Erwin stared at Levi’s dead body that lay on the bed, covered by his Survey Corps cloak. He’d been sitting there all day, just staring. He was emotionless. He didn’t know how to feel. It didn’t feel real - that Levi was gone. He’d never imagined in a million years that Levi would die before him, and now that he was here, he didn’t know what to do with himself.

Levi had fought valiantly against the Beast Titan, but he’d failed at his last promise of taking it down. One little mistake and he was gone. His 3DMG had malfunctioned, and the Beast Titan had been able to easily fight Levi away, killing him with a quick swipe of his beastly claws. Well, the swipe didn’t kill Levi. He lay on the battleground, bleeding to death slowly, painfully. Erwin had rushed to his side as the Beast and Cart Titan retreated with Reiner, and held his hand until he died:

“I’m sorry,” Levi choked out, his bloody hand clinging to Erwin’s. “I’m so sorry, Erwin.”

One of his eyes was completely bloody, and he could only see out of the one eye. Erwin clung to Levi’s hand, holding it to his chest and trying to remain strong and emotionless to soothe Levi into death, knowing he wouldn’t make it out of this alive.

“There’s no need to apologize, Levi,” Erwin murmured. “Really, you’ve done everything you could.”

“Wasn’t…” Levi coughed up blood, heaving in a deep breath. “Wasn’t good enough. I f-failed.”

“Levi,” Erwin moved the hair out of the brunette’s eyes. “You were more than good enough. You haven’t failed. Your contributions have aided humanity in more ways than you could know, you… you helped people, you… you helped me . You helped me achieve my dream. I’m going to get to go to the basement, hopefully discover humanity’s secrets because of you.”

Levi let out a small sob, squeezing Erwin’s hand with some of the last of the strength he had left, “Erwin you… you’re a good man.”

Erwin couldn’t handle this. He’d never seen Levi cry. Levi was such a stoic person, and here he was, weeping as he slowly bled out. He wanted to cry himself, but he remained devoid of emotion. He couldn’t turn off his commander persona, and he didn’t know why. Something inside him was screaming to be more honest - to hold Levi in his arms, tell him how much Levi meant to him, not just as a captain, but as a best friend, as someone… more than a best friend.

“Erwin,” Levi sobbed. “Erwin, I… I don’t wanna die.”

Erwin felt his heart drop into his stomach, and he stared down at Levi for a moment before clearing his throat, “We all die sometime, Levi. It’s your time, now. I promise I will carry your memory with me until the day I too leave this earth. I won’t let you be forgotten.”

Levi was coughing up blood again, taking in shaky breaths, and Erwin knew he was close to the end. Levi took his final breaths to look up at Erwin and plead, “Erwin… Erwin please… I’m not just your captain. Please Erwin…”

Erwin didn’t understand what Levi was getting at at first. But then he realized that Levi was begging him to be honest, to be open with him. They were close friends, and Erwin knew that Levi just wanted to be treated like that best friend that he’d grown to know over the last six years. He wanted to hear Erwin’s true feelings for him.

Erwin sucked in a deep breath. He was terrified to speak his truth. So he remained silent, watching Levi struggle to breathe and stroking his thumb over the back of Levi’s hand. He felt the guilt creeping into his stomach as he kept his mouth shut. He just didn’t know what to say. He was scared, and he knew he was being selfish, but he realized in that moment that he was still that scared little boy who had lost his father.

“Erwin… please,” Levi whispered before letting out his final breath, his skin going cold.

As soon as he was gone, all that regret flooded through Erwin’s body, and he suddenly realized he’d missed his chance. He was inconsolable from the moment Levi died holding his hand. He immediately held Levi’s dead body in his arms, tears flowing uncontrollably down his face as he held the little man that meant so much to him.

When Hange had tried to get Erwin to leave, Erwin simply shook his head, caressing Levi’s face and crying like a broken child. Soldiers had to physically restrain him as they wrapped up Levi’s body and took it to the carriages to go with the other dead bodies.

And now, Erwin was sitting here, a day later, just staring at Levi’s decomposing body. He should’ve told Levi how he felt about him, but he’d been a coward. Erwin hadn’t bathed since the battle, still covered in Levi’s dried blood. He’d refused to bathe, to change, anything. He knew Levi would be disgusted with him for it, but he just felt so numb to everything that he couldn’t bring himself to take care of himself.

The door creaked, and Erwin looked over to see Hange standing in the doorway, looking cautious and worried. The last time they’d come to check on Erwin, he’d yelled at them and told them to get out. Hange had rushed out, seemingly thrown off by Erwin’s strange behavior.

“Erwin,” Hange tried, closing the door behind them. “You’ve been sitting here all day. You missed dinner. Don’t you want to eat?”

Erwin shook his head, looking back at Levi’s fragile body, “I’m not hungry.”

“You have to eat,” Hange frowned, stepping carefully towards Erwin. “And you know we have to… to bury him soon, right?”

“No,” Erwin snapped, surprising even himself. He cleared his throat, trying to stay calm, “I mean… do you really have to… so soon?”

Hange nodded solemnly, reaching out and placing a hand on Erwin’s shoulder, “Listen, Erwin. He was my friend too, and I… I know how you feel.”

Hange’s statement only angered Erwin more, and he jerked his shoulder away from their touch, “No you don’t. You don’t… You don’t understand what it’s like to… to feel this way for someone and… and have them-”

“Yes, I do,” Hange interrupted, sounding angry all of a sudden. “Don’t fucking say that.”

Erwin immediately felt guilty as he thought of Moblit. He cleared his throat, muttering, “Apologies, Hange. I… I haven’t been myself since-”

“I know,” Hange sighed, placing a hand on his shoulder again. “But… But Levi wouldn’t want you to feel this way. He’d probably… I don’t know… he’d probably make a dumb joke about how ‘you look like you shit your pants’ and then tell you to stop moping, ya know?”

Erwin forced a small smile, thinking that Hange was probably right. Levi wouldn’t want him to sit around like this and grieve. He sniffled and stared at the dead body with the cover over it, feeling the tears coming to his eyes.

“Oh Erwin,” Hange breathed, kneeling in front of him and reaching up to wipe Erwin’s tears away as they began to roll down his face. Their lower lip was quivering too, “I miss him too. But I… I know how much you cared for him. You really loved him, didn’t you?”

Erwin nodded, letting out a quiet sob, “I… I never told him how I felt… he begged me to… when he was dying, but I… I was such a coward. I couldn’t bring myself to say it.”

Hange wrapped their arms around him and held him close, rubbing his back as he cried into their shoulder. He could barely see Levi’s dead body through the tears in his eyes, and all he wanted to do was hold Levi in his arms, tell him how much he loved him and cared for him.

He and Hange took Levi’s body and buried him in the soldier’s cemetery on base under an oak tree. They decided not to have a huge funeral - that didn’t seem like something Levi would want anyways. Hange placed a hand on Erwin’s shoulder, saying a few things to Levi’s temporarily unmarked grave for both of them before leaving Erwin to have a moment alone with Levi.

“Levi,” Erwin murmured as he sat at Levi’s grave, playing with the grass between his fingers. “I have to apologize. I should’ve said this when you asked it of me, but I was so afraid. I don’t know why, but I couldn’t say it. I was a coward, and I’m sorry for that.”

The wind blew through the tree above him, and Erwin tugged a blade of grass from the ground, twiddling it in his fingers. The coffin they’d put Levi in had been too big for his little body, and he looked like he was being swallowed up inside of it.

“I love you,” Erwin whispered, tears rolling down his face. “And you were far more to me than just a captain… than just my best friend. You were… You still are my everything. You mean so much to me, Levi. You… You were the only thing that might’ve been more important to me than my dream.”

Erwin rubbed his face with his hands in stress, wiping away his tears, “And now you’re gone and I… I don’t know what to do with myself, Levi. What do I do without you? We’ve only known each other for a brief amount of time, only a few years, but those years have been some of the best of my life. The memories I have with you… I’ll never forget them.”

Erwin picked one of the wildflowers near him and placed it on top of the mound of dirt that Levi’s body lay underneath. He slowly rose to his feet, stuffing his hands in his pockets as he stared down at the ground.

“I love you,” Erwin repeated. “And I always will. Just know that, okay? I’m sorry I didn’t say it sooner.”

