Lavender

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13

It was the fall of 1959 in Kenosha, Wisconsin. The leaves had already turned their vibrant shades, and the trees were beginning to look barren as the season prepared to turn to winter. People were exchanging their jackets for thicker coats, bare hands for wool mittens, and sneakers for boots.

But fall wasn’t just the season of cozy sweaters and mugs of warm cider, it was also the season of the country’s beloved pastime: football. Erwin Smith, the high school quarterback for the Kenosha Trojans, was preparing for a big game against their rivals, the Racine Eagles, and tensions amongst his team were high.

Erwin had turned eighteen a little over a week ago and was in his senior year of high school. Everything always went well for Erwin: he was a straight-A student, popular with just about everybody. The star of the football team. He was a handsome, tall, built blonde with brilliant blue eyes and a charming smile. Over his four years in high school, he’d made a name for himself and made his friends and family proud.

But it was on this seemingly calm fall evening that Erwin would face problems for the first time in a long time. He’d had it pretty good for a while, so he supposed it was only normal for the universe to test him yet again.

Erwin placed his foot on the bench and tied up his white sneakers, hearing the commotion of the rest of his team as they goofed around. The boys were whipping one another with towels after a long and stressful practice in an attempt to lighten the mood a bit. Their coach had been particularly hard on them considering their rival game was coming up next weekend. The pressure of this had weighed down the entire team. But now, in the locker room, they could simply be boys again without the nagging of their coach.

Mike whipped Erwin’s ass with a towel when he wasn’t paying attention, and he yelped, straightening up and rubbing his ass with one hand as he grumbled, “Was that necessary, Mike?”

Mike and Erwin had been best friends since they were about eight years old. They’d met on the playground and practiced wrestling one another. Mike would always win, but Erwin was determined. On the day that Erwin finally overpowered Mike, they became inseparable. They had respect for one another that was akin to brotherhood.

“Yes,” Mike laughed, clapping Erwin on the back. “Don’t be a wet rag, Erwin.”

Erwin just rolled his eyes and turned away. He put on his letterman jacket, a prized possession of his. He’d gotten it just this year - now that he was on the varsity team - and it was a symbol of pride for Erwin. His mother and stepdad had been so incredibly proud of him when he’d come home wearing it. His mother had almost cried at the sight of him.

“Let’s head out,” Mike insisted. “I bet Nile’s waiting outside for us anyway.”

Nile was a close friend of Mike and Erwin’s. They’d met him during their freshman year. Initially, Erwin and Nile hadn’t gotten along because they were both at the top of the class, but they eventually put aside their differences and became friends, and any friend of Erwin’s was a friend of Mike’s too. Nile wasn’t on the football team, but he hung around them so much he might as well have been.

Sure enough, when the two of them walked up the stairs and out of the locker room, the lanky straight-laced boy was there waiting for them, reading a book. Nile and Mike shared a birthday on the first of November, both of them set to turn 18, and Erwin was excited for all of his friends to come of age so that they could enjoy the pleasures of adulthood together.

“You two take so long,” Nile grunted as he closed the book and tucked it under his arm. “I could’ve made it home by now.”

“Okay grumpy,” Mike chuckled, playfully punching Nile’s upper arm.

Nile was much more slender than Erwin and Mike, so he hissed at the punch, rubbing his arm and starting to curse Mike out. Erwin merely laughed at them, and the three began to walk away from the football field toward the neighborhood they all lived in.

They’d grown up in a suburban area outside of downtown Kenosha, a town about an hour south of Milwaukee near the border between Wisconsin and Illinois. Erwin didn’t have many complaints about the area. There were times when he wished there were more to do like in Milwaukee, but his parents urged him that big cities were places for ‘drugs, crime, and degeneracy’, so he supposed he wasn’t missing out on too much.

Erwin had his sports bag slung over his shoulder, weighed down by the textbooks and clothes he had stuffed inside haphazardly. Erwin wasn’t a messy guy, but he wasn’t very organized either. His mother often scolded him for having clothes strewn about his room but he never let it get out of control.

“So Erwin,” Mike piped up, a mischievous grin on his face. “Are you gonna ask Marie to the homecoming dance or what?”

Erwin could feel the tension rise, particularly between him and Nile. He knew that Nile liked Marie quite a bit, but she had zero interest in him in return. She was too busy being goo-goo-eyed at Erwin.

She was a real nice girl - very pretty too. Marie had long wavy brunette hair that she wore pinned in curls and a nice headband across the top of her head that always matched whatever dress she’d chosen to wear that day. Erwin couldn’t deny that she was attractive. He’d known her since they were in elementary school, and she’d… matured a lot since then. She was quite the gorgeous girl, and Erwin knew he should be lucky to have someone like that pining over him.

But he didn’t feel lucky. Whenever Marie was brought up, Erwin felt uneasy for some reason. He just couldn’t get excited about girls the way his friends did. He’d never had much of an interest in dating around - he was more focused on good grades, football practice, and other extracurricular activities.

“I… I dunno,” Erwin replied with a shrug. “Maybe.”

“Well the dance is coming up soon,” Mike reminded him. “So you should ask her before someone else snatches her up. Nana and I are going together. I asked her over milkshakes yesterday. She was thrilled.”

“Yeah…” Erwin sighed.

He was feeling anxious all of a sudden. He couldn’t place why exactly, but talking about Marie always made him nervous. He couldn’t shake the feeling that he was more being forced to ask her than asking her of his own free will. It wasn’t just his friends and teammates who insisted he ask Marie, it was his parents too. He and Marie had always been cast as an ‘ideal couple’ that just seemed ‘meant to be’. But Erwin didn’t feel that way. Or at least, he didn’t feel like he thought he should. Nothing about Marie made his heart race or made him want to sweep her off her feet. He felt bad for not having those feelings for her.

“You better ask her,” Nile piped up, already sounding irritable. “She’s been waiting for you to. She’d probably be crushed if you didn’t ask her. I… I don’t think she’d go with anyone else, to be honest.”

“Did you ask her?” Mike wondered, raising an eyebrow as the three turned onto his street first.

“No!” Nile replied defensively. “I would never- I mean… she clearly likes Erwin. So Erwin should ask her.”

Erwin stayed mostly silent, gripping the handle of his duffle bag a little tighter. He supposed every boy felt this way about romance: uncertain and queasy. Besides, he wasn’t even a boy anymore. He’d just turned 18, so he was a man now. And men asked women to dances… didn’t they?

“Well,” Mike shrugged. “What do you say then, Erwin? You gonna ask her?”

Erwin puffed out his chest a little and nodded, “Yeah. I’ll ask her. I… I’ll ask her tomorrow. Maybe at lunch or something.”

“Don’t worry, Erwin,” Mike patted his shoulder as they paused in front of his house. “I know she’ll say yes. Like Nile said, she’s been waiting for you to ask.”

But Marie saying yes was the least of Erwin’s worries. He was certain she’d say yes too, but it was all about what would happen after that. Erwin was an adult now, and he knew he’d have to start thinking about marriage and children soon. Who would he settle down with? Sure, there were plenty of men who remained unmarried and went down their own path, but Erwin knew his parents expected him to get married and give them grandchildren as soon as he could.

So what would happen after the dance? Would he and Marie start dating? Would this one simple question lead to how he would spend the rest of his life? Erwin couldn’t help it: he cringed when thinking of going to a nine-to-five office job, coming home to his wife and kids. It wasn’t that he didn’t want children. He had a little sister who was about 18 months old, and she was one of the most precious people in his life. Of course, Erwin wanted kids; it was the wife part he was so unsure about. But who in this day in age had kids with no wife? It seemed as though the two were inseparable, and Erwin would just have to grin and bear it.

Mike waved goodbye to his friends and went into his house, leaving Nile and Erwin to walk the rest of the way to Nile’s house. Then Erwin would walk alone to his own house about a block away. As they walked in silence, Erwin could sense Nile’s frustration with the situation. Erwin and Nile unintentionally competed in many things: they were both incredibly smart and often found themselves at one another’s throats for a scholastic trophy or school-wide recognition. But this was one thing that Erwin had completely and utterly bested Nile at. A girl that Nile was head over heels for, and she was over the moon for Erwin instead.

“Fuck,” Nile swore under his breath. “You better be serious about asking her, Erwin. I don’t like seeing Marie broken-hearted…”

Erwin frowned and nodded, “Of course. I don’t want to hurt Marie’s feelings. I’ll ask her tomorrow, I promise.”

“Good,” Nile sighed in some relief, though he sounded defeated. Erwin didn’t even want to go with Marie, and he felt bad about that, especially when his friend liked her so much.

“Are you going to ask anyone?” Erwin wondered. “Mike and I will both have dates then.”

Nile and Erwin paused in front of Nile’s house as he muttered, “Dunno. I might ask this girl from my math class.”

He didn’t seem so sure about that, but Erwin wanted to encourage Nile.

“That’s good,” Erwin forced a smile, clapping Nile on the back. “I hope she says yes. Then we’ll all have dates for homecoming!”

“Yeah,” Nile grumbled, not at all excited. “Whatever. I’ll see you later, Erwin.”

Erwin waved Nile off and headed down the block to his own house. He was feeling down now, unable to help the mix of guilt and dread in his stomach. Quit being a sissy, he told himself. You’re a man now. And men ask women to dances.

One crank, then two. Farlan handed the wrench back to Levi when he was done tightening the tire cover on one of the wheels of the vehicle. Levi twirled the wrench in one hand, leaning against the wall of the auto repair shop as he casually smoked a cigarette.

His dark hair was slicked back with pomade and his leather jacket hung heavy on his shoulders. His dark jeans were covered in dirt and grease from the car he and Farlan had been working on all afternoon. They’d skipped classes to come work on the car, or Levi’s baby, as they affectionately referred to it. It was a black and white ‘55 DeSoto Fireflite that just needed a little more love and care and it would be all Levi’s. He and his uncle had saved up all their spare change to afford this hunk of junk and Levi wasn’t going to give up on her. His best friend, Farlan, had offered to help him out with it and Levi figured he could always use a helping hand.

Levi and Farlan had been friends since they were toddlers running amok in Farlan’s parents’ garden, making a mess in the mud, and pissing off their mothers who would have to clean them. They’d been close ever since. Farlan was a good guy. He was a few months older than Levi, and those mere few months had made him somewhat wiser than Levi, who was set to turn 18 in December. Levi could be a hothead, quiet but angry. He considered himself lucky that Farlan was always there to calm him down and rationalize the situation if need be.

“So,” Farlan said. “What are you planning on doing after our senior year?”

Levi didn’t know how to answer that. He chewed on his cigarette a little before sucking in a deep breath of nicotine and breathing it out. He knew Farlan wanted to go to college, but Levi didn’t see the point in it. He already struggled in school, what was the point in continuing an education that he didn’t care for? Farlan was a good student, outside of the times he skipped class with Levi.

“I dunno,” Levi muttered as he flicked a bit of ash onto the ground. “If we get this car running by then, I’m gonna travel the country. I’ve always wanted to go on a road trip. You’re always welcome to come with, Far. You know that.”

Farlan sighed and stood up, tossing a dirty rag over his shoulder and crossing his arms, “And you know that I’m planning on applying to colleges. I… I know it’s a lot of money, but… but mom says I can go. She and Dad are working extra shifts so they can help me afford it, and I’m getting a summer job to add to my funds.”

Levi scoffed and tossed his cigarette on the ground, stomping it out with the toe of his leather boot. “I know. Just thought maybe I could change your mind.”

Farlan smiled solemnly, “I know, Lee. But there’s no changing my mind on that. Besides, one of us has to stay in town to take care of Izzy during her senior year.”

Isabel was their friend in junior year, still 16 years old. She was feisty with fiery red pigtails, sometimes it would get her into trouble. Levi and Farlan were like her older brothers, always taking care of her and sticking up for her when older kids picked on her.

Levi knew Farlan was right. The damn kid needed someone to watch out for her when the two of them were done with school. Sure, she could hold her own for the most part, but Levi still didn’t like the idea of boys her age trying to take advantage of her.

“You’re right,” Levi admitted with a sigh. “I’ll stick around… but only for her. I wouldn’t stay in this piece of shit town for anyone else… well, maybe you too, but… that’s about it.”

Farlan chuckled, “Thanks, Lee. Appreciate that.”

Farlan wiped his face on a clean rag that was sitting in the front seat of the car. He tossed the rag aside and squinted his eyes at something in the distance before his entire face brightened and he began to wave.

“Speak of the devil,” Farlan smiled. “There’s Iz!”

Levi turned to look down the path, and sure enough, there was Isabel, walking towards them with her head down and an angry stride in her step. Her red hair whipped in the wind, matching her furious energy.

“Uh oh,” Levi frowned. “Wonder what happened? She looks pissed.”

“Yeah,” Farlan agreed, concern written all over his face. “I hope she’s okay.”

Isabel stomped over to the two boys, stuffing her hands in her pockets. Her cheeks were red with embarrassment and irritation, fresh tears in her eyes, and a pout on her lips. Levi felt his brotherly instincts come out and he could sense Farlan was feeling the same way.

“What happened?” Farlan asked. “Are you okay, Izzy?”

Isabel shook her head, stubborn as ever when it came to revealing a situation in which she’d been embarrassed. Farlan sighed in frustration before placing his hands on Isabel’s shoulders so she couldn’t hide away.

“What happened?” Levi repeated for Farlan, stepping up next to her. “Who do I have to fuck up, huh?”

“Those stupid football players,” Isabel grunted, finally looking up at Farlan with tears streaming down her chubby cheeks. “They’re such jerks!”

Farlan’s eyes widened slightly at the sight of Isabel in tears, and he quickly pulled her into a hug, rubbing her back comfortingly. Levi wished he could comfort people the way Farlan did. Farlan always found it so easy to wrap his arms around someone and whisper sweet things that could get them to calm down. Levi, on the other hand… well, the only intimate thing he ever did was ruffle people’s hair. That was all he knew how to do, something his uncle had taught him from a young age. His family wasn’t a hugging family.

“What did they do?” Levi immediately followed up. “Did they touch you? I swear to god, I’ll-”

“N-No,” Isabel sniffled, wiping her eyes with her fist. “I mean… kind of. They were pulling on my pigtails and making fun of me.”

How childish are these football players?! Levi wondered angrily. His hand instantly went to the switchblade in his pocket. That was always his first move when someone pissed him off, though he could usually be talked out of it if the situation wasn’t that serious.

“They said,” Isabel continued, a quiet sob escaping her mouth. “That I look like an ugly baby.”

Farlan ran his fingers through her hair, which she’d taken down - probably after the boys had picked on her. It was to her shoulders now and looked out of place. She almost always wore it up. Isabel was quite the tomboy. She didn’t like wearing dresses and only wore them on special occasions. At school, she wore baggy pants and sweaters. And she often got made fun of for not fitting in.

“You don’t look like an ugly baby, Iz,” Farlan sighed, pulling away to cup her face in his hands. “You’re very pretty. And Levi and I love your pigtails, don’t we, Lee?”

Levi cleared his throat awkwardly and nodded, grabbing another cigarette from the pack in his pocket. He didn’t like situations like this. Of course, he felt bad about what had happened to Isabel, but he just didn’t know how to handle people crying. He didn’t know how to open up about his emotions unless they were aggressive ones, like anger. He could fuck somebody up for messing with his friends, but when it came to comforting people? No chance.

“Thanks,” Isabel smiled sadly, pulling away from Farlan to take out her handkerchief and blow her nose. “They keep messing with me on my way home. I could defend myself if it was only one of them, but it’s three of the same guys over and over again. If I hadn’t run today, they would’ve found out where I lived. And I don’t need that.”

“They’re stupid,” Farlan scowled. “Lee and I will take care of it. Don’t worry, Iz. We’ve got your back.”

Isabel beamed up at Farlan through her tears, “You promise?” She turned to Levi, “You promise, Lee?”

“Promise,” Levi swore, holding out his pinky to her. “We’ll take care of it, Iz.”

Isabel linked her pinky with his, swinging them back and forth cheerfully. Levi let go of her pinky after a moment and exchanged a serious look with Farlan. Levi never broke promises.

Marie was with her friends at the lunch table across the room, giggling with her friends. She was so pretty it was intimidating. Erwin was standing in the boys’ bathroom, peering out the door at her until Mike corralled him back into the bathroom. Nile rolled his eyes, leaning against the wall of the cramped bathroom. It was just the three of them in there at the moment, and Mike was busy fixing Erwin’s hair and his button-up shirt.

“Stop fussing, Mike,” Erwin grumbled, starting to get irritated.

“Yeah,” Nile agreed. “It’s not like Marie’s gonna reject him for a hair out of place.”

“I just want my boy to look good,” Mike chuckled, biting his lip as he concentrated on his work. “Can’t have you going up to the most popular girl in school with ratty hair.”

Erwin’s gaze became unfocused, his fingers tapping on his sides in boredom as he waited for Mike to finish. He was beginning to think about how he was going to ask her. He and Mike had rehearsed it over and over all morning, but he was still unsure about this whole thing.

Finally, the taller man pulled away with a grin, “You’re good. Go get her, tiger.”

He practically pushed Erwin out the door, and once again, Erwin was feeling as though he was being forced into this difficult and uneasy position. But as the quarterback of the varsity team, he needed to have a date for homecoming, and who else was he going to ask? And besides, Marie wanted him to ask her. So he should, right?

Erwin’s legs felt like lead as he walked over to her table, a heavy lump in his throat. He was nervous, his palms were clammy and his head felt fuzzy. He didn’t like the pressure of this whole situation. He felt like all eyes in the cafeteria were on him, and they very well could’ve been. Erwin was a pretty popular guy, and seeing him walk over to the most popular girls’ table was probably a sight to behold.

The girls looked up as he approached them, and one of them gasped and whispered to Marie, giggling excitedly. She shushed her friends and pushed her bangs out of her face, smiling sweetly at Erwin as he walked up to the table.

“Hi Erwin,” Marie murmured. Her voice was sweet and smooth, like honey dripping from a jar.

“Hi Marie,” Erwin replied. “I’m sorry to interrupt, but can I talk to you real quick?”

Marie’s eyes widened, but not significantly. It was a tell-tale sign that she was excited and had maybe even been expecting this. She also seemed to be a bundle of nerves, though for different reasons: she got up quicker than he expected, waiting for him to whisk her away from her friends.

Erwin led her a few feet away where they could speak in private. He hadn’t wanted to ask her in front of all her friends. She straightened her skirt and smiled up at him sweetly, her bright hazel eyes practically shimmering in the light of the cafeteria hall.

“What is it, Erwin?” Marie asked. “What did you need to talk to me about?”

“W-Well, Marie,” Erwin started, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck.

He glanced over to Mike and Nile, who were sitting at the football team’s table across the way. Mike was giving him a thumbs up, and his team was laughing and chattering away to one another, glancing in his and Marie’s direction every once in a while. Apparently, Mike had informed them what Erwin was doing. Great.

“I was just… erm…” Erwin muttered nervously. “I was wondering if you’d like to… uh… go to the homecoming dance… with me?”

Marie’s entire face lit up at the question, and she nodded eagerly, not even taking a moment to think about it, “I’d love to! Thank you for asking me, I… I really hoped you would.”

She reached a hand up to touch Erwin’s bicep gingerly, and he could’ve died right then and there. He didn’t know how to react to that. Mike hadn’t prepared him for a sensual touch on the arm. God, what was he going to do when they got to the actual dance?

“Y-Yeah,” Erwin stuttered. “Um… I’m excited to go with you. Oh, and uh, here’s my number. So we can figure out the details.”

He patted his pockets for the piece of paper Mike had given him and handed it to Marie, who was beaming with excitement. Everything everyone had been saying was true - she really did seem to like him.

“Thanks, Erwin,” Marie expressed. “I’ll call you later, okay?”

Erwin nodded, watching her walk back to her table. The other girls were immediately squealing and giggling, happy that Marie had finally been asked to the dance by her dream guy. Erwin sighed. Thank god that’s over.

He was feeling a mix of relief and anxiety as he walked away from Marie’s table, the pressure finally off his shoulders. He couldn’t believe he’d actually done it. He had asked her to the homecoming dance. But now he had a new kind of pressure on his shoulders: what would happen at the dance? Erwin couldn't imagine himself as a romantic partner, and he didn’t know what he would do if Marie tried to kiss him or anything like that. He just hoped he wouldn't embarrass himself too much.

