mr. Smith?” One nurse asked calmly.

“I… this s-strange man,” Erwin pointed at Levi. “I don’t kn-know him!”

The nurse glanced over at Levi - it was the same nurse that had led Levi to the main room earlier, so he recognized that Levi was Erwin’s husband. He gave Levi a sympathetic frown before turning his attention to Erwin and rubbing his arm soothingly.

“It’s okay, Mr. Smith,” he soothed him. “It’s okay. That’s your husband.”

Levi didn’t know what to do. He was standing there, bracing his hands on the table so he wouldn’t fall over, looking at Erwin with wide, terrified eyes. What had happened in Erwin’s brain that had made him forget Levi? How long was he going to forget him? Was this permanent? Levi had been scared of this happening from the day that Erwin was diagnosed, possibly even before that. And he had no idea what to do now that Erwin was forgetting him.

“H-Husband?” Erwin breathed in confusion, starting to calm down now that the nurses were in the room. “I… I don’t…”

“Sir, it’s quite alright,” the second nurse took his hand gently. “He’s not going to hurt you, yeah? That’s your husband, Mr. Smith. You know him.”

Erwin looked back over at Levi with wide eyes, as if trying to place him in his memory. Levi wanted to cry, tears in his eyes as he gave Erwin a begging look, pleading with him silently to remember him.

“Oh…” Erwin whispered. “Levi. What… What h-happened?”

Levi breathed out a sigh of relief. Erwin was giving him a look of recognition now, his face slowly returning to normal. Thank god it didn’t last long, Levi thought to himself. He didn’t know what he would do if Erwin forgot him for good.

He blinked back some tears, placing a hand on Erwin’s shoulder gently, the two nurses crowded around him as well as he murmured, “It’s okay, baby. You just… got confused, that’s all.”

Erwin frowned, looking up at the two nurses before looking back at Levi, “I… w-what did I do? D-Did I hurt s-somebody? Did I… D-Did I hurt y-you?”

Levi shook his head, rubbing Erwin’s arm soothingly, “No, baby, no. You just got scared and called for the nurses. You… You didn’t recognize me.”

Erwin looked mortified, shaking his head momentarily, “N-No… No, I… I wouldn’t…”

“It’s okay, baby,” Levi reached up to tuck a stray piece of Erwin’s grayish-blonde hair behind his ear. “We knew it would happen some day, didn’t we? It was only for a minute or two, nothing bad happened.”

Erwin looked as though he might cry, fear and worry in his eyes. It was hard for him to believe that he would forget Levi like that, even if it wasn’t for long. He blinked a few times and swallowed thickly, gripping his armrest in his hand as if trying to hold onto reality.

“I’m fine,” he reassured the nurses. “Th-Thank you, I’m f-fine. Really.”

“Okay,  Mr. Smith,” the male nurse patted his shoulder gently. “You call us again if you need anything, okay? There’s a buzzer by the door, but just shout if it’s an emergency.”

With that, the two nurses retreated from the room, closing the door behind them. Levi didn’t want to be here. He wanted to go home, a sick feeling in his stomach from what had just happened. But he wouldn’t abandon Erwin, not now; not when he looked so scared and hopeless.

“I’m so s-sorry,” Erwin whispered, staring down at his legs. “I’m s-so sorry, L-Levi.”

Levi frowned and climbed into his lap, legs on either side of Erwin’s as he straddled him. He took Erwin’s face into his hands, rubbing his thumbs into Erwin’s skin carefully, trying to calm him.

“Don’t apologize,” Levi sighed sadly, pressing a kiss to Erwin’s lips. “Don’t apologize, baby. It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault…”

Erwin looked sheepish, as though he was ashamed of himself. He moved his hand to Levi’s waist, wrapping it around him and tugging him closer. Levi breathed deeply and rested their foreheads against one another.

“I feel so s-stupid,” Erwin sniffled. “I can’t b-believe I forgot my own h-husband…”

“You’re not stupid,” Levi whispered against his lips before kissing him again. “You can’t help it, baby. Please, don’t be so hard on yourself.”

Erwin moved his hand up to Levi’s cheek, staring tearfully into his eyes, “Levi. I l-love you so m-much, baby. When… When I start to f-forget you for g-good, I-”

“Please don’t talk like that, Erwin,” Levi squeezed his eyes shut painfully, not wanting to hear that. “Please. I can’t-”

“Levi,” Erwin tried, the desperation in his voice causing Levi to open his eyes again. “P-Please… just l-listen. I… I need to g-get this off my ch-chest.”

“Erwin,” Levi whimpered, tears filling his eyes. He’d really been trying to keep his emotions at bay when around his husband, but he couldn’t handle this. It was all too much: his husband forgetting him, even if it was only for a moment.

“I n-need you to know how… how much you m-mean to me,” Erwin ran his fingers shakily through Levi’s bangs, pushing them up out of his face as Levi hiccuped, trying desperately to keep his sobs inside. “You’ve… You’ve b-been… You mean… everything to m-me. No matter w-what happens next, I’ll a-always love and appreciate y-you.”

Levi sniffled and shook his head, tears streaming down his cheeks. He buried his face into Erwin’s shoulder, clinging to him with a loud sob. Erwin held him, rubbing his back gently. Levi wished he could be strong for Erwin. He wished he could be a better support system for his husband, but he was too weak. He couldn’t hold himself together, and honestly, who could blame him?

Levi went back home that night feeling mentally and emotionally exhausted. He climbed into bed and cuddled with his teddy bear, tearful and tired. It didn’t take long for him to fall asleep, but he woke in the middle of the night after having nightmares of Erwin not recognizing him. He couldn’t sleep after that.

The next couple of days he spent in bed, feeling sick to his stomach. He was riddled with anxiety over whether Erwin would recognize him when he returned to the nursing home or not. Soon enough, another visiting day came around, and Levi drove out to the nursing home to see his husband. He’d spent the last few days crying and crying, pained by the moment that Erwin had forgotten him. The terrified look on his face was horrifying.

Levi checked in at the front desk and headed to Erwin’s room, knocking on the door lightly before pushing it open. Erwin was sitting in his chair, a nurse taking his blood pressure and administering his medications. The two looked up when Levi entered, and Levi was relieved to see the look of recognition on his husband’s face. But it was only a brief look, and Levi felt his heart drop into his stomach when he heard Erwin ask: “Do I kn-know you?”

“Mr. Smith, that’s your husband,” the nurse explained, taking the blood pressure band off his arm. “Remember? We told you he’d visit you today.”

Levi couldn’t breathe, and was glued to his spot in the doorway. Erwin was starting to forget him more and more now, and Levi wondered if this time it was permanent. He forced a gentle smile Erwin’s way, and Erwin stared at him skeptically.