With that, he left Levi’s grave, heading back to his office to start up his work again. He couldn’t let Levi down. He couldn’t give up just because Levi was gone.

Levi left Erwin’s office in a huff, angry as hell, offended, and hurt. He didn’t understand how Erwin could say those things. Didn’t Erwin know how much he meant to Levi? Hadn’t Levi made it clear that he couldn’t lose Erwin?

When Erwin had made love to him that first time two years ago, Levi had told him. He’d said to Erwin: I can’t lose you too. After all the people he’d lost, he couldn’t lose Erwin too. But here Erwin was, insisting he return to Shiganshina on their mission tomorrow. Levi had told him he’d break Erwin’s legs so he couldn’t go, and Erwin had merely laughed. How important was this dream to Erwin? Clearly, it was more important than Levi, and that was what had made Levi so incredibly upset.

He walked into the mess hall, head down and hands in his pockets, until he heard Jaeger and Kirstein arguing again. He could feel his anger bubbling inside, and he walked over to them, slamming their heads together and telling them to knock it off.

But since it was the night before a huge mission, they were having what was practically a feast. He went to sit with Hange, hearing the door to the mess hall open and seeing Erwin walk into the mess hall as well. He and Levi’s eyes met, and Levi immediately looked away, still incredibly upset. Hange poured them each a beer as Erwin sat down across from Levi, giving him a sympathetic look. Levi didn’t want sympathy. He just wanted Erwin to apologize, to tell him that he was more important than his stupid dream, to stay here while he went to Shiganshina tomorrow.

Hange seemed to sense the awkward atmosphere between them, and they held up their mug, “Cheers to our upcoming mission! May we be successful in our endeavors!”

Levi and Erwin clinked glasses with them before they all took a long sip of beer. Levi could hear the brats laughing and joking around with one another, and Levi glanced over at them, feeling a pit in his stomach as he thought about how things used to look so similar for him. He remembered the days when he, Mike, Nana, Erwin, Hange, and Moblit would sit together, play cards, laugh into the night. But Mike and Nana were gone now.

Speaking of Moblit, he was approaching with his own plate, sitting across from Hange with a gentle smile on his face. Hange smiled back, and Levi briefly wondered if the two had finally hooked up. No, he decided. Hange wouldn’t have been able to keep their mouth shut about that. Poor Moblit - he’d been pining after Hange for a long time now, and Levi was wondering if Moblit was experiencing the same anxiety that he was, but about Hange.

“You shouldn’t guzzle it down like that,” Moblit scolded Hange with a nervous laugh - he was used to Hange by now, but still trying to keep them safe and healthy, even as they gulped down the beer like it was water.

“Hange’s planning on getting drunk tonight,” Erwin muttered with a smirk. “I can tell.”

“Look, can you blame me?” Hange joked. “We could all be dead this time tomorrow.”

They usually all would’ve laughed about that, but tonight was different. They were silent, and Hange rolled their eyes, “Oh come on, boys. Don’t be such sour pusses. We’ll all be fine. We’ve made it this far, right?”

“Right,” Erwin replied with confidence. “We’ll be okay, no need to worry.”

Levi could tell those words were directed at him, and he wasn’t exactly happy about it. He swallowed more of the beer, thoroughly annoyed and trying to pretend as though Erwin hadn’t said anything.

“Exactly!” Hange cheered, elbowing Levi slightly. “Especially Levi - he could make it out of anything!”

“I know,” Erwin smiled, looking directly at Levi now. “Even if the rest of us die, Levi will be the one to make it out alive.”

Levi was just getting more and more pissed, and he drank the last drop of beer before slamming the glass on the table and getting up from his seat as Hange and Moblit laughed at Erwin’s words. He didn’t understand how they could all be so careless and stupid, especially Erwin. It wasn’t funny that he was the only one who seemed to make it out alive every damn time.

The three stared at Levi with some surprise, and Hange frowned, “Levi, come on. We’re only joking.”

But Levi was fed up, mostly with Erwin. He headed out of the mess hall, practically stomping his feet against the concrete. He headed to the place he always went when he was upset: the cemetery. On most days, he would avoid going here, remembering everyone who had gone before him. But on a night like tonight, when he was hurting, he felt the need to go somewhere where he could really wallow in that pain.

He headed across the field, feeling those emotions welling up inside of him. If Levi was honest with himself, he was scared. He was afraid that the exact scenario Erwin had joked about would come true: that they would come out of Shiganshina having lost everyone, and he would be standing alone. He couldn’t handle that, and he was especially scared of losing Erwin the most out of everyone.

He brushed away the tears that were rolling down his cheeks as he approached the cemetery, seeing the rows of white headstones. So many were buried here: Isabel, Furlan… there were even graves for Mike and Nana, even though there’d been nothing left of them to bury.

Levi sat down against the tree in the middle of the cemetery, drawing his knees to his chest and hugging them tight. He could feel his walls breaking down, tears flowing freely down his face now as a sob welled up in his chest.

He heard a rustling behind him, and turned to see a dark figure walking into the cemetery. He knew it was Erwin from the moment he saw his stupid blonde hair shining in the moonlight. He turned back around, wiping his tears and trying to ignore the bastard. It wouldn’t be the first time Erwin would see him cry, but Levi wasn’t about to give him the satisfaction of seeing him cry now.

Erwin didn’t say anything. He walked over to Levi and took a seat next to him against the tree trunk, hugging his knees to his chest as well as he stared up at the night sky. Levi sniffled and held in a sob, lower lip quivering.

“You know,” Erwin started. “My father used to tell me that when we die, we become the stars-”

“Oh cut the bullshit, Erwin,” Levi snapped tearfully, turning to face away from him like a stubborn child. “I don’t need one of your damn lectures right now.”

Erwin let out a deep sigh, “Levi… you know I have to be there tomorrow. Whether I live or die, I can’t simply abandon my soldiers.”

“You can!” Levi argued, though he knew that wasn’t in Erwin’s nature. “You’re not even doing it for them you… you’re doing it for yourself! You selfish bastard!”

Levi was quickly losing control of his emotions. He was reeling fast, and soon the tears were blinding him. He tried to blink them away, but they just kept coming. He sniffled loudly, and felt Erwin scoot closer to him, ready to comfort him.

“Don’t you dare fucking touch me right now,” Levi snarled.

Erwin retreated, and Levi regretted the words almost immediately. He knew that if Erwin did die tomorrow, that Levi would feel awful that this was the last conversation he was likely to have with the commander. But he was just so hurt by their earlier conversation. He’d really thought that he was the most important thing in Erwin’s life… but that damn dream kept getting in the way.

“Levi, I…” Erwin tried. “I’m sorry if I’ve upset you-”

“If?!” Levi exploded, “If?! You know you’ve upset me. You’re not stupid, Erwin. You know what you fucking said. You know why I’m… why I’m pissed at you.”

Erwin was silent for a moment, and Levi refused to look at him, though he could see Erwin staring at him with concern out of the corner of his eye. He was quickly becoming a mess of tears and snot, palming his pocket for his handkerchief before realizing he must’ve forgotten to grab one this morning.

“Here,” Erwin offered, pulling a handkerchief from his own pocket and holding it out to Levi, who snatched it away from him heatedly.

“Thanks,” Levi grumbled, blowing his nose and wiping his eyes on the back of his fists.

“Levi,” Erwin murmured. “You are important to me. You know you are… it’s just… I’ve been waiting for this my whole life. I need to fulfill my dream… I need to know what’s waiting for us beyond the walls.”

“Why can’t you just wait here?” Levi stressed, a sob escaping his throat as he pitifully tried to hold it back. “Just… Just wait here and… and we’ll go find out what’s in the basement and bring the information back to you!”

“Levi, I have to be there,” Erwin frowned. “You know I won’t let everyone else do my dirty work for me. I’ve let far too many die on this journey, and who knows how many more will die tomorrow. I have to be there-”

“Don’t you love me?!” Levi sobbed, finally turning to face Erwin with tears strewn down his face. “Don’t you give a flying fuck about how I feel, Erwin?! Can’t you see how you’re hurting me?!”