Erwin sat down at the table, receiving multiple pats on the backs from his friends and teammates for a job well done. He smiled sheepishly, feeling like he’d done what he was supposed to. But he didn’t feel like he’d done what he wanted, which would’ve been to not ask her at all.

But Erwin didn’t have a lot of time to dwell on what he’d just done and what the next steps were, as there was the loud slam of a hand on the table that startled the football players. They turned to look down the table at a tiny little greaser and his slightly taller sidekick who were staring them down menacingly.

The greaser and his sidekick looked like they were itching for a fight, and the football players looked both alarmed and annoyed at the interruption. Erwin didn't know what was going on, but he didn't need to to know it wasn’t going to end well.

“Which one of you dumb fucks has been messing with Isabel?” the shorter one growled.

“Isabel?” Mike frowned. “Who’s Isabel?”

“Red hair, green eyes,” the taller of the two greasers muttered angrily. “She told us a few of the football players have been messing with her on her way home.”

“Ohh,” Rich, the wide receiver on Erwin’s team, started to laugh. “You mean pigtails?”

“Yeah, pigtails!” Larry, the center, grinned. “She was too cute. We were just having fun, weren’t we boys?”

Rich and Donald nodded in agreement. Those must’ve been the few football players the greasers were talking about. Erwin briefly wondered if his teammates were insane. Don’t mess with the greasers was one of the prime rules he lived by. He’d seen these two around school - smoking in the bathrooms or causing trouble in class. But he’d never gotten in their way, as he knew better than that.

“What’s your name, little man?” Don beamed cockily. “You and your boyfriend are real scary.”

“It’s none of your business-”

“Levi,” the taller greaser grumbled. “And I’m Farlan. Remember the names we’ll carve into your skin if you don’t back the fuck off Isabel.”

Erwin’s eyes widened, and he watched in shock as the smaller one lifted his shirt, showing a pocket knife in his waistband. Those were illegal on school grounds. Erwin knew his teammates were in trouble, and as the quarterback and leader of their team, he knew he should try and stand up for his friends, despite the consequences.

Erwin stood, and all eyes went to him, including the greasers’. The feisty little one snapped, “What do you have to say, blondie? You tryin’ to defend your little teammates?”

“This is no way to handle an argument,” Erwin moved to stand in front of the table, to separate the two arguing parties. “My teammates are reasonable. They were probably just joking around.”

Levi glared up at him, hand on his pocket knife, “Yeah, I’m sure pulling her pigtails and making her cry was a real funny fuckin’ joke, wasn’t it?”

Erwin frowned. His teammates were really making it difficult to defend them. He’d have to talk to them later about this behavior - it was unacceptable to him. He sighed, giving a brief glare to Larry, Rich, and Don before turning back to face Levi and Farlan.

“I’m sure it won’t happen again,” Erwin tried, but Levi wasn’t having it.

“Yeah, it won’t,” Levi growled. “Cause we’re gonna fuck them up. Now get out of my way, or you’re next.”

Erwin used his height to his advantage, towering over Levi to try and appear more intimidating as he snarled back, “Try me.”

He didn’t know where this energy had come from. He just didn’t like people threatening his friends or his teammates. Even if they’d been in the wrong, he didn’t think they deserved to be shanked by two greasers.

Just as Levi looked ready to pounce, there was a loud voice that boomed behind them:

“Smith! Ackerman!”

Erwin knew that voice. Oh no, he thought to himself. It was Mr. Dickerson, the head of the math department. He was a particularly strict, no-nonsense type of man, and he’d broken up more fights than Erwin could count.

“Is there a problem here?” Mr. Dickerson asked haughtily, crossing his arms over his chest.

“N-No, sir,” Erwin tried, but it was too late.

“You,” he pointed at Levi before turning to Erwin. “And you. Principal’s office. Now.”

Erwin groaned internally. This was not going to be good.

Levi couldn’t even look at the goody-two-shoes sitting next to him without feeling a surge of annoyance. Erwin Smith was the perfect quarterback with perfect grades and perfect manners. He was the type of man who had girls swooning over him, and guys envying him. He was everything Levi despised. Levi hadn’t even wanted to see the stupid bastard when he’d gone to confront the other football players and now he’d been sent to detention with him.

He never had a good history with the jocks and Erwin was one of the most popular jocks in the whole school. Erwin’s buddies had dragged on Levi plenty of times in the past and though Erwin himself had never harassed Levi, the blonde’s uptight attitude and fuddy-duddy mentality didn’t impress him. Erwin seemed like such a square, a rule follower, and a model citizen. Levi wasn’t particularly fond of people like that.

The principal had scolded the two of them for ‘causing a ruckus’, and assigned them to clean the bathrooms after school; a punishment that Levi didn’t entirely mind. He enjoyed cleaning, and it was something he was good at. Nobody else at his house cleaned, so Levi did most if not all of the cleaning at home anyway.

Erwin had been thoroughly apologetic to the principal, assuring him it ‘wouldn’t happen again’ and trying to buddy up with him. It had annoyed Levi to no end and put him in a mood that carried over into their work after school. Perhaps that was why he was so irritable now.

Erwin and Levi had been arguing since they’d gotten into the bathrooms. They were only given a toothbrush and a sponge to clean the floors, so the two had first argued over who got which. Levi had easily won that argument through intimidation tactics. Then they got into it over who would do which side of the bathroom. Eventually, Levi took the left side by the door, while Erwin took the right. They remained silent ever since, taking care of their work separately and quietly.

Levi, wanting to make sure the jock was doing a thorough job, looked at Erwin out of the corner of his eye. Sure enough, Erwin was scouring the floor with the toothbrush, though perhaps not exactly to Levi’s standards. However, he noticed Erwin was using the wrong cleaning liquid; he could read ‘countertops' on the bottle. Levi rolled his eyes — great, another thing for them to argue about.

“You’re using the wrong cleaner,” Levi noted with a grumpy tone to his voice.

As much as he enjoyed cleaning, he didn’t really want to be spending time at the school, especially after hours. He wanted to be working on his car with Farlan and Isabel. Plus, he wasn’t exactly thrilled about whom he was spending his after-school hours with.

Erwin didn’t look up from his work, not bothering to even glance in Levi’s direction as he responded, “What are you talking about?”

Levi sighed in annoyance, getting up and starting to walk toward Erwin. The jock flinched a little at the sight of the greaser moving towards him, which Levi couldn’t help but find amusing. He felt a little smug that he appeared to scare Erwin so much. Levi picked up the cleaning solution Erwin was using and pointed to the label.

“This is for cleaning countertops,” Levi explained. “The floor solution is over by me if you need some.”

Erwin frowned and took the bottle back from Levi, reading the label again, “Oh… thanks. I didn’t even notice.”

Levi nodded in response, going back over to his spot on the other side of the bathroom and tossing Erwin the floor cleaner. Erwin caught it and got back to work. Levi went back to washing his part of the floor. He was a little surprised that Erwin hadn’t tried to argue with him this time. He’d seemed legitimately thankful that Levi had pointed out his mistake, and Levi hadn’t expected that.

His thoughts shifted as he watched Erwin diligently scrubbing the bathroom floor. He had to admit, the guy was a hard worker, which Levi could admire. Besides, Levi could tell that Erwin was no idiot, even if he’d mixed up cleaning supplies. He knew the man got straight A’s; he was at the top of the class. He was a smart man.

Levi realized that he had been unfairly judging Erwin based on his looks and reputation. Sure, the man was a know-it-all jock, but Levi knew he wouldn’t like it if Erwin only thought of him as a no-good, troublemaking greaser. Maybe there was more to Erwin than met the eye.

“Well,” Erwin murmured, attention focused on the task at hand. “I suppose I should apologize for the way my teammates acted toward your friend.”

Erwin’s words shocked Levi. Why was he apologizing for his teammates? Levi thought he would defend them no matter what. Wasn’t that what guys like Erwin did? Defend their buddies to the death, even if what they’d done was wrong? At first, Levi didn’t know what to say. Clearly, all his assumptions about Erwin were wrong.

“O-Oh,” Levi mumbled. “Uh… I mean it’s not your fault technically. You didn’t harass her. They did.”

“I understand that,” Erwin sighed, pausing his cleaning to look over at Levi. “Still. As head of the football team, I’m responsible for them. And they should know better than to behave that way.”

Erwin’s humbleness shocked Levi. He thought all jocks had their heads shoved up their asses, but he was pleasantly surprised by what Erwin was saying to him. Honestly, he appreciated the apology. Hopefully, under Erwin’s guidance, those football players wouldn’t bother Isabel anymore.

“Yeah,” Levi shrugged. “I guess I shouldn’t have threatened them though. So… I’m sorry for that. I got a bit carried away.”

Erwin shot Levi a charming smile, and Levi was starting to understand why everyone liked the quarterback so much. He had a lot of charisma, and he wasn’t the self-righteous douchebag Levi had initially thought he was.

“So,” Erwin changed the subject. “What sort of stuff do you like to do in your free time?”

Levi wasn’t one for small talk, but he’d indulge just this once; just to pass the time. As they worked, they began to talk more and more, and the fact that they shared common interests surprised Levi. They both enjoyed reading books, and had a shared love for music, albeit in different genres. It was easy to talk to Erwin, and he found himself enjoying their conversation over the next hour that they spent deep cleaning the bathroom.

Despite their earlier disagreements, they managed to get the job done and when it was time to leave, they parted on relatively good terms.

The diner smelled like French fries and burgers, the sounds of chatter and laughter filling the air. Erwin was sitting at a table with some of his football friends, sipping on a coke and snacking on some popcorn. Mike and Nile weren't with him this time, the two of them busy working on a paper due for their shared history class.

Erwin scanned the diner, seeing a familiar face walk through the front doors. It was Marie, wearing a blue polka dot dress with a black ribbon framing her trim waist. Two of her friends, ones that Erwin had seen with her at lunch, were with her, and they sat down at the bar to order their snacks and drinks.

“Oh shit,” James smirked, following Erwin’s gaze. “Ervy’s little girlfriend is here.”

Erwin could feel himself turning a bright red, his cheeks heating up. He quickly looked away from Marie and her friends, mumbling swears under his breath at being caught staring. He hadn’t meant to, Marie just captivated a room whenever she entered. Even though he didn’t have feelings for her, he could still appreciate beauty when he saw it.

Marie and Erwin had talked over the phone about their plans for homecoming, but outside of that phone call, they hadn’t spoken. His friends had been harassing him about calling her, trying to get her alone at school, kissing her… Erwin was still feeling incredibly uneasy about the entire situation, so he’d been avoiding her as best he could. But it was difficult to avoid someone at a small diner like this one.

“You gotta go buy her a milkshake, Erwin,” Paul insisted. “Or something romantic. She’ll love it.”

Erwin wasn’t fond of that idea. He didn’t want to speak to Marie, let alone buy her a milkshake and flirt with her. Something romantic? Erwin just didn’t have the desire to do that. He didn’t want to make things worse for himself by continuing to pursue a relationship he wasn’t sure he wanted.

Erwin laughed nervously, “O-Oh… no thanks. I don’t want to interrupt her and her friends.”

“Nonsense!” James patted Erwin on the back in encouragement. “She’s head over heels for you. She won’t care if you go over there.”

“Yeah ‘Win,” Paul agreed. “I don’t understand why you’re not barking at her heels. She would probably put out for you. You know that.”

Erwin frowned. He didn’t like the thought of Marie ‘putting out’, especially not for him. He’d never had sex before, despite his popularity. He’d had plenty of opportunities to have sex, but he’d always managed to weasel his way out of things before they got too far. He wasn’t sure why he was so opposed to having sex. It just made him feel uncomfortable when he was alone with a girl, similar to how he’d felt strange about asking Marie to homecoming. But Erwin wasn’t about to tell his friends that, lest they poke fun at him for still being a virgin.

“Don’t talk about her like that,” Erwin snapped in annoyance.

“I’m just saying,” Paul shrugged. “She probably would.”

Erwin rolled his eyes and got up from the table, mostly to get out of the awkward conversation they’d put him in. Plus, he knew that his friends wouldn’t leave him alone until he went and talked to Marie, so he felt trapped with not many other options.

Marie saw him approaching, and her hazel eyes lit up like the sky on a moonlit night. She immediately began fixing her hair, a momentary nervous look on her face. Erwin felt the guilt that he always felt around Marie rising in his stomach. Just buy her a milkshake and get the hell out of there, he thought to himself. Hopefully, that would be enough to satisfy his friends.

“Hey Marie,” Erwin forced a smile, waving at her friends. “Hey girls.”

“Erwin,” Marie breathed his name as though it was the most precious thing that could leave her lips. “It’s so great to talk to you again!”

Her friends giggled and waved back at Erwin before excusing themselves to use the bathroom, likely so that Marie and Erwin could be alone. Erwin watched them leave. They were whispering and glancing back at the two supposed ‘lovebirds’ they’d left at the bar of the diner.

Erwin leaned his elbow on the counter, offering a charming smile, “Can I get you anything? I’d love to buy you a milkshake. Maybe we could talk?”

Marie smiled, her eyes sparkling with appreciation, “That’s so sweet of you, Erwin! I’d love a strawberry milkshake, please.”

Erwin nodded, feeling relieved that he could at least do something nice for Marie. Despite not liking her romantically, he still wanted to make her happy. He ordered her strawberry milkshake and a chocolate for himself, knowing that he needed something to calm his nerves. He hopped up onto the bar stool next to hers, their hands brushing against one another. Marie blushed and pulled her hand away, clearly anxious. Her hands were soft, and Erwin was nervous too, though for different reasons.

Erwin found himself asking Marie about her interests and hobbies, and found that they had a lot in common, which surprised him. They both enjoyed history, and both loved to read James Baldwin. Erwin even found himself telling Marie about other authors he enjoyed, something he’d never done before with anyone. He couldn’t express himself intellectually with anyone but Nile, as his football buddies weren’t exactly the studious type.

But something was looming over Erwin as they continued to chat. He found himself unable to flirt with her, as much as he tried to, which wasn’t too shocking given the fact he couldn’t find himself romantically interested in her. He wasn’t sure he could have a romantic relationship with her… and he didn’t understand why not. Marie was perfect in every way: beautiful, funny, smart… but Erwin just couldn’t bring himself to picture the two of them together romantically.

What’s wrong with me? He wondered. His friends would kill to be with someone as amazing as Marie, and here he was barely even trying to be anything more than friends with her. And Paul was right, she probably would put out for him. But… why didn’t he want that? Why couldn’t he be a normal guy?

Erwin did his best to push those thoughts aside and focus on enjoying the moment. Marie was a good person and he didn’t want to lead her on or hurt her in any way. As they finished their milkshakes, Erwin felt a sense of relief that things between them were friendly. Maybe he’d never see her in a romantic light, but he was glad to have her as a potential friend. However, in the back of his mind, he knew that Marie was seeing their conversation very differently, and he didn’t know how to express to her that he just didn’t feel the same.

The house smelled of freshly baked goods when Levi came home from detention. He hung his jacket on the hook and took off his shoes before heading to the kitchen where his uncle was busy baking muffins. It wasn’t surprising to see his uncle and his uncle’s friend, Uri, standing in the kitchen.

They were both wearing aprons, and Uri had flour on his nose. Kenny noticed this too, a smile appearing on his face as he reached out to clean the flour away with his thumb. Levi rolled his eyes at the sight of them, but couldn’t help the smile that tugged at the corner of his lips. It was nice to see his uncle happy, and he’d always been curious about his relationship with Uri.

The two were incredibly close. He’d even seen them kiss on occasion. Levi knew they were homosexual, something that was incredibly frowned upon. But he had kept his uncle’s secret for years now, as he knew how important it was to keep that information under wraps. Everyone in town probably whispered rumors about Kenny Ackerman and the mysterious man who lived with them. But Kenny had a criminal record from his youth, and people didn’t particularly want to mess with him because of that.

Uri and Kenny’s relationship was interesting to Levi: a man being with another man. He hadn’t thought it possible for a long time. Growing up surrounded by images of women and men together in books, television shows, movies, etc. made it difficult to think of any other type of relationship. The thought of being with another man, well… it sparked something inside of Levi that he couldn’t exactly explain. It was an interest he kept hidden away, pushed deep into the recesses of his mind.

But Levi tried not to think about that. For now, he grabbed a muffin and sat down at the kitchen table, enjoying the warmth and comfort of home. It’d taken a while for this place to feel like home when he was younger. His mother had died from cancer when he was only four, and Kenny, being his mother’s older brother, had taken Levi in.

As he ate his muffin, he reminisced about when Kenny had brought Uri home to meet Levi. He’d been about ten, and at first, he didn’t understand Kenny and Uri’s relationship. He’d just thought they were good friends who spent a lot of time together. That was until Uri moved in with them when Levi was 12. And when he was 13, he’d caught the two kissing on the couch.

He’d felt a little weirded out by it at the time, but didn’t say anything. Kenny and Uri had sat down with him one night to explain their relationship to him. The two had met while serving overseas during the Second World War. After the war, they went their separate ways, but soon realized they couldn’t live without one another.

Levi had initially been upset with them, thinking it was wrong for a man to love another man. But eventually, he realized that it didn’t matter what his uncle and Uri were doing; as long as they were happy, that was all that mattered. Levi was grateful for the two of them, and the life they’d built together, the sacrifices they made for him. He was lucky to have them, and he knew it.

“So why were you late getting home?” Uri wondered, taking a muffin and sitting down across from Levi at the table. “Is everything alright?”

“I got detention,” Levi grumbled, now remembering why he hadn’t been particularly excited to come home in the first place.

Kenny and Uri weren’t strict with him. They didn’t care if he got good grades or skipped class to fix up his car, so long as he wasn’t in trouble with the law. And even then, Kenny had quite the rap sheet from his teenage years, so he couldn’t exactly get angry at Levi for simply following in his footsteps.

Kenny immediately burst out laughing, “You got detention? What for?”

This was exactly why Levi hadn’t wanted to tell them he’d gotten detention. He shrugged and shrunk in on himself, not wanting his uncle to make fun of him. The reason would probably earn more laughter than the act itself and Levi knew he couldn’t handle being laughed at much more. Hadn’t the jocks teased him enough?

“Levi,” Uri frowned, reaching his hand across the table to take Levi’s into his own. “You can tell us. Is everything okay?”

Levi had always appreciated just how kind and loving Uri could be. After all these years, Uri was a good substitute for that loving motherly figure he missed in his life. Kenny, on the other hand, wasn’t very good with emotions, but he could be there to give Levi tough love when he needed it.

“Yeah,” Levi grunted. “Just some jocks messing with Isabel, so I confronted them. Got me in trouble.”

Uri stroked his thumb over the back of Levi’s hand while Kenny cackled in the background, “It’s okay, dear. You were standing up for your friend, and that was very good of you.”

“Uri’s right,” Kenny agreed once he’d stopped laughing. “Besides, that shit won’t even show up on your record. They lie when they say that.”

Levi could feel himself smiling, squeezing Uri’s hand, “Thanks. I’m not worried. It’ll all blow over.”

Levi couldn’t help but feel grateful for his uncle and Uri: they were his safe haven, his home, the place he could go to when he needed someone. It was nice to come back to the familiar smells of baked goods and the sound of his uncle’s laughter, even if that laughter had been at his own expense.

The bell at the top of the door rang as Erwin entered the record shop, alerting the clerk of his presence. He waved at the store owner who stood behind the counter, as he was a regular there. His stepdad had gotten him into jazz music and Erwin was a sucker for old jazz records from the 1920s-40s, the songs of his stepdad’s youth.

Erwin made his way to the back of the store, starting to page through the albums and pulling one out every once in a while to examine it. His favorite crooners were probably Billie Holiday and Al Bowlly, though he could enjoy a good Fred Astaire or Frank Sinatra from time to time.

His friends poked fun at him for his choice of music. They’d moved on to the grander and more popular rock ‘n’ roll music of the modern day. Erwin hadn’t listened to much rock ‘n’ roll. His parents forbade it, particularly his stepdad, who called it “The Devil’s Music”. Loud guitars and drums along with a binding rhythm that caused people like Elvis to shake their hips in a raunchy fashion? No thanks, Erwin thought. He’d stick to his jazz music.