“But I… I thought I was dating M-Marie…” Erwin whispered to the nurse with some confusion. “I’m n-not really into m-men.”

Levi’s heart pinged with pain at those words. Clearly, Erwin was reverting back to his younger days, when he was unaware he was into men, and when he had been with Marie. Levi wanted to tear himself away from the door, run back to the car and head home - never have to visit Erwin again. Visiting him was getting increasingly painful each time, and this time was particularly hard. But he didn’t want to abandon Erwin, so he would endure the pain.

“It’s okay, Mr. Smith,” the nurse reassured him, placing a little cup of meds onto the table next to a glass of water. “His name is Levi. He came to spend some time with you. Is that alright?”

Erwin eyed Levi with some suspicion before nodding slowly. Levi tried his best to look non-threatening, walking into the room. He felt numb, as though someone had shot him with Novocain. Levi sat in the chair across from Erwin, looking down at the table to see that Erwin must’ve been working on the puzzle without him. He must’ve forgotten they’d been doing it together. But Levi wouldn’t fault him for that, and decided not to bring it up.

“So… how’s Liesel?” Levi asked.

“W-Who?” Erwin wondered with a look of confusion.

The nurse looked a little panicked, leaning over to Levi and whispering so that Erwin couldn’t hear: “Ms. Vogt passed away yesterday morning. Heart attack. I’m so sorry, but your husband doesn’t seem to remember her…”

Levi’s heart sank. Erwin’s first friend, his only friend, had passed away so soon? Was that why Erwin’s memory was declining? Perhaps he’d been so grief-stricken that he’d started to give up, to let his mind slip away. Levi felt sick to his stomach, wishing he could hold his husband and tell him how sorry he was for everything that was happening to him. But he merely nodded at what the nurse said, clearing his throat and smiling at Erwin sweetly.

“Never mind,” he tried again. “How… How’s Marie, Erwin?”

Erwin’s eyes lit up at the mention of Marie, and he looked excited to talk about her. He really must’ve been living in a whole different decade, a much earlier life than the one he was truly living. But Levi didn’t want to confuse him or scare him by trying to tell him he was thinking wrong, so he just went along with it. The nurse gave Levi a sad smile, taking the medical equipment and leaving the room.

Erwin sat back in his chair comfortably, “Marie’s g-good. She hasn’t v-visited me yet, but I’m s-sure she will soon.”

Levi’s heart hurt at that. Poor Erwin. He didn’t know that Marie would never visit him here. She didn’t even know Erwin was in the nursing home, let alone that he was convinced they were together like they had been in the old days.

“She sounds lovely,” Levi forced himself to remain cheerful.

“She is,” Erwin agreed with a hum before his face turned more stern, and he leaned forward on the table. “Now… w-why did the nurse call you my h-husband?”

Levi bit his lower lip, unsure of how to answer that. He didn’t want Erwin to be anxious or confused - he was already mentally confused as it was, and Levi didn’t want to add to his stress. If he thought he was young and dating Marie, and he was happy like that, then who was Levi to disturb him?

“He was just confused,” Levi lied. “I… I don’t know why he introduced me that way.”

Erwin eyed him skeptically before leaning back in his chair again, hand on his stomach, “Mmm. So h-how do you kn-know me, then?”

“Erm…” Levi tried to come up with something on the spot. “Marie… she sent me. I’m her… her…”

Erwin raised an eyebrow, for a moment looking a little jealous and angry as he asked in an accusatory tone, “You’re h-her what?”

“Her servant,” Levi fibbed. “She… She sent me to see how you were doing because… well, she couldn’t visit herself - she’s been quite busy.”

Erwin looked a little disbelieving, but he nodded at Levi’s words, deciding not to challenge them for the moment, much to Levi’s relief. He wanted to earn Erwin’s trust - to be able to stay with him and visit him even if his husband didn’t remember him.

“W-Well… Levi, is it?” Erwin asked, continuing when Levi nodded. “It’s n-nice to m-meet you. I hope you t-take good care of m-my Marie.”

Levi nodded, forcing a smile, “Yes, I… I try my best. So… what would you like to do today, Erwin? We could do puzzles, color… whatever you’d like.”

“Well,” Erwin sighed, tapping his shaky fingers on the table lightly, “I have s-some work to g-get to, but I s-suppose I can make some t-time… do you kn-know if they have ch-chess at this establishm-ment?”

Levi usually spoke so casually with him, and he wasn’t used to his husband talking all fancy like he had when they’d first met. They were usually so comfortable with one another; it was certainly strange to hear Erwin like this again.

“I can ask,” Levi decided, pushing himself out of his chair.

He hobbled to the door and stuck his head into the hallway, seeing a nurse standing across the hall and waving her down. She smiled sweetly and walked over to him, and Levi asked her about chess. She looked a little surprised, as if not many people requested such a thing, but she cheerfully informed him that yes, they did have a chess board, and she would have it brought to Erwin’s room immediately. Levi thanked her and went back into Erwin’s bedroom, going to sit back in the chair across from him.

“The nurse will bring a chess board for us,” Levi explained, sitting back down.

“Good m-man,” Erwin murmured with a small smile. “How l-long have you b-been in the s-service industry?”

Levi shrugged a little, unsure of how to respond. He made up his story on the spot, “Since I was young; it’s a family business.”

“Ah,” Erwin nodded. “Strange, d-don’t see many m-men as women’s servants now-a-d-days.”

Before Levi could try to lie his way out of another one of Erwin’s conundrums, the nurse came in with a box that said ‘chess’ on the front, putting it on Erwin’s table and waving a quick goodbye as she left. Levi helped Erwin unpack the chess set - they had to move the puzzle over a little to make room for the chess board. Erwin was looking at the board in some confusion, unsure of where the pieces went, but Levi politely reminded him which pieces went where. He and Erwin had played many a game of chess over their time together, so this wouldn’t be the first and likely not the last game they’d play together.

“You can g-go first,” Erwin insisted.

The two started their game, and Levi had played this game so many times with Erwin that it was easy to guess his next moves. He briefly pondered letting Erwin win, but the Erwin he knew and loved wouldn’t want that, so he let himself defeat his husband at the chess game. Erwin was more than impressed, smiling at Levi and leaning over to give him a hearty pat on the shoulder.

Even though Levi was proud of himself for winning, he still felt sick to his stomach. All he wanted was to climb into Erwin’s lap, hug onto him and kiss him all over his beautiful face. But Erwin didn’t know him, so Levi couldn’t do that, and his heart was aching.

“Alright,” Erwin sighed. “W-Well… your visit was l-lovely, but… I think it’s t-time for you to g-go. I might t-take a nap.”