Erwin sucked in a shaky breath, and Levi noticed that Erwin had tears in his eyes as well, “Levi… darling, I-”

“Don’t,” Levi shouted, pointing a quivering finger at him. “Don’t! Don’t you fucking dare ‘darling’ me right now! You… You owe me, Erwin! Haven’t I done enough?! Haven’t I… Haven’t I…given you everything I have?! And you can’t give me this one thing!”

Erwin squeezed his eyes shut painfully, putting his fingers to his forehead in stress, “Levi you… you have. You have. You’ve given me so much, but I… I just need you to understand how important this is to me. Please.”

“No,” Levi shook his head, pushing himself off the ground and standing up. He threw the snotty rag at Erwin furiously, yelling, “No! I won’t, I… I can’t!”

Levi dissolved into tears, absolutely fragile, “Haven’t I done enough for you? I can’t… I can’t lose you, Erwin. Can’t you see that? Out of everybody, I… I can’t…”

Levi sobbed, burying his face in his hands as his whole body shook. He could hear Erwin getting up off the ground, and soon felt his warm arms around him. He let him, this time. He let Erwin comfort him. He couldn’t help himself. Levi wrapped his arms around Erwin’s middle, racked with grief over the fact that he was likely going to lose the one person who meant the world to him.

“Baby,” Erwin whispered, cradling Levi’s head against his chest. “I’m so sorry. I know I’m being selfish. I know I am. But you have to trust me when I tell you that I love you. You have given me… more than I could possibly ask for. And I’m grateful for all of it, believe me, I am. But you must know I’ve already made up my mind, and that there’s no convincing me out of this.”

Levi only sobbed harder at that. Of course he knew. He knew that from the moment that Erwin had told him he was going. There was no convincing Erwin out of this. He was practically wailing into Erwin’s shirt, the pain in his chest sharp and immense. It felt as though his heart was tearing in two.

“Please…” Levi cried, shaking his head against Erwin’s broad chest. “Please… don’t leave me. Don’t leave me.”

He felt Erwin’s fingers on his face, surprised that he was shaking just as much as Levi was. Erwin brought Levi up to look at him, and Levi saw tears rolling down Erwin’s face as well. Even though Levi was a disgusting mess of snot and tears, Erwin brought his mouth down onto Levi’s, and Levi was surprised for a moment before he kissed back, hugging Erwin around his neck. The two pulled away from one another, and Levi couldn’t help but continue to cry into Erwin’s chest.

“I love you,” Erwin held Levi close, desperate, as if they couldn’t be close enough even though their bodies were already pressed against one another. “And I’m so sorry, Levi. I’m so sorry for doing this to you. You don’t deserve any of it.”

“I… I love you t-too,” Levi whimpered, trying to take in everything about Erwin as he realized this would be his last moments with him like this. “I love you too, Erwin.”

Erwin squirmed impatiently in his seat. He wanted this soulmate ceremony to be over with already. He wanted to hear who Levi’s soulmate would be, and he could feel it in his heart: it would be him. He and Levi had met about a year ago, and Erwin had quickly fallen in love. Levi was his soulmate, Erwin was sure of it. And today was Levi’s soulmate ceremony, where his soulmate would be chosen. As tradition dictated, Levi would be immediately married to whomever was chosen as his soulmate.

Levi entered the room, walking down the aisle in a white robe. Everyone in the crowd was dressed up nicely, especially the people who thought they might have a chance at being chosen as Levi’s soulmate, though Erwin wasn’t sure who else there even was. Levi had friends, like Hange, but Erwin didn’t think Levi had any romantic interest in them anyway, though he didn’t know if that factored into the soulmate decision.

Levi got up to the front, standing there with a bouquet of flowers. His mother was in the front row crying her eyes out, as it was a big day to see her son having his soulmate ceremony. Levi stood in front of the crowd looking nervous, catching Erwin’s eyes. They exchanged a small smile, and Erwin could feel his heart beating away rapidly in his chest.

The officiant stood at the front, holding an envelope that contained Levi’s soulmate’s name inside. He began his spiel about why they were all gathered there, on and on. Erwin twiddled his fingers anxiously, waiting for the man to simply open the envelope and reveal the name. Levi kept glancing at Erwin excitedly, as if he were waiting to hear Erwin’s name.

“And now to reveal Levi’s forever partner,” the officiant said as he began to open the envelope. He pulled out a piece of paper and ran his eyes over the name.

Erwin held his breath and shut his eyes, begging any god that would listen for his name to be read. There was a dramatic pause, and then:

“Ezekiel Jaeger,” the officiant read, and Erwin’s eyes snapped open in shock.

Zeke?! He thought to himself. Zeke Jaeger?! He watched Levi’s mouth drop open, but he quickly closed it, trying to remain aloof, as he knew he had no other choice. Erwin knew Levi wasn’t particularly a fan of Zeke. Levi had revealed to Erwin that he’d slept with Zeke a couple of times in the past, but that he’d never felt a particular way about the man. If anything, Erwin thought Levi found Zeke annoying.

Zeke stood up, being pushed out of his seat by his younger brother, Eren. He looked equally as shocked, and a little embarrassed at having been caught off guard like this. Erwin wanted to stand up and object; he wanted to say that there had to be a mistake - Levi couldn’t be soulmates with Zeke!

But Zeke walked to the front of the room, and the officiant instructed the two to face each other and join hands. Levi held Zeke’s hands, and the officiant continued on to marry the two. Erwin had never felt so sick to his stomach. He knew this was wrong. He was Levi’s soulmate. He knew it. This couldn’t be right.

Erwin spent the next few months drinking himself into a stupor as he watched Levi and Zeke grow together as a married couple. Zeke was the perfect husband, or at least, according to Levi, he was. Erwin showed up to parties and events the two held, still one of Levi’s friends, and watched them fall in love. It was incredibly painful to watch, and he was quickly becoming an alcoholic.

One particular night, he was scrolling through Facebook when he saw that Levi and Zeke’s adoption papers had gone through and they’d brought a baby girl home with them. It ripped Erwin apart. He decided enough was enough. He was Levi’s true soulmate, and Zeke couldn’t be the one who was meant for Levi, and Zeke was stealing his happy life with Levi.

Erwin was drunk when he stumbled down the street towards Levi and Zeke’s house. They didn’t live far from one another, only a few blocks. He got to the front door and banged on it as loud as he could, hearing a baby wail inside. Damn, he thought, feeling momentarily bad. Woke up the baby.

The door soon opened, and Zeke stood there. Erwin could see Levi in the background, rocking a baby in his arms. Erwin wanted to cry at the sight. He should be the one living with Levi, adopting a baby with him.

“Erwin?” Zeke raised an eyebrow. “Are you okay? What are you doing here?”

Levi had managed to calm the baby down, smiling and tickling the baby’s stomach. Erwin could hear the little one giggling happily, and it was breaking his fucking heart to know that that wasn’t his and Levi’s child. Levi had clearly moved on, and Erwin was having a difficult time grasping that.

“Let me in,” Erwin pleaded. “Please, I… I have to talk to Levi.”

He wasn’t sure if he was slurring his words or not, but he probably appeared drunk at the very least. Zeke seemed a little hesitant to let Erwin in, but he turned to look at Levi, as if to ask Levi what they should do.

Levi bounced the baby gently as he walked over to Zeke, handing the little girl over, “Let me talk to him. You go put Ada to bed.”

Zeke held the baby to his chest and nodded, heading up the stairs of their nice two-story home. Levi stood in the doorway, not offering for Erwin to come in. Erwin was realizing just how drunk he was, and how obvious it probably was to Levi.

“Erwin, you reek,” Levi frowned. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m… I’m…” Erwin stuttered. “Levi, I’m so in love with you.”

Levi stared at him in some surprise, “E-Erwin… it’s been like… three years. We only slept together twice. I thought you’d be over this by now.”

“Levi,” Erwin tried again. “We’re supposed to be soulmates. I know it!”

Levi looked as though he pitied Erwin, and that made Erwin feel even more sick to his stomach, and he was sure it wasn’t just the alcohol. Erwin shook his head a little, reaching out to touch Levi’s face. Levi instantly backed away, hurting Erwin even more.

“Erwin,” Levi sighed. “You’re… incredibly drunk. Do you want to crash on our couch? Or maybe Zeke could walk you home.”