Ring! The bell jingled again as another customer entered. There were a few people already in the record shop perusing the merchandise, but Erwin glanced up when he heard the bell anyway. Levi Ackerman entered the store, and Erwin was surprised to see him again. The two hadn’t seen each other or spoken since. Erwin didn’t see a reason to. They ran in different social circles; it was as simple as that. And, in some ways, Erwin worried that hanging around a greaser would corrupt his image, even though he knew that Levi wasn’t all as bad as he seemed. He’d been pretty nice to Erwin when they’d cleaned the bathrooms together.

But Levi caught Erwin’s eye, and Erwin felt obligated to wave and smile in the man’s direction. Levi stared awkwardly for a moment before offering a small wave in return and making his way to the back of the store. Is he coming to say hi to me? Erwin wondered with some surprise. Apparently, Levi had more manners than Erwin had thought.

“Hey,” Levi grunted. “Tell your teammates to leave Isabel alone. I’m serious.”

Oh, Erwin thought. That’s why he’s come to talk to me. He was a little shocked that after all that had happened with Levi and Farlan confronting the football players, his teammates were still harassing the girl. He was going to have to speak with them at practice tomorrow after school.

“They’re still bothering her?” Erwin asked.

“Yeah,” Levi rubbed the side of his nose, looking pissed. “They tried to corner her and get her to go to homecoming with one of them. Dunno which one, but she kicked him in the nuts and ran. So… tell them to lay off, yeah? Or I’ll do much worse than just threaten them in the lunchroom.”

Erwin nodded quickly, trying to rectify the situation. “Of course. I’m sorry they’re still bothering her. Besides, that’s no way to ask a girl to homecoming in the first place. I’ll speak with them at practice tomorrow. I promise.”

Levi’s expression softened, “Cool. Thanks.”

Before Erwin could open his mouth to respond, Levi’s eyes fell on the records Erwin was looking through and his face scrunched up in confusion as he teased, “Billie Holiday? What are you — 30 years old?”

Erwin frowned, trying to defend himself. It wouldn’t be the first time someone his age found his taste in music surprising.

“She’s great!” Erwin argued. “I… I like jazz music. Doesn’t make me old. Besides, I bet you’re just like everyone else, liking rock ‘n’ roll music. I’m unique.”

Levi snorted, holding back laughter as he stuffed his hands into his leather jacket, muttering, “Sure, you’re unique alright.”

Erwin couldn’t help but feel defensive. He’d had this conversation dozens of times with his friends and they could never agree with him. All he knew was he had to get out of their car and walk home when they started playing that awful sound on the radio. He knew his stepdad would be furious if he pulled up in a car that was blasting rock ‘n’ roll.

“Have you ever even listened to rock ‘n’ roll?” Levi asked, raising an eyebrow. “I bet you’re like every single jazz snob I’ve met, never even given rock ‘n’ roll a chance.”

“Well, I can’t because…” Erwin stammered sheepishly. “Because I’m not allowed.”

Levi stared in disbelief for a moment before a smile began to tug at the corner of his lips. “You’re not allowed? Look, Erwin. I’m not allowed to piss in the street, but I do it anyway.”

Erwin cocked an eyebrow at Levi. Did he really piss in the street? That was definitely against the law. Though Erwin was sure Levi had probably broken the law at least once or twice.

“What are you talking about?” Erwin asked.

Levi huffed, taking his hands out of his pockets and waving them around, “You don’t have to do everything everyone tells you to! That’s all I’m sayin’! You can listen to whatever music you want!”

Oh, Erwin thought. Of course, he knew that, but he’d never been one to break the rules or go against authority figures. He always tried to follow what was right, especially when it came to his parents and their orders. It’d never really occurred to him that he could just… listen to rock ‘n’ roll simply because he wanted to. He’d never even had the desire due to his parents’ rule against it.

“Come on,” Levi rolled his eyes, grabbing Erwin by his forearm and starting to drag him towards the front door.

“Where… Where are we going?” Erwin wondered, suddenly a little concerned for his safety.

He didn’t think Levi would hurt him, but he wasn’t exactly happy to be in the company of a greaser. He knew they got up to a lot of trouble and he wasn’t one for trouble. What would his parents say if they saw him with someone like Levi?

“You’re going to listen to rock ‘n’ roll,” Levi said decidedly, pulling him out of the store and down the block. “Then you can decide whether you like it or not.”

Erwin immediately protested and ripped his arm away from Levi, “I can’t! I’d get into trouble!”

“Erwin,” Levi stopped in his tracks and faced the football player, hands on his hips. It reminded Erwin of how his mother would scold him. “Who the hell is gonna know? Just you and me. Your parents are nowhere in sight and I’m sure as hell not going to tell them. Are you? Now come on, you’re being embarrassing right now.”

Levi turned on his heel and headed down the block, expecting Erwin to follow him this time. Erwin stuck his hands in his pockets, a frown on his face and conflict on his mind. Levi had a point. How would his parents even find out? He could just follow Levi, listen to some rock ‘n’ roll, and leave without saying a word to anyone about what he’d been up to. Erwin could feel a mixture of guilt and worry filling his stomach at the thought of betraying his parents like that. He’d never disappointed them before.

But at the same time, something intrigued him about Levi. Why was this greaser even giving him the time of day? And for what? Music? Erwin was curious; curious enough to follow a few steps behind Levi to see where they were going.

“You’re 18, right?” Levi turned to ask, walking backward and waiting for Erwin to nod before he turned around again. “Good.”

They stopped in front of an underground bar where Levi pulled his wallet from his pocket and handed his ID to the guard at the door. Erwin had only been to a bar on his eighteenth birthday with his parents, who had bought him one beer as a treat for ‘becoming a man’. His other friends weren’t yet of age, so he hadn’t been out with them yet. He was starting to wonder if Levi was even eighteen. He must be, right? The guard was letting him in, so he had to be.

Erwin swallowed thickly as the guard, a beefy man with a hard face, stared him down, waiting for him. He quickly shuffled through his pockets and handed the man his ID. Even though he was of legal drinking age he still felt anxious and out of place about this whole thing. It felt illegal for some reason. But the guard handed him back his ID and stepped aside. Erwin followed Levi down the steps into the bar.

The sound became louder and louder the further down the steps they got. The boom and bang of percussion, the twang of guitar and bass strings, the harsh singing — it all began to take form in Erwin’s ears, becoming clear when Levi opened the door to the bar and went in.

Erwin hesitantly followed Levi inside. This was the worst thing he’d ever done. But he supposed he could weasel his way out of it. Oh, I went to a bar with a friend and they happened to be playing rock ‘n’ roll! Isn’t that awful? I tried my best not to listen to that dribble. He pictured himself explaining to his parents if he would need to.

The song they’d entered to was already fading, not giving Erwin much of a chance to listen to the music. There was a live band on stage at the front of the room, a group of college-aged guys that were probably trying to make it in the music world like many boys nowadays. They all wanted to be the next Elvis or Buddy Holly.

Erwin sat at the bar with Levi, who took out a cigarette and ordered beers for the two of them, tossing down some change. Erwin felt a little odd about this. His parents weren’t big drinkers so it was strange for someone to hand him a beer. The flavor of the bitter drink was unusual to him still.

“You want a cig?” Levi asked, offering one to Erwin.

“O-Oh,” Erwin mumbled. “I’m good. Thank you.”

His stepfather smoked, but only outside. His mother couldn’t stand the smell inside her house, and Erwin wasn’t particularly fond of it either. But since so many people smoked around them, the house ended up smelling anyway. Erwin took a sip of the beer, trying not to grimace. It tasted how piss smelled, it looked like piss too. But, he didn’t want to be rude after Levi had spent money on him, so he drank it.

The band was busy talking to the crowd while Levi puffed on his cigarette, taking sips of his beer in between. Erwin wasn’t sure how to make small talk with Levi, but he felt uncomfortable with the silence between them.

“Um,” Erwin began. “I didn’t know you were 18 too.”

“I'm not,” Levi shrugged. “I got a fake.”

Erwin felt that anxiety in his stomach again. God dammit, Erwin thought. Now we’re actually breaking the law. He wanted to leave, and badly, but he was curious enough to stay and see what Levi was talking about. Surely, rock ‘n’ roll wasn’t good enough to get a fake ID for… oh wait, he probably has the fake for the drinks, not the music, Erwin clarified in his brain.

The band introduced their next song. Erwin didn’t catch the name of it over the cheers of the crowd that gathered around the stage. He’d never seen anything like the excitement these people shared over this type of music. People danced to jazz music, but there was never such a frenzy near the stage over jazz musicians and singers.

The drums and guitar began at the same time, echoing off the concrete walls of the small underground bar. Erwin was feeling tense, not only because Levi was underage, but because he was now about to listen to exactly what his parents had told him not to. It’s too late to turn back now, he thought to himself as the song began.

The warden threw a party in the county jail

The prison band was there and they began to wail

The band was jumpin’ and the joint began to swing

You should've heard those knocked-out jailbirds sing

Piano keys and a bass guitar soon added to the cacophony of sound. Erwin wasn’t so sure he liked hearing a song about prison… wailing and swinging… he was a little taken aback by how abrupt this sound and its lyrics were at first.

Let’s rock

Everybody, let’s rock

Everybody in the whole cell block

Was dancin’ to the Jailhouse Rock

People were shaking their hips and waving their arms to the tune and Erwin was suddenly realizing just how little he knew about dancing. Levi was tapping his foot to the tune, still smoking a cigarette that was almost down to the nub by this point. Erwin could feel himself starting to tap his foot to the tune as well; the music vibrating off the floors and through his chair.

The piano and bass guitar, though used differently in this type of music, reminded him a lot of jazz music. And Erwin was starting to remember now that his grandparents didn’t like jazz because it was ‘too gaudy’ for them. Perhaps his parents didn’t like rock ‘n’ roll for the same reason: it wasn’t the devil’s music, it was just music they didn’t understand.

Number forty-seven said to number three

“You’re the cutest jailbird I ever did see

I sure would be delighted with your company

Come on and do the Jailhouse Rock with me”

Erwin supposed the lyrics weren’t too awful after all. Despite being about prison inmates, it was pretty tame. He was suddenly starting to have trouble understanding why his parents disliked the genre so much. This was rock ‘n’ roll? This was the stuff he’d been avoiding all this time? It wasn’t all that bad! Erwin would even say he was enjoying this music, which he hadn’t expected at all before he’d come in.

“You like it?” Levi turned to face him, a smile on his face. Erwin couldn’t help it. Levi’s smile was contagious — probably because it seemed so rare to see it appear on his face.

“Yeah,” Erwin nodded decidedly. “It’s good. I think I like rock ‘n’ roll.”

A grin spread across Levi’s face that he quickly hid in a long sip of beer. He set down the glass and chuckled, “I told you so.”

A couple of days later after school, Levi was busy working on his car with Farlan in the junkyard. Isabel sat perched on the small stone wall that encased the land, sipping on a coke and chatting away with the two while they worked. Well, mostly Farlan was talking with Isabel, as Levi didn’t have much to say in general. He wasn’t one for small talk.

“So you promise to pick me up at eight?” Isabel was asking Farlan. “My parents said I can’t stay the whole dance. My curfew is 11.”

The two had agreed to go to the homecoming dance together. It was more of a ‘let’s go as friends’ thing, and Levi wasn’t planning on going so Isabel and Farlan decided they would go together.

“Yeah,” Farlan nodded. “Dance ends at midnight so we’ll only be missing an hour. That’s not too bad. I’ll have you home on time, don’t worry. Wouldn’t wanna piss off Mr. and Mrs. Magnolia, that’s for sure.”

Levi chuckled at that. Isabel’s parents were generally laid back, but it still wouldn’t be a good idea to push their generosity. Letting Isabel go to her first homecoming dance was a big thing, as her parents hadn’t allowed her to go years prior. Isabel mostly participated in tomboy activities, but she’d expressed excitement to both her friends over getting to wear a fancy dress and ‘be a princess’ for one night. Levi didn’t get it, but oh well. As long as she was happy.

“Hey faggots!” He heard behind him. “You suckin’ each other’s dicks over there or what?!”

Levi recognized that voice. It was one of the football players that had been harassing Isabel on her walk home. Don, Levi remembered, turning to face the assholes who were passing by the junkyard. Erwin was with them, which surprised Levi. The two of them hadn’t talked since they’d parted ways at the underground bar a couple of days ago. Levi didn’t know what it was about that jock, but he liked him. Maybe it was because he knew Erwin wasn’t a jerk like most of his teammates. Erwin didn’t judge Levi for being a greaser. He talked to him like he’d talk to anyone else, and Levi liked that about him.

“Don,” he heard Erwin scold, a shocked look on his face. “What are you doing?!”

“Hey pretty lady,” Rich approached Isabel on the wall and leaned against it, smirking down at her as she glared up at him, sipping her coke through a straw. “I have something else you could put in your mouth if you come to homecoming with me.”

Isabel stared up at him in shock. Levi watched only for a second as Rich tugged on one of her pigtails before he whipped out his knife and advanced on the asshole. But Farlan beat him to it, shoving Rich away from Isabel and growling, “She’s going with me, you fucking creep.”

Rich started laughing, “Oh? And what about your little boyfriend? Who’s he going with?”

“I’m not going,” Levi growled, pointing his knife in the football players’ direction. “Now stay the fuck away from us.”

The football players outnumbered them, which worried Levi. It was him, Farlan, and Isabel against Don, Rich, Erwin, and two other football players whom Levi didn’t know the names of. Though he didn’t think Erwin would fight, that still made it four against three… okay, four against two because Isabel didn’t have a knife.

“Come on guys,” Erwin tried to usher them away. “Let’s get out of here.”

“Why aren’t you going?” Don teased, ignoring Erwin. “Is it because you’re a fag?”

Levi clenched his fists at his sides. He hated that word, especially because people used it to belittle and degrade people like his uncle and Uri. It was awful to call people that, and even though Levi wasn’t always the best person, he would never call somebody a fag. It bothered him that they would think to even call him that. What about him said he was gay? He wasn’t. Not that there was anything wrong with being gay. Using that remark just made him upset.

“I’m not fucking gay,” Levi snarled. “I’m not interested in going.”

He thought the homecoming dance was prissy and uptight. It was for cheerleaders and their football player boyfriends to dance and be grossly romantic with one another. He wouldn’t say that aloud though, as he didn’t want to hurt Isabel’s feelings. She was so excited to go.

“If you’re not gay,” Rich smirked. “Then why don’t you have a date to the dance? Even your boyfriend has a date!”

The guys started laughing. Well, everyone except Erwin, who was looking a little panicked and trying to get ahold of the situation. He exchanged a worried glance with Levi, who rolled his eyes, thinking what a useless piece of shit Erwin was being right now.

“Guys,” Erwin tried again. “Come on, this is stupid. Let’s just go.”

Thanks for the help, asshole, Levi rolled his eyes. It appeared Erwin was too much of a nice guy to know how to tell his friends off and get them moving. If Levi were in his position, he’d have yelled at the other football players and intimidated the fuck out of them.

“Faggot, faggot!” Rich began to chant as Don openly laughed at him, “I bet you can’t even get a girl to go to the dance with you!”

Levi was about three seconds away from plunging his pocket knife straight into both of their stomachs. He took deep, angry breaths in through his nose, holding himself back. Stabbing two guys would only put him in jail, and that wouldn’t help anybody right now.

Levi didn’t like being laughed, and he especially didn’t like being called gay. He shouted back, “Yeah I can! In fact, I’ll fucking be there! With a girl!”

Don and Rich looked a little surprised at his outburst, but they were grinning obnoxiously as Erwin physically began to usher them away along with one of the other two unnamed men with them.

“We’ll see you there with your girl then!” Don called back, Rich cackling at his friend’s words as the men continued to walk down the sidewalk. Erwin gave a brief apologetic glance back at Levi, who stuck his middle finger up at Erwin in return. Erwin’s eyes widened in some shock before his friends ushered him away. Levi knew Erwin had tried his best, but it hadn’t been enough. He was pissed off. Not only did he now have to go to homecoming, but he had to find a girl to ask too.

Levi had never been one for dating. He’d always been somewhat of a loner outside of his friends. Farlan dated around a little, and several guys had asked out Isabel throughout her high school years, but Levi never had an interest in all that. Girls had swooned over him before, but he’d never given them a second glance. Did that make him gay? No! Levi thought angrily as he kicked up some dirt. I’m just… not a romantic.

“You okay, Lee?” Farlan asked once the douchebags were far enough away.

“'M fine,” Levi grumbled, going to pack up his backpack with some of his tools. “I’m done for today. Let’s meet up tomorrow after fourth period, okay?”

Farlan opened his mouth but quickly closed it, knowing better than to argue with Levi. He sighed, “Alright. Come on, Iz. I’ll walk you home.”

Isabel hopped off the wall, and they went their separate ways. Levi walked back to his house, anger in every step. How dare those stupid jocks make fun of him like that? It not only made him furious but also worried. What if they found out the people he lived with were gay? That probably wouldn’t go down well, and might even put his uncle and Uri in danger. He didn’t want that.

When Levi got home, Kenny and Uri weren’t there. He hung up his jacket and went into the kitchen, seeing a note on the counter that read: Leftover meatloaf in the fridge. Uri and I are going out for the night.

That usually meant they were going to some sort of bar that was specifically for gay people. Kenny had told him about those places — they were very secretive and kept under wraps. It worried Levi whenever they went. What if the police raided the place? Sure, Kenny had been to jail before, but Uri? Levi couldn’t picture Uri in prison. He was far too kind-hearted and meek-looking to be in a horrible place like that. It made him feel sick to his stomach just to picture it.

Levi headed into his bedroom and tossed his bag onto the bed before opening up the window so he could smoke. He sat down at his desk and lit up a cigarette, taking a few puffs as he tried to figure out how the hell he was going to show up to the homecoming dance with a date. Where the hell was he going to find a girl to go with? The only girl he knew was Isabel.

What would happen if he didn’t show up? He wanted the jocks off his back. He wanted to prove them wrong. He wasn’t gay. He just didn’t like dating. And now he would have to force himself to ask a girl, and who? Levi tapped some ash into the tray on his desk, taking another long puff and blowing it out in the direction of the open window.

His mind scoured through all the girls he could ask, but they were all too prissy and popular to want to go with him anyways. Levi cursed and put out his cigarette, flicking it out the window and closing it. Suddenly, a thought came to him. He did know a girl; a girl whose number he had.

Levi opened his backpack and shuffled through the notebooks and tools he kept there, pulling out his science notebook and flipping through the pages. There it was, written at the top of the page: Hange, with her phone number underneath.

Hange was a strange girl in his science class. She, like Isabel, only wore pants and button-ups. She was kind of a huge nerd. He had her number because they were lab partners. Levi wasn’t great at school, so he’d call her up from time to time to ask about assignments. He had no romantic interest in her and he didn’t think she did either, but he knew people picked on her on just as much as any other nerd in the school, and probably even more so due to her non-girlish appearance. But… she was a girl! Hallelujah!

He went downstairs to use their phone in the kitchen, dialing Hange’s number and listening to it ring. He hadn’t even considered how he was going to ask her until her mother picked up the phone.

“Hello, this is the Zoë household,” the woman answered politely. “Who’s this?”

“Uhh,” Levi panicked. “Um… this is Levi. Levi Ackerman. From Hange’s science class. Can… Can I speak to Hange?”

It wasn’t like it would be the first time he was calling their house. He’d talked to her mom before, but he was damn nervous for some reason. He’d never asked a girl to anything before, and here he was, on the phone with Hange’s mom and waiting to ask Hange to homecoming.

“Of course,” Hange’s mother before putting the phone down. He could hear her hollering for Hange to ‘come downstairs - Levi’s on the phone’. Levi waited anxiously until Hange took the phone from her mother.

“Hello?”

“Hey,” Levi grunted. “Uh… it’s me, Levi.”

“What are you calling for?” Hange asked. “There are no lab assignments this week.”

“I know,” Levi muttered, rubbing his arm nervously. “I uh… I gotta ask you something.”

Before Hange could even respond, Levi rambled, “I kinda need a date to the homecoming dance, and I was wondering if you’d go with me? I uh… I don’t really wanna go, but… well, I’ve kind of been bullied into it if I’m honest. Will you go with me?”

Good one, Levi, he thought to himself in annoyance. There was no way Hange was going to say yes to that, especially knowing that Levi was basically using her! Levi wanted to smack himself in the head. How could he be so stupid?

Hange was silent for a moment before asking, “Is this a prank call?”

“No,” Levi sighed. “I’m sorry, I just… I need to find a girl to go to homecoming with. Please say yes. I’ll owe you one.”