Levi’s heart sunk. Erwin wanted him to leave already? It’d only been an hour… usually they spent all day together. He wanted to cry, to beg Erwin to let him stay. He simply didn’t know what to do.

“Oh…” Levi managed, unable to help but reach across the table and grasp Erwin’s hand. “B-But… I…”

Erwin stared at him before pulling his hand away, eyeing Levi suspiciously. Levi couldn’t handle this. It was worse than finding out Erwin was sick. He looked into Erwin’s eyes, and he could see the vague recognition there. Erwin knew who he was deep down, but his brain wouldn’t allow him to remember.

“Levi,” Erwin spoke sternly, in a way that Levi hadn’t heard him speak in a long time. “I will not j-judge you for your p-preferences, but I’m n-not into men.”

Levi could feel himself blushing, and he quickly rose to his feet, grabbing his cane, “You… You misunderstand me, Erwin. I just… I’m sorry.”

Levi could feel the tears in his eyes, and he brushed them away quickly so that Erwin wouldn’t see. In his hurry to leave, he felt his weight shift unexpectedly, and he could feel himself falling. He gasped and reached out to grasp onto something, but it was too late. He cried out as he collapsed onto the floor, hearing something crack as he landed hard. He groaned as pain shot up his side.

“Levi!” He heard Erwin scramble to the floor, urgency in his voice as he called out for the nurse to come in. Levi looked up at Erwin to see him with a completely different look in his eye. He cradled Levi’s head in his hand, murmuring, “Baby… Baby it’s okay. It’s gonna be okay.”

Levi sniffled, smiling up at Erwin through tears. He didn’t care that he was hurt. He was just relieved that Erwin, his Erwin, had seemingly returned.

Levi lay in his hospital bed, looking through cards he’d received from Mikasa and Jean and their grandkids, Armin and Annie and their son, and Gabi and Falco. He’d broken his left hip when he’d fallen, and they’d had to do a hip surgery on him to place a pin in the broken bone. But Erwin had remembered him again, and that had made his fall a little more worth it, at least in Levi’s mind. In fact, as far as he knew, Erwin hadn’t had another episode where he’d forgotten Levi since Levi had broken his hip. According to the nurses, he’d been sick with worry while Levi was in surgery; incredibly anxious and worried for his husband.

Levi was expecting him to visit soon - the hospital luckily wasn’t far from the nursing home, and the nursing home had allowed in this special circumstance for Erwin to get a cab to take him to visit Levi, so they’d been seeing each other every day again, which was a nice change of pace. It was making it worth the pain he was going through.

The door opened slightly, and Erwin stuck his head in, smiling when he met Levi’s gaze. He walked in and shut the door behind him, a bouquet of flowers in his hand. He strolled over to Levi’s bedside and handed them to him, leaning over and kissing the top of his head. Levi took them and breathed in their pleasant scent before thanking Erwin and setting them on his bedside tray. The two shared a sweet kiss for a moment and Erwin pulled up a chair to sit at the side of Levi’s bed.

“How a-are you today, b-beautiful?” Erwin asked, reaching his hand out to take Levi’s.

“I’m good,” Levi replied, squeezing Erwin’s hand gently. “They keep pumping me full of pain meds, so I don’t really feel it except when I try to move.”

Erwin nodded, running his thumb over the back of Levi’s hand gently, “G-Good. I’ve been s-so worried, b-baby.”

“I know you have,” Levi murmured, bringing Erwin’s hand to his lips and kissing it. “But I’ll be okay.”

Erwin suddenly got a playful look on his face, rising from his chair and leaning over his husband. He took his hand away from Levi’s to place it on his cheek, caressing the aged skin there before pressing a passionate kiss to Levi’s lips. Levi squeaked with surprise and sighed into the kiss, reaching up and taking Erwin’s face into both of his hands as he kissed back. The two hadn’t shared a kiss like this in quite some time, but Levi was far from complaining. He didn’t really know what had brought this on, but Erwin seemed to be particularly excited about seeing Levi, knowing he was okay.

“I love you,” Erwin whispered against his lips, his hand snaking down to Levi’s waist as he kissed him again.

Levi gasped into the kiss when he felt Erwin’s hand travel between his legs, and he pulled away, eyeing Erwin suspiciously, “Ervy. You know we swore off sex… plus, we’re in the hospital right now. It’s not exactly an ideal place.”

Erwin smirked, “Are you s-saying that if we weren’t in the h-hospital… you’d cons-sider it?”

Levi couldn’t help but giggle at that, swatting Erwin lightly on the face, “No. We aren’t supposed to be doing that stuff anymore, remember?”

Erwin nodded, lips dropping into the crook of Levi’s neck as he began to mouth and suck at the sensitive skin there, “I r-remember. That doesn’t mean I w-won’t t-try.”

Levi let out a quiet huff at the prickly feeling of pleasure running up and down his spine. He covered his mouth as a moan left him when Erwin began to stroke his palm against Levi’s groin. We really shouldn’t be doing this, he thought to himself - though every second that passed, he was starting to forget that thought.

Erwin’s lips trailed up to his ear, nibbling on Levi’s earlobe and whispering, “I b-bet you want me to make you c-cum right here… right in the h-hospital bed.”

Levi watched Erwin spit into his hand, knowing exactly where he was going next. Levi was getting incredibly turned on by his husband’s words. They hadn’t done anything in quite some time now, and Levi was feeling a little desperate, both wanting this and anxious about it at the same time.

“Ervy I…” Levi whined when Erwin’s hand travelled into his pants. “I c-can’t!”

He supposed he wasn’t hooked up to any heart monitoring machines, so nobody would be able to suspect that something was going on. But Levi didn’t know if this was right. He was worried Erwin might zone out again like the time Levi had been giving him head. But his worries were dissipating with each stroke of Erwin’s wet hand wrapped around his cock.

“Tell me to s-stop,” Erwin murmured against his neck. “And I w-will.”

Levi groaned, bucking into Erwin’s fist gently. He couldn’t move all that much due to his hip, but he was squirming into Erwin’s hold as much as he could. Levi’s eyes darted to the door nervously - it was closed, and the nurses had just checked on him before Erwin came to visit, so they wouldn’t be back for a while.

“Oh fuck,” Levi sighed, face dusted red as Erwin pumped his cock, slick with his spit and making the slide of his hand so much more pleasurable.

“Th-That’s it,” Erwin growled against his skin, thumbing at the head. “God, Levi. I m-missed your sexy n-noises.”

Levi whimpered, hand flying to grip Erwin by the hair and pull him close. Erwin continued to kiss and suck at Levi’s neck, jerking at his erection expertly - clearly, he remembered how to do this, which Levi was thankful for.

“Erwin we… I…” Levi panted, that pleasure building in his stomach. “Oh god…”

“If your h-hip wasn’t b-broken,” Erwin muttered against his skin. “You d-don’t even know what I’d d-do to you.”