Erwin shook his head, tears filling his eyes, “L-Levi… Levi, I love you. Please… you said you loved me… remember?”

“Erwin,” Levi replied. “That was three years ago. I might’ve said that but… I’ve moved on. And you need to too.”

Zeke came down the stairs, having put the baby to bed, and stood behind Levi. He placed a hand on Levi’s shoulder affectionately, “Is everything okay, darling?”

Erwin could feel the jealousy coursing through him.  Levi was supposed to be his darling. He wanted to throw his fists at Zeke, beat him to a pulp for taking Levi from him. He stumbled a little, having trouble keeping steady. His eyes were opening and closing, vision blacking in and out. Suddenly, he was on the concrete, and he could hear Zeke and Levi hurrying to help him up.

“Erwin, are you okay?!” Levi exclaimed as they helped carry him into the house.

“Let’s get him on the couch,” Zeke murmured.

Erwin groaned, feeling blood pouring from his forehead where he’d fallen on his face. Soon, he was lying on the couch, Levi pressing a wet wash cloth to his bleeding wound. He wasn’t looking Erwin in the eyes, and Erwin, who was finally starting to sober up a bit, was feeling a little guilty for putting Levi through this.

“Here’s a bucket if you feel like puking,” Zeke placed a bucket next to the couch and sat next to Levi on the floor.

Levi gently brushed the hair out of Erwin’s face, dabbing at the bloody wound as the bleeding slowed. Erwin sniffled, staring at Levi with tears in his eyes. He was so miserable, but he knew this was all wrong. He shouldn’t be pursuing Levi, drinking like this over him, showing up at his door. He knew he was fucked up.

“Levi, I… I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have… shown up here… I promise when I go home I’ll leave you be.”

Levi frowned, sighing a little, “Erwin, it’s okay. You don’t have to ‘leave me be’. You’re still my friend. But you need help, Ervy. How long have you been drinking like this… mulling over our relationship?”

Zeke looked a little uncomfortable, slowly getting up from the floor, “I… I’ll let you two talk, alright? I’ll be in the kitchen.”

Levi nodded, smiling after him lovingly before Zeke disappeared into the other room. Erwin rubbed his eyes, still lying down because his head was spinning. He managed to form a coherent reply: “Since you got married… I… I need help, Levi. I’m a fucking mess.”

Levi sighed, “Look, let’s talk about this more when you’re sobered up. Zeke and I are your friends, so we’ll help you, okay? You just get some rest.”

Levi got up, smiling down sadly at Erwin, “Goodnight, Erwin.”

“Goodnight,” Erwin sniffled, grabbing a blanket off the back of the couch and covering himself with it as Levi turned off the lights.

He could hear Levi shuffle into the kitchen, and could hear Zeke and Levi discussing something. They were probably talking about him, and what they should do. Erwin felt sick to his stomach. He heard the two head upstairs to their bedroom, and soon the whole house was silent.

But Erwin couldn’t sleep. In fact, he stayed up all night, essentially having a breakdown the more he sobered up. He was crying on and off, sobbing so hard that he had to bury his face into the pillows to muffle it. The baby woke up a couple of times, and either Zeke or Levi must’ve cooed her back to sleep. Erwin tried to stay silent during those times, and as the sun rose, he realized he needed to get the hell out of there.

He got up and went into the bathroom, splashing his face with water. He dried it on the towel before heading to the door. Levi must’ve removed his shoes at some point, because they were sitting there at the door with Levi’s and Zeke’s. Erwin slipped his shoes on and snuck out the front door, heading back down the road to his apartment. He decided one thing from that moment on: he was never ever going to speak to Levi again. He couldn’t put Levi through that anymore, and he’d embarrassed himself already. He ignored call after call, text after text from Levi, still getting drunk at every chance he could.

And when he died four years later at the age of 37 from alcohol poisoning, he would never know how hard Levi cried upon hearing the news.

Levi leaned into Erwin’s touch, arching his back and sighing contently as Erwin began to thrust into him. They were in the missionary position, Levi’s legs over Erwin’s shoulders and kisses being shared between the two of them while Erwin held onto Levi’s thighs. Levi moaned when Erwin reached that sweet spot inside of him, whimpering when Erwin reminded him that they had to keep quiet.

“We don’t want the others to hear us, do we?” Erwin whispered, giving Levi and affectionate nuzzle to his cheek.

Levi shook his head, and the two shared heavy breaths between them as Erwin continued to pump in and out. He was getting incredibly close, and tugged at his cock until he came hard, biting his lip to hold back a moan. Levi sighed and leaned his head back against the sheets, feeling Erwin come inside of him and remove himself shortly after.

Levi knew how dangerous this all was. It was the end of May 1944, and they were stationed in London at the moment, but were about to be sent out to battle in Normandy, France. The two were US soldiers who had met through their regiment, and had instantly fallen in love with one another. But being gay, especially at this time, and especially in the army, was a dangerous thing. That’s why they were being quiet because even though they were in their own shared room at an inn, the walls were thin, and they didn’t need rumors to spread about what they were doing.

Erwin started pulling his clothes back on, and climbed into the bed to snuggle up to Levi. Levi blushed and cleaned himself up with his handkerchief before cuddling back. He’d never felt like this before, but he knew it would all have to come to an end. How would they make this work, even after the war?

But Levi didn’t want to think about all that right now. Tomorrow they’d be going into Normandy, and Levi refused to let their last night together be sullied by depressing thoughts of how they were going to make this relationship work.

Ten Years Later

May 1954

Levi was walking down a cobblestone road in London ten years later on a Saturday, having survived the war. He stuck his hands in his pockets, keeping an eye out. After the battle at Normandy, Levi hadn’t seen Erwin again. At first, he’d though perhaps he’d died, or been missing in action. But Levi had never given up hope. He’d gone back to the US after the war, and kept searching for Erwin over the years. But he hadn’t had any luck in America, so he decided to return to Europe. Perhaps Erwin had decided to move out of the country after the war. He’d always talked about it, so Levi decided to try London, where they had been at the inn so many years ago.

Levi had no luck for the first week he was there. He was only planning to be there for two weeks, and on his second to last day, he got lucky. He heard his name from behind him in the crowd, and turned to see who had said it. A blonde head poked out amongst the people, and Levi could feel his heart beating faster as he walked towards it.

“Levi!” He heard again, and he could feel the tears in the back of his eyes as he recognized the voice.

“Erwin!” Levi called, pushing through the crowd and seeing the blonde with that same sweet smile he always had.

Levi wanted to cry. He ran into Erwin’s arms, not caring what people thought as he clung to him. Erwin hugged him tight, spinning him around and whispering Levi’s name in his ear as if he couldn’t believe they were seeing each other right now.

“What are you doing here?” Erwin asked incredulously, pulling away to look down at Levi with tears in his eyes. “God, you look just like you did ten years ago… you haven’t aged a day!”

Levi sniffled and wiped the tears away with the back of his hand, grinning up at Erwin, “I came to look for you! I… I’ve been looking for you. I thought you were dead!”

Erwin shook his head, “No no… I was badly injured after Normandy, but I survived.”

Levi sighed happily, hugging onto Erwin again before realizing some people were staring at them and pulling away, “Let’s… Let’s go somewhere so we can catch up.”

Erwin nodded in agreement, holding out his hand, “Would you like to come back to mine? We could have a cup of tea, have a nice chat.”

Levi nodded, taking Erwin’s hand and letting him lead him down the street. He was so happy. He’d found Erwin after all these years, and now they were going back to Erwin’s house? Everything was going to be perfect. Maybe they’d fall in love all over again… well, Levi had never really fallen out of love with Erwin. He’d always kept a special place in his heart for him.

But as Erwin led him down the path towards his house, Levi noticed something shiny on his hand. He frowned, realizing very quickly that a wedding band resided on Erwin’s ring finger, and he felt his heart drop in both shock and horror.

“Wait,” Levi stopped in his tracks. “You… You’re married?”

Erwin stopped as well, letting go of Levi’s hand, “Yeah. I’m surprised you’re not?”

Levi had heard that before. His friends were confused he wasn’t getting married during at time when everybody got married and had babies. Even his friend Hange was married with kids, and Hange was about the strangest person Levi had ever met.