More silence. Levi could hear the faucet in the kitchen dripping as he waited for what felt like hours for Hange to respond. There was some shuffling on the other end as if Hange was trying to keep their conversation a secret.

“Can you get me a fake ID?” Hange asked in a hushed voice.

Levi was a little taken aback at first. Of course, he could get her a fake ID, but… why did she want one? Hange didn’t seem the type to want to go out to a bar or buy booze. She seemed very content with being an anti-social science freak.

“What for?” Levi found himself asking, purely out of curiosity.

“There are these chemicals I wanna get for my new experiment,” Hange mumbled, trying to keep quiet in case her parents overheard. “But you have to be an adult to buy them. I’m not 18 yet. Get me the ID and you have a deal.”

Levi couldn’t help but grin a little as he replied, “Deal.”

After he’d managed to get his friends away from Levi, Farlan, and Isabel, the boys headed their separate ways home. Erwin felt a little bad that he didn’t do more to help keep his teammates from hollering at Levi like that, calling him that awful word and making fun of him for not wanting to go to the homecoming dance. Erwin could understand that feeling. He didn’t really want to go either, but that didn’t mean he was gay.

He was replaying the moment over and over in his head, especially when Levi flipped him off. He felt guilty. He should’ve done more to help but he’d been so shocked by his friends’ behavior. It caught him completely off guard. Sure, they acted like fools a lot of the time, especially in the locker room. Sometimes they said not-so-nice things about the girls in their school, but Erwin had never thought they would call someone that word.

It wouldn’t be the first time he’d heard it. His stepdad had used it before once when his anger had been out of control because of a football game. He’d yelled: Don’t those faggots know how to catch a ball! His mother had scolded him, but only because it was a ‘swear word’ and not because it was harmful. Erwin had heard the word around school, but never from the mouths of people that he thought he knew.

“Winnie,” his mother smiled as she handed him a plate full of mashed potatoes, fish, and broccoli. “What’s the matter, honey? You look upset.”

Erwin was sitting at the kitchen table with his stepdad and baby sister, Mary, who was in her high chair next to the table. She was giggling and shoving mushy mounds of broccoli and mashed potatoes into her mouth. Their mother had been trying to get the little girl to use a baby spoon, but she wasn’t having it tonight. She’d yelled and thrown the spoon on the floor as soon as his mother handed it to her.

“Don’t baby the boy, Peggy,” his stepdad scolded, starting to eat the food that had been put in front of him. “He’s fine. Aren’t you, boy?”

Erwin had to refrain from telling his stepdad that he wasn’t a boy anymore. He’d turned 18, so now he was a man. But he didn’t think that would go over well, so he let it slide.

Erwin nodded, “Yeah, mom. I’m fine. Just thinking, that’s all.”

“Well, how was your day?” His mother asked as she sat down, starting to eat in between helping to feed baby Mary. “Did you get to speak with Marie?”

He’d told them about asking Marie to homecoming since he’d have to borrow his stepdad’s car to pick her up. Since then, they’d been asking him about Marie every day, surprised and curious that their son was finally interested in a girl, and the most popular girl at school.

“Not today,” Erwin pushed a piece of fish around on his plate absentmindedly. “I was hanging out with some of the boys after school.”

“Well,” his mother smiled at him knowingly. “I think she’s a great girl, Winnie. She seems so smart and kind. I always knew you’d find the right girl.”

“She’s pretty too,” his stepdad chimed in. “Probably the most gorgeous girl at your high school, right?”

“Right,” Erwin agreed, only because he knew he had to. “She is pretty.”

He swallowed thickly, trying to get the fish down his gullet even though he wasn’t all that hungry. He was still thinking about Levi, feeling bad for not doing more to help him out. Levi had been nothing but nice to him since they’d talked during detention, and how had Erwin repaid him? By doing a shitty job at controlling his friends and their horrible jeering? He felt like such a jerk.

“Well, I hope they won’t be playing any of that damn rock ‘n’ roll music at this dance,” his stepdad muttered. “It’ll rot your brains, Erwin. Only idiots listen to that kind of music, you understand?”

Erwin refrained from rolling his eyes, instead nodding in agreement at his stepfather’s words, “Yes, sir. I understand.”

A small part of him wanted to argue back, but his stepfather could get considerably angry, and very fast, so Erwin didn’t want anybody to have to go through another one of his stepdad’s rage fits just because he’d discovered he liked rock ‘n’ roll music.

Erwin’s real father died in the war when Erwin was only a year old. He couldn’t remember him, but he’d seen pictures of him in his mother’s old scrapbooks. Erwin thought his facial structure was similar to his dad’s, though he had his mother’s blue eyes and blonde hair.

Erwin’s stepdad came into the picture a couple of years ago, when Erwin was about 15 or 16. Then, after getting married, they had baby Mary. Erwin didn’t have a very close relationship with his stepdad. The man was controlling and sometimes awfully cruel. He would yell at Erwin’s mother for menial things like ironing his pants the wrong way or not cooking something how he liked it. Erwin wasn’t fond of the man, but he knew his mother loved him, so he set aside his differences with his stepfather to get along for his mother and Mary’s sake.

“Oh, I can’t wait for you to marry and have my grandbabies, Winnie,” his mother sighed dreamily. “Do you think Marie is the one? You two seem so perfect together.”

Erwin held back from visibly cringing at the thought of having children with Marie. He took another bite of potatoes and tried not to show how much that had bothered him. He knew it was what was expected of him, but it made him physically ill to think about it.

“Oh,” he mumbled sheepishly. “I… I dunno, Mom.”

“Nonsense,” his stepdad interrupted. “Give the boy some space, Peggy! He’s only just asked her to the homecoming dance.”

For once, Erwin found himself agreeing with his stepdad. He didn’t think he needed to be thinking about marriage and kids right now, especially with Marie. Erwin had been avoiding thinking about that. He knew Marie probably expected him to ask her to be his girlfriend at the dance, or after the dance. And he didn’t think that’s what he wanted, even though everyone seemed to assume that’s what he should do.

“Oh, I know,” his mother smiled. “I’m just so excited for him.”

The four of them finished up dinner, and Erwin offered to bathe Mary and put her to bed for his mom, who had a pile of dishes and some other cleaning she wanted to do. She thanked him profusely, and his stepdad scoffed and muttered something about how bathing children was ‘a woman’s job’. Erwin didn’t mind, though. He wanted to help out his mother whenever he could, and not sit on the sofa all night like his stepdad would while his mother ran around the house catering to everyone.

“WINNIE!” Mary squealed and splashed the water, holding up her toy boat. “BOAT!”

“Good job, Mary!” Erwin cooed. “That’s a boat.”

“Boat song!” she begged. “Please!”

Erwin smiled and started to wash her hair. She had the cutest little blonde curls like Shirley Temple. Though he wasn’t fond of his stepdad, he did love his little step-sister. She was entirely too precious and very smart for her age.

“Okay, okay,” Erwin chuckled. “Are you going to sing it with me?”

Mary nodded, her brown eyes lighting up as she started to sing: “Row row row your boat.”

Erwin joined in, rinsing her hair out and then clapping his hands to the tune of the song. Mary clapped with him, albeit offbeat, but at least she tried.

“Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary,” she sang. “Life is but a dream!”

Erwin grinned. The little girl insisted that the words were Mary and not ‘merrily’. She liked hearing her own name in the song. And who was Erwin to tell her she was wrong?

He helped her out of the bath and dried her off, getting her nightgown on and carrying her to bed. She had her own room across the hall from his. Erwin laid her in the bed and tucked her in, handing her the teddy he’d given her when she was first born.

“Book! Book!” she cried, pointing to her books on the bookshelf. “Choo-choo!”

Erwin went to get her favorite children’s book: The Little Engine That Could. She loved this one the most because of the voices Erwin would do for the little engine and the narrator. He was good at making the voices for the stories interesting enough to keep the toddler entertained.

Erwin sat down on the edge of her bed and she snuggled up to him, wanting to look at the pictures. It was very vibrantly colored: with the blue engine and the various animals throughout the book. He could see how a child would find it intriguing to look at.

“A little railroad engine was employed about a station yard for such work as it was built for,” Erwin began to read. “Pulling a few cars on and off the switches.”

Mary’s eyes were wide as she pointed to the first pictures with her little fingers, describing the different characters on the page. Erwin smiled fondly down at her and praised her for a job well done, continuing to read the story.

“One morning it was waiting for the next call when a long train of freight cars asked a large engine in the roundhouse to take it over the hill. “I can't; that is too much a pull for me”, said the great engine built for hard work.”

“Big!” Mary exclaimed, pointing at all the freight cars. “Heavy!”

“You’re right, Mary,” Erwin cheered, continuing. “Then the train asked another engine, and another, only to hear excuses and be refused. In desperation, the train asked the little switch engine to draw it up the grade and down on the other side. “I think I can”, puffed the little locomotive, and put itself in front of the great heavy train.”

“Yay!” Mary giggled. “Little engine!”

Erwin chuckled and let her look at the pictures before turning the page: “As it went on the little engine kept bravely puffing faster and faster, “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.””

“I think I can… I think I can…” Mary chanted. She was starting to sound sleepy, her excitement dying down.

“As it neared the top of the grade, which had so discouraged the larger engines, it went more slowly,” Erwin read. “However, it still kept saying, “I—think—I—can, I—think—I—can.” It reached the top by drawing on bravery and then went on down the grade, congratulating itself by saying, “I thought I could, I thought I could.””

He looked down to see Mary clinging to his shirt, her eyes fluttering closed. She was fighting hard to stay awake, but Erwin could tell her little body was ready for rest. He pulled away from her and tucked her in again, kissing the top of her head. Her eyes finally closed and she fell asleep.

Kenny snapped a couple of pictures of him and Hange, both standing awkwardly in the foyer of the Zoë house. Levi had never felt so out of place in his entire life, and Hange didn’t appear to be fairing much better.

She was wearing a light blue poofy strapless dress with ruffles around the skirt, trying not to glare at her overbearing parents as they cooed and fawned over how she looked. She clearly was not a fan of participating in this ‘girly’ activity.

This kind of thing didn’t excite Levi either. He was wearing a tux that Uri had taken him to get this week. His tux was black with a blue tie to match Hange’s dress and his hair was slicked back per usual. He’d given Hange a corsage for her wrist and she’d pinned a flower to his lapel in return.

Kenny and Uri had previously met Hange at a science fair Levi had to participate in for school. They’d laughed endlessly when he told them whom he’d asked to homecoming. It wasn’t that they didn’t like Hange, they just thought the two of them were polar opposites. Sure, they could be friends, but never in a million years could they be romantic with one another.

“Can you at least try to smile, Levi?” Kenny grumbled. He hadn’t brought Uri, as he didn’t want to raise any suspicions, and a Kenny without Uri meant a grumpy Kenny.

Levi forced a small smile for the camera, letting Kenny take pictures of them. Uri had insisted he wanted lots of pictures since he couldn’t be there and Levi had promised he’d pose for some despite not wanting to remember this night. He had a flask of whiskey in his pocket and plenty of cigarettes for the stressful night ahead.

Hange’s parents had barely talked to or acknowledged Levi. They seemed pretty uppity and not too thrilled that their daughter was going to the dance with a greaser. They took a few pictures of their own and said their goodbyes as Kenny, Levi, and Hange headed out the front door.

“Alright, kids. Get in the car, let’s go,” Kenny instructed, pulling his keys from his pocket.

He’d agreed to drop them off at the dance, which was good because Levi was planning on getting pretty wasted and wouldn’t be able to drive himself home. If Hange wanted to dance, he’d give her one dance. But he suspected Hange didn’t want that from the way she had barely looked at Levi since he had arrived.

They piled into the backseat of Kenny’s black ‘54 Chevy Impala and peeled out of the driveway, heading to the dance. Kenny was blasting rock ‘n’ roll on the radio; he was very fond of the music, which was a rare commonality he and Levi shared. Levi looked over to Hange, who was staring out the window, looking bored already.

He felt a little bad for dragging her out to homecoming, but he had followed through on his part of the deal. He’d gotten her a fake ID and given it to her last week, so at least she got what she wanted out of this too.

“Are you kids gonna talk to each other?” Kenny asked, making eye contact with Levi through the rearview mirror. “Cause otherwise this is gonna be an awkward dance for both of y’all.”

Levi and Hange exchanged a brief glance before looking out their separate windows again, ignoring Kenny, who sighed in annoyance and muttered, “Whatever.”

Levi stared out the window at the trees and cars passing by. This was going to be an incredibly long night.

Erwin was in his bedroom getting ready when his stepfather Frank came in. He’d been struggling to do up his black tie. His stepdad walked over and took it from his hands, helping him to tie it carefully. Frank had never felt like a father to him before, so he wasn’t sure what the man was doing right now.

“You’re a man now,” he stated, not looking Erwin in the eye. “And a man needs to know how to treat a lady right.”

Where is he going with this? Erwin wondered. He’s never treated my mother right a day in his life. But he let his stepdad do whatever weird father-son ritual he was performing right now, despite the fact that neither of them really liked each other anyway. Maybe his mom had put his stepdad up to this.

“Sit down, son,” Frank instructed, sitting on the edge of Erwin’s bed and patting the spot next to him.

Erwin sat down silently, feeling incredibly awkward and unsure of how he’d been so unlucky to land himself in this situation. He tugged at his collar, which was feeling uncomfortably tight right about now.

“Now you’re supposed to wait until you’re married,” his stepdad continued. “But you and I both know that as men we have… urges we have to take care of. What I’m saying is, don’t… don’t sow your oats too soon, you know?”

Erwin stared at his stepfather for what felt like ages, his eyes wide and confused. Sow your oats…? Was the man trying to make a metaphor for…? Oh my god, Erwin thought to himself as he figured it out. He could’ve puked right then and there. He was not planning on having sex with Marie, let alone impregnating her. He didn’t want kids, not right now. Plus, he didn’t know if he even wanted to pursue a relationship with Marie. Gross, he held back a grimace.

“I… I won’t,” Erwin promised. “Trust me, I’ll… I’ll be safe.”

“Good,” he patted Erwin on the back awkwardly. “If you need ‘em, there are shields in the glove box of my car.”

With that, the man got up and walked out of the room without another word or glance in Erwin’s direction. Erwin couldn’t breathe. He wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry about the conversation he’d just had. Mostly, he felt disgusting. Why the hell did his stepdad keep sheaths in the glove compartment of his car? He didn’t even want to think that thought a second further, especially if it had anything to do with his mother.

Erwin shivered and got up, trying to distract himself from what had just happened by looking over himself in the mirror once more. He wore a white tux jacket and white shirt with a black tie and black pants. Marie had told him she was wearing pink, so he had a pink pocket square the same shade as her dress was supposed to be.

“Erwin!” his mother called from downstairs. “Marie’s here!”

Here we go, he thought to himself, taking one last look at his slicked-back hair before heading downstairs. Marie stood in the foyer, wearing a pink tulle dress with a tight bodice, her hair done up in curls, and a white fur coat over her shoulders. She was absolutely stunning, and that made Erwin feel even worse. Why couldn’t he feel the normal things that he was meant to around a girl, especially a girl as gorgeous as Marie?

“Erwin,” Marie’s face lit up at the sight of him, holding a boutonnière for his lapel. “Oh my… you look so handsome.”

He was happy that she thought so. Marie was someone whose compliments could brighten anyone’s day. He walked down the stairs shakily before his mother handed him the corsage he was meant to give Marie. He took it from her and opened the box as Marie started to pin the boutonnière on his tux.

“You look so beautiful, Marie,” Erwin replied, thinking that it must be the right way to respond.

She blushed from the compliment and both sets of parents looked on with fondness. Erwin had never felt so sick in his whole life. He slid the corsage over her wrist; the flowers on both of their adornments were a pretty pink that matched Marie’s dress.

He felt a tug on his pant leg and looked down to see his baby sister hiding behind him, looking up at Marie nervously. Erwin chuckled and bent down to pick her up, holding her on his hip. She clung to him, hiding her face in his jacket.

“What’s the matter, Mary?” Erwin asked.

“Pr…” Mary whispered very loudly. “Princess?”

Marie couldn’t help but coo at the little girl, “Aww. That’s so kind. Is this your little sister, Erwin?”

Erwin nodded, bouncing her lightly in his arms, “Marie does look like a princess, doesn’t she? Can you say hi?”

“Hi,” Mary waved shyly.

“Hi, sweetie!” Marie waved back, and Erwin handed her over to their mother so he and Marie could get their pictures together.

Marie’s mother and Erwin’s stepdad started snapping pictures of them. Erwin was standing awkwardly at Marie’s side, their arms barely touching. Marie slid her hand into Erwin’s and smiled up at him.

“Alright, kids,” Marie’s mother put the camera to her eye. “You can get a little closer.”

Erwin swallowed thickly before wrapping an arm around Marie, treating her as he would a porcelain doll as he cupped her waist in his hand. She was beaming now as she placed a hand on his chest, leaning against him and posing for the camera.

After pictures, Erwin’s stepdad handed him the keys to his car, and they said goodbye to their parents. Marie and Erwin’s parents knew one another, so they were planning on having drinks tonight while he and Marie were at the dance.

Erwin held the door open for Marie, still wanting to be a gentleman to her despite feeling all these misgivings about the situation. He climbed into the driver’s seat of his stepdad’s blue Cadillac Coupe de Ville and pulled out of the driveway before heading towards the school.

“So Erwin,” Marie started. “When we get there… um… we don’t have to go in right away. Not if… if you don’t want to.”

Erwin raised an eyebrow, wondering at first what she meant by that. Why wouldn’t they go in right away? Suddenly, the conversation with his stepfather crossed his mind and he could feel himself turning red. Oh, she wants us to park together.

Erwin had never parked with a girl in his life. He could feel himself starting to sweat from the nerves. His collar was feeling tight all over again, and he had no idea how he was supposed to respond to that. Marie was surprising him. She was a good girl, and the thought hadn’t even crossed his mind that she might want to park with him.

“O-Oh,” Erwin stuttered. “Well… I mean… is… is that what you want?”

Marie giggled, her hand on Erwin’s bicep, “Well I wouldn’t ask you if it wasn’t something I wanted, now would I?”

Erwin was having trouble breathing again. He tried to regulate his breathing without Marie noticing and gave her a nervous glance, “Y-Yeah. We can uh… we can park if you want.”

He wasn’t sure why he was agreeing to this. Maybe, just maybe, he could go through with it. Maybe, if he kissed Marie, he could keep this façade going. Maybe he’d even enjoy himself. He could at least give it a chance, right? He’d kissed other girls before and though it had never progressed further than a kiss, it hadn’t been awful… right?

Erwin pulled into a parking space at the back of the lot and parked the car, his heart thumping in his chest. What was he supposed to do now? He turned to look at Marie, trying to keep that charismatic charm about him that everyone seemed to love so much. She had a seductive look in her eye, and that scared Erwin more than anything. Having Marie alone like this would thrill any other guy. But this situation had Erwin terrified.

“I’ve been wanting to kiss you for ages, Erwin Smith,” she sighed happily, taking his face into her nimble fingers and bringing his face closer. She planted her lips on his, kissing him with an eagerness that Erwin wasn’t sure he could match. He didn’t know what to do with his hands and eventually settled for putting them on her waist.

Marie continued to press her soft lips against his, pulling away to catch breaths between heated kisses. Her hands were moving from his face down to his chest. Erwin was trying to be as enthusiastic about the kiss as she was. He felt her hand wander to his own on her waist, pushing his hand down onto her ass. At the same time, she slithered her other hand down his stomach, moving to rest it on his inner thigh. Erwin tried to hold back his shock, unsure of what he should do now. He pulled away, taking a few deep breaths to try and calm himself.

“Is… Is everything okay, Erwin?” Marie asked cautiously.

“Y-Yeah,” Erwin nodded, a tense smile on his face as he tried to calm down.

“Are you sure?” Marie wondered. “You look nervous.”

Erwin tried again to reassure her, fixing his hair and wiping the excess saliva from his lips, “Yeah, I’m all good. Um… can we save this for later? I… I think I’m just anxious to see my friends.”

Marie smiled up at him before leaning in to kiss his cheek sweetly, “Of course, Erwin. I understand being anxious. Don’t worry about it, okay? Let’s go enjoy the dance, and we can pick this up later.”