Levi could only imagine what Erwin would do to him. Would he bend him over the hospital bed? Lay down on the bed and make Levi ride him? It was all far too delicious to think about, especially when Levi knew it wasn’t possible in his current state.

“Ervy,” Levi let out a choked moan as Erwin continued to stroke his cock. He was getting incredibly close now, mewling and whining into Erwin’s hair as Erwin sucked on his neck.

“Are you c-close?” Erwin asked, and Levi quickly nodded, bringing his hand to cover his mouth as he let out a loud cry and came into Erwin’s hand. 

Erwin continued to stroke him through it, sighing and pulling his hand out. He grabbed some tissue off Levi’s bedside tray, cleaning his hand and handing some to Levi for him to clean himself up.

Levi could see Erwin’s cock tenting in his pants, and felt a little guilty. He didn’t know how he could reciprocate in his state, since he couldn’t move much. But Erwin didn’t seem bothered, and he returned to sit next to Levi once the two of them were clean. Levi’s face still felt hot and red as he tried to calm his breathing, staring at Erwin in some disbelief that they’d just done what they had in a hospital room.

Erwin chuckled, the first time Levi had seen him laugh in some time. It made him smile, to see Erwin so happy, and for a brief moment, he believed Erwin was perhaps getting better, even though he knew that wasn’t possible.

“I’m s-sorry for breaking our p-promise,” Erwin leaned back in the seat, hand resting on his lap. “You just… Y-You’re… irresistible, L-Levi.”

Levi was still blushing, and Erwin’s words didn’t help. He smiled a little, reaching a hand out to tuck a stray piece of Erwin’s hair behind his ear, “You’re one to talk, Ervy.”

Erwin beamed, taking Levi’s hand into his own and pressing a kiss to it. But the atmosphere was changing, and Erwin’s smile was slowly disappearing, turning into a frown. Levi wondered what was going through his husband’s brain; what he’d thought of to make him suddenly change his demeanor.

“What’s wrong?” Levi asked, growing more concerned by the second.

“I… I forgot you ag-gain,” Erwin replied with a melancholy tinge to his voice. “I… I know I d-did. And I f-feel so… awful.”

“It’s really not your fault, Erwin,” Levi insisted, fingers reaching out to cradle Erwin’s chin. “We knew this would happen, baby. You can’t be upset with yourself for something out of your control.”

Erwin sighed, giving Levi a forced smile before returning to a worried frown, “I just… I’m s-scared. And I f-feel bad for… for p-putting you through all th-this.”

“It’s okay to be scared, baby,” Levi reassured him as his fingers graced the stubble on Erwin’s chin. The nurses must not have helped him shave today. “And you don’t have to feel bad for me. I’ll be okay. I promise, I’ll be okay, Ervy.”

Erwin sniffled, tears filling his eyes as he gave Levi a more genuine smile, “You’ve a-always been so b-brave, Levi. I… I adm-mire you so m-much, baby.”

Levi could feel himself starting to get emotional too, but he tried to keep it at bay; he couldn’t have the two of them be blubbering messes. He sucked in a deep breath, smiling sadly at his husband.

“Thank you, Ervy,” he replied. “I admire you too.”

Levi was resigned to his wheelchair now. He was out of the hospital around two weeks later, but he could no longer drive or move around the house without his chair. The doctors said he would heal fully within three months, but he would still be unable to walk given his previous injuries. Jean, Mikasa, Armin, and Annie came over shortly after he came back from the hospital to make the house more accommodating for his wheelchair - they got him a lower kitchen table and moved some of the things in the upper shelves down to the lower cabinets so Levi could reach them, got him a shower chair so he could still shower by himself, etc.

But because of all this, especially because he couldn’t drive, he hadn’t visited Erwin in two weeks, which was agonizing to both of them. He’d gotten a sloppily-written note from Erwin in the mail - his hands were only getting shakier and therefore his handwriting suffered. It was just a brief note about how much he missed Levi, how much he loved him and hoped he was doing alright.

But today, Gabi and Falco had promised to take Levi to the nursing home to visit Erwin, and he was giddy with the excitement of getting to see his husband. He showered and combed his hair back, shaved and dressed in a nice button-up and slacks, wanting to look his best for Erwin. When he met Gabi and Falco at the front door, Gabi had commented on how nice he looked, telling him it was precious that he was dressing up for Erwin - which Levi had simply rolled his eyes at.

Falco helped him out of his chair and into the back seat of their car, putting his wheelchair in the trunk. Gabi and Falco got into the front seats, Gabi driving. Levi quickly learned that Gabi was a crazy driver, and he had to hold onto the handle on the ceiling of the car as she whipped around corners. Falco seemed unbothered, probably used to her hectic driving skills.

They pulled into the parking lot of the nursing home, and Falco helped Levi back into his chair. He pushed Levi through the front doors, Gabi following closely behind and babbling about how excited she was to visit Erwin, how nice the building was, things like that. Levi signed the three of them in and they headed to Erwin’s room.

Gabi opened the door and let Falco and Levi in first, and Levi was surprised to see that Erwin wasn’t in his chair like usual. He turned his head to see Erwin in his bed, curled up and still dressed in his pajamas. Levi frowned, wheeling himself over to Erwin’s bedside and reaching a hand out cautiously. He wasn’t sure if Erwin was going to remember him, and he didn’t want to scare his husband.

Erwin opened his eyes before Levi could even touch him, clearly sensing someone was there. He and Levi stared at one another for a while, Levi’s eyes practically begging Erwin to remember him.

Erwin sighed and sat up sleepily, “Levi, r-right? Marie s-sent you ag-gain?”

Levi’s heart sunk. Erwin was confused again, and Levi had told Gabi and Falco that this might happen. Levi turned to see Gabi and Falco both frowning, looking sad that Erwin wasn’t going to remember them either.

“Yes,” Levi confirmed as he turned back to Erwin, gently placing his hand on top of Erwin’s. “I’m here, Erwin. How have you been feeling?”

“L-Like shit,” Erwin mumbled, pulling his hand away from Levi’s. “I don’t unders-stand why Marie won’t v-visit me.”

“She wants to,” Levi immediately tried to reassure him, not wanting him to be sad. “She’s just busy, Erwin.”

Erwin could barely sit up - he was struggling badly to control his movements, twitching and hands shaking violently. He was looking around in some confusion, as if he was having a hard time remembering where he was.

“Wh-What time is l-lunch?” Erwin switched the conversation.

“Um… I can ask,” Levi offered, turning to Gabi. “Would you mind asking the nurse when lunch is?”

“Did M-Marie send you?” Erwin asked again, as though he didn’t remember asking that same question moments before.