But Levi hadn’t expected Erwin to be married too. He thought Erwin was waiting for him… just like Levi had waited for Erwin… Finding out Erwin was married was like a punch to the face that Erwin didn’t seem quite as fazed by.

“I… n-no, I’m not,” Levi whispered, his heart pounding out of his chest.

“Oh,” Erwin frowned. “Well yeah, Levi. I’m married. I have a wife and kids. Doesn’t everybody?”

Kids? Levi thought, his heart dropping into his stomach. Erwin had kids? He’d really moved on from Levi, hadn’t he? Who was he married to? Was she prettier than him? And did Erwin love her more than he loved Levi? Did Erwin even love Levi anymore?

“N-No,” Levi mumbled sheepishly. “I… I never…”

Erwin smiled softly, “Well that’s okay, Levi. I’m sure you’ll find the right woman someday.”

Levi’s heart was pained from those words. Woman?! Erwin knew he was gay. Why would he say that? Levi had thought that Erwin was gay too… but maybe he liked both men and women. Levi could feel his heart beating loudly. He was sure Erwin could hear it.

“Well, are you coming?” Erwin asked as he started to walk again, completely unfazed.

Levi continued to follow him, feeling completely heartbroken. Erwin had… he’d moved on. Did he ever love Levi as much as Levi loved him? Was it all just a fling to him - their time together? Levi was second-guessing himself more and more as they walked a few blocks to Erwin’s house.

Erwin unlocked the front door and walked in, explaining, “The kids are at the in-laws today - with grandma and grandpa - but my wife should be home.”

Levi nodded, following Erwin into the nice little townhouse. It was a two-story home with a nice foyer. Erwin must’ve been making a good amount of money. He could smell tea being brewed in the kitchen, and stuffed his hands into his pockets as he looked around the house.

There were pictures of three little girls on the walls, Erwin’s kids, Levi supposed. The oldest looked around seven or eight, while the youngest was still a toddler of maybe two. The middle child looked about five or six. They were very cute kids, all little blondes, taking after Erwin. He must’ve had some strong genes.

Levi walked into the kitchen with Erwin, seeing his wife at the counter pouring boiling water into a cup after tossing in a tea bag. She smiled when she looked up to see Erwin, and Erwin walked over to her, wrapping an arm around her waist and sharing a sweet kiss with her in greeting. Levi had never felt so sick to his stomach. He used to kiss me like that, Levi thought miserably.

“Hi dear,” Erwin’s wife greeted cheerfully. “Did you want a cup of tea? Oh, who’s your friend?”

Erwin nodded to his wife’s question about tea, “Two cups please. This is Levi, he’s an old friend from my war days.”

Friend, Levi repeated in his mind, holding out his hand to shake Erwin’s wife’s. He smiled at her, though on the inside he felt like telling her: Did you know your husband used to rail me? He felt bad about thinking that - it wasn’t her fault that Levi was feeling this way. She was an innocent party in this whole thing.

“I’m Marie,” she introduced, shaking Levi’s hand gently before letting go to get out two more tea cups and pour some tea for the two of them. “Should I leave you boys alone to talk? I’m sure I’ll be bored by all your army talk.”

Erwin chuckled softly, pressing a gentle kiss to Marie’s temple, “Yes, thanks sweetheart. We won’t be too long I don’t think.”

Levi was offended by that. Erwin was treating him as though they had merely been war buddies, when they’d been much more. They had been in love, and Erwin was brushing him off as though none of that had happened.

Marie soon left the room and headed upstairs, and Erwin took the two cups of tea to the kitchen table, setting them down and sitting in one of the chairs. Levi sat across from him, feeling entirely hurt and trying to hide it by sipping his tea.

“So what have you been up to all these years?” Erwin asked before taking a long sip of tea.

“Um…” Levi replied, realizing he hadn’t done much other than search for Erwin. “I… I’ve had a couple different jobs. Nothing too permanent… I’ve mostly just been looking for you, Erwin.”

Erwin smiled, “That’s sweet, Levi. It’s nice to see you again after all these years. You were always a friend I cherished.”

There was that word again. Friend. Why was Erwin gaslighting him like this - pretending as though they hadn’t been a couple? Was he worried his wife would hear? She was all the way upstairs, and she likely couldn’t hear what they were talking about.

“Erwin,” Levi sighed. “Why are you pretending like… like us never happened? You know we were in love.”

Erwin’s face fell, and he glanced around nervously before he leaned forwards and murmured, “Levi, it was a phase. You need to forget that time in our lives, and not mention it. It’s wrong - what we did.”

Levi could feel his heart stop beating. How could Erwin say something like that? Suddenly, Levi was beginning to feel a little unsafe here. He knew Erwin wouldn’t hurt him, but why was he so against their former relationship? Had he really changed that much over the years?

“Erwin,” Levi tried again. “You were in love with me. That’s not wrong it’s… what we had was real. It wasn’t a phase.”

“Levi,” Erwin snapped, his voice still low so that his wife wouldn’t hear them arguing. “You need to move on. I’m married with children now. It wouldn’t have worked out anyways. So just… just let it go, okay?”

Levi winced at Erwin’s tone, whimpering quietly, “But… But Erwin… I still care for you. I still… I still love you.”

Erwin’s face turned cold, and Levi was feeling a little sick to his stomach now, as though he’d made a mistake by saying that. Erwin stood up and grasped Levi by the collar of his shirt, starting to drag him out of the kitchen.

Levi gasped and struggled, pushing against Erwin, “Wh-What are you doing?!”

“Kicking you out,” Erwin replied angrily. “You’re a disgusting fag and I don’t want anything to do with you.”

Tears welled up in Levi’s eyes as Erwin opened the front door. This wasn’t like Erwin. What had happened to him over these years? Levi sniffled, grasping Erwin’s shirt and shaking his head, “N-No… No Erwin. Please don’t kick me out, I… I’m sorry. I just… I just missed you.”

Erwin shoved Levi out the front door, and Levi fell back on his ass, staring up at Erwin in shock. There was remorse behind Erwin’s eyes, as though he didn’t want to be doing this, but he was afraid of what would happen if he didn’t react this way.

“Get out of here,” Erwin shouted at him, causing Levi to flinch. “If I see you again, I’ll do much worse than just kick you out of my home.”

Erwin spat at him, “Fucking disgusting.”

He slammed the door, and Levi was sitting there, Erwin’s spit at his feet, and his ass hurting from falling so hard onto the concrete. He was so horrified by what had just happened that he didn’t know how to react, so he completely turned his emotions off.

Levi went back to America the next day, sat in his apartment for a week trying to process what had happened. He couldn’t comprehend it, and by the end of the month, he put a bullet in his skull, having nothing left to live for and completely distraught over his meeting-gone-wrong with Erwin in England.

Levi snuggled close to Erwin, sighing contently and feeling Erwin’s fingers grace his lower back, rubbing his skin soothingly. They’d run away about six months ago to live outside the walls. Erwin had been on death row, and Levi had snuck him out of prison. The two had decided to abandon everything they knew to live together in the woods. Levi had slain all the titans in the area, and the two had built a cabin from the ground up. When they’d first started living together, Levi thought Erwin and he were just close friends.

But one night, Erwin had took Levi’s face into his hands and kissed him, and nothing had been the same since. They’d started kissing more and more frequently after that first time, and eventually that led to more and more… until they’d finally made love. Levi had had sex in the Underground before for money, but he’d never been caressed and kissed and loved like Erwin did when fucking him. Their first time was so beautiful it had made Levi cry.

They knew they couldn’t stay here forever. They knew it was only a matter of time before they were found, either by titans, the outside world (which Erwin insisted existed), or the government inside the walls. But they were content here, and Levi promised he would protect Erwin no matter what.

“I love you,” Erwin whispered against Levi’s temple before pressing a kiss there. “My little sweetheart.”

“Mmm,” Levi hummed gratefully, drawing circles in Erwin’s skin on his collarbone. “I love you too, Ervy.”

He moved his finger down Erwin’s naked chest, over his abs and stopping at the hem of his pajama pants. He could see Erwin’s cock twitch with interest, and bit his lip lightly as he too could feel himself hardening.

“Can we make love again?” Levi asked innocently.