Erwin nodded, grateful that Marie understood. Well, she didn’t fully understand, but she was giving him the benefit of the doubt. We can pick this up later echoed through his mind as they climbed out of the car. How was he going to get through this dance and continue things with Marie afterward when he could barely even get through kissing her?

Levi and Hange were sitting on the bleachers about a foot away from one another, feeling out of place and uncomfortable. Hange hadn’t wanted to dance or anything. Hell, she barely even wanted to talk to him outside of explaining her new science experiments. And to be honest, Levi wasn’t particularly interested.

Levi was fidgeting with his flask, watching the other couples dance. Isabel and Farlan had danced with each other quite a few times now and seemed to be enjoying themselves despite only being friends. Levi wondered if he could even have a good time at a function like this.

Suddenly, Levi's eyes landed on Erwin, who had just arrived with a beautiful girl on his arm. Levi instantly recognized her. It was Marie, the most popular girl in school. He wasn’t exactly surprised that Erwin had landed a girl like that. It only seemed normal that the two of them paired up together.

Erwin looked incredibly handsome: his hair slicked back, his white on black tux with a pink flower in his lapel. He couldn’t help but smile just at the sight of him. What a perfect couple they made.

But for some reason, Levi felt a pang of jealousy in his chest, even though he knew he had no right to feel that way. He turned his gaze away, taking a swig from his flask to try and ignore the feeling. But something was bugging him. What was he jealous of? He didn’t want Marie.

Levi’s eyes kept darting back to Erwin and Marie, watching as they danced to song after song together. It was a strange feeling he couldn't quite put his finger on. But as he watched them step together, something inside of him shifted. Suddenly, he realized that he wasn't jealous of Erwin. He was jealous of Marie. He was jealous of the way Erwin moved with her, the way he held her close. Levi couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to dance with Erwin like that. The thought was terrifying, but he couldn’t ignore the way his heart was beating faster at the idea.

When had he developed these sorts of feelings? And towards a man? Levi couldn’t breathe. He took a long drink from his flask, hoping that it would ease his worries. Was that why he’d never been able to date girls his whole life? He’d never had much of an interest in them. Was it because he was gay? Were… Were the jocks right all along? A million thoughts ran through his head at once, overwhelming him with emotions he didn’t know how to handle at the moment. He tried to shove those thoughts deep down to no avail.

Levi watched as Erwin swayed with Marie to a slow song the band was playing:

Moonlight and love songs

Never out of date

Hearts full of passion

Jealousy and hate

Woman needs man, and man must have his mate

That no one can deny

It's still the same old story

A fight for love and glory

A case of do-or-die

The world will always welcome lovers

As time goes by

Marie appeared so enamored as she pulled away to look up at him, taking his face into her hands. Levi looked away, gripping the flask in his hand as the two kissed. He didn’t want to see it. It almost pained him to look. God, when had he started feeling this way for the quarterback? Sure, he’d always found Erwin handsome, but when did it progress past that and into an attraction?

Levi looked back over to Erwin just in time to see Marie looking incredibly upset. She had tears in her eyes as she pulled away from Erwin, who was saying something to her. He looked apologetic, as though he was trying to explain himself. But Marie wasn’t hearing it. She turned around and stormed out of the dance hall.

Levi watched as Erwin ran after Marie, feeling a strange sense of relief mixed with disappointment. He wasn't sure what he wanted to happen, but he knew that seeing Erwin with someone else made him feel torn. As he watched Erwin disappear into the night, Levi took another drink from his flask, trying to ignore how his heart was pounding.

Erwin brought Marie into the dance, and he could feel everyone’s eyes on them as they entered. She yanked him onto the dance floor, and the two of them danced together to a few songs. But Erwin couldn’t keep himself together, especially when Marie tugged him in for a kiss after a particularly romantic song. The words of the song were echoing in his mind:

Woman needs man, and man must have his mate

That no one can deny

It's still the same old story

A fight for love and glory

A case of do-or-die

The world will always welcome lovers

As time goes by

As time goes by… Erwin thought to himself. How long would he have to keep up this charade?

The pressure of this entire situation was starting to get to him, and he felt clammy and generally awful. Was he going to have to live with this feeling his whole life? After this dance, the feeling wouldn’t end. If he started dating Marie, then married her, then had kids with her, there were endless moments like this where he’d have to pretend. He couldn’t do it.

“Marie,” he pulled away from their kiss. “I… I can’t do this.”

Marie frowned and looked up at him in confusion, “What… What are you talking about, Erwin? Is everything alright?”

“No,” Erwin shook his head, his walls finally beginning to cave. “No, it’s not alright, I… I don’t want to be with you, Marie. I’m… I’m so sorry, but… I can’t do this anymore.”

Marie’s eyes widened, and she stared at him in shock for a moment before turning on her heel and rushing from the dance hall in tears. He tried to go after her, but she’d rushed into the girls’ bathrooms with her friends. He waited for her outside the bathrooms simply to offer her a ride home. He felt as though that was the least he could do after rejecting her. Marie said no upon exiting the bathroom, her makeup ruined and her eyes red. Her friends gave him dirty looks as they took her out of the building with them.

Erwin went home alone, and his parents questioned him about what had happened nonstop. He simply told them: “Marie and I aren’t working out,” and left it at that.

Marie hadn’t spoken to him since. Serves me right, Erwin thought miserably as he sat at lunch with his head down, feeling like a total idiot. People were gossiping about him and Marie. He could hear it in the hallways: “Did you hear he rejected her at the dance?” “I heard she rejected him!” “I heard he’s been seeing other girls behind her back!”

Whatever rumors were going around, Erwin was feeling like complete shit about the whole situation, especially when he’d had to tell his friends. Nile was the most upset, telling Erwin he’d “broken Marie’s heart”. Mike had been confused. “I don’t understand, Erwin. I thought you really liked her,” he’d said when he found out. The football team had mostly been silent about it, but Erwin could tell they knew. They kept giving him apologetic looks for whatever had happened at the dance.

“Hey,” Mike muttered. “Eat your food. And don’t let the staring bother you. People are just being nosy, that’s all.”

Marie was sitting at the other side of the lunch hall, avoiding Erwin’s gaze as he glanced over to her. Erwin’s eyes kept drifting over to Marie throughout the lunch period, wanting desperately to go over to her and apologize. She was a good person, and he felt bad about what he’d done. She didn’t deserve to suffer because he couldn’t get a grasp on his feelings. He’d completely ruined his chances. Who was going to date him now after how he’d rejected her? Personally, he didn’t really want to date any girl, but the pressure from his peers and parents made that difficult.

Erwin became distracted when he saw Levi enter the lunch hall. He hadn’t seen Levi at the dance, though his football friends assured him that he was there. He’d shown up with some girl from his science class, which Erwin was surprised by. The greaser had been trying to avoid the gay allegations made against him by Erwin’s teammates.

He waved at Levi, but Levi seemed strangely standoffish, quickly leaving the lunchroom upon making eye contact with Erwin. He must have heard about what Erwin had done and was avoiding Erwin just like everyone else. He couldn’t believe he’d stooped so low that even a greaser didn’t want to be his friend.

Levi entered the lunch room that next Monday, not expecting to immediately catch Erwin’s eye as he walked in. The blonde waved at him with a sad smile. Levi had heard what had happened with Marie and had been quite surprised by it. Why would Erwin reject a girl who had everything a popular jock could want in a woman? She was smart, charismatic, and gorgeous, just like Erwin. Why didn’t he want to be with her?

But upon meeting Erwin’s gaze in the cafeteria, Levi immediately felt that anxiety he’d had at the dance come right back to him. He was instantly met with those thoughts of his attraction towards Erwin;  how handsome he’d thought Erwin was and how envious he had been of Marie. He’d pushed those thoughts to the back of his mind after the dance, until now.

Now in a bit of a panic, Levi rushed out of the lunch room without a second thought, and straight into the boys’ restrooms. He was incredibly worried all of a sudden. How was he going to remain friends with Erwin now that he knew he had some sort of attraction to him? What would Erwin say if he ever found out?

He can’t find out, Levi thought with certainty. Nobody can. Don’t you know what they’ll do to you if they find out you’re gay? Levi was arguing with himself in his head, insisting: I’m not gay. But he couldn’t deny that he had feelings for Erwin and that in itself was pretty gay.

Levi was starting to go through all the horrible thoughts of what could happen to him if people were to find out he was gay. He knew what people did to homosexuals, and he wasn’t exactly thrilled to be one. He was scared. He felt completely alone as he hid away in a bathroom stall, biting at his nails. It was a nervous habit he’d picked up as a child, he always did it when he was particularly stressed.

He leaned against the stall, one hand to his mouth and the other tugging at his hair. He could feel the anxiety building in his chest and throat and he was having trouble breathing. This had only happened once before to him when he’d first started high school and had almost been beaten up by some older boys. He’d hidden in a janitor’s closet and had a debilitating case of nerves that had paralyzed him for at least a half an hour.

Levi listened to boys come and go from the bathroom, trying to calm himself. He knew he had to leave at some point. He couldn’t hide here forever. But he was, admittedly, afraid. What if he ran into Erwin on his way out? He had at least one afternoon class with the blonde, so he wouldn’t be able to avoid him forever. I should go home, Levi decided, thinking of the motherly, comforting figure in his life. Uri will know what to do.

Levi always spoke to Uri when he needed advice. His uncle wasn’t much of the comforting sort, but Uri was. He started to gather his confidence, heading out of the bathroom and making a beeline for his locker. He grabbed his bag and snuck out one of the back doors, knowing exactly which ones the teachers watched and which ones they didn’t.

He kept his head down as he walked down the street, not wanting anyone to talk to him. Not that most would — he was already a pretty intimidating-looking person. But on the off chance he ran into someone he knew, he decided to keep his eyes on the pavement.

Levi opened the front door of their house and walked in, expecting to see Uri sitting on the couch. Uri didn’t have a job, but Kenny worked in a factory down the street. So he was a little surprised to see the opposite: Kenny was on the couch watching television and smoking a cigarette, and Uri was nowhere in sight.

Kenny and Levi exchanged a look of confusion for a moment before Levi shut the front door and asked, “Uh… where’s Uri? What are you doing at home?”

Kenny took a puff of his cigarette, “Oh. He’s out for groceries. And I have the day off. What are you doing at home? It’s a little early, isn’t it?” He checked his watch, confirming, “Yeah. It’s only noon. Everything okay?”

Levi swallowed thickly. He and his uncle didn’t have a close relationship where Levi felt like he could just sit with him and confess what was on his mind like he could with Uri. He stood there in the foyer, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly and looking anywhere but at his uncle.

“Uh,” Levi mumbled. “I mean… n-not really. I dunno.”

Kenny sucked in a deep breath, clearly sensing Levi’s stress just from the way he was twitching with nerves. Normally, skipping class for Levi meant heading straight to the junkyard to work on his car. He didn’t come home when he was skipping school, so this was an odd situation for them both.

“Well,” Kenny sighed, putting out his cigarette and patting the seat next to him on the couch. “Sit down, kid. Let’s talk through it. You get into trouble or somethin’?”

Levi shook his head, setting his bag down on the floor and walking over to the couch. He plopped down on the sofa and put his hands on his knees. He didn’t even know where to start. He knew Kenny wouldn’t judge him for liking a boy. He might be surprised, but he would be the last person to judge, besides Uri.

“I’m… I’m not in trouble, I just…” Levi muttered, trying to remember to breathe. He was starting to feel that tightness in his chest that he’d felt in the bathroom, and nausea in his stomach. He didn’t want that to happen in front of Kenny; that would be embarrassing.

Kenny was being very patient with him, which was a little out of character for him. Usually, by now, he’d say ‘spit it out’ or something to that effect. But he must’ve sensed how anxious Levi was, as he was simply quiet and waiting for a full response.

“I think I like boys,” Levi whispered, barely audible. He could feel the tears in his eyes, and he felt incredibly stupid. Boys shouldn’t cry like this, or at least, that’s what he’d been told by adults outside of Kenny and Uri his whole life. Maybe crying really did make him gay; he couldn’t control his emotions.

The tears were building in his throat and he choked them back as best he could. But it was too late. He was in such a panic over this whole thing, tears beginning to roll down his cheeks faster than he could stop them.

“Hey…” Kenny frowned, sounding a little taken aback. “Come on now… don’t cry, kid.”

Suddenly, there was a strong arm around Levi’s shoulder, drawing Levi to Kenny’s chest. Levi coughed and sputtered, feeling like a complete idiot for being so emotional. He’d been this way with Uri only once or twice in the past, as he wasn’t much of a crier. But he’d never shown emotions like this around his uncle, and he hadn’t been prepared for this to happen.

“It’s okay,” Kenny soothed, rubbing his arm. “It’s okay, Levi. You don’t have to be ashamed, okay? It’s… It’s a natural thing.”

“I… I feel so messed up,” Levi let out a quiet sob. “Fuck, I feel like I’m doing something wrong. Like I’m a freak or something.”

He was worried Kenny might be offended. Levi didn’t think Kenny and Uri were freaks for loving one another. But the pressure of the society around him telling him how he felt right now was wrong was starting to get to him. Why couldn’t he have just been born liking girls? Why couldn’t he have just been born normal?

Kenny sighed and rested his chin on top of Levi’s head, sounding as though he was thinking very carefully about how he would respond to Levi’s words. The only sound between them for what seemed like a long time was Levi’s little snivels and sobs as he clung to his uncle’s jacket.

“You’re not a freak,” Kenny replied, a strong and sure tone to his voice. “And you’re not doing anything wrong. I know it’s easy to feel that way, and I don’t blame you. I… I sometimes feel that way too, but…”

“But—” Kenny pulled away from Levi and took out his handkerchief, holding it out to the crying boy, “—when I look at Uri… when I kiss him and feel how much we love one another… I know it’s not wrong. Nothing that beautiful could be wrong… could it? I don’t think so.”

Levi sniffled and blew his nose, wiping away his tears and handing the handkerchief back to Kenny with a quiet ‘thank you’. He mulled over Kenny’s words but ultimately decided the man must be right. He’d been in a gay relationship for over a decade now, so he knew better than Levi what true love must feel like, and what being gay felt like too. Levi realized he could trust Kenny just as much as he could Uri about something like this.

“Well, I…” Levi mumbled, staring down at his lap. “I just don’t know what to do now. How am I supposed to get through life? People expect me to find a girl and settle down… but I don’t want that.”

“You don’t have to do that, Levi,” Kenny reassured him, placing a gentle hand on his back. “You know Uri and I don’t expect anything like that from you. You live your life the way you want. Sure, being gay is going to make things a little more complicated, but… but you’re young, Levi. Uri and I… we didn’t get the change we wanted in the world. But you… you might get to be that change.”

Levi wasn’t so sure about that. What could he do? He was just one guy, and to change an entire system seemed like such a grandiose task. But he knew what Kenny was getting at, and he appreciated the advice. Maybe one day he would be able to experience the freedom of loving whom he wanted without the fear of retribution.

Levi heard the front door open and quickly wiped his eyes on his sleeves, not wanting Uri to see he’d been crying, though it was likely obvious anyways. Kenny patted Levi’s back and pulled his hand away as Uri came into view, carrying a couple of full paper bags. He looked between Levi and Kenny for a moment both in surprise that Levi was home and that he appeared so upset. Uri practically dropped the groceries on the floor and rushed across the room to cup Levi’s chubby cheeks in his aging hands.

“What’s the matter, sweetheart?” Uri asked, wiping at Levi’s tears and immediately fussing over him. “Are you alright? Why are you crying?”

“I-I’m okay,” Levi tried, squirming a little under Uri’s nimble fingers. “I’m fine, Uri. Really. Uncle Kenny took care of me.”

Uri looked over at Kenny in some shock that the man had actually stepped up to comfort Levi in his time of need. He usually defaulted to Uri for something like this, and Uri looked pleasantly surprised.

“Oh,” Uri exchanged a gentle smile with Kenny before turning back to Levi and kissing his forehead. “Are you sure you’re okay? What’s got you so upset?”

Levi didn’t know what to say, or really, how to say what he needed to. He was nervous, though he wasn’t sure why. There was no reason Uri would reject him for liking boys. It was just hard to admit it not once, but twice in a matter of minutes. It was like he was admitting it not only to Kenny and Uri, but to himself as well, and that was harder than he could’ve ever imagined.

“Uri,” Kenny tried. “I think you should sit down for this one.”

Uri frowned and sat down next to Levi, taking one of his hands and squeezing it for comfort, “What is it, honey? You know I’m here for you, no matter what.”

“U-Um…” Levi murmured, avoiding eye contact. “Well, I… I think I like boys, Uri.”

A brief moment of silence passed where Levi heard Uri’s breath hitch and could feel his wide eyes staring at Levi. But then there were two arms around him, hugging him close and rubbing his back soothingly. It made Levi want to cry all over again. But he held back this time, focusing on deep breaths as he squeezed his eyes shut.

“Oh baby,” Uri sighed. “You know Kenny and I love you so much. And we’re so happy you’re discovering who you are. If you need anything from us, anything at all, please tell us, okay? It’s not easy, baby… it’s just not easy. And I’m sorry for that.”

Levi didn’t know what Uri was apologizing for. It wasn’t his fault that things were like this. But his words were kind, and Levi was happy for them. He knew telling his uncle and Uri would help, and though he wasn’t feeling a hundred percent better about the situation, it was nice to know he had two people who loved and cared for him no matter what. He was lucky in that sense.

Mrs. Donovan was up at the board writing down the partner assignments for a new project the history class was working on. They were meant to create a display board about a famous historical figure of their choice to present to the class. To emphasize the importance of teamwork, she had given them all partners.

Erwin was sitting in the front of the room, fingers crossed as he hoped to see his and Mike’s name on the board together. This was his only class with Mike and they rarely got partnered together for any school projects. Mike wasn’t the smartest guy, but he wasn’t an idiot either, so he would make a good partner who would follow Erwin’s instructions.

Erwin Smith &…

Erwin craned his neck to see the name being written next to his, his eyes widening a little when he read:

Erwin Smith & Levi Ackerman

Erwin felt his heart thumping louder in his chest. Levi? Erwin turned to look over his shoulder at the greaser, who hadn’t noticed their names on the board and was barely paying attention. He was twisting a bit of paper between his fingers anxiously, a frown on his face.

Levi and Erwin hadn’t spoken in a while, since Levi had flipped him off at the junkyard. Erwin wasn’t sure if Levi was still angry at him for that or if he’d heard about what had happened with Marie and thought Erwin was a bad person. Either way, the two were meant to work together on this project, and Erwin wasn’t going to let Levi’s avoidance ruin his chances of getting a good grade.

Once partners were assigned and Mrs. Donovan told them to pair up, Erwin grabbed his books and headed over to Levi, who looked up in confusion when he saw Erwin looming over him.

“We’re partners,” Erwin explained so that Levi could catch up. “Who do you think we should do for the assignment? I have a couple of notable figures in mind already, but I’d like to hear your thoughts first.”

Levi looked taken aback by Erwin’s words, staring up at him as if Erwin was a ghost. Erwin didn’t understand why. Did he have leftover ketchup on his face from lunch or something? Erwin wiped his mouth self-consciously and moved a seat to sit down next to Levi, pulling out his notebook and pencil.

“We can meet at my house after school today,” Erwin suggested. “The assignment’s due at the end of the week, so we’d better get cracking on it.”

Levi still didn’t speak, swallowing thickly and nodding at Erwin’s words. Erwin knew he’d need Levi to talk for them to do this assignment, but he didn’t know how to get the words out of him. Perhaps an apology would help?

“Look,” Erwin sighed, setting down his pencil. “I’m sorry about that day at the junkyard, I… I should’ve stood up for you. I guess I was just a little shocked by what my friends were calling you, but I should’ve done better. I want you to know I did have a talk with them about their behavior, so I hope they won’t bother you again.”

Levi’s eyes widened slightly, and he muttered, “O-Oh… uh… thanks, I… I forgot about that, to be honest.”

Erwin raised an eyebrow. Levi had forgotten about it? Then… was this about the situation with Marie? He’d been getting nasty looks from random students all week for what he’d done to Marie; was Levi one of them? Erwin wasn’t sure how to address that situation either.

Erwin decided to let the subject drop for now, sensing that Levi wasn't ready to talk about it regardless. He seemed a little lost, and Erwin had to guide him through the assignment rules one by one, even though Mrs. Donovan had just gone over them. Levi must not have been paying attention.