Levi kept his patience, though it was greatly concerning to him, and looked back at Erwin, taking his hand again, “Yes, Erwin. Marie sent me.”

Erwin didn’t pull away this time, holding tightly to Levi’s hand as if he recognized that he and Levi were close in that way, even if his words didn’t reflect that. He lifted Levi’s hand to his lips and pressed a kiss to the back of his hand, and Levi smiled softly, using his free hand to brush Erwin’s bangs out of his face.

“You…” Erwin murmured against Levi’s skin. “You’re p-pretty, Levi.”

It felt as though Erwin knew who he was, but he couldn’t get his brain to recognize that. He had that look of recognition in his eyes, but he couldn’t articulate it through his words. Levi gently ran his fingers through Erwin’s hair, watching him physically relax.

Erwin was getting so much worse. The nurses came back with Gabi and with some lunch for Erwin. Levi watched as the nurses helped him out of bed. He could barely walk, having problems controlling his limbs. But they got him into his recliner and gave him his soup and sandwich for lunch.

“He needs to be fed,” the nurse explained gently, lifting the spoon from the soup and bringing it to Erwin’s lips. “I can stay and do it if you’d like.”

Levi was feeling sick to his stomach, seeing Erwin so helpless like this. He was having such a difficult time doing such basic tasks. But Levi wasn’t going to sit here and watch a nurse feed his husband; it was his job to take care of Erwin as best as he could.

“I’ll do it,” Levi offered, reaching his hand out for the spoon.

The nurse handed him the spoon and Levi moved his chair closer. Gabi sat down in the chair across from Erwin, and Falco went to stand behind her. They both looked as though they were in some shock from how much Erwin had deteriorated since they’d last seen him. Gabi looked as though she might cry, and Falco was gently massaging her shoulder with one hand to try and soothe her.

“Why w-won’t she v-visit?” Erwin asked again. “Is N-Nile s-seeing her again?”

Levi shook his head, taking the sandwich and holding it to Erwin’s lips. He watched him take a bite and chew it, having some difficulty swallowing. Levi grabbed his glass of water off the table next and helped him drink, hoping to make it easier for him.

“No, Erwin,” Levi replied. “Marie isn’t seeing Nile. I promise.”

Nile had died decades ago at this point, but Levi didn’t want to upset Erwin by telling him his childhood friend was dead. He continued to feed Erwin the soup and sandwich, listening to Erwin babble about random, nonsensical things. Levi was shocked at how difficult a time he was having just keeping up a conversation. And he was blaming himself for it. If he hadn’t fallen and needed to take a couple weeks away from Erwin, would Erwin be faring better now? He shook the thought from his head. He’d drive himself mad if he thought like that.

“The hyd-drangeas are in b-bloom,” Erwin whispered in between bites. “I have to w-water them again s-soon.”

Levi knew he was thinking about his plants back at the house. He would plant hydrangeas every year - they were one of his favorite flowers. Levi fed him some more soup, giving him an affectionate smile.

“I watered them already,” he reassured his husband. “Don’t worry about it, Ervy.”

Erwin smiled a little, “R-Really?”

Levi nodded, and Erwin turned to Gabi and Falco, noticing them as if for the first time, “Oh, h-hello.”

“Hi Commander,” Gabi smiled sadly. “I’m Gabi.”

Erwin reached out a shaky hand and Gabi took it, shaking his hand carefully as Erwin smiled, “Hi Gabi. Who’s your h-handsome h-husband?”

Gabi couldn’t help but giggle at that, smiling up at Falco briefly before letting go of Erwin’s hand, “That’s Falco.”

Falco reached his hand out to shake Erwin’s, the two shaking hands before parting, “Hi Erwin. How are you feeling?”

“I’m… I’m…” Erwin stopped in his tracks, as if he forgot what they were talking about. He turned back to Levi, “If we p-plant carrots this y-year, we could s-save a lot of m-money, Levi.”

Levi nodded in agreement, thoroughly concerned on the inside, but trying to remain calm on the outside as he replied, “That’s a good idea, Erwin. Maybe we can go to the market tomorrow and get some carrot seeds.”

Erwin smiled briefly, “O… Okay, h-honey.”

Levi could barely keep track of where Erwin’s head was. Sometimes he seemed to remember Levi was his husband, and the next minute he didn’t. He recognized Gabi and Falco a couple of times throughout his confusing conversations, but he was mostly confused as to who they were, why they were visiting him.

Gabi and Falco decided to give Levi some time alone with Erwin, and went to the car to drive into town and get some lunch together. Erwin recognized him for the moment, and Levi was gently stroking his cheeks with his hands, the two sharing a loving gaze until Erwin pulled his face away with a blush.

“You… You shouldn’t t-touch me like th-that,” Erwin muttered. “M-Marie won’t be h-happy.”

“It’s okay, Ervy,” Levi murmured, pulling his hands away anyways. “She told me she doesn’t mind.”

Erwin looked conflicted and a little skeptical, but he soon forgot about what they were talking about anyway. He pointed at the record player, asking, “Can we… C-Can we listen to m-music?”

Levi nodded, wheeling himself over to the record player and going through some of the records, “Is there a specific one you want?”

“W-What?” Erwin wondered, tilting his ear towards Levi to hear him better.

“Is there a specific one you want to listen to?” Levi repeated.

Erwin stared at him for a moment, looking incredibly confused. Levi decided it’d be better for him to just choose. Erwin had seemingly forgotten that he’d asked Levi to put on a record. He couldn’t keep track of the conversation for more than a few moments. Levi put on a song they hadn’t listened to in quite some time, hoping to jog Erwin’s memory. It was a song they’d danced to before, when they were younger.

You think I don’t love you

Oh, but I do

How can I show that I do?

You think I don’t get blue

Oh, but I do

Though I get light-hearted too

Levi turned back to his husband, Erwin’s eyes closed as he listened to the music. He was humming along with the tune, clearly remembering it. Levi wished they could dance again, but with his hip and Erwin’s inability to move much, he knew it was impossible. He wheeled himself back over to Erwin, taking his hand carefully and swaying their arms back and forth to mimic dancing. Erwin smiled softly, beginning to sing along quietly with the lyrics.

First I’m singing

Then I’m sighing

Then I’m flying high above

You think I don’t know why

Oh, but I do

I know that it’s you I love

Levi leaned forwards in his chair as much as he could, meeting Erwin halfway, and Erwin seemed to take the hint, leaning forwards so that their foreheads rested against one another. Levi continued to sway their arms back and forth, pressing a kiss to Erwin’s lips. Erwin sighed happily; he must’ve been remembering Levi in this moment. He seemed calmer, less frantic and all over the place with the music playing.