Erwin chuckled softly and placed his hand on top of Levi’s, “You certainly enjoy making love, don’t you, darling?”

Levi could feel the red creeping up on his cheeks, “N-No, I just… I…”

“It’s okay,” Erwin propped himself up on his elbow and leaned down to kiss Levi. “You don’t have to tell me. I know how much you enjoy it. I can see it in your face when you cum for me.”

Levi whimpered, kissing Erwin back sweetly, “You can’t say such dirty things, Ervy.”

“And why not?” Erwin chuckled, drawing Levi closer. “I can tell you like it.”

Levi decided to initiate things further. He pushed Erwin back on the bed and climbed on top of him, straddling him. Erwin raised an eyebrow in interest, settling his hands on Levi’s ass. Though Levi had had sex in the Underground, he was inexperienced in the more intimate parts of love making, and he let Erwin lead him for the most part, which is why Erwin seemed a little surprised that Levi was initiating things.

Levi scooted back to start tugging Erwin’s pajama pants down, freeing his cock from the fabric. Erwin was already semi-hard with interest, and Levi settled between his legs to suckle on Erwin’s cock. Erwin sighed contently, carding his fingers through Levi’s hair.

Levi bobbed his head up and down. He was slowly becoming an expert at this, knowing just what Erwin liked. Erwin had sucked Levi’s cock first, when they started doing sexual things together, and Levi had learned from Erwin just what to do.

“Alright, baby,” Erwin whispered. “That’s enough. Come get on my cock, darling.”

Levi pulled away and took off his pajama pants, climbing back onto Erwin’s lap. Erwin spat onto his fingers and rubbed at Levi’s hole, which was still pretty open from when they’d made love the night prior. But Levi was usually pretty tight anyways, and he appreciated Erwin opening him up a little more. He whined as Erwin fingered him open, bouncing back on his fingers.

Erwin sighed and pulled his fingers out, lining up his cock and rimming it over Levi’s stretched hole. Levi moaned as Erwin began to push in, clinging to him and letting out a choked whine at how big it was. He could never get used to it, but it always felt good.

Erwin rolled his hips up into him as they slowly began to fuck. Levi groaned and buried his face into Erwin’s shoulder, a quiet sob tearing from his throat. God, it felt so good. Erwin held him close, rubbing his back soothingly.

“Good boy,” he whispered. “My good Levi… so beautiful for me.”

Levi whined at the words, panting, “E-Erwin… Erwin, I… I love this, I… I love you.”

“I love you too,” Erwin replied, nipping at Levi’s earlobe. “And I love being like this with you.”

Erwin lifted Levi’s hips and helped him sink back down over and over, and Levi had tears rolling down his face from how good it felt. He always got very emotional when they made love, and this time was no different.

“Erwin,” Levi gasped, starting to tug at his cock until he caught his seed in his hand.

Erwin gripped Levi’s ass in his hands, thrusting up into him harshly a few times before cumming deep inside of him. Levi groaned at the feeling, sniffling and wiping his eyes. He and Erwin exchanged a loving smile before kissing sweetly, and Levi rolled off Erwin, grabbing a handkerchief from his clothes folded up on the floor and cleaning himself up. He got up and pulled his pajama pants back on, watching as Erwin did the same. It was a little cold now, so Erwin pulled his shirt on as well, and Levi climbed back under the sheets, snuggling up to Erwin and falling asleep.

Bang! Levi jolted awake at the loud sound of the door being broken down. He grabbed the knife under his pillow and leapt out of bed, crossing to stand at Erwin’s side and protect him. Erwin groaned and rubbed his eyes, not realizing what was happening at first. But he would soon enough.

Survey Corps soldiers piled into their little cabin, one after another, and Levi was surprised to see they had guns. Guns were never used outside of the walls, as they were ineffective against titans. So that meant the guns were for…

Levi glared as five soldiers surrounded the bed, guns up and pointing at them. Erwin was sitting up now, legs over the edge of the bed. He was tense, and Levi didn’t blame him. These were some of the same soldiers that had once served under them - Levi recognized them. A man came in that they recognized as someone who served in the military police under Nile Dok: Heiden Schröder. He was wearing a Survey Corps Commander uniform, and Levi quickly deduced that he must’ve taken over Erwin’s job, even though Erwin had left specific instructions to replace him with Hange. He supposed they decided not to listen to his wishes.

“Put the knife down,” Commander Schröder ordered, hands behind his back. “Or we’ll shoot.”

Levi held out the knife, not planning on making a move until Erwin said so. Erwin sighed, getting up and standing behind Levi, “Levi, put down the knife.”

“But Erwin-”

“I don’t want you to get shot, Levi,” Erwin hissed under his breath so that only Levi could hear, and Levi grumbled swears under breath before dropping the knife to the floor with a loud clank. The commander looked pleased with himself, grinning slyly.

“Grab them,” he demanded.

Levi held his hands up as he stood in front of Erwin, “Don’t fucking touch him! You stay the fuck away from him!”

But Levi was powerless against them, as Erwin commanded, “Don’t fight them, Levi. There’s always room for negotiation. We don’t want to shed any blood.”

Levi kept still as they grabbed him and Erwin, and held their hands behind their backs as they led them from the house. But Levi wasn’t so sure Erwin was right. He didn’t think Erwin could talk their way out of this one.

“So you’ve been hiding out with your little Ackerman, have you?” Schröder chuckled. “And sleeping in the same bed? So naughty of you, Smith.”

Schröder grasped Levi by the chin, smirking down at him, “Maybe I’ll take him for my own. Make him mine.”

“Don’t fucking touch him like that,” Erwin growled, and Levi had never seen such a fire of anger in his eyes.

“Oh? Struck a chord, did I?” Schröder laughed, shaking Levi’s head back and forth a little before pulling his hand away.

There was a pause before he struck Levi hard across the face with the back of his hand. Levi gasped, gritting his teeth as the pain bloomed there. He heard Erwin shouting, but his ears were ringing from the hit.

“Get the little one on his knees,” Schröder ordered. “Make sure our former commander is watching.”

“I swear to god,” Erwin snarled. “Don’t touch him, Schröder. I’ll fucking strangle you.”

Levi was forced onto his knees, and looked over at Erwin with some terror in his eyes. Erwin looked equally as concerned, eyes wide with worry. The new commander went to unzip his trousers, and Levi could feel himself gagging at the smell of the not-so-cleanly man as his semi-hard cock tumbled out. He knew what was coming now, and shook his head in protest. He would bite the damn man’s dick off, grab him by the balls, order him to let Erwin go…

“If you do anything other than pleasure me,” Schröder threatened. “I’ll have them shoot your pretty boyfriend’s head off.”

Levi glared up at him before hesitantly opening his mouth and letting the man slide his cock inside. He gagged a little at the bitter taste before starting to bob his head. He could hear Erwin begging behind him.

“Don’t make him do this,” he pleaded. “Come on, let him go. This is all my fault, not his.”

Levi continued to suck and bob, hoping to get this man off quickly and get this all over with. He assumed Erwin had some sort of plan to get them out of this, and he was waiting for that plan to come to fruition.

“That’s it,” Schröder stroked Levi’s hair before turning to Erwin. “Smith, if you don’t shut up I’ll bend him over the back of one of the carts and let my soldiers have their way with him.”

Erwin went silent, and there was only the wet sound of Levi’s sucking. Levi could feel the tears rolling down his face from how uncomfortable he was, from how the man was forcing himself down Levi’s throat. Soon enough, he finished down Levi’s throat with a groan, and Levi swallowed as much as he could. The man pulled out of his mouth, and Levi coughed and sputtered, finally able to catch his breath.

They grabbed the two and forced them against the wall of their cabin, facing away from the soldiers. Levi looked at Erwin, waiting for him to say something. Erwin looked as though he didn’t know what to do, for the first time in his life.

“Schröder,” Erwin tried. “I have information you need. And Levi has strength you can use. We-”

“By order of the king,” Schröder read from a piece of paper. “Erwin Smith and Levi Ackerman are to be killed by firing squad upon discovery. Men, raise your arms.”

Levi could hear the soldiers raising their firearms, and his heart was beating out of his chest. He was trying to figure out how to protect Erwin, how to save him from this situation. He didn’t mind dying, but Erwin? He wanted Erwin to live.