“So are you free after school?” Erwin asked after they’d gone over the instructions and picked a historical figure: Leonardo da Vinci.

“Yeah,” Levi chewed at his nails before catching himself and putting his hands on the table.

“We can meet by the flag pole after school and go to mine then,” Erwin suggested. “Is that okay?”

Levi nodded, but he was being particularly silent again. Erwin didn’t understand why Levi was being so standoffish with him, but he hoped that he wouldn’t be this way the entire time they worked on this project together.

Levi followed a few steps behind Erwin as they walked to his house. He was incredibly nervous; he couldn’t help himself. When he’d found out he’d been paired with Erwin for this project, he was horrified. How could he be paired with the one person he’d been pining over since the homecoming dance?

It was like the universe was punishing him for liking a boy; like the universe wanted Levi to be found out. Levi lit up a cigarette to calm his nerves as they walked, his hands slightly shaky and his stomach doing flips. Erwin appeared unbothered, walking in front of Levi with long strides. Damn his long legs. Levi was walking double-time just to keep up with him.

“You’d better put that out before we get to mine,” Erwin advised about the cigarette. “My mom doesn’t allow cigarettes inside the house.”

Levi sighed in annoyance and put the cigarette out on the ground as they approached Erwin’s house. He lived in a two-story modern house, it was so much nicer than the one Levi lived in. Fieldstone and white panel framed the house and there was a two-car garage, though they appeared to only have one car to put in it. He couldn’t help but be impressed.

A portly man with a receding hairline was sitting in the chair on the porch, smoking a cigarette. This must be his stepdad, Levi thought. He remembered because having a stepfather was a pretty rare thing, and he’d heard through the grapevine about Erwin’s mom remarrying after her first husband had passed.

“Who the hell is this?” the man asked. “You’re not bringing any hooligans into my house, Erwin.”

Levi immediately felt uncomfortable, practically hiding behind Erwin’s tall frame. Usually, he would’ve cussed out somebody who’d said something like that to him, but he didn’t want to cause a scene. He just wanted Erwin’s parents to like him, and he suddenly found himself wishing he hadn’t dressed in his leather jacket today.

“This is Levi,” Erwin frowned. “He’s not a hooligan. We have a school project together that we need to work on.”

The stepfather mulled it over for a moment, glaring at Levi before letting out a huff, “Fine. But no shenanigans, you hear me?”

Levi and Erwin both nodded in agreement. Levi wasn’t sure what this man thought he was going to do inside their household, but he wasn’t a malicious person. Despite being a greaser with a feisty attitude, he wasn’t a jerk. He and Erwin headed into the house and shut the door behind them, and almost immediately there was the pitter-patter of little feet coming from the kitchen and into the foyer.

A little girl, who must’ve been Erwin’s step-sister of maybe one and a half or two years old, toddled into the room and hugged Erwin’s legs.

“Winnie!” She shouted, giggling excitedly.

Erwin set down his bag and picked her up, putting her on his hip, “Hi Mary. I missed you, baby girl!”

Mary hugged her older brother tightly, a happy look on her face until she spotted Levi behind him. She gasped and hid her face in Erwin’s shirt, whimpering quietly. Levi felt really bad now. He didn’t mean for his rough appearance to scare the little girl.

“Don’t be shy,” Erwin insisted. “This is my friend, Levi. He’s really nice, I promise.”

He thinks I’m nice? Levi thought, unable to help the small smile that brought to his face. It was sweet of Erwin to say. Levi wasn’t often described as ‘nice’ by anyone, especially someone as popular and well-liked as Erwin.

“Say hi,” Erwin nudged her cheek lightly with his nose before pressing a kiss there.

Levi could tell how much Erwin adored his little sister; it was endearing. He must be great with kids, Levi thought. He’d never really thought about whether he wanted kids or not. But he could tell Erwin would probably leave high school, find a wife, and have children right away. He just seemed like the type to do so.

“Hi Lee-bi,” Mary whispered, waving at him.

“Hi Mary,” Levi waved back, feeling just as shy as the toddler.

Erwin’s mother entered the foyer and Levi could immediately see the family resemblance. The features that were so strong on Erwin’s face looked softer on hers, but she had the same blonde hair with blue eyes, though her hair was a short bob done up in curls.

“Mom,” Erwin introduced as he handed Mary over to his mother. “This is Levi. He’s a friend from school. We’re working on a project together.”

Friend? Once again Levi was surprised. Erwin thought of him as a friend? Levi supposed they’d hung out a couple of times now. He’d consider Erwin a friend too at this point, but he hadn’t realized Erwin thought the same. It made Levi’s heart beat ever faster in his chest.

“Lovely to meet you, Levi,” Erwin’s mother smiled and held out her hand. “I’m Erwin’s mother. You can call me Mrs. Foster.”

Levi realized for the first time that Erwin and his mother had different last names because of the new marriage. It was strange for a mother and son to not have the same last name, but Levi supposed there were stranger things. His home life wasn’t exactly the most normal either. It was nice that he and Erwin could share in something like that.

“Nice to meet you, Mrs. Foster,” Levi shook her hand, appreciative of the fact that Erwin’s mother didn’t seem to judge him by his looks. She was treating him just as nicely as she would Erwin’s other friends, or at least, that’s what Levi assumed.

“We’ll be upstairs,” Erwin said as he slung his bag back over his shoulder and began to head up the stairs. Levi followed him swiftly.

“Okay, boys!” His mother called after them. “There are cookies in the kitchen if you get hungry!”

Erwin walked down the hall and into the bedroom on the left, and Levi went in behind him, taking note of all the little details in Erwin’s room. He had football trophies on a hanging rack, a tall bookshelf against the wall overflowing with books and records of every kind, a twin bed with blue striped sheets, and a little desk in the corner with a turntable on one end. On the walls were posters of famous NFL players and old jazz musicians. Levi stood in the doorway taking it all in, thinking what a well-organized and clean person Erwin was. It was all the more attractive to him, if he was honest with himself.

Erwin pulled up an extra chair from his parents’ room for Levi to sit in, and the two sat down at his desk. Erwin pulled out his history notebook and a couple of pencils, starting to jot down ideas on a fresh sheet of paper. Levi knew Erwin liked history from how he behaved in class. He was always asking and answering the teacher’s questions, fully engaged in whatever subject they were learning. Perhaps he was like that in all his other classes, but he seemed particularly interested in history. This was also proven by the numerous history books Levi could see on his bookshelf.

“So I was thinking we could redraw some of da Vinci’s prominent inventions on the board, maybe in the middle. I’m not much of an artist, but I don’t think it’ll be too difficult,” Erwin began. “Then, we could make a small biography section with his birth and death dates. Maybe we could have a fun facts section, and then…”

As Erwin rambled on about the project, Levi found himself lost in thought while he watched Erwin’s features. He’s so cute when he’s excited over something, Levi thought with an internal sigh. He could feel the smile tugging at the corners of his mouth as he watched Erwin’s lips move with each word he said. They were so plump and full. Levi wanted to run his fingers over them, to kiss them with his own. God, he’d never felt so enamored before.

“Levi?” Erwin frowned. “Are you even listening?”

Levi shook himself of his thoughts, coming back to reality. He’d zoned out and hadn’t heard the rest of Erwin’s ideas.

Levi swallowed thickly and nodded, “Yeah. S-Sorry, I… I just have some stuff on my mind. But I can do the drawings if you want. I’m not the best, but I don’t mind trying. I was in an art class last semester.”

“Okay,” Erwin said as he jotted down Levi’s name next to the word ‘sketches’ in his notebook. “I know I have a book on da Vinci somewhere, so I’ll look for it. But maybe we could pick up some books from the library tomorrow.”

Levi nodded again, keeping his distance from Erwin. He was worried about what he might do if he got too close. Erwin frowned at him, and for a moment Levi wondered if he’d done something to upset Erwin.

Erwin let out a loud, exasperated sigh before he set his pencil down, “Look. I… I know what I did to Marie wasn’t… well, it was bad. I shouldn’t have broken things off with her like that. But… But we need to work on this project, so please… put aside your qualms about me for the moment.”

Levi just stared at Erwin in surprise, unsure of what the man was talking about. He didn’t have a problem with what Erwin had done at the dance. If he didn’t like Marie, then he didn’t like her. There was no point in dragging out their relationship; it would have only made things more painful in the long run. Sure, maybe the middle of the dance wasn’t the best time to have done that, but Levi didn’t blame Erwin for bad timing.

“I… what?” Levi asked with wide eyes. He had his bag in his lap, hugging it for comfort.

“You’ve just been acting really strange around me lately,” Erwin muttered, turning back to doodle on his notebook paper as he avoided Levi’s gaze. “And I don’t know what I did.”

Levi was starting to feel guilty. He hadn’t meant to be stand-offish with Erwin. He was just so nervous and preoccupied with these gay feelings for the man that he’d been very quiet around him. He was worried about saying or doing the wrong thing, not wanting Erwin to be suspicious of him. But in doing that, he’d seemingly hurt Erwin’s feelings, and Levi didn’t want that.

“You didn’t do anything,” Levi tried. “I’m sorry, I’m just…”

Levi tried to think of an excuse, landing on something that wasn’t exactly a lie. It left his mouth before he could think on it further, “It’s… It’s the anniversary of my mom’s death soon and… I always get quiet around this time of year so… it’s not you. I promise it’s not you.”

Erwin’s eyes widened and he looked a bit shocked, his mouth dropping open slightly. Levi realized that probably wasn’t the best excuse he could’ve used. It had just spilled out of him, and it was partially true. His mother had died in December, right before his birthday, so it was coming up. But it had been more than ten years since then and though it was still tragic to Levi, he wasn’t as grief-stricken as he’d been when he was younger.

“Levi,” Erwin breathed. “God, I… I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.”

“Erwin, it’s okay,” Levi reassured him. “Really, it’s not a big-”

“No really,” Erwin frowned, looking directly into Levi’s eyes. “I… I know how that feels. My dad passed away in March and… and that month is always hard for me. Even all these years later.”

Levi was having trouble breathing properly. The way Erwin was looking at him was so solemn and heartfelt; like he was sharing with Levi some of his deepest feelings. Levi was happy Erwin would trust him enough to share something like that. He and Farlan talked like this sometimes, but it felt different with Erwin. Erwin had experienced something similar with his father, so he knew what Levi meant.

“I’m sorry,” Levi whispered, not sure what else to say.

“It’s okay, Levi,” Erwin smiled sadly, reaching out and touching Levi lightly on the shoulder. “It’s okay, really. I’m sorry for assuming you were upset with me. Everyone’s been on my case about Marie that I just thought… it was stupid of me, and I’m sorry.”

Levi couldn’t breathe. Erwin’s touch was so soft and gentle, and if he’d been a girl, he would’ve definitely thought the man was coming onto him. But they were guys, and Erwin was simply trying to comfort him in the best way he knew, a friendly pat on the shoulder. This was nothing more than that, and Levi knew it.

“It’s fine,” Levi smiled back, though he was having trouble even speaking. “Don’t worry about it. Let’s just get back to working on this project.”

Erwin nodded, letting go of Levi and turning back to his notebook. Levi breathed a subtle sigh of relief. He gently touched the spot on his arm Erwin had just let go of, a smile pulling at his lips. He’d never felt like this before.

Since the project was due at the end of the week, the two boys spent more and more time together. The next day, they’d spent it at the library, looking for books together and checking out several on da Vinci. Levi didn’t even have a library card, and Erwin made a point to get him one. “Books are important,” he’d emphasized to Levi, who had been reluctant but let Erwin sign him up for one anyway.

Erwin was enjoying the time he was spending with Levi. They’d been getting along well, especially since their heart-to-heart about losing a parent. Erwin was glad Levi had opened up to him about his mother and that he’d been able to open up about his father in return. It was nice to have that in common with someone. He felt like Levi knew a part of him that he couldn’t share with other people.

The two had originally planned to go to Erwin’s again tonight, but Erwin remembered last minute that his parents were having company over that evening, so they’d decided to go to Levi’s. Levi seemed a little nervous about Erwin coming over. Erwin knew that Levi lived with his uncle. Perhaps he was anxious about Erwin meeting him. Maybe his uncle wasn’t the greatest person, just like Erwin’s stepdad. But Erwin wasn’t going to judge Levi for how his family members behaved.

Levi had given Erwin his address, as he’d had to stop at home first to let his parents know where he would be that evening. Erwin was walking there now. It was a good few blocks from Erwin’s - probably a half-hour walk. But Erwin didn’t mind. It was a pretty nice day out. Though the wind was chilly, the sun was out and shining.

Erwin approached the address that was written down on the piece of paper and at first, he wasn’t sure he was at the right place. This one-story house looked pretty run down and old; nothing like his own house. But cute flowers were lining the pathway to the porch. Erwin briefly wondered if Levi had done that, or if it had been his uncle.

Erwin walked up to the door and knocked, waiting for someone to answer the door. He heard a “Kenny! Someone’s at the door!” followed by a slew of swears and someone walking towards the door. Erwin fixed his collar, wanting to look nice to meet Levi’s parental figure. The door opened, and a tall man with a beard and scruffy long hair stood there. Levi had the same color of hair and the same irritated expression. This must be Levi’s uncle.

“Whatever yer sellin’, we ain’t buyin’,” Kenny grumbled before trying to shut the door.

Erwin held up his hands, “Wait! I… I’m here to see Levi. We’re working on a project for school together.”

Kenny cracked open the door again, looking Erwin up and down for a moment before turning around and calling out for Levi. He opened the door all the way, hands on his hips as he waited for his nephew.

“Um. I’m Erwin, by the way,” Erwin tried, holding out his hand to Kenny. “You’re Levi’s uncle, I presume?”

Kenny stared at his hand for a moment before taking it, “Yeah. You can call me Kenny.”

Erwin nodded, and soon Levi appeared next to his uncle, smiling at the sight of Erwin and tucking his hair behind his ear, “Oh. Hey Erwin. Come on in.”

Kenny looked between Levi and Erwin for a moment before a mischievous grin appeared on his face. Erwin wasn’t sure what was so funny, but Kenny started laughing. Levi was starting to turn red, elbowing his uncle and grumbling a ‘shut up’.

Kenny cackled as a shorter third person appeared behind him. He was a small man, almost smaller than Levi, with gray hair and wrinkled lines around his brightly colored eyes. Erwin wondered if this was another relative visiting, though he didn’t appear to share the family resemblance.

“Hi there,” Erwin introduced himself to the stranger, holding out his hand. “I’m Erwin. Levi’s friend from school.”

The short man smiled sweetly at Erwin and shook his hand, “Oh, lovely to meet you. I’m Uri, Kenny’s friend.”

Kenny was still cackling behind his hand and Levi looked thoroughly embarrassed. Erwin wondered what Kenny was laughing at as Uri ushered him away. Levi moved aside to let Erwin in and led him down the hall to his bedroom.

“What was that all about?” Erwin asked.

“Nothing,” Levi grumbled. “My uncle’s an idiot.”

Perhaps the man found it funny that Levi was hanging out with a jock like Erwin. Oh well, at least he hadn’t been rude about it like Erwin’s stepfather had been. Levi pulled up an extra chair from the hallway as Erwin looked around Levi’s room.

It was small but very clean and organized. He had a table with a record player, a shelf where he kept his records, a small bed in the corner of the room, and a desk. His room had posters of Elvis, Buddy Holly, and others that Erwin didn’t recognize on the wall. An ashtray sat on his desk with a pack of cigarettes and Erwin could see a guitar peeking out from the closet. He knew Levi was into music but he didn’t realize he could play an instrument.

The two began to work on the display board that Levi had kept at his place. Levi was busy sketching the drawings they’d decided on, while Erwin looked up facts that they could add to the board.

Soon enough, Uri appeared in the doorway with a plate of brownies, asking, “Are you boys hungry? I made some brownies.”

Levi and Erwin each devoured a brownie, hungry from school, and thanked Uri as he left. Erwin was curious as to whether Uri lived with them. It was a strange family situation for sure, but perhaps Kenny’s friend needed a place to stay. It was good of Levi and his uncle to take the man in.

“So does he live with you?” Erwin asked, unable to help his curiosity. “Uri.”

Levi continued to stare down at the display board, focused on drawing as he answered, “Yeah. He’s lived with us since after the war. He’s erm… a close family friend of ours.”

“Oh,” Erwin replied, still a little confused. Didn’t Uri have his own family to go to? And why were there only two bedrooms in the whole house? Maybe Uri slept on the couch.

Kenny appeared in the doorway half an hour later, mumbling something about how he and Uri were going out to a bar for the night and to ‘stay out of trouble’. Levi nodded, watching his uncle and Uri head out the front door. As soon as the door closed, Levi motioned for Erwin to follow him, a mischievous look on his face.

“Where are we going?” Erwin wondered as he followed Levi into the kitchen.

Levi pulled up a chair to the fridge and climbed onto it, trying to reach the cabinet above. He was struggling even with the chair adding extra height to him, but he managed to get it open and pull out a bottle of brandy.

“You wanna drink?” Levi asked, waving the bottle at Erwin.

Erwin knew that Levi was underage, though he was getting close to 18. He himself wasn’t much of a drinker and at his house, he wasn’t allowed to drink liquor. Only beer and only if it wasn’t a school night. And he was told not to drink in excess either, even if his stepfather would drink four beers in one sitting during a football game.

“Uh,” Erwin muttered nervously. “Won’t your uncle notice his liquor’s gone?”

“Nah,” Levi shrugged, jumping off the chair and putting it back under the table. “He doesn’t care. I’m almost 18 and he knows I have a fake ID. So he doesn’t mind me drinking a little at home.”

Erwin watched curiously as Levi opened the bottle and took a swig, grimacing at the taste before holding it out to Erwin. Erwin was still a little scared about breaking the rules, but he tried to remember what Levi had said to him when they’d gone to the rock ‘n’ roll bar: how would his parents even find out? He could keep this secret, couldn’t he? Plus, he didn’t want to let Levi down. He looked at Erwin with a gentle smile as he held out the bottle.

Erwin grabbed it and took a swig, probably a bigger one than he should’ve. He almost spat it back out but forced himself to swallow, the liquor settling warm in his chest. Levi chuckled at the face Erwin had made after drinking the brandy, but Erwin hadn’t been able to help himself.

“Alright,” Erwin sighed. “Let’s get back to work.”

Levi rolled his eyes, grabbing the liquor bottle from him and wandering into the living room, “You’re such a square, Erwin.”

Erwin stared after him for a moment before following him into the living room. Levi was pouring a glass of brandy into one of his uncle’s glasses on the shelf. He’d poured one for Erwin too. Erwin was busy looking around the room, noticing an old piano in the corner.

“Do any of you play?” Erwin asked, motioning to the piano.

Levi handed Erwin a drink and looked over his shoulder at the piano. His face turned slightly red before he nodded. Erwin had been noticing Levi’s nerves lately. He’d been a lot more shy and cautious around Erwin, his face turning red at certain moments. Erwin just chalked it up to his anxiety surrounding his mom’s death, like Levi had said it was.

“I play,” Levi muttered. “I used to take lessons.”

Erwin took a sip of the brandy, trying not to make a face this time as he started walking over to the piano, “You should play me something. I mean… only if you want.”

Levi followed him over to the piano, handing his drink to Erwin and sitting down on the bench. Erwin watched him swallow thickly, his hands trembling with nerves. Erwin felt a little bad now for asking as Levi paged through some old piano books with crinkled pages.

“These books were my mother’s,” he commented. “She played too. That’s why we have the piano.”

Erwin nodded solemnly, allowing Levi to share this information with him. It was becoming easier and easier for the two of them to talk about their deceased parents, and Erwin appreciated that. He’d shared with Levi that some of his books had been his father’s, so it was nice to hear that Levi had some things from his mother as well.