First I’m singing

Then I’m sighing

Then I’m flying high above

You think I don’t know why

Oh, but I do

I know that it’s you I love

Erwin was sniffling suddenly, and Levi pulled away, seeing tears in his husband’s eyes. He didn’t know what was making him so emotional, but he could feel the bittersweet energy floating in the air. It made him want to cry too. He reached up to stroke Erwin’s cheek with his free hand, wiping away the tears that were beginning to roll down his cheeks.

“Oh, baby,” Levi whispered. “What’s wrong, honey?”

“I’m s-scared,” Erwin let out a quiet sob. “I’m s-so s-scared.”

Then, as if nothing at all had just happened, Erwin stopped crying, looking around the room in confusion. He took his hand away from Levi’s, reaching up to touch the tears on his face. Levi could feel the tears in his own eyes, a heart-wrenching feeling in his chest from Erwin’s words. His husband was suffering so much, and Levi couldn’t bear it.

“Can we l-listen to another s-song?” Erwin asked as the first song trickled out, and Levi sucked in a deep breath before nodding, turning away to hide his tears from Erwin.

He let a few tears run down his cheeks, wiping them away as he put a new record on. He turned back to Erwin, who was tapping his fingers on the table to the tune of the new song he’d put on. He smiled at Levi, as though he hadn’t just been crying moments before. Levi forced a smile back. Levi didn’t know what to do. All he knew was that Erwin was getting worse and worse by the second, and Levi wanted to be there for Erwin however he could. No more delays in seeing Erwin - he would pay for a cab, take the bus, do anything to make sure he could visit Erwin twice a week like he had been before. He couldn’t abandon Erwin. Not even when the Erwin he knew was gone.

The next few times Levi visited, Erwin was all over the place. He didn’t remember Levi most of the time, but Levi was getting used to that. He was barely able to do anything by himself at this point: the nurses had to help him to the bathroom, help him get dressed, etc. Levi wished he could help more, but he was confined to his wheelchair and unable to do much except help feed Erwin at lunch and dinner time, which he was happy to do.

Levi was visiting again one Saturday a few weeks later, and this time felt different than the others. He pushed the door to Erwin’s room open, his husband greeting him with an excited smile. He couldn’t talk much by this point, as he struggled to form proper sentences, but Levi was okay with that. He could do the talking for both of them, and tried to ask a lot of questions that could be answered with a nod or a shake of the head so Erwin could answer without using words. But Levi was a little surprised that Erwin was greeting him so cheerfully today. Usually, he didn’t always recognize Levi at first, and it took a little warming up for the two to start talking. But today, it appeared that Erwin was doing a little better - he at least recognized Levi and seemed excited that his husband was there.

Levi wheeled himself into the room and closed the door behind him, “Hi, baby.”

“L… L-Le… vi…” Erwin managed to get out with a grin on his face. He held his arm out to his husband as Levi wheeled himself over.

“I missed you sweetheart,” Levi took Erwin’s hand gently, swinging their arms back and forth, which was becoming their usual greeting since they couldn’t really hold each other in their current states.

Erwin nodded in agreement, squeezing Levi’s hand to let him know he’d missed Levi too. Levi swung their arms for a moment more before pressing a kiss to the back of Erwin’s hand and letting it go. He wheeled himself to the other side of Erwin’s table.

“Do you wanna keep working on the puzzle?” Levi asked.

They were still working on the horse puzzle - it was almost done though, and they could probably finish it today if they tried. Erwin nodded again, reaching a shaky hand to pick at the leftover pieces. Levi began to look through the pieces as well, finding the last bits that went into the forest background. Erwin’s hand was quivering horribly, and he found himself unable to place the pieces properly.

Levi reached across the table, gently taking Erwin’s hand into his own two in order to stop it from shaking. Erwin gave him a small, appreciative smile, letting the piece fall back onto the table in favor of letting Levi calm his quaking hand. Levi ran his fingers soothingly over Erwin’s palm, smiling at him lovingly.

Erwin opened his mouth to speak, then closed it when he remembered he couldn’t really form much of a sentence. Levi missed their conversations, but he knew that it wasn’t Erwin’s fault they couldn’t have them anymore. It was just another thing to mourn in a long process of grieving.

“Erwin,” Levi whispered, bringing Erwin’s hand up to his lips. “You’ve had the chance to tell me how you feel about me… and now… now that you can’t speak much, well… I realize I’ve been quiet for long enough.”

Erwin gave Levi a quizzical look, as if he didn’t understand what there was to say. Erwin had had his chance - he’d told Levi again and again that he loved him, what he thought of him, why he loved him - he’d wanted to drill that into Levi’s head so that when he was gone, Levi wouldn’t have any doubts.

Levi kissed Erwin’s hand affectionately, “Erwin, you mean everything to me. You… You found me in that horrible Underground, and you showed me the sky… you gave me that, Erwin. Something nobody had ever given me before. That freedom… I’d never felt anything like it. And I’ll never forget that.”

Erwin was already tearing up, looking as though he wanted to say something. Levi had heard it all before - Erwin would try to tell him that it wasn’t that big of a deal, that Levi had done so much to deserve everything Erwin had given him. But Levi wanted to continue this time, without interruptions.

“And then you showed me this world,” Levi sighed happily. “You showed me unconditional love, something I’d never felt before in my life. And you helped me learn to love myself… to love you… to love living.”

Erwin smiled through his tears, holding tightly to Levi’s hand. Levi kissed his hand again, murmuring, “I don’t regret any of it. Not a single day that I spent with you. The good days, the bad days… I loved every second because it was with you, Erwin.”

Erwin sniffled, a couple of tears rolling down his face now. Levi let go of his hand, rolling his wheelchair around the table. Erwin was holding his arm out to Levi, who knew it was going to be a struggle, but decided this might be the last time he’d get to hold his husband, and wanted to try his best. He placed his hands on the arms of Erwin’s chair and hoisted himself up, placing himself onto Erwin’s lap.

Erwin wrapped his arm around Levi’s waist and held him as tight as he could to keep him from falling off his lap, Levi wrapping his own arms around Erwin’s neck and burying his face into Erwin’s neck. He hadn’t held Erwin in quite some time now, and it felt good to have his husband back in his arms.

“I…I…” Erwin tried, sucking in a deep breath. “G-Gonna… M… M…M…”

Levi knew what he was trying to say, and he cradled Erwin’s head on his shoulder, tears coming to his own eyes, “Oh honey… I’m going to miss you too. More than you could even know. I’m going to miss you so… so much.”

Erwin was clinging to him, fist clutching the back of Levi’s shirt. Levi sniffled, pulling away to rest their foreheads against one another. Erwin was smiling up at him knowingly, tearful as well. Their love was something they didn’t have to speak, but Levi still had wanted to make sure Erwin knew how he felt before it was too late.