“Which one of you would like to go first?” Schröder asked.

“I’m so sorry,” Erwin whispered to Levi. “I’m sorry I got us into this situation.”

“Mmm,” Schröder hummed in thought. “Let’s make the Ackerman watch his liege get his brains blown out, shall we?”

Levi’s eyes widened, and he shook his head. Erwin stared at Levi for a moment before embracing him tightly and pressing his mouth against Levi’s ear, “I love you, darling. In this life and the next, I will always look for you. I’m devoted to you and only you.”

“Erwin,” Levi whimpered, clinging to him. “Erwin, please… they can’t- they can’t take you from me.”

Suddenly, they were being pried apart, and Levi was pulled away from Erwin. Levi struggled, calling out, “Erwin! Erwin no! Please!”

“It’ll be okay, Levi,” Erwin reassured him as he was forced to his knees, a sack placed over his head.

Levi cried out desperately, “Erwin! Erwin, I love you!”

“Ready,” Schröder instructed. “Aim… fire!”

Levi’s scream was drowned out by the sound of the guns, and he watched the life leave Erwin’s body as he collapsed onto the dirt in a pool of blood. His heart pounded out of his chest, and he let out a heart-wrenching wail of “Erwin!” before he too was forced to his knees beside Erwin’s lifeless corpse. He was crying pitifully, not for his own imminent death, but for the fact that Erwin was gone. Death was so uncertain - what if Levi couldn’t find him after this? What if there was no afterlife?

A sack was pulled over his head, and he sobbed hard. He could see directly below him Erwin’s lifeless hand near his knee, and he subtly took ahold of it, hoping nobody would see. He heard Schröder giving orders, and soon, everything went black.

Erwin stared at Levi in the hospital bed, hooked up to all kinds of machines. He’d been diagnosed a little over a month ago and given about 50 days to live. Erwin could tell he was nearing the end, but he didn’t know how to cope with losing his true love to sickness. He visited Levi every day after work.

Levi opened his eyes slowly, smiling up at Erwin. He looked so exhausted, and Erwin felt horrible seeing Levi like this. Levi had a rare life-threatening disease that was eating away at his organs internally, meaning that he was constantly in pain.

Erwin smiled back down at him, pulling a bouquet of flowers from behind his back. He’d gotten them in the gift shop of the hospital about a half hour ago after having dinner in the cafeteria. Levi’s eyes lit up at the beautiful lavender pieces sewn in with white daisies. Erwin handed them to him, leaning forward to kiss his forehead.

“I love you, sweetheart,” Erwin whispered.

“Love you too,” Levi replied, his voice hoarse. “Thanks for the flowers.”

The two had been married for ten years now, and Erwin had just turned 40 while Levi was about to turn 36. They were far too young to be experiencing something as awful as this. But Levi had been incredibly strong throughout it all, and Erwin was very proud of him. They hadn’t had the chance to adopt children yet, and now they wouldn’t be able to.

“Of course. How are you feeling?” Erwin asked as he pulled up a seat next to Levi, who examined the flowers for a while before setting them on the tray next to his bed.

“Okay,” Levi shrugged a little, shifting in the bed to try and get more comfortable and wincing in some pain.

“Do you need help adjusting?” Erwin wondered, wanting to help.

“No no,” Levi insisted, squeezing his eyes shut in pain as he moved a little more until he was finally in a comfy spot. “I’m fine now.”

“I’m so happy to see you smiling,” Erwin gently took Levi’s hand into his, careful not to touch the purple blisters on his forearm. “You look so pretty when you smile.”

Levi blushed and tried to hold back a grin, but was unsuccessful. He squeezed Erwin’s hand with the little strength he had, “Thank you, Ervy. How was work today?”

Erwin didn’t want to tell Levi how work really was. He hated his job. He was an accountant for a business firm, and his boss was a total asshole. He was constantly being berated for no reason at all, and Erwin dreaded going into work each day. But Levi didn’t need Erwin’s problems added to his own, so Erwin would pretend that everything in his life outside of Levi was okay.

“It was good,” Erwin lied. “Numbers can be a bit boring, but I have nice coworkers that make it bearable and sometimes even fun.”

Levi nodded, looking interested before his face fell. Erwin frowned, rubbing his thumb over the back of Levi’s hand, “What is it, my love?”

“Well,” Levi sighed. “I was just thinking how nice it would be to meet some of your coworkers, but… I can’t.”

Erwin kissed Levi’s knuckles, “It’s alright, baby. You wouldn’t like them anyway. They’re far too loud for your liking, I think.”

Levi looked a bit relieved at Erwin’s words, “Oh, I see. Well, that’s okay. Hange and Moblit visited me earlier today.”

Hange and Moblit were two of their close friends, and they lived a good hour and a half away, but tried to visit Levi at least once every week or every two weeks. Levi needed all the company he could get, otherwise he’d get very depressed. Once, Erwin had to go to a conference for a weekend, and even going three days without seeing anyone, Levi had almost given up just from being alone for that amount of time.

“Oh?” Erwin raised an eyebrow. “And how were they? Did you three have a good chat?”

Levi nodded, looking cheerful as he remembered their visit, “They’re good. They’ve just signed adoption paperwork. Next time they visit they said they’d bring the baby for me to see. And Moblit just got that new job at the pharmacy. Hange’s still working in the lab at that university.”

Erwin smiled sadly, seeing the regret in Levi’s eyes. He knew how badly Levi had wanted children, and how much he’d enjoyed his job as a kindergarten teacher before he’d gotten sick. Now, he’d had to give up his job and his dreams, all because of his health.

“It’ll be nice to see the baby,” Erwin tried to cheer him up, wanting to look at the positives. “Is it a boy or girl?”

“A baby boy,” Levi explained, pulling his hand away from Erwin’s to fuss with his blankets. “They said his name is Asher. He’s two months old. They showed me pictures. He looks real cute; chubby cheeks and everything. I can’t wait to meet him.”

Erwin ran his fingers through Levi’s hair, “That sounds lovely. I’m sure the baby will love you, Levi. The little ones always flock to you. It’s like they can sense you’re a kind soul.”

The corner of Levi’s mouth turned up in a small smile. He breathed out shakily and leaned back in the hospital bed, holding his hand out to Erwin, who took it instantly. He gave Levi’s hand a light squeeze of reassurance as Levi began to cough and sputter.

“Are you alright?” Erwin asked with concern. It wasn’t unusual for Levi to cough like this, but he still didn’t like it. It worried him.

“Y-Yeah,” Levi stuttered, coughing once more before taking in another big breath. Soon, his breathing returned to normal, and he sighed heavily in annoyance, “Stupid cough. My throat’s been sore all day.”

Erwin brought Levi’s hand to his face and nuzzled it gently with his cheek, “Do you want something? I could go get you a popsicle from the cafeteria if you think that would help?”

Levi’s face brightened and he nodded, “Yeah. If you don’t mind, I think a popsicle would be really good right now.”

Erwin kissed Levi’s knuckles one more time before he got up and headed for the door. Levi called out, “Erwin?”

Erwin turned around, watching the frail little man all hooked up to the machines around him that were keeping him alive. Levi was beaming at him, his eyes looking strained and tired. Despite being completely weak and on his death bed, Levi was still able to smile, and that almost brought tears to Erwin’s eyes.

“Yes, baby?” Erwin inquired. “Is something wrong?”

“No,” Levi shook his head. “I just wanted to tell you how much I appreciate you. I know this has been hard on you, and I want you to know how happy it makes me that you visit me everyday. You mean so much to me.”

Erwin couldn’t help but smile at that, “You know I love visiting you, baby. I’d spend every moment of every day with you if I could.”

Levi sighed happily and leaned back against the pillows, watching Erwin with a loving look as he turned and went down to the cafeteria to request a popsicle for Levi. It didn’t take him long, only about five minutes or so. He came back up with Levi’s favorite flavor, raspberry, and walked through the door with a cheerful demeanor.

“Levi,” he closed the door behind him, seeing Levi resting peacefully against the pillows with his eyes closed. “Baby, I brought you your popsicle.”

There was no answer, which was no cause for alarm at first. Levi was probably sleeping. Erwin walked over and set the popsicle on Levi’s tray, gently shaking him and running a free hand through his hair. He felt cold.