Levi cleared his throat as he settled on a song to play, eyes squinting at the notes for a moment as he began to play a tune. Erwin recognized it almost immediately. It was an old jazz song from the 1940s, sung by Helen Forrest, but Levi was playing the tune as a slower, softer version. Erwin was trying to remember the lyrics as he stood there listening to Levi play and watching his nimble fingers pass over the keys. The sound of the old piano was a little rusty, but Levi still made the song sound lovely. Erwin didn’t have to wonder about the lyrics long, as Levi began to sing quietly:

Mad about the boy

I know it’s stupid to be mad about the boy

I’m so ashamed of it but must admit the sleepless nights

I’ve had about the boy

Levi’s voice was gentle and whisper-soft, but it was angelic nonetheless. Erwin could feel himself melting just from the sound of it. Levi continued to play, singing:

On the silver screen

He melts my foolish heart in every single scene

Although I'm quite aware that here and there are traces of

The cad about the boy

Levi took in a deep breath for the next part before his voice lifted and he belted out more confidently:

Lord knows I'm not a fool-girl

I really shouldn't care

Lord knows I'm not a school-girl

In the flurry of her first affair

Erwin was taken aback. Levi had a lovely singing voice; it was soft and subtle yet strong and powerful at the same time. Erwin wished he could live in this moment forever. He would stand here for the rest of his life just to hear Levi sing like this:

Will it ever cloy

This odd diversity of misery and joy

I'm feeling quite insane and young again

And all because I'm mad about the boy

Mad about the boy

As he finished the last bars of the song, Erwin found himself breathless. He’d fully forgotten to breathe during Levi’s singing and took in a deep breath now just to compensate. Levi was still staring down at the keys, running his fingers over them without playing anything, as though he was thinking deeply about something. Erwin didn’t want to interrupt, but he couldn’t help himself.

“Wow,” Erwin managed. “You uh… holy shit, Levi.”

Levi looked up at Erwin in surprise before he started to giggle, covering his mouth as more and more laughter, genuine laughter, escaped him. Erwin was staring at Levi in some shock. He’d never heard Levi laugh more than a huff before, but here he was, laughing openly at what Erwin had said. He wondered what was so funny.

“Sorry, I…” Levi chuckled. “I’ve never heard you swear before, Erwin. I didn’t think you knew how.”

Erwin couldn’t help but grin at Levi. The sound of the boy’s laughter was like music to his ears. He was realizing then and there that he’d do anything to hear that sound. Levi's laughter was such a beautiful thing to hear, and Erwin wanted to hear it for the rest of his life.

Levi stood at the front doors of the concert hall, checking his watch. Erwin was supposed to be here twenty minutes ago - where was he? He hoped that Erwin had been able to convince his parents that he could go. He’d instructed him to lie and say he was going to a jazz concert and to be honest, he wasn’t all that confident in Erwin’s ability to lie. They’d just presented their project the day before and Levi had invited Erwin in celebration.

He was starting to worry that maybe Erwin had changed his mind about going on their outing. Maybe he’d told his parents the truth and they’d forbid him from going. Or maybe something had happened to him on the way there. Levi shook his head, trying to push those thoughts away. He didn’t want to think about anything bad happening to Erwin. He’d grown too fond of the man over the past few weeks.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Erwin arrived, jogging up to Levi with a smile on his face. Levi’s heart fluttered in his chest at the sight of him: he was wearing a pair of jeans with a blue button-up shirt and a brown corduroy jacket. Levi had told him to dress less… jock-ish. The man always wore his letterman jacket, and Levi wanted to see him in something else if he was honest with himself.

Erwin grinned at Levi, “Sorry I’m late. My parents grilled me about where I was going, but I managed to convince them it was just a jazz concert.”

Levi smiled back, relieved that Erwin had made it. The two of them had planned to go to a rock ‘n’ roll concert together; something that Erwin was only just becoming acquainted with. Levi had received tickets to see Billy Haley & His Comets as an early birthday present from Uri and Kenny. Erwin had been a little hesitant, but he’d eventually agreed to go. They made their way inside the concert hall together, and Levi couldn’t help but feel a little giddy. It was almost like a date.

As they found their way into the crowd, Levi began to feel nervous. He wasn't sure how Erwin would react to the concert, especially since it was so different from what he was used to listening to. But as the lights dimmed and the music started, Levi could see the awe and excitement on Erwin’s face. It was a moment that Levi would never forget - seeing Erwin so genuinely happy and enjoying himself as the rock ‘n’ roll beat played.

Erwin was clapping his hands to the beat as Levi tapped his foot, taking out a cigarette and lighting it up. The hall was crowded and Levi and Erwin had to stand close to be able to stick together. The first song ended and they cheered for the band, hearing people around them whooping and shouting.

The two of them were having a great time, enjoying the music and each other’s company. As the concert continued, Erwin leaned over to shout something in Levi’s ear, his breath hot against his skin. Levi’s heart raced as he turned to face Erwin, their faces inches apart. It was then that Levi realized that he was hopelessly in love with Erwin. If he could get away with it in public, he would’ve grabbed Erwin and kissed him right then and there.

But he turned his head away to listen to Erwin as the man repeated, “You want a beer?”

Levi nodded, watching Erwin make his way out of the crowd towards the bar. Levi could feel his heart pounding in his chest. Erwin was so good to him, and he’d never felt this way before. Another song came and went and Erwin returned with the beers.

As the concert continued, the two got a little tipsy, having beer after beer. Levi was on a nicotine high from two cigarettes and Erwin had even asked for a puff or two, which surprised Levi. He was feeling young and full of life as the band finished their last song.

The guitarist held up his pick in the air before tossing it into the crowd. It was happening in slow motion. Levi stood on his tip toes as the pick sailed through the air. He made a jump for it, arm outstretched, and somehow managed to catch it as it came speeding toward him. He grinned, victorious, as he held the pick between his fingers.

Levi looked up to see Erwin grinning down at him. People began to file out of the building as Levi examined the guitar pick for a moment. The pick had the band’s name on it. He made a sudden decision, holding it out to Erwin for him to have.

“You have it,” Levi insisted.

Erwin shook his head, eyes widening, “I couldn’t. You’re the one with the guitar anyways.”

“No really,” Levi took Erwin’s hand and placed the pick in it. “Take it. To remember your first rock ‘n’ roll concert.”

Erwin was clearly touched by the gesture if the sweet smile on his face was any indication. Erwin slipped the pick into his coat pocket, thanking Levi profusely. Levi didn’t mind - he had guitar picks at home, and even though this was one he didn’t have, he wanted Erwin to have it.

After the concert, Erwin and Levi walked outside and stopped on the steps of the concert hall. Levi took a deep breath of the cool night air and looked up at the stars above them. Erwin looked over at him, a soft smile on his lips.

“You know,” Erwin started. “I had a really good time tonight. I never would’ve thought I’d be into that kind of music, but it was really something.”

Levi smiled back at him, feeling his heart swell with happiness. “I’m glad you liked it. I was worried it might not be your thing.”

“Nah,” Erwin shook his head. “It was great. And I had a great time being here with you.”

The words seemed to tumble out of Erwin’s mouth before he could stop them, a goofy and anxious smile on his face. Levi felt his face heat up and he looked down at his feet, trying to hide his smile. Erwin had a way of making him feel so special and important, and it was hard not to feel something for the man in return.

“Me too,” Levi murmured, feeling a warmth spread through his chest.

The two of them stood there for a moment longer, looking up at the stars. It was a moment that Levi would remember forever.

A giddiness flowed through Erwin’s chest that he’d never felt before as he made his way home from the concert. He liked Levi so much; in a way different from how he felt for his other friends. He couldn’t put his finger on it, but he wanted to spend all his time with Levi. He wanted to talk with him into the night, listening to rock ‘n’ roll as the stars shined down upon them. He couldn’t do those things with his other friends. Maybe that’s why Levi was so special to him.

Erwin walked into the house at around one in the morning, running a little late. His curfew was midnight, but he’d never been late before, so he figured his parents wouldn’t mind if he showed up a little later than normal. But he was wrong. Very wrong.

When he walked into the house, his stepfather and mother were sitting on the couch waiting up for him. Frank’s arms were crossed, looking pretty pissed off. Their eyes met when Erwin entered and he instantly knew he was about to be in big trouble for being late.

“Where were you?” his stepfather asked, getting up from his seat to wave his finger at Erwin. “You’re late.”

“Sorry,” Erwin apologized. “It ran a little later than I thought it would.”

Erwin shrugged off his jacket, watching in slow motion as the guitar pick tumbled out of his pocket and rolled across the floor. He watched in horror as it landed right in front of his stepfather, who picked it up and read the name aloud, “Billy Haley & His Comets. You went to a rock ‘n’ roll show?!”

Erwin could feel his face turning white, his blood running cold. His stepfather looked furious. His mother looked disappointed. He swallowed thickly and just stared at his stepdad, unsure of what to say. He knew he couldn’t lie his way out of this; not at this point.

“Well?!” He asked, raising his voice. “What do you have to say for yourself?!”

“Winnie,” his mother frowned. “How could you lie to us like that?”

Erwin was honestly more concerned about getting his guitar pick back than being yelled at. It was special. Levi had given him that and he wanted it back. He remained silent, staring down at the floor and clenching his fists at his sides. What was he going to do?

“Answer me, dammit!” his stepfather shouted, throwing the guitar pick on the floor in anger.

Erwin scrambled to pick it up, stuffing it back into his pocket so that his stepfather couldn’t throw it away or toss it into the fireplace. He stood back up, hands shaking. He’d never disobeyed his parents before, or at least, this was his first time being caught, and he didn’t know what to do.

“I…” Erwin tried, his voice barely above a whisper. “I’m sorry. I just… I wanted to go, I—”

Frank glared at him for a moment longer before finally letting out a frustrated sigh. “You’re grounded,” he said, his voice firm. “No going out with your friends for the next week!”

Erwin’s heart sank. A week was a long time. He’d miss hanging out with Levi and his other friends. But he knew he’d brought this on himself. He nodded silently, feeling the weight of his mistake settle heavily on his shoulders.

Then, he thought about how much fun he’d had tonight. He didn’t regret going to the concert, even if it meant he was grounded now. Now that Erwin was thinking about it, he realized that he was 18 years old. He didn’t need permission to do things anymore. He was an adult.

“I… I’m 18,” he muttered as he stared at the floor, trying to build up the courage to stand up to his stepfather. “I… I’m an adult!”

He looked up, his parents staring at him in some shock. He tried again, “I can like rock ‘n’ roll music if I want!”

His mother suddenly looked worried as Frank’s face turned dark and furious, advancing on Erwin. His mother shouted his stepfather’s name to try and stop him and Erwin backed up into the wall, flinching as his stepfather grabbed him by the collar. Frank was slightly shorter than him, making the position awkward as Erwin towered over him. But height didn’t mean that Erwin was any less afraid of him.

His stepfather shoved him up against the wall hard, growling in his face, “This is my house. You’ll like what I tell you to until you move out! Do you understand?”

“Frank!” His mother scolded. “Let him go! You’ll wake up Mary!”

Sure enough, a loud cry came from Mary’s room as a sign she’d woken up from the commotion. Erwin’s mother shot her husband a harsh look before she rushed up the stairs to go comfort the startled child.

“Do you understand?” His stepfather repeated angrily.

Erwin could feel the tears welling up in his eyes as he nodded, head hanging and bangs in his eyes. He just wanted to be let go so he could go up to his room. Frank finally let go of him and pointed directly in his face, “Don’t let me catch you listening to that crap again. Go to your room.”

Erwin nodded again and ran up the stairs, thankful that his stepfather hadn’t tried to take the guitar pick or done anything worse. Erwin slammed his bedroom door shut and tossed the guitar pick onto his desk. He tore his clothes off and threw them into the hamper. He was furious, humiliated, and upset, hands shaking and adrenaline rushing through his veins. Erwin grabbed the pick before lying down in bed and tugging the covers up around him.

Eventually, he decided he would tuck the pick under his pillow for safekeeping, but not before staring at it once more and delivering a small kiss to the piece of plastic. Erwin wasn’t sure why he’d done that. It had just come to him at the moment. It was important to him… something Levi had given him… and Levi was becoming more important than even friends that Erwin’d had for years.

A feeling of dread hit Erwin like a ton of bricks. Why had he kissed something Levi had given him as if Levi was some girl he was falling for? Erwin swallowed thickly, tossing and turning under the sheets. He couldn’t stop picturing Levi’s sweet smile in his mind, his cute little laugh, and his beautiful singing voice. These were things he was meant to feel for a woman, not a man. So why was Erwin’s stomach doing flips at the thought of touching Levi’s skin, holding his hand, maybe even kissing him?

Men don’t kiss other men, he thought to himself. You’re not supposed to be feeling this way. But he couldn’t help himself. All he wanted right now was to curl up in Levi’s arms, let Levi run his fingers through his hair, and tell him everything would be okay. But… But why did he want that from Levi? Why couldn’t he just want that from a woman?

All he knew was what he was feeling wasn’t right. He was scared and confused by it. And the only solution he could think of to solve this problem was one that pained him: he would have to stop speaking to Levi.

Levi walked into the lunch room, excited to tell Erwin about a new record he wanted them to listen to together. He was hoping maybe after school they could go back to his place to listen to it. But he hadn’t seen Erwin all morning, which was a little strange. Erwin was usually a pretty easy person to find, being so popular and all.

Levi eventually spotted Erwin sitting with his friends in the corner of the cafeteria, looking down at his lunch. He looked upset, though Levi wasn’t sure why. Maybe one of his friends had pissed him off or he’d gotten a bad test grade or something. Levi wandered over to the table, placing his hands down on the edge.

“Hey Erwin,” he smirked. “Haven’t been able to find you all morning. Where’ve you been hiding?”

Erwin didn’t look up from his food. The other footballers did, though, eyeing Levi curiously. Levi frowned, feeling a little out of place. Perhaps he shouldn’t have come up to Erwin during lunch when he was with his teammates, as they didn’t seem to like Levi very much. And Levi couldn’t exactly say he was fond of them either. He wondered why Erwin wasn’t even bothering to look at him, let alone respond to him.

“Erwin?” Levi tried again, starting to feel a bit awkward now. “Cat got your tongue or somethin’?”

Erwin, again, didn’t look up, moving the food around his plate with his fork. Levi swallowed thickly, looking at the faces that were staring him down.

“Erwin,” he tried a third time.

“He doesn’t want to talk to you,” one of them grunted between bites. “What are you? Obsessed with him or something?”

The other boys laughed, and Levi backed away from the table a little, starting to feel threatened by the football players. Erwin didn’t say anything, even when his teammates began to really dig into Levi.

“Yeah,” Don laughed. “It seems like Levi’s trying to find himself another little boyfriend.”

Erwin wasn’t stopping them. Why… Why wasn’t he stopping them? Levi stood there in some shock, staring Erwin down. But Erwin did nothing. He just stared down at his plate, ignoring it all. If Erwin was really his friend, then why wasn’t he saying anything?

“What a fucking faggot,” Larry joined in. “So desperate to find cock that he’s preying on one of our own.”

“What?” Levi growled, getting angry now as he directed his words at Erwin. “You’re not gonna fuckin’ say anything?”

“Back off, sissy,” Rich chuckled. “Erwin likes girls.”

“Erwin!” Levi raised his voice, desperate now. “Say something!”

“Yeah,” Don agreed. “And if you come round here asking about Erwin again, we’ll beat your  ass.”

“Ooh, I bet he’d like that,” Rich grinned, and the boys were all laughing at Levi now.

Erwin just kept his head down. Levi was hurt. He felt his heart beating fast as dread and anxiety filled his stomach. He stormed off, hearing the jocks laugh and jeer at him as he left. Why wasn’t Erwin speaking to him, and why would he let his teammates say such horrible things?

Levi was upset and confused by Erwin’s sudden silence and lack of defense. He couldn’t understand why Erwin would let his teammates say such awful things, especially if they were supposed to be friends. Levi felt betrayed and wondered if Erwin had ever truly been his friend.

Levi spent the rest of the day feeling angry and hurt. He tried to focus on his classes, but he couldn’t stop thinking about what had happened at lunch. He went home early so that he wouldn’t have to see Erwin in history class.

Levi had considered Erwin to be one of his closest friends, and now he wasn’t sure if he could trust him anymore.

Erwin felt like complete shit. He’d even skipped class for the first time ever, missing his history class to sit in a bathroom stall and mull over his guilt. He could see Levi’s face out of the corner of his eye the entire time he’d been harassed by his teammates and could see the hurt in his eyes.

After school that day, Erwin went straight home, as he was still grounded. His parents hadn’t talked about what had happened the night he’d come home from the concert. His stepfather had barely spoken a word to him since the incident. His mother did her best to keep things cheerful in the house despite the tense atmosphere. Mary, of course, hadn’t noticed much besides the fact that her brother was home a little more often, which she was happy about.

His parents went out for dinner that evening, leaving Erwin in charge of taking care of his baby sister for the night. He fed Mary one of her favorites that their mom had left for him to heat: Salisbury steak and potatoes. He chopped everything up into little pieces for his sister and put them on her tray. She was getting better at holding her fork now.

“Winnie,” she stabbed a piece of steak and showed him how she was able to get it on her fork. “Look!”

He smiled and leaned over, wiping a bit of gravy off the side of her face, “Good job, Mary!”

She giggled excitedly and put the piece in her mouth, chewing on it and swallowing. Erwin ate his own steak, savoring the beefy flavor and listening to his sister babble and talk about random things that amused her. When they were done eating, Erwin cleaned their plates and let Mary out of her high chair. She squealed and began running around the kitchen excitedly, high on the energy her dinner had given her. Erwin couldn’t help but laugh as he rushed after her and wrangled her for a bath. Maybe he would want kids after all, even if that meant no wife.

He bathed Mary and put her to bed, reading her a bedtime story (this time it was The Cat in the Hat) and making sure she had her teddy bear as he tucked her in. As soon as she was asleep, Erwin heard a knock on the front door. He made his way back downstairs, wondering who could be visiting at this hour. He opened the door to see Mike standing on his front porch, hands in his pockets.

“Mike?” Erwin frowned. “What are you doing here? You know I’m grounded.”

“I know,” Mike shrugged. “I wanted to see if your parents would let us talk.”

“They’re not home right now,” Erwin said. “We can talk, but I don’t know when they’ll be back so… just make it quick.”

Mike nodded, looking a little bit uncomfortable as he entered the Foster household. He’d been here plenty of times before, but it must’ve been whatever he was going to talk to Erwin about that was making him feel awkward. He followed Erwin into the living room and sat down on the couch, his hands on his knees.

“Listen, Erwin, I wanted to talk to you about what happened at lunch today,” Mike started.

Erwin frowned. He should’ve guessed that was what Mike was here about. They both knew it wasn’t like Erwin to just let his teammates beat up on Levi like that. Mike must’ve noticed something was off with him. But Erwin wasn’t sure what he could even say to his friend. It wasn’t like he could just come out and say that he liked Levi romantically, and therefore needed to avoid him like the plague. Or… could he?

Mike was someone he could trust with almost anything, he wasn’t really the judgmental type. Erwin was starting to question whether he could confide in Mike about what he was truly feeling.

He sat in the chair across from the sofa and sighed, “I… I know. I shouldn’t have ignored him like that and… and let the guys rag on him…”

“That’s not like you,” Mike pointed out. “Is something going on?”

Erwin winced, knowing that Mike was right, “I… I know it’s not…”

“Well,” Mike repeated, staring him down with that knowing look. “Is something going on?”

Mike could read him like a book. He could easily tell when something was going on with Erwin; when he had something pressing on his mind. Erwin sniffed and rubbed at an itch on the side of his nose, stalling somewhat as he tried to figure out how he was going to tell Mike about his feelings for Levi.

“I… I don't know how to explain it,” Erwin started, his voice hesitant. “I just… I feel really confused about things. About my feelings. I… I don’t know how to handle them.”

“Feelings?” Mike asked, leaning forward slightly. “Feelings about what?”

Erwin hesitated, biting his lip. “W-Well I… I think… I think I like him… L-Levi,” he finally admitted his face flushing red.

Mike looked surprised, but not disgusted or offended, which shocked Erwin more than anything. “Levi?” he repeated. “Like… in a romantic way?”

Erwin nodded, feeling relieved and scared all at once. He'd never told anyone before, never even admitted it to himself until recently. But now that he'd said it out loud, he felt a weight lifting off his shoulders. Now to wait for Mike’s response. The man was silent for a moment, as if processing the information he’d just been told.

“Well,” Mike sighed, avoiding Erwin’s eyes. “I dunno what you want me to say, Erwin.”

Erwin could feel his heart sinking into his stomach. If he couldn’t trust Mike with this information, then who would he talk to about it? He had nobody else to confide in other than his childhood best friend. He felt alone, worried by Mike’s initial response.

“I… I just…” Erwin whispered, feeling a little ashamed. “I just needed to tell someone. I… I don’t have anyone else to tell, Mike.”