Levi heard the door open behind them, and flushed as he realized a nurse was coming in to check on Erwin. He entered with his equipment to measure Erwin’s blood pressure, and paused in his tracks upon seeing the two of them.

“O-Oh,” the nurse blushed. “My apologies. I… I can come back.”

“No, that’s okay,” Levi insisted, trying to untangle himself from Erwin’s arms. “You should really check on him. He’s been doing fine, but I still think it’d be a good idea.”

He realized both he and Erwin were unable to move him back into his chair, and Levi looked to the nurse for help. The nurse wheeled his cart over before helping Levi back into his wheelchair - Levi thanked him under his breath. The nurse took Erwin’s blood pressure and pulse, finding everything normal.

“Would you like anything Mr. Smith, Mr. Ackerman?” The nurse asked.

Erwin shook his head, and Levi smiled, “Thank you, but we’re fine.”

The nurse nodded and left the room, and Levi wheeled himself back to the other end of the table, starting to pick up the puzzle pieces again. Erwin was still struggling, so Levi instructed him to sort the leftover pieces into piles for Levi to place into the puzzle.

“Anyways,” Levi sighed. “The point I was trying to make was that I… well, I love you, dammit.”

Erwin chuckled softly, finding Levi’s words amusing for some reason. Perhaps it was the way Levi had said it. Erwin found him funny sometimes, even though Levi himself didn’t think he was funny.

“What?” Levi smirked a little. “It’s the truth, Erwin. Don’t laugh at me.”

Erwin didn’t say anything, which wasn’t unusual, though Levi had expected some sort of snort or laughter in response. He looked up from the puzzle after placing one of the final pieces, seeing Erwin sitting there with widened eyes, a vice grip on his arm rest. Levi frowned, instantly sensing something was wrong.

“What is it, baby?” Levi asked, starting to feel uneasy. “What’s wrong? Do you need the nurse?”

Erwin managed to nod, fear flashing through his eyes. If something was wrong with him, why hadn’t the nurse picked it up when he’d just been in there? Levi flew across the room in his wheelchair to the button on the wall and pressed it before rolling back over to Erwin’s side, taking his hand and squeezing it gently.

“What’s wrong, sweetie?” He asked, though he noticed Erwin had some patterns of irregular breathing - something the nurses had told him to look out for - and his husband’s chest was rising and falling shakily strangely.

The nurses came rushing in, two of them, immediately asking what was wrong. Levi didn’t even know what to say, as he didn’t understand what was wrong with Erwin either. He glanced up at Erwin worriedly, seeing his husband’s eyes roll back as he lost consciousness. Panic struck him instantly, and he moved out of the way to let the nurses tend to him.

“Call the ambulance,” the one nurse instructed, taking Erwin’s pulse and shaking him lightly to try and wake him up. “Mr. Smith. Mr. Smith!”

Levi could do nothing but watch, and that was probably the most painful thing for him to do. He wanted to help, he wanted to save Erwin, but he couldn’t do anything. He didn’t like feeling this helpless.

“What’s wrong with him?” Levi asked desperately. “I thought his blood pressure and everything were fine just a minute ago!”

“They were,” the nurse insisted. “The ambulance will come and get him soon. Don’t worry, Mr. Ackerman. Your husband is still breathing and he has a fairly good pulse for now. We’ll keep trying to wake him and monitor him while we wait.”

Levi nodded, watching the second nurse rush off to call the ambulance as the first one continued to monitor Erwin’s symptoms and work at trying to wake him. Levi was clinging to the arm rests of his wheelchair, knuckles white, as he watched.

Levi felt it, that fear that Erwin had been feeling this whole time that he’d had this disease. Levi wasn’t just worried for his husband. He was scared for what was to come, what was to happen now. He was so scared.

Erwin had pneumonia - practically a death sentence. He’d seemed to have been getting better when Levi first saw him that day in the nursing home, but by the end of their visit, Erwin was being sent to the hospital. Since then, Levi had been visiting him every day, knowing his husband was getting closer to the end with each day. They had moved him into hospice just yesterday, and Levi was on his way to visit him now, Gabi and Falco wheeling him into the building.

Mikasa and Jean had come out with the grandkids to say goodbye, and Armin, Annie, and their son had visited the day prior to say their goodbyes as well. Armin had cried and cried in the hallway outside of Erwin’s room after saying goodbye to Erwin - arguably one of his best friends and a true father figure to him. Levi didn’t have much to say, as he didn’t blame Armin for being so emotional. Levi knew that he would be emotional too if he wasn’t so numb to the amount of pain his heart was going through.

Levi was being wheeled to Erwin’s room when he saw Mikasa and Jean exiting Erwin’s room. Ren was holding tightly to Mikasa’s hand and rubbing at tearful eyes, and Ana was in Jean’s arms sobbing her eyes out.

“Where’s my Winnie going and why can’t I go with him?” Ana was crying, and Jean rubbed her back soothingly, tears in his own eyes.

Levi exchanged sad looks with them as they passed, and Falco and Gabi said their hellos to the Kirstein’s as they walked by. They pushed Levi into Erwin’s room. His husband hadn’t been all there the past couple of days. They’d put a soft wrap around his hand to prevent him from hurting himself, as he didn’t really have much control over his actions at this point. He’d been apparently scratching at his skin to the point of breaking it open, so the muff on his hand was necessary.

Erwin didn’t really recognize anybody, not even Levi. But Levi didn’t mind. He would sit with Erwin until the end, no matter what. If this was the way that Levi could be helpful, then so be it.

“Ervy…” Levi murmured as they entered the room. “I’m here, baby.”

Erwin looked around, confused and disoriented. It was difficult for Levi to see, but he was getting used to it. Falco and Gabi - well, it was their first time seeing it this bad - and they looked as though they didn’t really know how to handle it.

Gabi went to Erwin’s bedside, using one hand to brush some of his hair out of his face, “We’re here to say our good-byes, Commander.”

Falco pulled Levi’s chair up to Erwin’s other side so Levi could hold his arm, since he couldn’t really hold his muffed hand. Erwin looked up at Gabi as if he was trying to place her in his head, but he couldn’t.

“We’ll take good care of Levi,” Falco promised, going to stand next to Gabi. “We promise we will.”

Erwin mumbled nonsense - he was doing a lot of that lately - and motioned at them with his hand. He looked bewildered by the people in his room, especially since he clearly didn’t realize who they were.

“We love you very much,” Gabi murmured, leaning down to press a kiss on his forehead. She already had tears in her eyes, and Falco had an arm around her, rubbing her arm soothingly to keep them both calm. He nodded in agreement with Gabi’s words.