“Levi?” Erwin frowned. “Baby, wake up. I’m back.”

No answer.

Erwin’s heart began to beat fast, and he looked up at the heart monitor to see it had flatlined. He felt his stomach drop, and quickly rang the nurse using Levi’s remote before shaking Levi again. He had a no resuscitation order because of his disease, but Erwin still wanted them to do what they could to save him. Selfishly, he still wanted Levi with him, even if that meant Levi would be suffering.

Erwin held Levi’s cold hand in his own as the nurses rushed in, calling for the doctor. The doctor checked Levi’s vitals and called Levi’s time of death, knowing they couldn’t resuscitate him. Erwin could feel numbness spreading through his entire body when they officially marked his time of death.

“But… But he…” Erwin sniffled, squeezing Levi’s hand gently and half-expecting him to squeeze back. “He was fine just a minute ago, I… I don’t understand!”

“His heart seems to have finally given out,” the doctor explained. “I’m sorry, Mr. Smith.”

Erwin shook his head, taking Levi’s hand and placing it on his cheek, rubbing it soothingly as if to try and put warmth and life back into it. He could feel his chest pounding with the pain of what he assumed was his heart breaking.

“Levi,” Erwin pleaded. “Levi, baby. Wake up… wake up.”

“Mr. Smith,” the doctor tried again. “He’s gone. There’s nothing more we can do for him.”

Erwin could feel the tears rolling down his cheeks as he stared at Levi’s lifeless body. Sure, he’d been prepared for this moment for a long time, but the fact that it’d hit so suddenly was difficult for him to grasp. How could Levi be gone?

Levi could feel the tears building in the back of his throat as he listened to Eren, Mikasa, and Armin talk about their futures, seeing the ocean, etc. It pained him. Made him think of Isabel and Furlan. Made him think of Hange and Erwin, and how he might lose them too tomorrow on their mission to Shiganshina.

As the three finished up their conversation and headed off to bed, Levi let the tears flow freely, holding the cup of lukewarm beer to his lips and taking a shaky sip to try and calm his nerves. He heard footsteps, and looked up to see Erwin walking towards him, a regretful look on his face.

After their conversation earlier in Erwin’s office, Levi had stormed off, and they’d barely spoken to one another since. Levi didn’t want to leave things like that between them. He didn’t want one of them to die tomorrow having fought.

Levi hung his head, letting his bangs fall in front of his eyes as Erwin approached him. He heard Erwin kneel next to him before taking a seat against the wall, knees brought up to his chest just like Levi was sitting.

“I must apologize, Levi,” Erwin said after clearing his throat. “For our earlier conversation. I did not mean to upset you so.”

Levi sniffed, shaking his head and trying to desperately stop the tears from flowing, “S fine. I know you didn’t mean t… to make me upset.”

“Levi…” Erwin paused. “Are you crying?”

Levi shook his head defensively despite a quiet sob escaping his mouth, “No I… I’m fine, Erwin.”

“Oh Levi,” Erwin sighed, and soon Levi felt his two strong arms hugging Levi tight. Levi didn’t like being touched, but when Erwin held him, he didn’t mind it so much.

Though both of them were painfully aware that they had a relationship that was far more than friendship, they’d never admitted anything to one another. Levi was too afraid to say anything, and Erwin far too stubborn. But Levi wanted to hold Erwin now, to tell him he loved him, to share a kiss in case it would be both their first and last.

“Qu-Quit fussin,” Levi sniffled, but didn’t bother struggling. “M fine.”

“Levi,” Erwin insisted, chin resting on top of Levi’s head. “You’re crying.”

“Shit,” Levi cursed, trying to wipe the tears away. “It’s nothing, I… I’m just being a big baby.”

“It’s okay to cry, dear,” Erwin murmured, pulling away to wipe Levi’s tears from his eyes.

Levi stared up at Erwin, into those beautiful blue eyes that had captivated him from the first day they met. God, he loved this man so much. He respected and cared for this man, would do anything for him. He couldn’t… He couldn’t just let Erwin die.

Levi placed his hands on either side of Erwin’s face, running on pure adrenaline and nerves as he leaned up to kiss Erwin. He’d never felt the courage to initiate things before, but he felt as though this was his only chance.

Erwin backed away, eyes widening in some shock, “Levi… what are you doing?”

Levi stared up at him in some shock and horror at being rejected, and he struggled out of Erwin’s arms and onto his feet, starting to walk away hurriedly. He heard Erwin scramble to follow him, his pace quickening to catch up with Levi.

“Wait!” He called, “Levi, don’t go!”

Levi wiped the tears out of his eyes, trying to get to his room before Erwin could stop him. But part of him wanted Erwin to stop him, to turn him around and kiss him passionately, tell him he loved him.

Levi walked into his room and shut the door loudly, locking it behind him and leaning his back against it. He sunk to the floor and buried his face into his knees, starting to cry again. He heard Erwin approaching the other side of the door, heard his fist knock at it a few times.

“Levi,” Erwin whispered against the door. “Levi, you misunderstand me, I… I was just caught off guard.”

Levi didn’t believe him. He sniffled and rubbed his eyes, feeling incredibly stupid for thinking Erwin would want to kiss him in the first place. Surely, Erwin was just trying to make him feel better about the situation.

“Levi,” Erwin breathed. “You don’t understand. Please…”

He could hear Erwin’s breathing becoming uneven, his voice growing shakier as he continued, “Levi… we’re meant for each other. We… We belong to one another. You’re not just my captain, Levi. You’re my… my closest confidant, my everything, my… my sweetheart. My darling.”

Levi couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He could feel the tears flowing freely now as he hiccuped and sobbed at Erwin’s words, wanting to hear more of them. He couldn’t bring himself to open the door just yet.

“Whatever happens tomorrow,” Erwin swallowed thickly. “If I don’t make it out, just remember… you belong to me, Levi. And I to you. No matter if I die, or you die… I’ll be so alone without you. Maybe… Maybe you’ll be lonesome too. But just remember, until you’re with me again, you belong to me, Levi…”

Levi moved away from the door to unlock it and open it, and as soon as it was open, he flung himself into Erwin’s arms. Erwin was kneeling in front of the door, blonde hair in his eyes, tears rolling down his cheeks. Levi sobbed and clung to him, burying his face into Erwin’s warm shoulder. He could feel Erwin’s arms holding him in desperation, as if they might be pried apart from one another at any moment.

“It’s you, Erwin,” Levi whispered tearfully. “It’s always been you.”

He didn’t know how else to say it. Erwin rocked them back and forth, “God, Levi. I… I’m so sorry. I should’ve said something sooner, I-”

“Don’t,” Levi interrupted. “Don’t say that now. We… We still have time, Erwin… we still have time.”

Levi felt Erwin’s hands on his cheeks, pulling him away slowly to stare into his eyes, blue on gray. Levi let out a quiet sob before Erwin’s lips were sealed onto his, gentle and caressing, loving and caring. Levi held Erwin around his shoulders, drawing him closer as they shared sweet kisses between them.

Erwin pulled away to breathe, resting their foreheads against each other, his eyes squeezed shut in pain. Levi was still crying - he couldn’t help himself. He couldn’t believe they’d spent six years together without saying something, and now they only had tonight.

“I love you,” Erwin whispered. “My darling… my sweet Levi.”

Levi smiled through the tears, closing his eyes to simply feel these feelings between them both. For the first time in a while, he let his emotions take ahold of him and let himself say what he was feeling - he let go.

“I love you too,” Levi replied. “I… I don’t want you to go, Erwin. What about… What about seeing outside the walls? What about the… the ocean and… and finding out the secrets of humanity?”

“Listen to me, sweetheart,” Erwin pulled away, and they both opened their eyes to look at one another. “You may see beautiful things without me… you may see vast expanses of sand, a sea of salt water, meet people you’d never dreamed of meeting. Just remember, darling, through all that, remember, we belong to one another. You belong to me, Levi. You’re my sweetheart.”

Levi sobbed and nodded, repeating the words, “I belong to you, Ervy. I belong to you.”

“That’s right, my dear,” Erwin smiled sadly, wiping away Levi’s tears. “You belong to me.”