Mike tapped his chin, staring at the floor as he tried to take in what Erwin was sharing with him. He sighed and leaned back against the couch, the weight of what Erwin was telling him finally appearing to settle in.

“I’m not mad,” Mike began, finally looking up into Erwin’s eyes. “And I’ll keep it between us, but… Jesus, Erwin. I can’t say I’m not concerned.”

Erwin felt tears prick at the corners of his eyes, feeling grateful to have a friend like Mike but also trying to understand what his friend meant by that. Was he concerned for Erwin’s sanity? Erwin knew that being gay was considered an illness of the brain, so perhaps that’s what Mike had meant. But Erwin believed he’d proved himself plenty sane over the years. He’d never been one to act out of sorts.

“Concerned?” Erwin repeated in confusion. “What for?”

“For your safety, I guess,” Mike muttered. “Listen to how our teammates talk about men liking other men… and those are people who would consider you a friend, Erwin. Imagine what people who don’t like you would say.”

Erwin listened to Mike’s words, feeling a sense of dread fill his stomach. He wasn’t only thinking about how his friends would react, but about his parents. If his stepfather had been so angry about music, what would he say about a relationship with another boy?

He knew that Mike was right... but he couldn’t help the way he felt about Levi. He was terrified of what would happen if anyone found out, but he also couldn’t bear the thought of never seeing Levi again. He needed to figure out a way to handle his feelings, but he had no idea where to start.

“You know,” Mike tried, apparently sensing Erwin’s panic. “I think you should try to talk to Levi about this. You two have been pretty close lately… and if anything you at least owe him an apology and an explanation for why you ignored him at lunch.”

Erwin nodded, feeling grateful for Mike’s advice. He knew he had to talk to Levi, but he was scared of what might happen. He wasn’t sure if he was ready to admit his feelings to anyone yet, let alone to someone he cared about so much. But he knew he couldn’t keep avoiding Levi forever. He resolved to talk to him as soon as possible and to figure out a way to deal with his feelings for him.

Since Monday's fiasco at lunch Levi had been avoiding and ignoring Erwin. Even when Erwin tried to talk to Levi numerous times in class or the hallways, Levi wouldn't budge on his vow of silence. Levi was still upset by what Erwin had done earlier in the week, in Levi's eyes Erwin did not deserve to get away with it. If Erwin didn’t want anything to do with Levi, then Levi didn’t want anything to do with Erwin either.

It was taking a toll on his overall emotional health. If he was being honest with himself, he was miserable and the people around him were beginning to notice. Isabel had been nicer to him than usual, bringing him little gifts after school like doodles she’d done of his car in her art class or an extra cigarette she’d bummed off a classmate. But Isabel wasn’t hanging out with him and Farlan today. She had a date with a nice boy from one of her classes and had gone to the diner with him for burgers and shakes (Levi was just thankful it wasn’t one of the football players that had been harassing her).

Levi remained silent as he and Farlan worked on his car engine. He would take tools Farlan handed him and worked quietly, which wasn’t entirely unusual for him. But Farlan had been asking him all week if he was okay and he’d been avoiding the question. He couldn’t avoid it forever.

“You’re quieter than normal, Levi,” Farlan pointed out. “You’ve been like this all week. And you won’t talk to Erwin… is everything okay with you two?”

Levi swallowed thickly, nodding a little and not even bothering a glance in Farlan’s direction, “Everything’s fine.”

Farlan frowned and took the wrench from Levi’s hand to get his attention. Levi gasped in surprise and turned to confront Farlan when he saw the concerned look in his friend’s eyes. Farlan tossed the wrench into the toolbox, putting his hands on his sides as he stared Levi down.

“I know when you’re lying, you know,” Farlan noted. “And I don’t believe everything with you and Erwin is fine. Did something happen?”

Levi shrugged, shoving his hands in his pockets and kicking at the dirt under his feet. He knew he could tell Farlan anything, but he didn’t know if he could tell Farlan this. It was a pretty big secret to spill to someone, even if that person had been a close friend to Levi for a long time.

“You can tell me,” Farlan insisted, closing the hood. “Come on, let’s sit in the car and talk.”

Farlan headed for the passenger’s side and climbed in, expecting Levi to follow. Levi could’ve packed his bag and walked off if he wanted to, but he couldn’t do that to Farlan. He knew his friend just wanted to help him. So Levi opened the driver’s side door and climbed in, shutting the door behind him.

“So what’s up?” Farlan tried. “Take your time.”

Levi appreciated that Farlan wasn’t pressing him too hard to spill the beans. He wasn’t good at conversations like this, so it would take him time to figure out what to say anyways. Levi was itching to smoke a cigarette right about now, but he held back because he didn’t want the smell to linger in his car.

Finally, he managed to get out, “He was avoiding me on Monday… so now I’m avoiding him as well.”

“But… But why?” Farlan asked. “Why is it making you so upset? I… I don’t think I’ve ever seen you like this over somebody before. What makes him so special?”

Levi could feel that familiar anxiety rising in his chest. He tried to remember to breathe. This was Farlan he was talking to. Farlan wasn’t going to judge him or get angry with him for something like this… right? He’d always been a good friend to Levi, so there should be no reason to worry.

“Well, I…” Levi whispered. “I like ‘im, Far…”

“Well that’s pretty obvious,” Farlan huffed. He must’ve not understood that Levi meant he liked Erwin romantically.

“I mean,” Levi tried again. “I… I like him. You know… like you like girls…”

Levi couldn’t look at Farlan’s reaction out of fear. He was met with silence, which was probably the most terrifying thing to hear after confessing something like that. He was preparing for Farlan to get upset, eyes darting around nervously as he tried to figure out an exit strategy.

“Levi,” Farlan breathed. “Shit… goddammit. Of all the guys in school, you had to pick the quarterback - the most popular guy in the place?”

Levi couldn’t help but let out a small laugh, though he knew Farlan was serious. He had chosen pretty poorly, hadn’t he? Not that Erwin himself was a poor choice. It was more that Erwin’s popularity made everything a little more complicated. He had lots of expectations on his shoulders and a lot of people watching his successes and failures. That made things difficult.

“Look at me,” Farlan ordered quietly, putting a hand on Levi’s shoulder.

Levi looked up, feeling tears prick the corners of his eyes. Farlan didn’t look upset, he looked worried. Levi supposed he had every right to be worried, considering Levi was putting himself in real danger by pining over a man. Levi wanted to cry and hug his friend, but he held himself together. He was getting better at feeling numb when these emotions came up.

“Everything’s gonna be okay,” Farlan reassured him with a small smile. “We’ll keep it between us. And… And I’ll help you figure this out. I promise, okay? Pinky promise.”

Farlan held out his pinky, and Levi hooked his own with his friend’s, wiping away the tears that were threatening to overflow. Farlan gave him a sad smile, wrapping his arm around Levi and rubbing his shoulder soothingly. Levi felt stupid for getting so emotional.

“I know Erwin’s a nice guy,” Farlan continued. “But just be careful, okay? His teammates aren’t exactly the most friendly, as we both know.”

“I… I know,” Levi mumbled. “I… I just wish I knew why Erwin was avoiding me on Monday. It really hurt my feelings. But I’m kind of afraid to talk to him about it. What if he’s got me all figured out?”

Farlan sighed, pulling away from Levi, “Honestly, it might just be best to give Erwin some space right now. Let him approach you, ya know? Then you can gauge his feelings on things.”

Levi nodded, thinking that was probably a good idea. He didn’t know what was going through Erwin’s mind right now, but he supposed he should give Erwin a chance to say his piece the next time he tried to approach Levi. And if things didn’t work out between them, then so be it. But Levi hoped that if anything, they could still be friends after this whole thing. He could get over his crush, but he couldn’t lose Erwin as a friend.

The week was up and Erwin was no longer grounded. It was his first night of freedom and he knew exactly where he wanted to go. He’d tried all week to talk to Levi to no avail. But he had a plan in mind for how to make it up to Levi. He stopped at his house first after football practice to let his parents know he’d be out for the night. His stepfather wasn’t too thrilled, but he’d ungrounded Erwin after a week, so Erwin was free to do as he wanted. Then, Erwin went out to the record shop and browsed the rock ‘n’ roll records for something Levi might not have heard yet. He picked up an album by a group called The Platters and headed the few blocks down to Levi’s house.

He was excited, but also nervous. What if Levi ignored him and rejected him like he had been all week? Erwin wasn’t sure he could handle that again, especially after going out of the way to make a somewhat romantic gesture. He was doing exactly what he might for a girl he was pining over. It was a little strange doing these things for a boy, but Erwin was starting to not care so much about that anymore.

He walked to the side of the house where Levi’s bedroom was, picking up some small pebbles and tossing them up to the window. Though the house was only one story, it was on a foundation that lifted it a couple of feet off the floor, so Erwin couldn’t reach the window very well, especially since there was a garden of flowers under Levi’s window. Of course, Erwin could’ve tried the front door, but Kenny or Uri could’ve turned him away if Levi told them to. No, he needed to speak directly to Levi before coming in. Plus, it felt a little more romantic to toss pebbles at Levi’s window to capture his attention; like a love story.

The pebbles clinked against the glass, and Erwin threw about three before the window was pulled open abruptly. Levi stuck his head out, looking to fight whoever was throwing rocks at his window at sundown. When he saw it was Erwin, his expression softened before turning to a scowl once again.

“What do you want?” Levi called down to him, sounding irritated already.

“Levi,” Erwin tried, presenting the rock ‘n’ roll album to him. “I… I brought a record for us to listen to. I thought maybe we could talk. I have a lot to say…”

Levi stared down at Erwin for a moment, eyes narrowing as if he was trying to figure out whether or not to let Erwin in. After what felt like ages, Levi rolled his eyes and grumbled swears under his breath before saying something along the lines of ‘come to the front door’ and closing the window.

Erwin smiled, feeling victorious. But it wasn’t over yet. He still had an apology and an explanation to give, which wasn’t going to be easy in the slightest. He walked around to the front of the house, waiting on the porch until Levi opened the door and let him inside. The house seemed empty. Maybe Kenny and Uri had gone out again for the night. It was a Friday, after all.

Levi took the record from Erwin and motioned for him to follow Levi to his bedroom. The two boys walked into Levi’s room and Levi put the record on his turntable, starting to play the rock ‘n’ roll tunes of the Platters before taking a seat on the window sill and grabbing his pack of cigarettes. Erwin moved to sit next to him on the window sill, keeping a good foot of distance between them so that he wasn’t tempted to do anything rash.

“So I…” Erwin started, already stumbling over his words. He was just so nervous. “I want to apologize for Monday at lunch. My… My stepdad found out about the rock ‘n’ roll concert… and let’s just say he wasn’t exactly happy.”

Erwin swallowed thickly and stared down at the floor, remembering that horrible night when his stepfather had thrown him up against the wall and shouted at him. When Erwin looked back up, Levi paused in the middle of trying to light his cigarette, looking at Erwin with narrowed, furious eyes.

“Did he fuckin’ hit you?” Levi growled, sounding angry. “I swear to god, Erwin, if that man laid a hand on you-”

Erwin was surprised that Levi was so defensive of him. It made him feel something deep in his stomach; a somewhat giddy feeling. It felt good to have someone he liked be concerned about him like that. He hadn’t even thought that his stepfather might hit him, but looking back now, it had certainly been possible.

“N-No!” Erwin interrupted, trying to reassure Levi. “He… He didn’t hit me. He just kinda… threw me up against the wall. But no, he didn’t hit me. He just yelled and grounded me for the week. So I… I was really upset when I came back to school. I know that’s no excuse, but… well, I had a lot to think about over the weekend, and I… I…”

Levi raised an eyebrow, giving up on lighting the cigarette and putting it back in the pack. He tossed the pack back onto his desk and turned to Erwin, waiting for him to go on.

“Well, I…” Erwin muttered, starting to feel sheepish. He didn’t know how to tell Levi that he’d ignored him because he was scared of his romantic attraction to Levi that had developed over the past couple of weeks.

“Spit it out,” Levi grunted, reminding Erwin so much of Kenny he could’ve laughed.

Suddenly, the record started to play a tune with violins at the beginning, capturing both of their attention. A man began to sing:

Heavenly shades of night are falling

It’s twilight time

Out of the mist, your voice is calling

‘Tis twilight time

When purple-colored curtains

Mark the end of day

I’ll hear you, my dear, at twilight time

An idea popped into Erwin’s head. He knew exactly how to show Levi what he was feeling, without words. He stood shakily, feeling the nerves in his stomach. But these nerves were different from the ones he’d had when he was with Marie. These were nerves of excitement and hope. Erwin held out his outstretched hand to Levi in an offering for a dance. Levi eyed his hand in both surprise and confusion, and for a moment, Erwin was worried he’d gone too far.

“I… I don’t know how to dance,” Levi mumbled, appearing anxious as well. “B-Besides… boys don’t dance together… do… do they?”

Erwin could sense the doubt in Levi’s voice when he said that boys don’t dance together. He was testing the waters, trying to see if Erwin would agree with him. But Erwin wanted Levi to see that this was okay. They were safe here, alone in Levi’s bedroom with nothing but the sun going down outside the window and the crooning of the singer on the record player.

“I can show you,” Erwin insisted, his hand still out to Levi.

Levi bit his lip before reaching up and taking Erwin’s hand, letting the blonde help him to his feet and bring them closer. Erwin placed Levi’s right hand on his shoulder, using his own left hand to cup Levi’s waist. He held their free hands together and began to sway to the rhythm of the music. It was all making sense now: why Levi had been so anxious and red in the face around him lately, and why he’d been so quiet around Erwin when they were first working on the history project. Levi must like me too, Erwin deduced, or perhaps, hoped.

Deepening shadows gather splendor

As day is done

Fingers of night will soon surrender

The setting sun

I count the moments, darling

Till you’re here with me

Together, at last, at twilight time

Erwin had never felt like this before. When he’d danced with Marie, he’d felt nothing like this. He’d been a complete mess of anxiety and worry. But with Levi, his cares were melting away with each step they took, his heart pounding in his chest excitedly at the prospect of what could happen next. Just sharing a moment like this with Levi was enough to last him a lifetime of happiness.

Levi was trying to hide a smile. Erwin could see the corners of his lips twitching as he did so, and Erwin was feeling bolder by the second. He wanted to see Levi’s smile. He wanted to be the cause of it. Erwin continued to sway them, taking his hand off Levi’s waist to tilt Levi’s chin upwards so that they were looking into one another’s eyes.

Here, in the afterglow of day

We keep our rendezvous beneath the blue

Here, in the sweet and same old way

I fall in love again as I did then

“I like you,” Erwin whispered, his thumb running over Levi’s soft, plump lower lip.

“M… Me too,” Levi murmured, entranced by Erwin’s gaze.

Levi looked a little frightened, as though he wasn’t sure he could feel comfortable now that Erwin knew his secret. But Levi now knew Erwin’s secret too, and they could share in that thrill and fear all at once together. Erwin watched Levi’s eyes dart to his lips and back up to his eyes, and that’s how he knew Levi wanted this just as much as he did. He let go of Levi’s hand to cup his face in both palms, bringing their faces ever closer together. Levi’s eyes were half-lidded in expectation of what was to come, looking drunk with the romantic feelings they were sharing at this moment. Erwin was feeling it too as he ran his thumbs over Levi’s soft skin, admiring all the little details about him that made him so beautiful. Finally, Erwin brought their lips together for an eager, deep kiss, caressing Levi’s lips with his own.

Deep in the dark, your kiss will thrill me

Like days of old

Lighting the spark of love that fills me

With dreams untold

Each day I pray for evening

Just to be with you

Together, at last, at twilight time

Together, at last, at twilight time

Levi didn’t know when he’d gotten so lucky. The universe was starting to look out for him, it seemed. He couldn’t believe that Erwin shared his feelings and had actually kissed him. After they’d kissed, Erwin had explained to Levi that he’d ignored him because he was scared of his romantic feelings toward him. They’d made up, and kissed once more before Erwin headed home for the night. Levi was so giddy he could barely sleep and the next morning, his uncle and Uri noticed a difference in him that they couldn’t put their finger on.

Levi called up Erwin that morning to ask him to a drive-in movie later that night. His car wasn’t ready yet, but Kenny had said Levi could borrow his, even though he was suspicious that Levi was going to only ask Erwin to go. Kenny didn’t pester him, though, which Levi appreciated.

He pulled up to Erwin’s house, watching Erwin walk out of the front door and head to the car. He was wearing his usual letterman jacket with a t-shirt and jeans. Levi would have to help the man work on his fashion sense, but that was for a different day. Erwin climbed into the car, smelling of a nice cologne. Levi too had dressed in his usual garb but had showered and put on cologne as well to impress Erwin.

The two of them were going to see Ben-Hur, though Levi wasn’t particularly interested in the movie. Erwin sounded excited about it and rambled the whole way there about the movie that took place during biblical times. Levi wasn’t religious and he wasn’t so sure Erwin was either, but he was glad Erwin was passionate about something. He was honestly just excited to spend some time alone with the blonde. It was going to be dark and the drive-in movie was always a good spot to make out, especially since Levi knew the perfect spot to park where they wouldn’t be seen. He’d learned of the spot from Farlan, who had taken many a girl to the spot. Levi had never parked before with someone, and he was excited to do so with Erwin. Even if they only shared a few kisses, just having Erwin’s company was enough.

Levi paid for their tickets and pulled into his secret spot farther back where they could still see the screen but things were more discreet. Erwin got out and went to get them popcorn. It wasn’t unusual for two boys to go to the movies as friends, but it would be unusual if the two got caught making out. Levi could feel that giddiness again rising in his stomach as he waited for Erwin to come back with their snacks and drinks. He’d never actually looked forward to spending time with someone like this. Until he met Erwin, he didn’t think he had a romantic bone in his body.

Erwin got back into the car and closed the doors, handing Levi his drink and putting the popcorn between them to share. The movie started, and Erwin’s eyes were glued to the screen, taking in every second of the ancient Roman epic. Levi kept glancing over at Erwin, trying to capture his attention in some way during the film. But Erwin, ever the history buff, was unable to look away, barely even looking as he grabbed handfuls of popcorn and took sips of his drink. Levi was beginning to wonder if Erwin even wanted to kiss him again.

Levi sighed and leaned back in the seat, crossing his arms and trying to pay attention to the movie. But he found himself unable to stop looking over at Erwin. He was such a handsome guy: finely groomed blonde hair pushed back out of his face, beautifully defined biceps that showed through his t-shirt, and incredibly thick thighs that Levi wanted to both sit on and touch. Levi couldn’t help himself. He was starting to get horny and impatient, and he huffed again, louder this time so that Erwin could hear him.

Erwin finally tore his eyes away from the screen and turned to Levi, a quizzical look on his face as he asked, “Is something wrong?”

Levi could feel a blush forming on his cheeks, though it was likely too dark to make it out. He shrugged and mumbled, “I dunno. I just… wasn’t expecting to actually watch the movie… if you know what I mean?”

Erwin’s eyes widened, and Levi could sense his nerves as he stuttered, “O-Oh… I see. Sorry, I just got a bit preoccupied.”

Levi grinned as Erwin leaned in to kiss him. Levi met him halfway, their lips connecting in a deep and passionate embrace. Levi grasped Erwin’s face in his nimble fingers, sharing kiss after kiss with him. The sounds of their smooching filled the car as the two shared hot exchanges of breath and tongue. Levi was nervous, but what he was doing with Erwin felt so right that he didn’t want it to stop.

Eventually, they broke apart, panting and grinning at each other, before trying to return to the movie. But they couldn’t focus on the film anymore - all they could think about was each other. They were soon back to kissing and caressing one another. Levi could feel himself getting hard and wondered if Erwin was feeling the same. He reached out to place a hand on Erwin’s inner thigh, his fingers slowly snaking upwards to test the waters.

Erwin jumped away, laughing nervously, “O-Oh- can… can we just… kiss for right now? I… I’m a little inexperienced so… I don’t know what to do exactly.”

Levi nodded in understanding, taking Erwin’s hand and kissing it softly. He was inexperienced too, so he understood where Erwin was coming from. It was scary to try new things, but Levi was in no rush.

“Of course, we can take things at our own pace,” Levi insisted with a smile. “We have all the time in the world.”

The two continued to kiss and cuddle throughout the rest of the movie, enjoying each other’s company and the newfound intimacy between them. Levi knew that they still had a lot to figure out, but for now, he was content to just be with Erwin and see where their relationship would go.