The two spent a moment more reassuring Erwin that everything would be okay once he was gone, before they took a step back to let Levi have a moment with Erwin. Levi could feel it in his soul. Erwin was close to the end. He just hadn’t been fairing well the past couple of days, and Levi just knew that at any moment he could go. He knew that dementia patients with pneumonia just didn’t stand much of a chance. But it seemed as though Erwin was clinging to life, holding on as best he could, even though it seemed painful - even though he seemed to be suffering.

“Ervy,” Levi whispered, rubbing his arm soothingly. Erwin heard his voice and turned to look at him, eyes hazy. “Ervy, baby. It’s me… it’s Levi. You don’t have to keep trying, baby. It’s okay, honey.”

Erwin grunted, staring blankly at Levi before looking away from him. Levi kept rubbing his arm calmly. He sniffled sadly, leaning down to kiss Erwin’s cheek. He was feeling very numb, not sure how to get through to his husband. He just wanted Erwin to know who he was, to know how much he loved him, to remember their life together.

That’s when he heard Erwin begin humming a familiar tune. It was a little off-key and warbled, but Levi knew it as soon as he heard it. Somewhere in Erwin’s memory, he was remembering something, and Levi immediately knew what it was.

He smiled gently, being brought back to their house by the beach instantly just by Erwin’s humming, back when they were young and first married. He leaned forwards to run his fingers through Erwin’s messy gray-blonde locks, starting to hum the tune with him before he began to sing softly:

Kiss me once,

Then kiss me twice

Then kiss me once again

It’s been a long, long time

Levi’s voice crooned through the room, and as soon as Erwin heard it, he focused in on Levi, staring at him with his mouth slightly open, as though he recognized something about Levi’s singing, or perhaps just the tune itself.

Levi smiled, fingers gracing Erwin’s cheek. A small smile began to tug on the corners of Erwin’s mouth, and even though he didn’t know Levi in this moment, Levi could tell his husband was trying so hard to place him in his memory. Levi continued to sing:

Haven’t felt like this, my dear

Since can’t remember when

It’s been a long, long time

He could hear sniffling behind him, and didn’t have to look to know that Falco and Gabi were both crying at the sight of them sharing this intimate moment. Levi stared lovingly into Erwin’s blue eyes. Even though there was significant confusion there, he knew that Erwin knew who he was deep down. Erwin knew him. Erwin loved him. Levi was getting through to him, he could just tell. This song was still connecting them on a level beyond basic recognition - Erwin didn’t have to know who he was to remember this song and its meaning to both of them. Levi sung:

You’ll never know

How many dreams I dream about you

Or just how empty they all seem without you

So kiss me once,

Then kiss me twice

Then kiss me once again

It’s been a long, long time

Erwin sighed contently at the sound of Levi’s voice, eyes fluttering closed. Levi squeezed his arm gently, still stroking his fingers along Erwin’s cheek delicately. Erwin’s eyes opened flew again, as if he was really trying to fight the exhaustion overtaking him.

Levi didn’t want him to fight anymore. Erwin had been fighting this disease so bravely for so long, and Levi knew he had to let his husband go. Erwin needed to go now, and Levi needed to let him, so that he wouldn’t suffer any longer.

But Erwin was still trying. He would always keep trying as long as Levi was around. Levi knew Erwin didn’t want to leave him, that he was concerned about abandoning him. So Levi needed to reassure him that he could let go.

“It’s okay,” Levi whispered. “It’s okay, baby. I’ll be okay. You can let go, honey… you don’t need to keep trying anymore. I know it’s hard for you… so just let go, Ervy. I’m gonna be okay, I promise.”

Levi wasn’t sure if he could really keep that promise - he wasn’t sure if he really would be okay without Erwin here. But he knew that these were the things Erwin needed to hear right now, and Levi wanted to give him the release he needed so he could pass on.

Erwin gave Levi one last, long look, devoid of any emotion that would usually paint his face. He closed his eyes slowly, breathing deeply now. Levi held onto his arm and continued to stroke his face, tears coming to his eyes as he watched Erwin rest. He knew it was almost over. And now that Erwin’s eyes were closed, he could cry all he needed to.

He let the tears stream down his face, humming the tune again - their song. The song that Erwin had dubbed theirs all those years ago. He listened to the sound of Erwin’s ragged breathing, watched his chest shakily rise and fall, until it fell, and didn’t rise back up again. His arm went cold - his limbs going lax. Levi continued to stroke his cheek, letting out a quiet sob as he smiled through the tears at his husband. There would be no more suffering for Erwin. He was at peace now. He didn’t have to be afraid any longer.

Epilogue: ashes

~one week later~

Levi sat at the top of the hill, on the cliffs overlooking the ocean. He was sitting in his wheelchair, Gabi pushing him and Falco close behind. The two briefly left him at the top of the cliff, as he’d wanted a moment alone. They stepped back and waited about ten paces away. In his lap, he held a small wooden box.

Levi lifted the box to his lips, pressing a gentle kiss to the lid before he took it off. He was close enough to the edge that he could safely dump the contents of the box over it, which he did as carefully as he could, the ashes blowing through the wind and away from the cliff, out into the ocean.

“I love you,” Levi whispered as the ashes flew away. “My Ervy.”

He’d done what Erwin had asked of him. Though, not all his ashes were floating in the wind now - Levi had kept some in an urn on the mantle back at their home. He wanted them kept until he himself died, so that he and Erwin could have their ashes spread over the cliff together - he’d given Gabi and Falco those specific instructions. He wanted to spend the afterlife with Erwin, no matter what uncertainty that still held for him - what exactly the afterlife was.

But now, when he looked out over the vast ocean, he was no longer afraid. He knew that whatever the vast depth held, it was something he would have to face, and he knew with Erwin’s eternal love, he could do it. He could face death, he could face anything, as long as he held Erwin’s love in his heart.

Levi smiled, feeling Gabi and Falco walking up behind him. Gabi put his hand on Levi’s shoulder, rubbing it soothingly. The two of them had been such a huge help to him. They were planning on moving in with Levi, as Levi had informed them he planned on leaving the house to them anyways after he passed.

But Levi knew he still had plenty of time. He was only 66, and Erwin had been 71 when he died. He wasn’t ill like Erwin had been, so he knew he had a long life left to live without Erwin. He didn’t know what he was going to do without his husband, and he knew it would be a difficult time to figure all that out. He not only had Erwin’s love, but the love of his friends, and they would help take care of him until the end.

The three of them made their way back down the hill towards the little house on the ocean that he and Erwin had bought so many years back. Gabi was planning on helping Levi make a peach pie that afternoon, and Falco had taken to tending to Erwin’s garden. Everything was going to be okay.

Total Length: 9:12:24
File size: 758.6 MB
File type:

MP3