"Brand New City"

Erwin unlocks the front door to their apartment, carrying a paper bag of Chinese food in his fist. He thought it’d be a nice surprise for his boyfriend, who had been going through a rough time lately.

But as soon as Erwin opens the door, he sees Levi, curled up in a ball and crying on the floor. He knows something’s happened just by the way Levi is sobbing, and he immediately closes the front door and sets the food on the table. Erwin rushes to Levi’s side, kneeling in front of him.

Levi looks up, teary-eyed and red faced. Upon seeing Erwin’s face, he looks away with a guilty expression. I know what that means, Erwin thinks. This was a face he’d seen on Levi many times before… something he’d come home to on more than one occasion.

“Levi… honey,” Erwin whispers, taking Levi’s hands into his own. “What did you take, baby?”

Levi doesn’t answer at first.

“What did you take, sweetheart?” Erwin asks more firmly, squeezing Levi’s hands gently to let him know he’s there. Levi squeezes back ever so slightly.

“I… I…” Levi sniffles. “I didn’t mean to… I really didn’t…”

“Honey,” Erwin tries again, pleading with him. “Look at me. I need to know what you took so I can help you.”

“I… I don’t want to tell you,” Levi sobs, aching little cries and whimpers that have Erwin’s heart throbbing in pain.

If Erwin was a less patient man, he’d be more frantic and furious with Levi. He’d be screaming at him, shaking him for the answer. But he is calm under pressure, and wants Levi to tell him without having to choose loudness and anger.

“Did you take the pain killers?” Erwin wonders, drawing Levi into his lap. He cradles Levi against his chest.

Levi shakes his head.

“Baby,” Erwin whispered against his head. “Please tell me. I won’t be angry.”

“It… It was cocaine…”

Cocaine…? Did Levi buy more…? Erwin threw away the last bag of it at Levi’s request, a mere day ago. Had he gotten more in that short amount of time?

Erwin brushes his fingers through his hair, “Did you buy more?”

Levi nods quietly, embarrassment and anxiety painting his features. Erwin sighs. He can’t help it. It’s frustrating that no matter what they do, Levi can’t seem to stop his addiction. No amount of rehab, medication, or therapy had helped so far, and Erwin is quickly running out of options for how to help.

But he knows it’s not Levi’s fault. The poor man has a sickness, and he can’t seem to shake it.

“It’s okay,” Erwin breathes against Levi’s ear, listening to his shaky sobs of regret and shame at what he’d done. “It’s okay, Levi. We… We’ll keep working on it. We’ll keep working on it and—”

“No!” Levi shouts quite suddenly, causing Erwin to jolt a little in a surprise.

Levi wipes tears from his eyes, “Nothing can help. Nothing’s gonna make me better. I… I’m a lost cause…”

Erwin frowns, shaking his head, “That’s not true, honey. You’re not a lost—”

“It is true,” Levi insists, pushing away from Erwin now. His bangs hang in his eyes. “I’m… I’m worthless.”

“You’re not worthless, Levi,” Erwin tries. “You know you’re not—”

“Why don’t you just leave already?!” Levi yells, struggling to get up. Irritability. A symptom of his sickness.

“I don’t want to leave,” Erwin stands, feet firmly planted on the ground to let Levi know he isn’t going anywhere. “I want to help you, Levi.”

“I’m… I’m not going to be some pity case for you!” Levi manages to get out, though the tears make his voice all warbly. “I’m not! I… I’m not…”

Erwin reaches out to touch Levi’s shoulder, but Levi smacks his hand away, looking up at him with all the anger and rage he could muster as he snaps, “You… You don’t even know how to help me! So… So why don’t you just get out?!”

Ouch. That stings. But Erwin knows that Levi doesn’t mean any of it. He’s said these things before and he’ll say them again and again until he’s better. Erwin doesn’t know how long that will be.

“Do you really want me to go?” Erwin asks, raising an eyebrow.

Levi’s face crumples when faced with the reality of Erwin actually leaving, and he bites his bottom lip to stop it from quivering. His eyes are rimmed with tears again, and he slowly shakes his head before looking down at his feet.

“I’m sorry,” Levi whispers, holding his fists at his sides. “I’m sorry, I—I don’t know what’s wrong with me…”

“It’s alright, Levi,” Erwin says, taking a small step forward. He wants to capture Levi in a hug without making him feel cornered like some sort of stray animal. “It’s alright… come here, darling. I know you didn’t mean it.”

Levi sobs and steps forward, letting Erwin take him into his arms. He burrows his face in Erwin’s chest, tears staining his shirt. Erwin just holds on tight, not wanting to let him go. He kisses the top of Levi’s head and rocks them back and forth.

“I got us some food,” Erwin murmurs. He’s trying to break the tension between them, trying to get back to their normal relationship, if you could call it that. He just wants to see Levi happy. “—I got Chinese. Your favorite.”

Levi sniffles and wipes his eyes with his sleeves, smiling up at Erwin, “You did?”

“Yeah,” Erwin smiles back, reaching up to brush some hair out of Levi’s face. This time, Levi doesn’t smack his hand away. “Chicken cashew and beef with broccoli.”

Levi looks a little better as they eat together. Erwin isn’t sure where the cocaine is that Levi bought, but he decides not to ask right now. He’ll get to that later.

Erwin unlocks the apartment door two weeks later, opening it to an eery silence. A feeling of dread washes over him as he enters, closing the door and calling out for his boyfriend.

No answer.

The silence is more terrifying that anything. Erwin picks up his pace as he rushes from the empty living room to the bedroom. Nothing. He moved quickly as he made his way to the bathroom, though everything was going in slow motion. He can see a figure laying on the tile floor, and he almost has to rub his eyes to make sure what he is seeing is real.

Levi lies there, eyes hazy and pupils blown. There’s vomit on the floor, foam around his mouth as he gags and coughs weakly. Erwin nearly screams at the sight as he collapses on the floor next to Levi.

“Levi?! Levi?!” Erwin manages through his growing tears.

He’d always thought he was calm under pressure, but seeing Levi like this had him completely panicked. Levi’s eyes rolled back as he threw up some more, his whole body quivering and quaking.

“Levi,” Erwin asks, begs, pleads with him. “What’d you take?! Look at me, honey, keep looking at me. Tell me what you took.”

Levi can barely look around let alone meet Erwin’s eyes or even answer him. Erwin tears his phone from his pocket, dialing emergency services and giving them the information they needed to help Levi. He can hear the dispatcher giving him advice on how to take care of Levi, but everything feels so desperately unreal. Erwin feels so, so numb to what’s happening.

The door bursts open and paramedics rush in, taking Erwin’s place as they try their best to tend to Levi, to bring him back from near death. Erwin stood there in the doorway, staring at the ladybug shower curtain and thinking about how excited Levi had been when they’d bought it. He liked ladybugs.

Erwin hears them call the time of death. 5:54PM. He can’t breathe properly anymore, and the paramedics are giving him a shock blanket and trying to take his vitals now. But Erwin can barely respond to their questions. He doesn’t even know the answers. He can see them zipping up Levi’s body bag out of the corner of his eye.

Honey, what’d you take?